help with teenager w/Asperger's

[Guest guest]

My 16 yr old stepdaughter recently moved in with my husband and I because her

mother ,, with whom she has spent the last 15 1/2 years cannot handle her

anymore. We have no other children. We were in the process of adopting, but

since Robyn moved in, we have put that on indefinite hold. Everything is so

much more difficult now and I do not see an end in sight.

There are daily outbursts, hourly, really. Gigantic fights over the smallest

daily tasks. The latest major event is that she tries to refuse to take her

medications because she cannot " feel her feelings " anymore. She stands in the

kitchen and screams at the top of her lungs " NO, NO, NO I WILL NOT TAKE THIS

MEDICATION BECAUSE I CAN'T FEEL MY FEELINGS " over and over again. Then she

collapses into a heap on the floor sobbing.

I keep my bedroom door locked at night unless my husband is there, because I am

afraid that she will come into my room and try to hurt me or my two dogs. I

don't think she would intentionally do anything, but she is often saying that

she has " evil thoughts " and that she wants to hurt people. She also describes a

recurrent dream that she has in which someone is trying to kill her, so she has

to kill them first.

She has a psychiatrist and weekly individual therapy. She is on multiple

medications for depression, mood stabilization, and anxiety.

My husband and I never have a moment alone, even to just talk. She is

ever-present and our house is very small. Last week, on my one day off during

the week, my husband decided to stay home from work because he had a really bad

cold. Even though he was sick, I found myself really looking forward to

spending the day making him soup, watching tv, just being together for a few

hours. By 9:00 am Robyn was calling home from school ( as she does at least

twice a week) that she was too nervous to stay and needed to be picked up

immediately. Calling her bluff and making her stay is not an option, because

when we say that it is not possible to leave work at that moment, can't she hang

on until lunchtime, etc....the school nurse or special ed teacher calls back and

tells us that they need for her to leave the school ASAP.

I feel very guilty that it seems so hard for me to muster up compassion

sometimes. I know she has a problem and I also know that I have zero grasp on

the depth and meaning of her condition. I also feel that my once peaceful,

happy, safe home has been invaded by a master manipulator and I am miserable.

She screams at me and calls me a murderer for pulling up weeds in my beloved

vegetable garden. The weeds have a right to live as much as I do, says she.

She physically attacks her father for cleaning the mold off the windowsill

outside because the mold is a living organism too. This from a girl who can eat

a pound of bacon in a single sitting and who sees nothing wrong in going deer

hunting and fishing with her dad.

We took her to a fall festival in the mountains and she became at once

catatonic, staring into space, then wildly dashing about as if trying to escape

some invisible force. When we were able to subdue her, she said that there were

too many people wearing clothing with buttons on it all around her and she

thought they were trying to hurt her and that the buttons on their shirts and

jackets were trying to drive her crazy. The buttons, of course, I should have

known.

Please, somebody respond. Even if it is to tell me that I am a jackass for

complaining. I am just new to this, I guess.

Thanks for listening