Re: It's been a long time!!! Melinda

[Guest guest]

Your friend is a real piece of work. lol. I think I would take her, "In the real world" phrase and wrap it around her neck. THIS is the real world - here, right now. If he can't do it, then he needs to be taught and supported until he can. That's REAL. Just saying, "He'll have to learn how because in the real world...." is one big way to escape her responsibilities as a parent of children with special needs. If her kid was blind, would she just leave that child to wander around the neighborhood saying, "In the real world...." No, of course not! She would enroll her in special classes so she could learn how to cope in the real world with her disability. You also don't take a 3 yo and throw them in calculus and yell at them when they can't do the math. How ridiculous, right? Well, it's the same with other skills that kids need to learn. Some need more time and help and support to learn skills than other kids do. Just saying, "he has to learn..." does nothing to teach him. It's as if the skill is going to magically fall from the sky and land on his head someday. Is this how we live in the real world? I think someone is living in a fantasy world.

I would not give her any advice since it sounds like she is going to argue with anything you say. She is too busy in her fantasy "real world" to really participate in the real world. Next time she says her kid is having a problem and needs to learn for himself...say, "How's that working for ya?" Obviously, it's not. lol. And yet, she keeps at it. Hmmm.

Roxanna

Autism Happens

Re: ( ) It's been a long time!!! ( To Roxanna)

I sat last night reading over some old things I'd printed off when I first joined this group. Brought back a LOT of bad memories of having to deal with school and advocating when it seemed I was hitting my head against a brick wall. I can almost remember all my thoughts and feelings that I was going through and the situations that were happening when I was reading them. Even came across a real negavtive article blasting "The Explosive Child"! Which, in thinking about it, the person who wrote the article must not have a special needs kid on the spectrum! LOL! And it was hard not to think about if had had this case manager all this time-what he could have achieved! Or if all case managers were like this guy. I wish everyone could have this guy! He is so great! He is an autism specialist, but I've met one before who turned out to be a flake!!!!

This one is the genuine thing! Right off, he realized it took 4 months to trust him. And how many months after that before school ends??????

When it comes to , it's those meltdowns and emotions that the teacher doesn't see that is the biggest obstacle. doesn't grasp concepts fast. She does eventually get them, but she still doesn't have the basics when they move on to the next step. She came home yesterday with starting multiplication. She still doesn't have all the basics of addition and subtraction. As long as she has the problem in front of her written in numbers, she can do it, but if it's not already written, she can't figure out what she's supposed to do with the information. Yesterday's worksheet was pretty simple. But I had to help her through it step-by-step. Even had to get out counters to help her through it. We managed to do it, but I am not sure she understood what I was doing. It was a worksheet that had like 3 balls in a group 3 times. Under the pictures were blank + blank+ blank= blank. So, the equationwould be 3+3+3=9. Then, it had blank X blank=blank. So,

that should have been 3X3=9. She had no clue what she was supposed to put in the blanks.

So, I got out some pennies and grouped them into 3 groups of 3 pennies. So, I showed her there were 3 groups with 3 pennies in them. (I'm sure she thought all the next problems should be pennies and not the objects pictured!) So, when it came to the multiplication, I could tell her, "How many groups are there?" And she could answer. I told her that was one blank. Then I asked her how many were in each group?" and she answered, and then I told her that was the other blank. But she still didn't know that they equalled 9. These are the kinds of things she's doing. A lot of times she'll not know what is asked of her in the directions. So I'll explain and she still won't get it. So I'll go through it with her like the above (in anything-not just math), and I know she still doesn't understand how the answers were made. When I had the child study for her, the teacher finally did have to admit that has a lot of visual cues that she can use (or has

adapted to in order to cope) in the classroom. They did add some visual stuff she can use in the classroom, but I seriously doubt she knows when she needs them or how to use them if the teacher told her to get them. They will do another child study in conjuction with her IEP in Nov. I am hoping the new teacher will see what I mean.

And then there's the behaviors. She once accidentally dropped an entire container of pancakes. She screamed as if she had just been harmed. (Like she cut herself on glass or something.) I was in the kitchen and wasn't aware of what happened. But I swore that she screamed like she'd just had some type of physical accident that would require medical attention. It took a lot for Tom and myself to calm her back down. We totally reassured her that it was OKAY. (Even though both of us were secretly thinking- "Oh no! isn't going to eat them now"-because of his OCD!)

She does this over the littlest thing. She just totally falls apart. She thanks us for EVERYTHING. If she asks how to say a word, she automatically says it. It's really a lot of work for her. But she says it all the time to everything. She doesn't do well with one-step directions. She'll ask what I've said and sometimes still doesn't understand. And, in the past, she has done something totally off the wall from what was asked of her. Yet, the teacher doesn't see any problems. (They blame our chaotic household-but it happens when she's at my mom's and no one is at my mom's but my mom.)

As for the other issue. I know of someone that has kids with issues and she doesn't know what to do with them. (Even though she's been told). She is one that believes that everyone can get over things. I might have to pull from school next year. I don't know if she can emotionally handle it. I have to wait and see. She might. But it's getting harder for her. If there is no improvement, I KNOW she is going to struggle mightily in middle school. I will probably have to home school her then, based on her now. This person's attitude was that "it's life". In other words, she's going to have to do it even if she doesn't want to. She said that she'd just have to get over it. She totally believes people can over come their problems. I tried to explain that sometimes people CAN'T do things-even if they wanted to because of their "issues". She didn't believe it. And yet her kids drive her nuts. They've been diagnosed, but I guess she figures they will

eventually "get it" and act normal. That's why I asked what I did. I don't know what to say to her anymore when she tells me what is happening with her kids. (One of them gets in deep trouble a lot.) I've given her suggestions and she doesn't think they will work. (Like therapy to give the one that gets in trouble steps to get from point A to point B without having to get to point B wherein he gets in trouble.) But it seems she doesn't want to fool with it or something. She is always telling me that "in the REAL world they are going to have to do......." Well, I know lives in the "real world", and there is plenty he can't do because of his OCD.

Thanks for the reply. I haven't had much time to be on here. With 2 teenagers and an 8 year old and 2 year old (who may be ADHD), I am so busy!!!!! (As I'm sure you all know!)

Melinda

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