EEK! Advice about Tweens and Masturbating

[Guest guest]

My aspie son started putting his hand in his pants while on computer. so i had to remind him about six months every time -- i just said "HAND!" and he would take it out. Not moving it, just resting it in there.

about a year ago he started moving it around while under a blanket in the living room while waiting on the bus (the kids often zone out under a blanket asexually but not now!). I discussed (in the car where he couldn't look me in the face & vice versa) when we were alone, about how anytime I can hear it or see it is NOT cool. For my son's explicit benefit, I compared it to "pooping": EVERYBODY does it, but NOBODY wants to watch somebody ELSE do it.

I was very matter of fact and clinical and treated it like we were talking about how to behave at a formal event, or what to wear at the beach, no big deal.

Being a Christian may mean you are modest but it should have NO BEARING on discussing your child's body with him. God made him that way for a reason (sexual) and it's completely natural and healthy to have feelings in our bodies. DON'T treat it like it's shameful or wrong. It's fine, it just has a time and a place (like pooping!). If your child was diabetic would you be embarrassed to talk about blood sugar? if your child was in a wheelchair would you be embarrassed to talk about how to go to the public restroom alone? No, it's biological stuff.

You gotta get over your OWN embarrassment. Why are you embarrassed? Did your parents treat it in the same way? My parents put out the Time-Life 'Life Cycle Library' on the coffee table, and we just picked them up and read them privately whenever we felt like it. No shame, no big deal. Like a national geographic! I did buy my son the "your teen body" kind of book, and he reads it because I notice it moving around his room. He won't admit it but he does.

If you buy one of the teen books, read it yourself, and memorize some of the ways they discuss it, using their language, when it's time to talk about it, you'll have facts and language at your disposal to use. You'll feel more confident about what you are saying. (Remember the Parenthood movie, where Dianne Wiest's son was masturbating all the time and thought he was going crazy or was a pervert? Teenaged Keanu Reeves had a talk with him and set him straight about the facts, and it was alright after that).

So read up on it, prepare yourself. Don't ignore it, it is NOT going away!

Good Luck! Geneva

[Guest guest]

Other Mom's gave great suggestions. I would add find a male therapist

and give the therapist instructions that you want your

son to receive age appropriate education on puberty. You want

them to talk about using deodorant, hair in private places,

wet dreams and what they are, feeling aurosed and how to limit

that to the right place and time, feelings he may have about

girls, what you can say and not say to girls. And eventually that

girls too go through puberty and some education on girls

development. He should be told that pictures of girls may be

aurosing (on the internet etc) but that can lead to obsessive

behaviors.

Find him things to do outside the house, a Christian teen group and even if it

is hard for him, encourage him to try and be a little

uncomfortable, it is part of growing up.

Encourage him to swim or find a sport to also relieve some of his

stress and boredom in other ways.

Don't make the stuff the therapist talks about a secret.

Find out the topic and tell your son in a science oriented

way that puberty is normal and go over a science book

which for a Mom and a AS son may be easier than just talking

it over.

Tell him kids learn about this in school and he needs to too.

So much on TV is explicit that I have had to explain a lot to

my daughter ...condoms ...viagra (I didn't say anything about that),

female products of all kinds ...

Pam

spergersSupport , " UMgirl " <chevinsea@...> wrote:

>

> Im so unconfortable about asking anyone about his so here I am hoping you moms

can understand and not be offended. I need your advice.

> OK, I have an aspie teen, is it harder for him to figure out these feelings?

Im also so freaked out when he is doing this ( i can hear his breathing etc ) I

homeschool him so he has more opportunity. Hour long showers etc. Ok, how do I

deal with my son who may be too interested in masterbating? What is normal? I

am a christian and dont know what to say as a single mom. Is it right or wrong?

Come on Moms - I really need your help on this one!

>

[Guest guest]

There's a book for kids called Taking Care of Myself. I can't think of the

author right now. It's a book written just for autistic kids and it's about

privacy, bodies, sex, hygiene, stranger danger and all those kinds of things.

There are social stories in it that you can use.

Masturbation is normal and natural. If your child is doing things OTHER than

masturbate I think it's fine. It is natural to be curious about our own bodies

and how they feel. But there need to be boundaries. Only in privacy, bathroom

or bedroom. No touching private parts in public. No touching other people's

privates. At least for now! What about if they get girlfriends/boyfriends,

what then?! AGG. What about all these meds. I mean would my kid even be ABLE

to enjoy such a thing given that he's on an SSRI? I don't think I'd want him to

NOT be able to. Sorry if this offends anyone. We're pretty open about this

stuff in my house.

Miriam

>

> Im so unconfortable about asking anyone about his so here I am hoping you moms

can understand and not be offended. I need your advice.

> OK, I have an aspie teen, is it harder for him to figure out these feelings?

Im also so freaked out when he is doing this ( i can hear his breathing etc ) I

homeschool him so he has more opportunity. Hour long showers etc. Ok, how do I

deal with my son who may be too interested in masterbating? What is normal? I

am a christian and dont know what to say as a single mom. Is it right or wrong?

Come on Moms - I really need your help on this one!

>