What to do about animosity towards a peer?

July 30, 2010

Hi all - my son is nearly 3 years old and we are awaiting evaluation to confirm

a suspected dx of AS (he is already dx with sensory processing disorder). I am

hoping some of you might have some suggestions on how to deal with an ongoing

problem that we have been having for at least the last 6 months. My son is

friends with a little girl that he has known for over 2 years now, and we see

her once or twice every week for play dates. The girl is 9 months older than my

son and she has a little sister who is 9 months younger than him. Holden has

taken an intense dislike to his friend's little sister which often results in

him pushing or hitting her, as well as telling her to go away (in her own house,

no less!). She does nothing to provoke him, although she does have a very

dramatic personality and is quick to cry. These are not scuffles over toys or

sharing. I have tried everything in the book to get my son to leave her alone -

time outs, having to leave a play date, losing a favorite toy, being mad at him,

being sad instead of mad, comforting the victim first, showing the " bubble "

around each person, etc., etc. Probably the only thing I have not tried is

spanking, because it does not seem to make sense to hit him for hitting.

My son clearly has strong feelings about this girl and he brings up her name

frequently when we are not around them - far more so than he does the kids whom

he actually likes. He is very articulate for his age (although as you might

expect has difficulty with pragmatic language, social interactions with peers,

and in self modulation), and he has told me that he feels " different " about his

target than he does his other friends, although he cannot tell me what he means

by different. After he pushed her to the ground today, he had sort of an evil

grin that he gets when thinking about naughty things he has done, and on the way

home he told me that it felt good to be naughty to her. Does anyone have any

ideas on how to break this cycle? While I don't expect that my son will like

every child he meets, he can't bully them either. He starts preschool in a

month, and really needs to learn how to be around people that he may not like.

(This one particular child is his primary target, but there have certainly been

numerous other incidents.) Help!

Thanks,

Bridget

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