Fw: joke on doctors - our favorite kind

[Guest guest]

Thanks to for a great laugh! MM

From: <cisi@...>

Sent: Tuesday, May 28, 2002 6:01 PM

Subject: joke on doctors - our favorite kind

>

> Sentences Found in Patients' Medical Charts

>

> 1. She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she

> was very hot in bed last night.

>

> 2. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a

> year.

>

> 3. On the second day the knee was better, and on the third day it

> disappeared.

>

> 4. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to

> be depressed.

>

> 5. The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.

>

> 6. Discharge status: alive but without my permission.

>

> 7. Healthy-appearing, decrepit 69-year-old male, mentally alert but

> forgetful.

>

> 8. The patient refused autopsy.

>

> 9. The patient has no previous history of suicides.

>

> 10. Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital.

>

> 11. Patient's medical history has been remarkably insignificant, with

> only a 40-pound weight gain in the past three days.

>

> 12. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.

>

> 13. Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady

> pregnant.

>

> 14. Since she can't get pregnant with her husband, I thought you

> might like to work her up.

>

> 15. She is numb from her toes down.

>

> 16. While in ER, she was examined, X-rated, and sent home.

>

> 17. The skin was moist and dry.

>

> 18. Occasional, constant infrequent headaches.

>

> 19. Patient was alert and unresponsive.

>

> 20. Rectal examination revealed a normal-size thyroid.

>

> 21. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life,

> until she got a divorce.

>

> 22. I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical

> therapy.

>

> 23. Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation..

>

> 24. Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.

>

> 25. The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.

>

> 26. The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job

> as a stockbroker instead.

>

> 27. Skin: somewhat pale but present.

>

> 28. The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor.

>

> 29. Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. Blank, who felt we should

> sit on the abdomen and I agree.

>

> 30. Large brown stool ambulating in the hall.

>

> 31. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.

>