Re: New to the Group with 17 year old

[Guest guest]

Hi ,

I also have a 17 year old son with AS. He is currently a junior and last year

we were where you are in terms of school refusal. We had problems with homework

and project refusal too. I wonder how many on here have kids who are either a

junior or senior in HS?

It seemed to come in waves where he would be better and then worse about both

showering and willingness to get up for school. An interaction with a

particular girl, for example, and he'd be willing to go to school that week. We

could not get an IEP but it sounds like you have that. Can it be modified so

that he can come in to start school at 2nd period? That would have saved us an

enormous amount of stress if our son could have done that. Showering and

brushing teeth became an issue around age 15 & I wish I had some advice on that.

The more I pushed, the worse it got so I would do it indirectly...for example,

" Do you want to get in the shower before Dad does? " It worked sometimes.

This year our son is doing better. First, he's now in a boarding school for

kids with learning differences. Now he has NO problems getting up we have been

told repeatedly. For that reason, and why I'm responding specifically, is to

say that I think a major part of school refusal and disinterest in hygiene is

related to depression & anxiety as a result of the AS. Our son does best with

structure and rules so boarding school provided that. We tried but the

adolescent part made it difficult for us as the parents to add structure where

it was not already in place. Anyway, I think structure makes their lives a lot

less anxious. We tried meds for awhile but didn't find them to help. Also,

when he began school this year he started on a regimen of multi vitamens geared

for people on the spectrum and also Omega 3. Because they give them to him

without fail, it is the first time he's been on them long enough to make a

difference. Our son told me by phone that HE thinks they are helping him. He

didn't explain in what way and he doesn't like me to probe so I left it at that.

We learned about specific vitamens and Omega 3 at a DAN (Defeating Autism Now)

meeting. I would try that if you haven't for a minimum of 3 months to see if it

helps. Lastly, our son is now exercising & I think that has made a difference.

Is there any physical activity he is willing to engage in regularly? Lifting

weights, a chin-up bar in the doorway, bowling...? A relative that would take

him out walking, swimming, or running? Or private lessons in something phyical

like martial arts etc? Our son could not be moved last year...he would talk

about going and then at the point of doing it, he would not go. For us, the

structure of his current school requires it & I believe that too has helped to

lift the depression. Being around others who have differences has probably

also helped...since I know he had very low self esteem at regular school. I am

guessing that depression must be very very common with adolescents with

aspergers.

This week we attended a teacher's workshop (open to the public) for social

skills/training in the classroom. The presenter said that her biggest growing

concern is the growing number of suicide attempts among adolescents with AS and

she feels it is critical that teachers learn/teach social thinking in the

classroom. It was good to see about 20 teachers there on their own time after

school for a free autism society workshop. Those that were there introduced

themselves and said that they are seeing more and more students that are either

diagnosed on the spectrum or they suspect are on the spectrum and don't know

strategies to handle the behavior. God bless caring teachers!

Who else has a junior or senior in HS this year?

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> Hi all,

>

> My name is and I have a 17 year old son with AS. I am new to the

> group and have been reading as many messages as I could before I

> inundated you with some questions. As parents I know that you all have

> more experience than many of the doctor's we have seen through the

> years. No physician, psychologist or specialist has ever walked a day

> in our shoes. J Have any of your children ever experienced the

> following:

>

> Even though my son turned 17 years old last May, it seems that he is a

> very late bloomer. I believe he is just now going through pubertyand his

> hormones have sent him into an extreme heightened level of

> " selfawareness " and " social phobia " . The last several

> months have been horrific. He has been refusing to attend school and his

> senses seem to be in overdrive. Getting him to shower lately has been

> arduous and that is an understatement. Hard to persuade someone

> 6'4 " that he needs to shower. (Much easier when he was

> 5'4 " ). Not that he was ever thrilled to shower. ..the last

> several months it took all the energy I had to coerce him. He has gone

> as long as seven days. Maybe that is not a long time for some, but

> teenagers going through puberty can get quite putrid. Like I said, he

> was never fond of it, but now is refusing altogether. And this is one

> battle that I chose not to ignore. Also, he has started refusing to

> attend movies at the cinema (which he loved) and detest going to the

> mall (another favorite outing). He just seems very despondent and

> reclusive. The more I try to converse with him….the further he pulls

> away. This is his senior year and he is so close to graduating. While

> the school is really trying to work with him - I feel as if they are

> losing their patience with some of his Aspie traits.You would think they

> would be more understanding, but I am sure all of you have dealt with

> the " IEP Nightmare " . That is another issue for a different day.

>

> Any suggestions or input you can provide would be greatly appreciated.

> Wish I had found your group when he was diagnosed back in 2004. Reading

> your posts have been very enlightening and helpful.

>

> Thanks!

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