Siblings

[Guest guest]

Thanks, . The idea to break down future care is such a good one. My husband and I have broken it down for ourselves--it makes sense to break it down for the boys. I am not sure who would do what , but will ask as we go along. We have always tried to be honest as to what is happening --when Russ attended HS, everyone involved knew my other kids, too. I will keep in mind they need to meet people connected with Russ now so they will be taken seriously.

Marie>> Hi Marie-> > My own personal take on when to involve is as early as possible! One> of the things we are finding here is that, while siblings are usually> not responsible for deciding care, placement, etc., it can be helpful> to get their input as much as possible (if they want to be involved,> that is). Some siblings are ambivalent about being involved, so maybe> it would be more about informing them instead of discussing with them-> does that make sense? It sounds like since you have expressed that> you want them to be involved that they might find the opportunity for> input valuable. How much do the two of them want to be involved?> > The second part to that by getting the siblings involved earlier, you> have more time to get them involved directly with the agency. Parents> spend years cultivating good relationships with staff and agencies; so> it makes sense to get siblings involved in that so that a) they will> be listened to in the event that parents can't be there and they> will be familiar with the ins and outs of an agency and will have to> spend less time on learning it all at once. One of the biggest> complaints I hear from siblings is that they are ignored or not taken> seriously from agencies (sometimes for legal reasons, sometimes not).> > Finally, do you anticipate that both of your other children will have> equal responsibilities? Sometimes families break "care" down by area.> For instance, I know of one pair of siblings (an older brother and> sister) who now have joint guardianship of their brother with a> developmental disability. In their case, however, the brother is in> charge of managing the money side of things while the sister is more> involved in the day-to-day issues with the service agency. > > I know of another larger family in which there are only siblings left> (mom and dad passed away a number of years ago). In their case, mom> and dad did not iron out the roles of the siblings in the care of> their brothers with disabilities, so they spent an extended period of> time sorting out who did what after their parents passed away. It was> very difficult for them because their parents did not tell them about> what resources they had available, nor did they know anything about> how to get services. > > ->

[Guest guest]

Hi,

I have three boys, the middle, , on the autism spectrum, and I think is right when he says these siblings think about the future without us saying a word. My oldest son is almost 18, and about two years ago, we had an interesting conversation about his future. We were talking about what he would want to major in when he attends college, and he made the remark he needed to make a lot of money. That was an odd remark for him to say, so I questioned him. His reply, " I need to make a lot of money so I can build a house big enough for Nick to have his own space."

We had never talked about Nick's future with him or his other brother so I was a little more than surprised. I think special-need siblings tend to be a little more intuitive and sensitive than other kids. I know when I was 15 I would have never had the insight to say something like that. Siblings are going to think about it regardless of our bringing up the topic. I realized talking to my kids now would probably alleviate pressure, not add to the pressure.

Carmel

[Guest guest]

WOW, your oldest son sounds like a very remarkable young man.

>

> Hi,

>

> I have three boys, the middle, , on the autism spectrum,

and I think

> is right when he says these siblings think about the future

without us

> saying a word. My oldest son is almost 18, and about two years

ago, we had

> an interesting conversation about his future. We were talking

about what he

> would want to major in when he attends college, and he made the

remark he

> needed to make a lot of money. That was an odd remark for him to

say, so I

> questioned him. His reply, " I need to make a lot of money so I

can build a house

> big enough for Nick to have his own space. "

>

> We had never talked about Nick's future with him or his other

brother so I

> was a little more than surprised. I think special-need siblings

tend to be a

> little more intuitive and sensitive than other kids. I know when I

was 15 I

> would have never had the insight to say something like that.

Siblings are

> going to think about it regardless of our bringing up the topic.

I realized

> talking to my kids now would probably alleviate pressure, not add

to the

> pressure.

>

> Carmel

>

[Guest guest]

I would teach her to be respectful no matter what issues the other one

has. If someone is crying or miserable, then we stop what we are doing

- it's a rule. With my kids, I just would say, " Let's not sing right

now because it is bothering your brother. " Then I would be sure to

sing later with the one who wanted to do so. My kids all have so many

quirks that it's common for me to just say, " Let's not do that now

since it's bugging....(name of kid who is ouchy at the moment.) " And

heck, sometimes the person getting bugged is ME. lol. If that draws

too much attention to the problem, then just redirect the one causing

the problem by giving her a job to do or asking her about something -

change her track. I do this all the time with great results - go let

the dog out, feed the dog, can you hand me that paper, should we go to

the library today, is it raining outside yet - go check, etc.

Roxanna

Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.

( ) siblings

hi everyone!! i had a question, what do u guys do about siblings? my

older daughter is 4 n she keeps antagonizing her 2 yr old sister(the

aspie one) how do i explain 2 her that her sister is different n she

doesnt understand teasing? any advice would be great!! thanx

[Guest guest]

Hi everyone. I am not only new to the group, but also new to Aspergers altogether. My 12 year old son was finally diagnosed correctly about one month ago. I am trying to put away the fear and guilt of him being diagnosed so late. I am looking into group therapy for him along with staying with his old counselor. I have so many questions to ask people but right now I was wondering what advise you might have on helping my other two children(ages 14 and 8) understand the syndrome and their brothers way of thinking?

[Guest guest]

There are a couple videos I watched with my kids that I liked. I would watch first to see if you think they will relate or not first. One was by a teenager with autism interviewing siblings of kids with autism and aspergers. Your kids are older , but I think the 8 year old might do well with somethign like this. My little guy with Aspergers, saw it and said he has autism just like me mom. I hadn't told him yet but he recognized himself in the video and it made it easier of a transition for him when he announced it to us rather than the other way around. The one he said this from was a videocalled Autism the musical. I can not remember the other one's name but if you do a search I am sure you will find it. The teen doing the interveiws was named .

As for the 14 year old, they have something called sibshops through Easter Seals that teaches sensitivyt and diversity respect. I think that is a good model for teaching any child/ teen about how to deal with being a sibling of any child with any differences.

Hope that helps - we are only a couple years into this Journey and somedays my son's siblings are fabulous with him and sometimes they blame him for the way our life is, but mostly I know they still love him difficulties and all, and they are learning to be more compassionate people int eh process.

From: e <justinesleight@...>Subject: SiblingsAutism and Aspergers Treatment Date: Wednesday, July 21, 2010, 8:58 AM

My son is 12 years old and was just diagnosed with Aspergers a little over a month ago. I feel I have to try and rush to get him into new types of therapies, but I know for his sake I have to take it slow. I am doing okay with this right now. I do have some need for advice about my other children. My oldest is 14 and my youngest is 8. My oldest has other emotional problems. How can I explain to them all of the changes that are going to be happening around here? I tried to explain what Aspergers is but I still need more advice. They seem really confused at some of the things that I have done already.