Tattling/rules

[Guest guest]

Hunter's always had issues with tattling, getting others in trouble (sometimes

they deserve it because its bullying, sometimes it's little-kid stuff), etc. But

this year is soooo

bad at school. He's 12, in the 7th grade. He has no " full time friends " because

he does this to almost everyone. Some days he spends a lot of time in talking to

the principal and its affecting his schoolwork. Earlier this week I was doing

laundry and found a piece of paper in his jeans. It said " Adam ...hit me in the

face and tried to kick me. ...called me the schools #1 a@@$ole. in

6th grade told me I should marry a guy. " Last night I looked in his planner.

Similar things: " Hannah and bell told me to get a boyfriend and called me a

retard. Adam flipped me off. Adam had a bouncy ball. Adam called him a retard. "

There is a bullying issue that the school is dealing with, mainly with this Adam

kid. Seriously though, What is going on? They know they can bring Hunter's

behaviors out if they do this stuff, it is just soooo bad this year! WWYD?????

I'm going to call his psychiatrist on Monday and see if he can get him in sooner

rather

than later. He's been in counseling every week for years so he learns to " worry

about himself " . We've had no med changes or anything else(he's on Concerta and

has been for a few years). BTW we may have

Asperger's here as well as ADHD/SPD but no official diagnosis of Aspie. But I

need help!

[Guest guest]

This is not something to take lightly. Does your son have an IEP? Your son is being bullied by kids asserting he is gay.  Whether or not he is gay, your son is being victimized and bullied. Make copies of what you found and file one set and you'll need the other to show as proof to the school. You need to give your son's psychologist a copy, too. I would see if I could involve him in your son's case at school. You really need to step things up fast. I wonder how long this has been going on? My gut is that this is bad. Part of me thinks this is your route:

* Get your school's bullying policy and read it inside and out. Find out what the consequences are supposed to be when a child is bullied and send a letter to the school principal telling them of this occurrence but that this has been going on for a while. Then in the same letter ask for a meeting to discuss the schools response and actions to the bullying. You have to bring your husband. Meetings always go better when you have a man with you. Just the way it works.  If you get no where with the principal I would send a letter to the school board and super. Your son's psychologist could be key here as if he can say that your son has suffered (showing damages) and can back it up then you may have a lawsuit. Be prepared that many/most schools don't want to really address bullying and may do absolutely nothing.  You have to be ready to back them in a corner. Document every interaction with school staff you have about your son. 

On Sun, Nov 14, 2010 at 7:45 AM, <moien@...> wrote:

 

Hunter's always had issues with tattling, getting others in trouble (sometimes

they deserve it because its bullying, sometimes it's little-kid stuff), etc. But this year is soooo

bad at school. He's 12, in the 7th grade. He has no " full time friends " because

he does this to almost everyone. Some days he spends a lot of time in talking to

the principal and its affecting his schoolwork. Earlier this week I was doing

laundry and found a piece of paper in his jeans. It said " Adam ...hit me in the

face and tried to kick me. ...called me the schools #1 a@@$ole. in

6th grade told me I should marry a guy. " Last night I looked in his planner.

Similar things: " Hannah and bell told me to get a boyfriend and called me a

retard. Adam flipped me off. Adam had a bouncy ball. Adam called him a retard. "

There is a bullying issue that the school is dealing with, mainly with this Adam

kid. Seriously though, What is going on? They know they can bring Hunter's

behaviors out if they do this stuff, it is just soooo bad this year! WWYD?????

I'm going to call his psychiatrist on Monday and see if he can get him in sooner rather

than later. He's been in counseling every week for years so he learns to " worry

about himself " . We've had no med changes or anything else(he's on Concerta and has been for a few years). BTW we may have

Asperger's here as well as ADHD/SPD but no official diagnosis of Aspie. But I need help!

[Guest guest]

I understand that the gay comments are not to be tolerated. No, he's not gay but

either way it's not acceptable. I plan on going to the principal in the morning.

I have a copier so I'll make copies of both right now. I'm just worried about

the stuff like the bouncy ball (who cares) or other small stuff.

Thanks for the advice!

>

> >

> >

> > Hunter's always had issues with tattling, getting others in trouble

> > (sometimes

> > they deserve it because its bullying, sometimes it's little-kid stuff),

> > etc. But this year is soooo

> > bad at school. He's 12, in the 7th grade. He has no " full time friends "

> > because

> > he does this to almost everyone. Some days he spends a lot of time in

> > talking to

> > the principal and its affecting his schoolwork. Earlier this week I was

> > doing

> > laundry and found a piece of paper in his jeans. It said " Adam ...hit me in

> > the

> > face and tried to kick me. ...called me the schools #1 a@@$ole.

> > in

> > 6th grade told me I should marry a guy. " Last night I looked in his

> > planner.

> > Similar things: " Hannah and bell told me to get a boyfriend and called

> > me a

> > retard. Adam flipped me off. Adam had a bouncy ball. Adam called him a

> > retard. "

> > There is a bullying issue that the school is dealing with, mainly with this

> > Adam

> > kid. Seriously though, What is going on? They know they can bring Hunter's

> > behaviors out if they do this stuff, it is just soooo bad this year!

> > WWYD?????

> > I'm going to call his psychiatrist on Monday and see if he can get him in

> > sooner rather

> > than later. He's been in counseling every week for years so he learns to

> > " worry

> > about himself " . We've had no med changes or anything else(he's on Concerta

> > and has been for a few years). BTW we may have

> > Asperger's here as well as ADHD/SPD but no official diagnosis of Aspie. But

> > I need help!

> >

> >

> >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Even the little picking is causing him a lot of stress!! These kids can sometimes have problems with perception and sensory problems - it can be

a huge deal to them when it wouldn't bother a "typical" person. For instance, whenever a certain commercial comes on tv, my 14 yo (hfa) gets

really upset! He whines and covers his ears. Most people would just say, "How annoying" and move on. For him, it makes life temporarily unbearable! So what we think is little kid stuff, might be very huge to the child because they don't know how to manage the situation or make it stop or deal with it.

Another thing to consider is that he has a right to go to school and not

be needled, teased, poked, called names, etc. So it doesn't matter if his list includes things that are minor. Minor things all add up and cause just as much of a problem as one major issue. I am impressed he made a list! And you can now use that list to show the extent of the teasing. The school may be dealing with the teasing, but it isn't working whatever they are doing!

Another thing to consider is to work on his end of it at the same time - maybe instead of learning to "worry about himself", they could start teaching him coping techniques, social skills, perceptual thinking skills, problem solving, etc. Middle school is so tough anyway. That reminds me, we have an author on our list who wrote a book about teasing in middle school and how to work on it. "Four Minutes a day" by E.C. Bernard. It might be a helpful program for your ds to deal with all the little needling he is struggling with. I can't remember E.C.'s website (sorry!) off hand but here is a link to amazon --> Four Minutes a day

Let us know how things go!

Roxanna

"I

predict future happiness for Americans if they can prevent the government from wasting the labors of the people under the pretense of taking care of them." - Jefferson

( ) Tattling/rules

Hunter's always had issues with tattling, getting others in trouble (sometimes

they deserve it because its bullying, sometimes it's little-kid stuff), etc. But this year is soooo

bad at school. He's 12, in the 7th grade. He has no "full time friends" because

he does this to almost everyone. Some days he spends a lot of time in talking to

the principal and its affecting his schoolwork. Earlier this week I was doing

laundry and found a piece of paper in his jeans. It said "Adam ...hit me in the

face and tried to kick me. ...called me the schools #1 a@@$ole. in

6th grade told me I should marry a guy." Last night I looked in his planner.

Similar things: "Hannah and bell told me to get a boyfriend and called me a

retard. Adam flipped me off. Adam had a bouncy ball. Adam called him a retard."

There is a bullying issue that the school is dealing with, mainly with this Adam

kid. Seriously though, What is going on? They know they can bring Hunter's

behaviors out if they do this stuff, it is just soooo bad this year! WWYD?????

I'm going to call his psychiatrist on Monday and see if he can get him in sooner rather

than later. He's been in counseling every week for years so he learns to "worry

about himself". We've had no med changes or anything else(he's on Concerta and has been for a few years). BTW we may have

Asperger's here as well as ADHD/SPD but no official diagnosis of Aspie. But I need help!

[Guest guest]

I am so sorry to hear this. You child should not have to suffer all this name calling and bullying. I know kids can tease each other in a funny way...but this doesn't sound like that type of teasing.

I think the school should be made aware of this. He does have the right to attend school w/out be teased and taunted. I am working with 6th graders right now and it does happen. Not as much as I thought it would but it does. Students forget that I am there and thus I am able to prevent it or take control of the situation.

I am not sure if this is true, but I think since I am with my student all day long, the kids are realizing that something is different and instead of teasing...they have been kinder. Maybe it is because I am helpful to all the kids and get down on their level. I am not a teacher and not a students...I am seen as someone there for all of them. It is the greatest feeling in the world when they kids come and talk to me in the hall or lunchroom. They all know that I don't tolerate teasing, bullying, etc. And, I have had kids come up and tell me things. It is a difficult age for all of them. I'll never forget one girl came over and sat at our lunch table and was crying. When I asked her what was wrong...she said all her friends are over at that other table and there is room there but they won't let her sit there. I told her "then, they are NOT your friends because friends don't treat

their friends like that!" I think it is the age and all the kids are feeling it...but our kids feel it more.

Jan

"In the Midst of Difficulty lies Opportunity" Albert Einstein

Success is not measured by one's position but by the obstacles one has overcome to obtain that position

From: Roxanna <MadIdeas@...> Sent: Mon, November 15, 2010 8:26:49 AMSubject: Re: ( ) Tattling/rules

Even the little picking is causing him a lot of stress!! These kids can sometimes have problems with perception and sensory problems - it can be a huge deal to them when it wouldn't bother a "typical" person. For instance, whenever a certain commercial comes on tv, my 14 yo (hfa) gets really upset! He whines and covers his ears. Most people would just say, "How annoying" and move on. For him, it makes life temporarily unbearable! So what we think is little kid stuff, might be very huge to the child because they don't know how to manage the situation or make it stop or deal with it.Another thing to consider is that he has a right to

go to school and not be needled, teased, poked, called names, etc. So it doesn't matter if his list includes things that are minor. Minor things all add up and cause just as much of a problem as one major issue. I am impressed he made a list! And you can now use that list to show the extent of the teasing. The school may be dealing with the teasing, but it isn't working whatever they are doing! Another thing to consider is to work on his end of it at the same time - maybe instead of learning to "worry about himself", they could start teaching him coping techniques, social skills, perceptual thinking skills, problem solving, etc. Middle school is so tough anyway. That reminds me, we have an author on our list who wrote a book about teasing in middle school and how to work on it. "Four Minutes a day" by E.C. Bernard. It might be a helpful program for your ds to deal with all the little

needling he is struggling with. I can't remember E.C.'s website (sorry!) off hand but here is a link to amazon --> Four Minutes a dayLet us know how things go!

Roxanna"I predict future happiness for Americans if they can prevent the government from wasting the labors of the people under the pretense of taking care of them." - Jefferson

( ) Tattling/rules

Hunter's always had issues with tattling, getting others in trouble (sometimesthey deserve it because its bullying, sometimes it's little-kid stuff), etc. But this year is soooobad at school. He's 12, in the 7th grade. He has no "full time friends" becausehe does this to almost everyone. Some days he spends a lot of time in talking tothe principal and its affecting his schoolwork. Earlier this week I was doinglaundry and found a piece of paper in his jeans. It said "Adam ...hit me in theface and tried to kick me. ...called me the schools #1 a@@$ole. in6th grade told me I should marry a guy." Last night I looked in his planner.Similar things: "Hannah and bell told me to get a boyfriend and called me aretard. Adam flipped me off. Adam had a bouncy ball. Adam called him a retard."There is a bullying issue that the school is dealing with, mainly with this Adamkid. Seriously though, What is

going on? They know they can bring Hunter'sbehaviors out if they do this stuff, it is just soooo bad this year! WWYD?????I'm going to call his psychiatrist on Monday and see if he can get him in sooner ratherthan later. He's been in counseling every week for years so he learns to "worryabout himself". We've had no med changes or anything else(he's on Concerta and has been for a few years). BTW we may haveAsperger's here as well as ADHD/SPD but no official diagnosis of Aspie. But I need help!