Guest guest Posted January 11, 2011 Report Share Posted January 11, 2011 Marcia, I have a 10 year old son with Aspergers. This is a daily struggle of ours also. It's gotta be an Aspie thing. We use points as a reward system for behavior and responsibilities. ie: 20 points = $1. He wants so many things that he is anxious to earn points to earn the $'s. One way we handle his wants is if he wants something, he needs to write it down. If he still wants the same item in one week, he can use his own money to buy it. If he doesn't have enough, he has to earn more first. This of course causes meltdowns, but it's definately improved from how it was!! I hear you about the finances. We're in the same boat. Hubby's been unemployed for 2 1/2 years. Hang in there and know you are not alone! Judy > > Hello Marcia, > > Please don't feel like a crappy parent. I think we've all gone through this to > some extent, maybe yours is more extreme though. I think it may be a teenage and > an AS thing. For instance my NT daughter is 14 and always asking for something > right after we just got her something. It's like a hole that never fills up. My > 7 yr. old (PDD-NOS), not quite Asperger's (or maybe depending on who you ask), > has OCD too. So a typical day with him is that he'll get a thought in his head, > something he wants, and nag us literally every 5 minutes, until we explode. The > latest thing was a multi-camera system put in every room in the house so he > could monitor EVERYTHING. He got this idea from Toy Story 3, if anyone knows the > monkey scene. Now I can't provide this even if I had the means. So I quietly say > no, over and over and over. He never gets it. We are going through parent > training on how to best deal with this w/o screaming, which is where we end up. > So I'm just saying you're not alone. And maybe some therapy for you to get rid > of your guilt and sadness over having to say no sometimes.Just a thought. > Cathleen > > > > > ________________________________ > From: Marcia <marcial7777@...> > > Sent: Mon, January 10, 2011 12:02:35 PM > Subject: ( ) Stressed out Aspie parent > > Â > I have a 13 year old son who is the light of my life but I am under an enormous > amount of stress trying to keep us in our house and nothing is working. My son > is mildly retarded along with the Aspergers and never seems to be satisfied. Is > it a kid thing or an aspergers trait? He is very repititive and as soon as I > meet one of his needs he is asking for more than I can give him...he just > doesn't seem to understand that there is no extra money for anything but food > shelter and clothing. Like for example he couldn't wait for Santa to come and > only asked for really one thing a PS 2 football game...our family was adopted by > a group and givien very generous Christmas gifts and now that he has what he > asked for he is pestering me about things coming up in the futurelike pet expos > trips to the zoo a different game he wants...all the while putting more pressure > on me. I keep telling him that we have to wait until the time that these events > come up to see if we can afford to go to them..he's even talking about things in > October that I cannot afford. Right now I'm sitting here bawling my eyes out not > knowing if we are even going to have a place to live. Is it just a kid thing to > be so totally oblivious? Or is it an Aspergers trait or the fact that he is just > incapable of understanding.. I feel like a really crappy mom for writing this. > > Any suggestions would be appreciated. > > Marcia > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 11, 2011 Report Share Posted January 11, 2011 I am totally in the same boat. I have two AS children. One 14 and one 9. My 9 year old tends to be the worst. He is constantly wanting new video games. He just got a PS3 for Christmas, and of course he wants new games to go with it. This happened when he got the Wii 2 years ago. Its a never ending thing. If it isn't games for the consoles, its games to play online. And of course if you tell the kids (any of my 3) that we don't have the money for something, they say we are poor. We aren't poor! We have what we need, and should be happy with that. So I think its a AS thing, and a NT thing. All kids around this age are oblivious to how things really work. And it seems like know matter how much you try to explain to them, its in one ear and out the other. So I feel your pain :-( We have bills that we are so far behind on, yet we constantly get the " gimmies " from the kids. I can't really give any advice on how to make it better, but you are by no means alone. Best of luck in everything, and I pray things get better real soon! Blessings, Sheryl in MA mom to 14, AS, Meghan 12 NT, and Liam 9 AS -- ~Sheryl~ Proud mom to two children with Aspergers.....Autism isn't a tragedy, Ignorance is. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 11, 2011 Report Share Posted January 11, 2011 Pam I make sure that no catalogs or newspaper ads come into the house...and it is especially hard to make him understand that it being winter and cold outside we need to find things that can distract or keep us busy inside or at home. I know my outside stressors are not helping the situation like the problem with the mortgage company, I'm a little less patient than usual. He hsa come along way though all in all with the help of the behaviorist who I see this week. Who I will mention it oo. Prior to the behavior plan would attack me and pull me around by my hair and yank my glass dailey now we only have an episode maybe once or twice a month. He is definatly bigger than I can handle alone and I am blessed that I have a waiver that covers aids daily to help. takes Tenex for hyper arousal and Abilify daily too especially the Tenex. He still rarely sits down though. I will mention it to the behaviorist this week thanks I will look for the books at the library. Marcia ( ) Re: Stressed out Aspie parent It sound like a very stressful time. This issue with obsessiveness is not easy to fix. You can tell yourself that you are a good Mom and that you are doing what you can do at the moment. No sense in beating yourself up. I can tell you no matter how much I buy, it is never enough. There is something very obsessive about some of our kids that needs to be figured out if a behavior plan or medication would help reduce. You can try distractions as a way to get off these ideas, but if often is not easy with our kids to do that. That is something that works with typical kids, get them interested in sports or socializing or friends. You can let him look online or in catalogies and dream all he wants. But some kids get impulsive when looking at stuff and it can make it worse, since some are the type that have to have it now. You can try medication with the goal of lowering his obsessiveness. Dr. Hollander wrote a number of books one is "Clinical Treatment of Autism" and the other is "Clinical Treatment of Impulse Control Disorders." Both books are about trying to figure out how to reduce obsessive behaviors (that are not OCD). Dr. Hollander is an expert in autism and anxiety disorders at Mount Sinai in NYC. There is a lot to figure out when giving medications to children. We have to be informed and assess if the risks of medications are worth the benefit. I hope he can be redirected and distracted but if not there are other options to help. Best of wishes to you and I hope your personal issues are resolved quickly. Pam > > I have a 13 year old son who is the light of my life but I am under an enormous amount of stress trying to keep us in our house and nothing is working. My son is mildly retarded along with the Aspergers and never seems to be satisfied. Is it a kid thing or an aspergers trait? He is very repititive and as soon as I meet one of his needs he is asking for more than I can give him...he just doesn't seem to understand that there is no extra money for anything but food shelter and clothing. Like for example he couldn't wait for Santa to come and only asked for really one thing a PS 2 football game...our family was adopted by a group and givien very generous Christmas gifts and now that he has what he asked for he is pestering me about things coming up in the futurelike pet expos trips to the zoo a different game he wants...all the while putting more pressure on me. I keep telling him that we have to wait until the time that these events come up to see if we can afford to g o to them..he's even talking about things in October that I cannot afford. Right now I'm sitting here bawling my eyes out not knowing if we are even going to have a place to live. Is it just a kid thing to be so totally oblivious? Or is it an Aspergers trait or the fact that he is just incapable of understanding.. I feel like a really crappy mom for writing this. > > Any suggestions would be appreciated. > > > Marcia > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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