Re: PSSA test--teen is annoyed/embarrassed by parents

[Guest guest]

hi jan-

i adjusted the subject line a bit because a part of your story rings true to me.

my 12 aspie daughter acts very embarrassed and annoyed in public by me and her

father to an extreme. i have an older daughter, i know teens go thru a stage

but this is very extremem behaviour. i tried to talk to her at school about

something i was suppose to find out for her and she would not look at me even

though i called her name and eventually walked up to her, she just wouldn't

acknowledge i was there. (very frustrating) so i left without telling her.

even after her graduation ceremony she wouldn't be seen with us. she was trying

to hang out with the other kids but they were all with their own families

hugging and taking pics, she wouldn't allow any of this, until the very end when

a mother of one of her peers walked up and said can i take a family picture and

she reluctantly agreed. i was sad that i couldn't share this time with her, but

i knew she would cause a scene if i had insisted she stay with us. i talked to

her later about it and she said that is how teens are, even though i noted that

her peers were sharing the time with their own families--she would not

acknowledge that. i guess this is the concept of everything is either black or

white and rigidity at its worse. at home she will talk to us, sometimes even

nicely. mostly at home she wants to be left alone to her screen time. which

she must earn by doing chores and practice piano, caring for our pets, etc.

this is going to be a tough few years.

regards, melody

-- In , rushen janice <jrushen@...> wrote:

>

> Well today was our last school day.......my son has 1/2 day tomorrow. 

While I was in school today ...the english teacher who is so sweet...looked my

son up in the system and pulled up all his past PSSA's....and he was proficient

and basic in a lot of areas ....then she pulled the latest one where he did not

score well...and she said...no wonder he didn't have most of this stuff yet...it

is the 8th grade PSSA.  OMG....now I don't feel so bad...he was taking a test

meant for 8th graders ...so now I feel I can rest a little bit easier.

>  

>

> My son doesn't have outburst in public unless he can't get his way and then

he'll march off to the car or whatever....he gets upset with us (his Dad and

I)...he doesn't want us talking to him or telling him anything in public...like

he doesn't want us to embarrass him or he thinks everyone is watching...he says

" we " are annoying.  OMG...and I say...jsut do what I ask and that will be that. 

I decided to do something new...whenever I ask him to do something...like his

chores ...it is " I will "   and 3 hours later it is still not done...So now when

he asks me to do something ...I will reply " I will " and then make him wait 3

hours or more....and see how he likes it.  I also need to limit the

electronics...I can see him on TV, Xbox and texting all day and night!

>  

> I still plan on having the tutor come twice a month all summer...and when

school starts up I am going to see how it goes ...if he is having problems in

math which will be at the end of the day...I am going to request a different bus

....one that leaves only 5 min. early or I will ask the school to supply me with

a tutor for 1 1/4 hours a week (which is the amount of time he misses).  Don't

worry ...I know most of his rights and mine....and since I am in school I see

and know what goes on.

>  

> Jan

>

> Janice Rushen

>  

> " I will try to be open to all avenues of wisdom and hope "

>

>

>

>

> From: Sherry Burford <aspiemomone>

> Subject: Re: ( ) PSSA test scores-poor

>

> Date: Sunday, June 14, 2009, 10:40 AM

>

>

>

>

>

>

> we havent got our pssa test results yet but i think my son may have done

poorly when they did the eval at school they said his total score was an 83

which is where they expected him to score given the aspergers but i dont even

know what that means either,  but I had a teacher tell me that if they test

poorly on the pssa dont even sweat it because it isnt really a reflection on our

children more on the school and what the teachers are doing they are just trying

to see how well the school is performing and teachers performance than the

children. that is why it is state wide to see which schools are doing ok and

which ones are not. these test scores also are what they base alot of school

funding on, the schools who do poorly get more state funding than the schools

who students appear to be on target, does this sound right to you. did your

child have problems with math and reading during school my son final grade was a

d in both of those courses. But i have

> also been told by a different school pschycologist  said and i quote " Ms.

Burford there is no need to test your son at this time if he has a dx of

aspergers he will qualify for that reason alone. Aspergers children simply do

not test well so there is no point of testing him. "   i was certainly appalled

and even infuriated because that was in March of 2008,  it took me moving out of

that school district to another and let me say much better and my son is

comfortable at school and really enjoys going and next year will be even better

as he will finally have a iep to go by . by the way where do you live as i

thought pssa are only in pa right? sherry

>

>

>

>

>

> From: jrushen <jrushen (DOT) com>

>

> Sent: Saturday, June 13, 2009 11:29:38 PM

> Subject: ( ) PSSA test scores-poor

>

>

>

> Does anyone else's child do poorly on the PSSA's...the state mandated

tests????? It seems each year my son does worse.

>

> We just got the results and he is below basic in math and basic in reading.

>

> Any ideas? Help? Depressing.. ..bugged me all day long...

>

> Jan

>

[Guest guest]

Jan, Melody ...what is this avoidant behavior all about. I hate to say it but my

" all grown up " husband treats me like this in public too. I labeled it as

avoidant. He apparently does not have AS but is

a very AS like person at times. There is something about not wanting to be very

personal in public is what I sense. My husband is social

with other men provided they are talking about " sports, work or home projects " .

I never have tried just sticking to this subjects with him

in public. One thing I think that is true is that I may make him

feel more emotional on any given topic then he would want to feel

in public. I am sure I am much more affectionate than he can cope

with ever. Perhaps if I was more business like always. It would

be wierd to be so disenggaged.

Pam

> >

> >

> > From: Sherry Burford <aspiemomone>

> > Subject: Re: ( ) PSSA test scores-poor

> >

> > Date: Sunday, June 14, 2009, 10:40 AM

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > we havent got our pssa test results yet but i think my son may have done

poorly when they did the eval at school they said his total score was an 83

which is where they expected him to score given the aspergers but i dont even

know what that means either,  but I had a teacher tell me that if they test

poorly on the pssa dont even sweat it because it isnt really a reflection on our

children more on the school and what the teachers are doing they are just trying

to see how well the school is performing and teachers performance than the

children. that is why it is state wide to see which schools are doing ok and

which ones are not. these test scores also are what they base alot of school

funding on, the schools who do poorly get more state funding than the schools

who students appear to be on target, does this sound right to you. did your

child have problems with math and reading during school my son final grade was a

d in both of those courses. But i have

> > also been told by a different school pschycologist  said and i quote " Ms.

Burford there is no need to test your son at this time if he has a dx of

aspergers he will qualify for that reason alone. Aspergers children simply do

not test well so there is no point of testing him. "   i was certainly appalled

and even infuriated because that was in March of 2008,  it took me moving out of

that school district to another and let me say much better and my son is

comfortable at school and really enjoys going and next year will be even better

as he will finally have a iep to go by . by the way where do you live as i

thought pssa are only in pa right? sherry

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > From: jrushen <jrushen (DOT) com>

> >

> > Sent: Saturday, June 13, 2009 11:29:38 PM

> > Subject: ( ) PSSA test scores-poor

> >

> >

> >

> > Does anyone else's child do poorly on the PSSA's...the state mandated

tests????? It seems each year my son does worse.

> >

> > We just got the results and he is below basic in math and basic in reading.

> >

> > Any ideas? Help? Depressing.. ..bugged me all day long...

> >

> > Jan

> >

>

[Guest guest]

hi pam-

i am thinking about your experience and wondering if my aspie, bipolar

(not-diag) husband has done this. when we go to his group, like his church, his

relatives, his work, i won't see him much until it is time to leave--and it

isn't that he is socializing with other people. mainly he walks around or

watches tv or volunteers. i think this is what he did as a boy, he tends to do

what he has always done, just because he has always done it. when we go to my

family he tends to hang back and be on his own, although when our daughters were

younger, he would play with them. when people come to our house (even his

family, his friend or mother), he goes to his room--which has a computer,

television, tivo, everything that means anything to him. i had to tell him that

if he was going to be anti-social, i would not entertain his friend or family,

so he must be out with them. so now he will sit with us, but fall asleep. if

no one is visiting, he is in his bedroom unless he has complete control over the

television in the family room. he doesn't act embarrassed or annoyed with me in

public though--does your husband do that?

melody

> > >

> > >

> > > From: Sherry Burford <aspiemomone>

> > > Subject: Re: ( ) PSSA test scores-poor

> > >

> > > Date: Sunday, June 14, 2009, 10:40 AM

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > > we havent got our pssa test results yet but i think my son may have done

poorly when they did the eval at school they said his total score was an 83

which is where they expected him to score given the aspergers but i dont even

know what that means either,  but I had a teacher tell me that if they test

poorly on the pssa dont even sweat it because it isnt really a reflection on our

children more on the school and what the teachers are doing they are just trying

to see how well the school is performing and teachers performance than the

children. that is why it is state wide to see which schools are doing ok and

which ones are not. these test scores also are what they base alot of school

funding on, the schools who do poorly get more state funding than the schools

who students appear to be on target, does this sound right to you. did your

child have problems with math and reading during school my son final grade was a

d in both of those courses. But i have

> > > also been told by a different school pschycologist  said and i quote "

Ms. Burford there is no need to test your son at this time if he has a dx of

aspergers he will qualify for that reason alone. Aspergers children simply do

not test well so there is no point of testing him. "   i was certainly appalled

and even infuriated because that was in March of 2008,  it took me moving out of

that school district to another and let me say much better and my son is

comfortable at school and really enjoys going and next year will be even better

as he will finally have a iep to go by . by the way where do you live as i

thought pssa are only in pa right? sherry

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > > From: jrushen <jrushen (DOT) com>

> > >

> > > Sent: Saturday, June 13, 2009 11:29:38 PM

> > > Subject: ( ) PSSA test scores-poor

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > > Does anyone else's child do poorly on the PSSA's...the state mandated

tests????? It seems each year my son does worse.

> > >

> > > We just got the results and he is below basic in math and basic in

reading.

> > >

> > > Any ideas? Help? Depressing.. ..bugged me all day long...

> > >

> > > Jan

> > >

> >

>