New here ... Concerns about my 15-yr-old HFA son

[Guest guest]

My name is Mark Mendocal. I am new to this group. I joined to see if I could get

some advice on how to handle my 15-yr-old HFA son. He holds a diagnosis of

PDD-NOS with " a tendency towards HFA. " Asperger was ruled out due to late speech

(didn't speak until 3) as well as issues that are believed to be caused by loss

of oxygen at birth. His IQ was ranged as being average to possibly above

average, but testing was apparently inconclusive due to frustration issues. He

may also exhibit ADHD.

My son is prone to violent meltdowns, which can occur at just a slight nuance of

conflict or disagreement. Everything has to be his way, or he simply can lose

it. He is very controlling, almost to the point that it gets on both I and my

wife's nerves. We literally have to watch what we say and how we say it. Just a

change in tone of voice or the wrong word spoken in a seemingly negative context

can cause a drastic mood change. Anyone who constantly disagrees with his

viewpoints is deemed as merely inconsiderate or rotten. There are a couple of

teachers at his school that he swears do not know how to handle students and

thus condemns any little thing that they do that is not in accordance to his

rules. He may or may not say it outright to them, but he definitely brings it up

to lots of other people.

My son appears to have a very rigid way of how he thinks the world ought to

work, and expects everyone to comply. If they don't, he gets very argumentative

and hostile. He is overtly political and claims to believe in direct action, and

makes no bones at stipulating how he feels about this or that. At just 15 years

old, he is reading books way above his age level, college-oriented political and

social journals and textbooks, to say the least, that seems to be shaping his

mind. He is well versed in topics like organizational and chaos theory, and his

discussions are often even over my head. He appears as his vast knowledge of the

stuff allows him to understand how the world functions. We get calls from school

that he constantly attempts to " persuade " teachers to change their learning

styles to fit " all " kinds of students, and has threatened to report them if his

" demands " are not met. I have had teachers tell me that they feel a bit uneasy

around him. They adore his knowledge but not his action.

I also feel a lot of this is causing him great distress. He reads on and on and

on. I can't stop him from reading books and browsing the net. I get lots of

things from him like " you are not supposed to say that to someone with autism.

The autism textbooks say it's wrong. " It is as if he has memorized some autism

manual and has more knowledge on it than I do, yet I have read the same stuff. I

can't comply with this kind of stuff 24/7. I just can't. I and my wife both

can't. And I am just tired of it all. But we do love him. We love him a lot. If

we could just find a way for him to feel more at ease. I have been told that I

myself have autism traits, and still I can't seem to deal with this all the

time.

Sorry for venting. But this is how it is almost daily. It wears me down. So I

have to vent. Or I won't be able to function myself.

Mark Mendocal

Raleigh, NC