Guest guest Posted April 22, 1999 Report Share Posted April 22, 1999 Hi all, Thanks for the feedback about the chip system. I think I'm going to stick with the system for now to give it a fair try, using some of Kathy's suggestions. Kelsey's therapist likes the idea of using the chips in instances where she resists the OCD. (She will often resist for the chip, where she otherwise wouldn't.) Also, the chips are already becoming less of an obsession. On a different topic, for those of you with younger non-OCD siblings, I need tips on how to talk about Kelsey's OCD to them. Kelsey has wanted to keep it " secret " from her 4-year old brother. I think because she's afraid he'll tease her (which he mightŠhe gets a lot of mileage out of teasing her in general as she's such an outraged victim!) and she's also embarassed about it and vulnerable when she's obsessing. In fact, even though her dad is very supportive and loving and despeartely wants to help, she will hardly work with or discuss it with him. (We're really working on thisŠ because I can't bear the whole burden alone here. I guess they'll get lots of practice next weekend when I leave for three " kidless " days with friends!) Anyway, I digress. I think it's time I talk to . He wants to know what " resist " means and is modeling OCD behavior (I don't think he has it for now, but he's following his big sister's cues, wanting to know if " this is how we usually do things, " one of her obsessions!) I'd welcome any thoughts on what and how to share this with a 4-year old in terms he can understand and (might?) respect. Chris Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 23, 1999 Report Share Posted April 23, 1999 Hi Chris: I am glad to hear that the chips are causing less obsessions. Isn't it amazing how things constantly mutate around OCD. As far as how to explain to a younger sib I have not faced that one personally. It is such a fine line to walk, respecting the privacy (secrecy?) need of the OCDer with the family's need to be open in dealing with OCD as a problem for the whole family. Perhaps our professional advisors have some good ideas for this and how to orient someone who is four to OCD in their family. One thing that works quite well for our family is to use the comment " boss it " generically when anyone of us seems to be struggling needlessly with a difficult situation. Even when the parents react too strongly about something we hear from the kids " just boss it " . Then we laugh and get an attitude adjustment. So this labels the OCD just like any other tough situation and reminds the person it is their responsibility to try to master the situation. We try to normalize OCD without minimizing it. We look upon OCD as just one of the problems we face as a family - not THE problem, that makes it more manageable. The teasing is very hard for our OCDers to bear. You might want to look at ways to discourage from teasing. Our son Steve can get very mean when too much teasing goes on and we have learned to make it very clear that teasing is verboten in this family. What has helped is doing paradoxical therapy which allows us to use humor but in a respectful way instead of kidding, teasing and joking with a bit of a twist. Hope you find your three " kidless " days rejuvenating and fun. ALoha, Kathy kathyh@... >From: Roman <ChrisRoman@...> > >Hi all, > >Thanks for the feedback about the chip system. I think I'm going to stick >with the system for now to give it a fair try, using some of Kathy's >suggestions. Kelsey's therapist likes the idea of using the chips in >instances where she resists the OCD. (She will often resist for the chip, >where she otherwise wouldn't.) Also, the chips are already becoming less of >an obsession. > >On a different topic, for those of you with younger non-OCD siblings, I >need tips on how to talk about Kelsey's OCD to them. Kelsey has wanted to >keep it " secret " from her 4-year old brother. I think because she's afraid >he'll tease her (which he mightŠhe gets a lot of mileage out of teasing her >in general as she's such an outraged victim!) and she's also embarassed >about it and vulnerable when she's obsessing. In fact, even though her dad >is very supportive and loving and despeartely wants to help, she will >hardly work with or discuss it with him. (We're really working on thisŠ >because I can't bear the whole burden alone here. I guess they'll get lots >of practice next weekend when I leave for three " kidless " days with >friends!) > >Anyway, I digress. I think it's time I talk to . He wants to know what > " resist " means and is modeling OCD behavior (I don't think he has it for >now, but he's following his big sister's cues, wanting to know if " this is >how we usually do things, " one of her obsessions!) I'd welcome any thoughts >on what and how to share this with a 4-year old in terms he can understand >and (might?) respect. > >Chris > > > >------------------------------------------------------------------------ >Tired of empty chat rooms and out of date bulletin boards? >http://www.ONElist.com >ONElist: Making the Internet Intimate >------------------------------------------------------------------------ >The is sponsored by the OCSDA. You may visit >their web site at http://www.ocdhelp.org/ and view schedules for chatroom >support at http://www.ocdhelp.org/chat.html Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 12, 1999 Report Share Posted May 12, 1999 Hi list, We all know how difficult the stresses can be when we have one or more in a family with OCD. But do we know the emotional cost it has upon siblings. It can seem at times so much of our efforts go into keeping the situation at home in hand, and that can mean a lot of attention is focused on the children with OCD. Even when we try to recognize this and be 'there' for our other kids, do we really understand the scope of help they may need as well? I witnessed this through a school worksheet my son brought home the other day. My son is 6, my daughter with OCD is 14. If there was no OCD in our home most people would see this as typical sibling behaviour. The worksheet was about " Feeling Faces " where the student had to complete a sentence associated with a cartoon face expressing the emotion. Here are my son's answers: I get excited when: I go to Mcdonwles I feel angry when: my sister hurts me. (defined here as emotional hurt because his sister can't touch him because of contamination) I feel scared when: my sister says " I'll beat you up " I laugh really hard when: my sister gets hurt. When I read this it saddened me. What more can we do to make our son feel better about this? We spend special time with him, encourage him and try to build his self esteem. Help is needed by everyone within an OCD family. How do others on this list deal with it? All the best, from Canada Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 12, 1999 Report Share Posted May 12, 1999 Hi and Everyone! We just had another Psych. evaluation done on my son with a new Psychologist. This Psychologist recomended therapy for the whole family to learn how to cope and deal with the OCD so that it doesn't tear us apart as a family. I feel that this is a very good idea for all of us. Peace to all of you. mary from LA Hansen wrote: > From: Hansen <hansenj@...> > > Hi list, > > We all know how difficult the stresses can be when we have one or more in a family with OCD. But do we know the emotional cost it has upon siblings. It can seem at times so much of our > efforts go into keeping the situation at home in hand, and that can mean a lot of attention is focused on the children with OCD. Even when we try to recognize this and be 'there' for our > other kids, do we really understand the scope of help they may need as well? I witnessed this through a school worksheet my son brought home the other day. My son is 6, my daughter with OCD > is 14. If there was no OCD in our home most people would see this as typical sibling behaviour. > > The worksheet was about " Feeling Faces " where the student had to complete a sentence associated with a cartoon face expressing the emotion. Here are my son's answers: > > I get excited when: I go to Mcdonwles > > I feel angry when: my sister hurts me. (defined here as emotional hurt because his sister can't touch him because of contamination) > > I feel scared when: my sister says " I'll beat you up " > > I laugh really hard when: my sister gets hurt. > > When I read this it saddened me. What more can we do to make our son feel better about this? We spend special time with him, encourage him and try to build his self esteem. Help is needed by > everyone within an OCD family. How do others on this list deal with it? > > All the best, > from Canada > > ------------------------------------------------------------------------ > Are you hogging all the fun? > > Friends tell friends about ONElist! > ------------------------------------------------------------------------ > The is sponsored by the OCSDA. You may visit their web site at http://www.ocdhelp.org/ and view schedules for chatroom support at http://www.ocdhelp.org/chat.html Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 12, 1999 Report Share Posted May 12, 1999 Hi and everyone: Our family has gone through quite a bit of therapy learning to cope with OCD. Much of it has been helpful, the only real problem has been when therapists focus on family therapy instead of doing CBT with E & RP to address the OCD symptoms. Even more helpful than family therapy was learning to work better with my husband on coparenting an OCDer. Also helpful for us was having a lot of education about OCD and other difficult behaviors as part of the family therapy, it really got us all on the same page. Take care, aloha, Kathy (H) kathyh@... At 05:11 PM 5/12/99 -0500, you wrote: >From: <maryth3@...> > >Hi and Everyone! > >We just had another Psych. evaluation done on my son with >a new Psychologist. This Psychologist recomended therapy >for the whole family to learn how to cope and deal with the OCD >so that it doesn't tear us apart as a family. I feel that this is a very >good idea for all of us. > >Peace to all of you. >mary from LA > > Hansen wrote: > >> From: Hansen <hansenj@...> >> >> Hi list, >> >> We all know how difficult the stresses can be when we have one or more in a family with OCD. But do we know the emotional cost it has upon siblings. It can seem at times so much of our >> efforts go into keeping the situation at home in hand, and that can mean a lot of attention is focused on the children with OCD. Even when we try to recognize this and be 'there' for our >> other kids, do we really understand the scope of help they may need as well? I witnessed this through a school worksheet my son brought home the other day. My son is 6, my daughter with OCD >> is 14. If there was no OCD in our home most people would see this as typical sibling behaviour. >> >> The worksheet was about " Feeling Faces " where the student had to complete a sentence associated with a cartoon face expressing the emotion. Here are my son's answers: >> >> I get excited when: I go to Mcdonwles >> >> I feel angry when: my sister hurts me. (defined here as emotional hurt because his sister can't touch him because of contamination) >> >> I feel scared when: my sister says " I'll beat you up " >> >> I laugh really hard when: my sister gets hurt. >> >> When I read this it saddened me. What more can we do to make our son feel better about this? We spend special time with him, encourage him and try to build his self esteem. Help is needed by >> everyone within an OCD family. How do others on this list deal with it? >> >> All the best, >> from Canada >> >> ------------------------------------------------------------------------ >> Are you hogging all the fun? >> >> Friends tell friends about ONElist! >> ------------------------------------------------------------------------ >> The is sponsored by the OCSDA. You may visit their web site at http://www.ocdhelp.org/ and view schedules for chatroom support at http://www.ocdhelp.org/chat.html > > >------------------------------------------------------------------------ >ONElist: where real people with real interests get connected. > >Join a new list today! >------------------------------------------------------------------------ >The is sponsored by the OCSDA. You may visit their web site at http://www.ocdhelp.org/ and view schedules for chatroom support at http://www.ocdhelp.org/chat.html > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 12, 1999 Report Share Posted May 12, 1999 Hi Pam: E & RP = exposure and response (ritual) prevention. It is the foundation of CBT (cognitive behavior therapy) for OCD. There is so much to learn about OCD - I am always learning new things too. E & RP involves exposure to the feared situation/item/person either imaginally or even better in real life, followed by resistance, either partially or preferably total, to following up with the ritual (physical or mental) which is used to reduce the anxiety caused by OCD. You can read about this in books like " Getting Control " by Lee Baer and Dr. Stecketee's treatment manual, as well as Dr. March's book, " Obsessive Compulsive Disorder in Children and Adolescents " . At first anxiety increases when doing E & RP, this can make it a tough treatment for our kids to cope with, some even have called it aversive therapy. It needs to be done in a structured way when a hierarchy of OCD symptoms has been developed. This treatment has been very helpful for my son, however it took three tries to get him going on it. Take care, aloha, Kathy (H) kathyh@... At 07:42 PM 5/12/99 EDT, you wrote: >From: Nokiddds@... > >Kathy - Not sure my first message went out so I'll try again. I appreciate >your comment on motivation. What does E & RP mean when you refer to getting >him ready for E & RP. Still new to learning about this disorder. I know I'll >learn from the list. Thanks - Pam Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 12, 1999 Report Share Posted May 12, 1999 Hi , I only have one kid so I won't answer the sibling question except to say this: I teach preschool and we do a lot of book writing (feelings books, family books, all about me books etc.). The younger kids with older siblings ALL fill their books with sibling stuff, they barely mention parents and they rarely talk about themselves except in relation to their sibling. It's all " I'm happy when my brother gives me gum, sad when my sister pokes me, disapointed when my brother won't play with me " , etc.. Everything, every feeling they have, revolves around their sibling. Just thought I'd mention that. That doesn't mean you son isn't also stressed by the situation, it's just that siblings really loom large for the younger one. Dana in NC Hansen wrote: > From: Hansen <hansenj@...> > > Hi list, > > We all know how difficult the stresses can be when we have one or more in a family with OCD. But do we know the emotional cost it has upon siblings. It can seem at times so much of our > efforts go into keeping the situation at home in hand, and that can mean a lot of attention is focused on the children with OCD. Even when we try to recognize this and be 'there' for our > other kids, do we really understand the scope of help they may need as well? I witnessed this through a school worksheet my son brought home the other day. My son is 6, my daughter with OCD > is 14. If there was no OCD in our home most people would see this as typical sibling behaviour. > > The worksheet was about " Feeling Faces " where the student had to complete a sentence associated with a cartoon face expressing the emotion. Here are my son's answers: > > I get excited when: I go to Mcdonwles > > I feel angry when: my sister hurts me. (defined here as emotional hurt because his sister can't touch him because of contamination) > > I feel scared when: my sister says " I'll beat you up " > > I laugh really hard when: my sister gets hurt. > > When I read this it saddened me. What more can we do to make our son feel better about this? We spend special time with him, encourage him and try to build his self esteem. Help is needed by > everyone within an OCD family. How do others on this list deal with it? > > All the best, > from Canada > > ------------------------------------------------------------------------ > Are you hogging all the fun? > > Friends tell friends about ONElist! > ------------------------------------------------------------------------ > The is sponsored by the OCSDA. You may visit their web site at http://www.ocdhelp.org/ and view schedules for chatroom support at http://www.ocdhelp.org/chat.html Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 13, 1999 Report Share Posted May 13, 1999 Hi Dana, Thank you for your thoughtful response. And I do appreciate your special insight because of your teaching experiences. Yes, my son Ian no doubt judges his position in the family through his sister, Tori. And I can also say that hidden deep inside my daughter is a great admiration for her brother. Sadly because of part of Tori's OCD she finds it impossible to touch Ian or anything he has touched. And there have been some very extreme situations of self-danger for Tori and a few dangerous situations that she has directed at Ian. It is hard to explain (though we have done so ) to Ian that when Tori has gone into OCD rages, for that time she was not 'herself'. We have made clear boundaries for Tori's behaviour outbursts (it has worked out well), and we have reassured Ian that we will be there to protect both of them from harm. Meanwhile we try to move on. I brought up this topic thread because I wonder how damaging this can be to a family. In some ways I can see it making a family unit stronger. But then again I've heard of some families torn apart by OCD. Is taking it one day at a time the best solution or should we be on constant repair mode? All the best, sometimes too exhausted from Canada Dana Carvalho wrote: > From: Dana Carvalho <clayvon@...> > > Hi , > I only have one kid so I won't answer the sibling question except to say this: I teach preschool and we do a lot of book writing (feelings books, family books, all about me books etc.). The > younger kids with older siblings ALL fill their books with sibling stuff, they barely mention parents and they rarely talk about themselves except in relation to their sibling. It's all " I'm > happy when my brother gives me gum, sad when my sister pokes me, disapointed when my brother won't play with me " , etc.. Everything, every feeling they have, revolves around their sibling. > Just thought I'd mention that. That doesn't mean you son isn't also stressed by the situation, it's just that siblings really loom large for the younger one. > Dana in NC > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 9, 2000 Report Share Posted August 9, 2000 hazel and karyn......so neat that you two live near each other....cool........dang laura if i lived in texas i would be at your house every day....if i lived in vegas, i would have nancy over to do my kitchen....heheh Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 10, 2000 Report Share Posted August 10, 2000 On Wed, 9 Aug 2000 23:56:35 EDT okieleah@... writes: > hazel and karyn......so neat that you two live near each > other....cool........dang laura if i lived in texas i would be at > your house > every day....if i lived in vegas, i would have nancy over to do my > kitchen....heheh > > Wait a minute, , you are in Oregon, aren't you? I'm in Vegas! Oh leah, you are so confused!!!! LOL S ________________________________________________________________ YOU'RE PAYING TOO MUCH FOR THE INTERNET! Juno now offers FREE Internet Access! Try it today - there's no risk! For your FREE software, visit: http://dl.www.juno.com/get/tagj. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 10, 2000 Report Share Posted August 10, 2000 , You are right-Leah just lost her head with all that is going on. We are in Orovillle, California and that is northern CA..I can be in Oregon in about 2 hours though. & Garry, parents of (9 ds), (8 ds/g-tube), JJ (6 ds/autism/celiac), (5 ds), and Esther (3 ds). All adopted. ---------- >From: J Stolz <stolzfamily@...> >egroups >Subject: Re: siblings >Date: Thu, Aug 10, 2000, 5:56 AM > > > >On Wed, 9 Aug 2000 23:56:35 EDT okieleah@... writes: >> hazel and karyn......so neat that you two live near each >> other....cool........dang laura if i lived in texas i would be at >> your house >> every day....if i lived in vegas, i would have nancy over to do my >> kitchen....heheh >> >> > >Wait a minute, , you are in Oregon, aren't you? I'm in Vegas! >Oh leah, you are so confused!!!! LOL > S >________________________________________________________________ >YOU'RE PAYING TOO MUCH FOR THE INTERNET! >Juno now offers FREE Internet Access! >Try it today - there's no risk! For your FREE software, visit: >http://dl.www.juno.com/get/tagj. > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 19, 2001 Report Share Posted April 19, 2001 Thanks Diane, I also need those words of reassurance. We are currently dealing with an extremely ill daughter. She has the worst case of mono I (and her doctor) have ever seen. She even spent two days in the hospital. The fear of her body fighting this virus and then going into an autoimmune disorder is pretty much on my mind right now. Especially given the mysterious appearance of her sisters systemic jra. Abbie doesn't see her doctor for another three weeks, but you can bet it will be a hot topic. Thanks again, Christy (Abbie 11, systemic jra) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 21, 2001 Report Share Posted April 21, 2001 Dear Christy, Our daughter Rana had at first CMV(cytomegalo virus) which is a form of mononucleosis(mono). At first we thought it was CMV but then it took us four months to diagnose our daughter Rana with Systemic onset JRA. Her twin sister, Rawan, is quite OK up until now. We pray to Jesus that she stays OK. Now Rana is on prednisone, MTX, folic acid, and iron. Her pediatrician thinks that if one gets JRA it is not necessary and very rare that her twin sister will get it. I hope this will reassure you further. With our best wishes to you. Roula ( Rana's and Rawan's mother) Re: siblings > Thanks Diane, > > I also need those words of reassurance. We are currently dealing with an > extremely ill daughter. She has the worst case of mono I (and her doctor) > have ever seen. She even spent two days in the hospital. The fear of her body > fighting this virus and then going into an autoimmune disorder is pretty much > on my mind right now. Especially given the mysterious appearance of her > sisters systemic jra. Abbie doesn't see her doctor for another three weeks, > but you can bet it will be a hot topic. > > Thanks again, > > Christy (Abbie 11, systemic jra) > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 21, 2001 Report Share Posted April 21, 2001 My 4 year old has JRA and when she was diagnosed, I asked about the chance of her younger sibling, now 2, also getting JRA. Our pediatric rheumatologist said it is rare and that he treats identical twins where one sibling has the JRA and the other does not. I know the University of Cincinnati Children's Hospital is doing a study with siblings who have JRA. They feel this may reveal something concerning the cause of JRA. Chris Re: siblings Dear Christy, Our daughter Rana had at first CMV(cytomegalo virus) which is a form of mononucleosis(mono). At first we thought it was CMV but then it took us four months to diagnose our daughter Rana with Systemic onset JRA. Her twin sister, Rawan, is quite OK up until now. We pray to Jesus that she stays OK. Now Rana is on prednisone, MTX, folic acid, and iron. Her pediatrician thinks that if one gets JRA it is not necessary and very rare that her twin sister will get it. I hope this will reassure you further. With our best wishes to you. Roula ( Rana's and Rawan's mother) Re: siblings > Thanks Diane, > > I also need those words of reassurance. We are currently dealing with an > extremely ill daughter. She has the worst case of mono I (and her doctor) > have ever seen. She even spent two days in the hospital. The fear of her body > fighting this virus and then going into an autoimmune disorder is pretty much > on my mind right now. Especially given the mysterious appearance of her > sisters systemic jra. Abbie doesn't see her doctor for another three weeks, > but you can bet it will be a hot topic. > > Thanks again, > > Christy (Abbie 11, systemic jra) > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 24, 2001 Report Share Posted May 24, 2001 > Hi group! > Do any of you have any advice on how to make life easier for our > kids without OCD? ....Have any of you had these problems with your other kids and what did you do to help them through it? > I understand how you feel, . I'm also dealing with two young men-- my 19 and 17 year old sons and how they've actually contributed to my 10 year old son's anxiety level. We had a family meeting and I spelled it out to them VERY clearly: STOP. NOW. I don't know WHAT it is about boys, but I've LEARNED you can't get too verbal with them-- it blows their minds! 'Keep It Simple, Stupid' has been my new motto. " Less is more " has too. I also went on a 'cleaning spree' in my house-- clearing OUT all the anxiety and stress. It HAD to go. No if's, and's OR butts! I changed the color of my walls-- soft soothing colors. Stressful looking pictures left too- and given to Salvation Army! I replaced them with ~~calm~~ looking pictures and paintings, like *ladies* laying around taking an afternoon nap (I need a feminine touch around here- to counter the testosterone ooozing off the walls) or beautiful scenes of a calming sunset or seascape. Nothing expensive-- just ~soothing~ Water fountains. New age music. Soft fluffy pillows. stuff like that... As far as your daughters go, can you RECRUIT them to be, instead of the 'OCD POLICE' which will just continue focusing on the negative OCD bully, but the 'Fearless Patrol' - watching out for when your OCDer does something FEARLESS and BRAVE? When THEY see her doing something like that, and report it to you- give them a reward. Pretty soon, they won't want one- it will be a habit. And, look at the internal rewards that will take place-- the non-ocders will feel PROUD of themselves for helping stamp out the OCD bully! And, we know the only way to fight a bully is 1) ignore it 2) tell him to GO AWAY and boss it back! 3) report it to the authorities (the therapists, parents). The enemy is OCD- NOT your daughter. Make sure her sibs know this and PRACTICE externalizing it in the family setting. Then, dub them the 'No Fear Dixie Chicks' (or something like that), and have them watch out for when their sister BEATS the bully! Or, how about the 'X Family Cheerleaders?' With daughters, you've got ALOT to work with! There's no such thing as 'girl fear' -- You've got GIRL *POWER* in your house! woo hoo Such fun! Good luck! Joni (who has two sisters) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 24, 2001 Report Share Posted May 24, 2001 > Hi group! > Do any of you have any advice on how to make life easier for our > kids without OCD? ....Have any of you had these problems with your other kids and what did you do to help them through it? > I understand how you feel, . I'm also dealing with two young men-- my 19 and 17 year old sons and how they've actually contributed (but not caused) to my 10 year old son's anxiety level. We had a family meeting and I spelled it out to them VERY clearly: STOP. NOW. I also made sure they understood that this isn't their fault. They were feeling guilty about their younger brother, and the bad things they had done. This contributed to the bad feelings all around the house. I told them to let that go. We did our best with what we knew at the time, and TODAY is a new DAY! I don't know WHAT it is about boys, but I've LEARNED you can't get too verbal with them-- it blows their minds! 'Keep It Simple, Stupid' has been my new motto. " Less is more " has too. I also went on a 'cleaning spree' in my house-- clearing OUT all the anxiety and stress. It HAD to go. No if's, and's OR butts! I changed the color of my walls-- soft soothing colors. Stressful looking pictures left too- and given to Salvation Army! I replaced them with ~~calm~~ looking pictures and paintings, like *ladies* laying around taking an afternoon nap (I need a feminine touch around here- to counter all the testosterone ooozing off the walls) or beautiful scenes of a calming sunset or seascape. Nothing expensive-- just ~soothing~ Water fountains. New age music. Soft fluffy pillows. Clear out the junk.. make room for ~~airy~~ spaces... stuff like that... As far as your daughters go, can you RECRUIT them to be, instead of the 'OCD POLICE' which will just continue focusing on the negative OCD bully and giving it power, but the 'Fearless Patrol' - watching out for when your OCDer does something FEARLESS and BRAVE? When they see her doing something fearless-and report it to you- give them a reward. Pretty soon, they won't want one- it will be a habit. And, look at the internal rewards that will take place-- the non-OCDers and the OCDer will feel PROUD of themselves for helping stamp out the OCD bully! And, we know the only way to fight a bully is 1) ignore it 2) tell him to GO AWAY and boss it back! 3) report it to the authorities (the therapists, parents). The enemy is OCD- NOT your daughter. Make sure her sibs know this and PRACTICE externalizing it in the family setting. Then, dub them the 'No Fear Dixie Chicks' (or something like that), and have them watch out for when their sister BEATS the bully! Yay!! Or, how about the 'X Family Cheerleaders?' With daughters, you've got ALOT to work with! There's no such thing as 'girl fear' -- You've got GIRL *POWER* in your house! woo hoo Such fun! Good luck! Joni (who has two sisters) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 24, 2001 Report Share Posted May 24, 2001 oops, sorry about the double message. My computer is acting up tonight and I thought it was going to boot me off. So I copied the first one (because I didn't think it made it- I didn't get the usual confirmation) and sent it again, with a few more things added to it. Goodnight everyone! zzzzzzzz ~Joni Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 25, 2001 Report Share Posted May 25, 2001 , amethyst819422@... I can't recall how old your daughters are!! It sounds like Jackie is the youngest, and the other two are teens? Sometimes we use the term NT (neurologically typical) for non-ocd sibs!! I suggest that you step back and look at what you've done so far. Ask yourself what worked, and why, and what didnt work, and why? Jackie's attention seeking behaviours (ASB) are quite typical for someone used to being the centre of attention - and OCD loves that!! You might want to ignore ocd more often and let Jackie deal with her anxieties so that you are not enabling the ocd to control her even more. In the past we've written on this list on how to stand up to ocd and its control over our kids, so I wont repeat myself here. check the archives under 'enabling', for example. For your older daughters, they are most likely feeling rejected and traumatized by the hold that ocd has over your household. Spending time with them doing fun things, building their self identities and encouraging them to be themselves may help them feel less like victims. Their rejection of ocd literature is quite common among families. It is in itself ASB! Have you contacted NIMH to see if they have support groups for siblings?? You other daughters may need to vent out their frustrations with 'safe, like minded' peers. These groups tend to be quite productive in helping the siblings feel less rejected, less controlled and more involved in their siblings' treatment and health. Unfortunatly, our society appears to deal more easily with physical disabilities than with 'invisable' ones. Your therapists suggestion of family therapy sounds good to me. Let me ask you this: Why are you giving the older girls a choice?? Children and adolescents usually prefer structure and too many choices may be overwhelming. Parenting means making decisions and this may be one of those times that you override their stubborness and bring them in, together or separately, for some family work. Keep in mind who is in charge here! You mention that your older daughters are showing signs of depression. Have you made arrangements for them to speak with someone - a school counsellor, physican, pastor??? When depression is serious, the person may have major difficulties making decisions, so before things get any worse, try and bring them to a professional for evaluation!!! Most of all, , remember to externalize OCD. Its like a monster controlling your daughter and you don't need it bossing YOU around!! Jackie will learn to do this too, but you may need to show her how first!! It is crucial that you take time for yourself and all your family. You are the pillar, if you collapse, everything falls with you!! take care, wendy in canada (presenter with Kathy Hammes at the OCF conference in Denver on: What to do between doctor's visits: A Survival Manual for Parents) ===================================================== Hi group! Do any of you have any advice on how to make life easier for our kids without OCD? Our two non-OCD daughters are having such a hard time dealing with Jackie(our daughter with OCD. I have tried talking with them over and over about how Jackie's outbursts are because of her OCD but they still blame her and don't want to hear anything I have to say to them about OCD. They exclude Jackie from things they are doing (because of her OCD behavior) and even though I try to explain to them that excluding her will only make things worse in the long run they continue to do it. I've tried to get them to read the Gravitz book about help for the family but they refuse to read it. Meanwhile I see them becoming more and more depressed and Jackie's symptoms are worse! What a viscious cycle! Jackie's therapist wants to have some sessions with the whole family but both of our other daughters do not want to go.I have also spent time alone with both of my other daughters hoping to get them away from the stress of living with OCD but then Jackie just becomes more depressed because I'm not doing something with her! I have also encouraged our non-OCD daughters to go out more often with their friends but they are becoming so depressed that they don't seem to want to do much of anything!! Help!!! Have any of you had these problems with your other kids and what did you do to help them through it? _______________________________________________________ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 25, 2001 Report Share Posted May 25, 2001 Hi , I only have the one child so don't have the sort of problems you describe. But I do have some thought for what they're worth. It sounds like OCD is causing significant problems in your family, both for Jackie and her sisters. I'm sorry I don't remember how old your children are, and that can affect how you choose to approach this problem. I would start by reevaluating Jackie's tx and whether her meds/therapy are showing results and if not, make changes to get her back on the track toward recovery. You whole family (not surprisingly, very common) is being affected by Jackie's OCD. You cannot make Jackie's sisters feel differently about her, but you can make and enforce family rules and limits about behavior that isn't allowed. The suggested family counseling can help here, so might the family program offered by the National Alliance of Mentally Ill (find local number in your phone book.) You and your husband should make the decision about what direction you will pursue as a family. If Jackie's sisters are depressed about the family situation and living with OCD, they should be evaluated and possibly treated for this. It may be their own depression is complicating their ability to cope with OCD in their sister. They would not be the first two kids to blame someone else for causing their own problems! I've read (and agree) that OCD is a difficult disorder to empathize with. Those of us who don't have it have a hard time understanding the sheer burden of dealing with it and needing to do compulsions. I find this difficult still sometimes, as a loving mom to my 7 yo. It's easy for me to imagine how much more difficult this might be for teens or younger kids. But I've proved to myself, changing behavior leads to changing thoughts/feelings in time, and was very helpful to me in moderating my reaction to my daughter's OCD behavior. Kathy R. in Indiana ----- Original Message ----- From: <amethyst819422@...> > Do any of you have any advice on how to make life easier for our > kids without OCD? Our two non-OCD daughters are having such a hard > time dealing with Jackie(our daughter with OCD. I have tried talking > with them over and over about how Jackie's outbursts are because of > her OCD but they still blame her and don't want to hear anything I > have to say to them about OCD. They exclude Jackie from things they > are doing (because of her OCD behavior) and even though I try to > explain to them that excluding her will only make things worse in the > long run they continue to do it. I've tried to get them to read the > Gravitz book about help for the family but they refuse to read > it.Meanwhile I see them becoming more and more depressed and Jackie's > symptoms are worse! What a viscious cycle! Jackie's therapist wants > to have some sessions with the whole family but both of our other > daughters do not want to go.I have also spent time alone with both of > my other daughters hoping to get them away from the stress of living > with OCD but then Jackie just becomes more depressed because I'm not > doing something with her! I have also encouraged our non-OCD > daughters to go out more often with their friends but they are > becoming so depressed that they don't seem to want to do much of > anything!! Help!!! Have any of you had these problems with your other > kids and what did you do to help them through it? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 27, 2001 Report Share Posted May 27, 2001 Hi, We have also had adjustment problems with our non-OCD child. This has very difficult to watch because, although the 2 boys (ages 14, 15) have always been different in their approach to life, they had similar interest and were very close. Now the younger can't understand how/why his brother is acting. He knows the source is OCD, but it does not make it any more palatable to him when his brother is constantly picking up trash or feeding his exercise compulsion by jumping up and down on curbs, using the milk jug as a weight, running a circuitous path around the parking lot to get to the car, etc. He however, doesn't seem to be depressed, just irritated and intolerant. He does go out with his friends ALOT and I encourage this. He doen't ask many friends over anymore. I unfortunately have no advise for you, but wanted to write to let you know you are not alone in this. Watching my two now makes me so sad... Melinda > Hi group! > Do any of you have any advice on how to make life easier for our > kids without OCD? Our two non-OCD daughters are having such a hard > time dealing with Jackie(our daughter with OCD. I have tried talking > with them over and over about how Jackie's outbursts are because of > her OCD but they still blame her and don't want to hear anything I > have to say to them about OCD. They exclude Jackie from things they > are doing (because of her OCD behavior) and even though I try to > explain to them that excluding her will only make things worse in the > long run they continue to do it. I've tried to get them to read the > Gravitz book about help for the family but they refuse to read > it.Meanwhile I see them becoming more and more depressed and Jackie's > symptoms are worse! What a viscious cycle! Jackie's therapist wants > to have some sessions with the whole family but both of our other > daughters do not want to go.I have also spent time alone with both of > my other daughters hoping to get them away from the stress of living > with OCD but then Jackie just becomes more depressed because I'm not > doing something with her! I have also encouraged our non-OCD > daughters to go out more often with their friends but they are > becoming so depressed that they don't seem to want to do much of > anything!! Help!!! Have any of you had these problems with your other > kids and what did you do to help them through it? > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 17, 2001 Report Share Posted June 17, 2001 In a message dated 6/17/01 7:55:45 AM Central Daylight Time, collarbone@... writes: > My sister and I are two years apart, and when we were younger, my parents > always took us on " drives. " I can't imagine why they thought it was fun to > get in the car and just drive, for the scenery I suppose. We, of course, > were always bored stiff, and fought like cats and dogs. HI Karla Oooh my gosh we did these drives too but ours ended with my brother and myself screaming for ice cream lolol dad always caved in and we hit the ice cream parlor My father died at age 47 so this is one of the greatest memories I have........those longggggg Sunday drives Kathy mom to Sara 9 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 17, 2001 Report Share Posted June 17, 2001 HI I am really luckily with this sibling thing. All of my kids are so close and bickering is really at a low.......well except for my oldest two who are sharing an Apartment right now (they are 15 months apart) Heehee they come over individually and complain about each others habits. Sara really is the one who annoys her siblings, I think she gets jealous that they can do things she cant do or maybe its her way of getting their attention lol Kaite my 11 yr. has the patience of a saint. She puts up with a lot and complains only a little. I watched Kaite and Sara in the pool yesterday, neither had friends over so it was just the two of them. They were hugging and playing little games, I sat and watched and felt so blessed to be where I am right now Ooooh on siblings bickering and fighting, that was my brother and me (we are 15 months apart, maybe its the closeness in age lol) and now we are sooooooo close. He is bad at checking in with me through the year but I am the one he runs to and visits.......mom's very jealous heehee Kathy mom to Sara 9 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 17, 2001 Report Share Posted June 17, 2001 Sue, My sister and I are two years apart, and when we were younger, my parents always took us on " drives. " I can't imagine why they thought it was fun to get in the car and just drive, for the scenery I suppose. We, of course, were always bored stiff, and fought like cats and dogs. I remember one time, my mom turned around and said, I can't wait until you two grow up and quit bickering! " I DISTINCTLY remember thinking, " No way am I EVER going to like her! " We truly did not have that " sisterly love " thing going on. The moral to this long story is now we are the best of friends and miss each other terribly, as she is in Oregon and I am In Texas. Keep your hopes up, they may surprise you! Karla in Texas sue brown wrote: > My biggest fear for Karrie is what will happen when I'm gone. Most > probably, her dad will be gone first. I have no family that is remotely > interested in her. Her father's family isn't either. > That leaves her sister, Kate. I am slowly going crazy with the way my > girls fight constantly. I for the life of me, cannot imagine Kate > wanting any part of her sister voluntarily! > So...any suggestions on nuturing a more loving relationship between my > two? I take one day a week to spend exclusively with Kate. But with > college and all the responsibilities of being a single mom, I feel I'm > screwing up miserably... > Sue mom to Kate 11 (who wonders why we have to " keep " HER) and Karrie 5 > w/ds (who's greatest joy in life is to irritate her already irate > sister) > > Please edit posts when replying! > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 13, 2001 Report Share Posted July 13, 2001 , A friend of mine told me a similar story a few years ago. Only the difference was that the older sibling said, " My brother is not weird, he has autism. " He then explained a little about it and the other child was interested to learn what was going on and that really helped. After that they got along fine since the other child knew what to expect a little more. Maybe you can teach your Alek to give a short explanation about his brother . My son Miles used to tell his friends that his brother has Down syndrome and that that means that he is slow to learn things. We have been open about talking about Brook and the extra demands on our family because of him and maybe the open lines of communication really help, but Miles has rarely complained about his brother. As for the other kids not getting as much attention. In our case I definitely feel that Miles gets much more attention than Brook and always has. It's not that Brook doesn't require a lot of supervision because he does, it's just that he's basically nonverbal and can't do that many things, Miles and Gennie just naturally demand a lot more attention. Plus we can't really take Brook to many places, so its Miles and Gennie that get to go out to dinner with us, to movies or on vacation or on shopping trips etc. Miles friends have always been very understanding about Brook luckily, we just have to keep after them not to leave their opened drinks around for him to dump out or to leave the bathroom doors open, or gates or doors to the outside open. Marisa, Mom to Miles 14, Brook 11, and Genevieve 3 yrs Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 14, 2001 Report Share Posted July 14, 2001 <<. was on the front porch do his thing stimming a little make very loud sounds, and just being . Alek my son who is 8 was playing catch with a friend and the other little boy kept asking Alek why was doing this and that, and finnally the little boy said to Alek your brother is weird. Alek said well you need to go home and I don't want to play with you any more.>> Hi , It was so nice to read about your son, Alek being mature enough to ask his friend to go home. Many kids may have hauled off & hit their friend. I was very impressed. You are truly a remarkable Mom having your 5 boys so close in age to one another. I'm sure they all help each other out a lot. <<Do others out there worry about the fact that the siblings of our extra needs kids, have issues with that fact and we are just unaware of the issues? open communication is the key, but do you think because they are siblings that they may keep things inside? hurt, embarresment, resentment, feeling sometimes that they do not get as much attention because thay do not require it?>> I agree with you that open communication is the key. I'm a bit behind in posts, so you will read on my " First Communion " post that my (7) is asking questions about who will care for her sister when we(Mom & Dad) are gone (dead). We try to make special time for (when is away on respite week-ends, for example). It takes some thought & planning. I think it's a big step that we're thinking about these things & discussing them here. It's very healthy & theraputic. Take care, Mom to ,13 & , 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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