Evelyn Hutchinson's story

[Guest guest]

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My Story:

MOTHER’S DAY - AND JUST ANOTHER DAY WITH CHEMICAL INJURIES

By Hutchinson

Today is Mother's day. I get no calls, no company. My grandchildren want to come see me but they can't because I am a failure as a mother.

I am paying the price for the mistakes and misjudgements I have made. I'm sick, angry and I'm scared. Many of my family think I am out of touch with reality. I am very much in touch and willing to admit that I have made myself sick and my child. This is a hard thing for some of us to do.

Let me go back in time a little now and tell you a little about myself. I made myself sick because of ignorance. I thought as many do, that all the things on the market are safe. Never knowing the dangers of chemicals, I always was breathing them in or having my hands in them.

I started smoking at a very young age, when it was the fashionable thing to do, before there were any warnings or knowledge of danger. As many others I still didn't quit when it came to be known that it is hazardous. I blame it on addiction and denial. Though I did none of these things on purpose, there was no turning back.

I ruined my daughter’s health through second hand smoke and other chemicals, such as those found in many cleaners, personal products and foods. She has allergies and is much overweight now because I didn't know that you are what you eat. Rather than fight over foods, she pretty much ate what she wanted. Growing up in a poor family, we weren't sick much. We ate what we had and never knew anything about a balanced diet and what you should have in your body.

What we did have for food was good and not full of chemicals like it is today. We caught our fish in the little brook behind the house and there was no mercury in it. We swam in it and sometimes we bathed in it. There wasn't any anti-bacterial soap to pollute the little stream. Our laundry soap and dish soap were interchangeable. As far as I know there wasn't anything harmful there either or maybe that was just one of the things about which the public was kept in the dark.

A lot of things we grew ourselves and no pesticides were used on them, that I know. Good old fashioned cow manure only. I say old fashioned because back then our cows were not full of antibiotics, hormones, dyes and whatever they put into them now.

Technology has made everything easier, but my belief is that it has also made for a sicker world. Though technology has more people living longer now, I wonder if we traded quality for quantity. Seems most people are living with some kind of illness and taking medication for something, then even more medication for the side-effects. What is in these medications? Still more harmful chemicals?

What is causing all these strange illnesses like Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and Multiple Chemical Sensitivities? What is causing the rise in asthma and other respiratory illnesses? Many people, me included, think the problems are from the chemicals we are forced to endure.

Try going into a store sometimes and count the shampoos, rinses, dyes, hairsprays, face creams, washes, body creams, toothpastes, eye makeup products, polish removers, perfumes and colognes, bar soaps, liquid soaps, dish soaps, clothes detergents, softeners, deoderants, after shaves, floor cleaners, all-purpose cleaners. air fresheners, tub cleaners, toilet cleaners, car cleaners, and metal polishes.

Now try to find a product that is fragrance-free. If you are lucky enough to, then try for two. If you use ten of these things in a day, what kind of a toxic soup are you mixing up? And how long can you keep using them before they start to make you sick? You don't know, because no one knows. How many people do you pass on the street that you cause to have asthma attacks or other adverse effects? Do you know smoke can be detected in one’ s hair for about two weeks after exposure?

Now I have emphysema and chemical illness. People know about emphysema and what causes it, smoking, right? Well my belief is that may be the biggest part of it but the chemicals are to blame for the chemical illness I now suffer. Many don't know what I'm talking about when I say chemical illness so I would like to explain. Do you ever have a headache just come or feel sick for no apparent reason? If so, maybe you should think about this. I used to be like you and just pass it off as a freak thing.

Maybe you do know that some products give you an ill effect. Now think about all products that you are around giving you that effect, day after day, year after year.

Chemical illness usually starts as just that, a sensitivity to one or a few chemicals. As the body becomes exposed to more chemicals it can become nearly impossible to leave your home without being exposed to something that will cause ill effects - gas fumes, someone’s perfume, deodrant or clothing. Ill effects can be many things - fatique, seizures, shortness of breathe, or an asthma attack. Many people don't attribute their symptoms to chemical illness, but wonder what is causing them.

For myself, I don't consider my sensitivities severe as I get shortness of breath usually and I have medication for that and oxygen and I haven't died yet. Some things make me fatigued and sick. Of course with that comes irritability and sometimes anxiety or depression. I suspect that each exposure is damaging my lungs more and more, so I don't go out much and people don't come here.

I have to use baking soda only to clean with and with my illness I don't have much energy, so my house is what I call extremely dirty and unorganized. This really upsets me, but I try to not notice and rarely say anything about it.

Though a very small person, I used to be very energetic and did the yard work and many things that some considered a man’s job. I had beautiful flowers, a garden and spent hours and hours outside day after day, with insect repellent of course, one that they took off the market because it was unsafe after the public used it for years. Many times I used this on my daughter as well.

I loved the garden work and miss it very much. Sometimes I look at the weeds and cry. I was always ready to help my friends and family paint and paper and do many things. Many times the neighbors would say I saw you go by about four times today. Now it's an effort to go by at all. I hardly sat down from morning to night. Night was time to clean my house. Sometimes I look at my house now and cry. I had many collectables and they are all put away now. Six was time to get up and get my daughter to school.

I am telling you all this because there are many who think that people with chemical sensitivities are just lazy and don't want to work. Especially those that don't show a handicap, like carrying around oxygen. No doubt there are a few that are just emotionally upset. There are no tests and the medical profession and government do not appear to be interested in finding one. I can't say who has it and who doesn't, but I do know it is real and it is growing, and it is very lonely.

Most people don't believe it or want to so they don't want to talk about it. So they just say we are all living out of reality. I can't see why anyone would think a person would choose this kind of life. It's too late for me, and I can't give my daughter back her health so I try to keep my grandchildren safe but it is a losing battle.

About not having a daughter here today on Mother’s day: Yesterday I freaked out about an incident with anti-bacterial soap. I thought my daughter was trying to put it in her girl’s mouth because she wanted to break her habit of sticking out her tongue. We had a big argument and she packed their things and they left.

This is my reason for writing, to maybe help make the public aware of the hazardous products we are using in this country. Because of my health I probably overreacted. My daughter usually tries to protect me and uses safe things around me, but she doesn't seem to take it all too seriously.

After our argument I went for a ride after packing my oxygen and other things I needed and thought I would go for a long ride. I ended up at the cemetery where my Father and Mother are and sat there for a long time. It was so peaceful. I was thinking, maybe it is time for me to go home too, where there is no illness and only peace. Then I would think of my grandchildren and no one to fight for their right to a non-toxic world. Then I would think maybe I can go somewhere for a while, and then I cried because there is no place I can go. For a long time there has been no place, not even motels. Then I started to get sick from the exhaust of my car idling. I said good-bye to my Father and Mother and then my Step-mother and I came home to my lonely, dirty house. Got on the computer and went to my group and read there for awhile and realized I at least had a home to come to so I was much better off than some.

I think this is one purpose in my life - to be a canary and so far I have failed. I haven't worked nearly hard enough. Today is the first day I've realized what a failure I am at educating, being a Mother, Grand-Mother or wife and it really hurts. I don't know if I'm feeling sorry for myself or if I am just plain lonely, but I do know that I will try to do my best. Today is the first day of the rest of my life and we all have to make every day count..