Bread

[Guest guest]

This was posted to the gallstone list in response to the thread about garlic.

(Note: This is completely tongue-in-cheek )

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The Dangers of Bread

(and all grain products)

1. More than 98 percent of convicted felons are bread users.

2. Fully HALF of all children who grow up in bread-consuming

households score below average on standardized tests.

3. In the 18th century, when virtually all bread was baked in the

home, the average life expectancy was less than 50 years; infant

mortality rates were unacceptably high; many women died in

childbirth; and diseases such as typhoid, yellow fever, and influenza

ravaged whole nations.

4. Every piece of bread you eat brings you nearer to death.

5. Bread is associated with all the major diseases of the body. For

example, nearly all sick people have eaten bread. The effects are

obviously cumulative:

99.9% of all people who die from cancer have eaten bread.

99.7% of the people involved in air and auto accidents ate bread

within 6 months preceding the accident.

93.1% of juvenile delinquents came from homes where bread is served

frequently.

6. Evidence points to the long-term effects of bread eating: Of all

the people born since 1839 who later dined on bread, there has been a

100% mortality rate.

7. Bread is made from a substance called " dough. " It has been proven

that as little as a teaspoon of dough can be used to suffocate a lab

rat. The average American eats more bread than that in one day!

8. Primitive tribal societies that have no bread exhibit a low

incidence of cancer, Alzheimer's, Parkinson's disease, and

osteoporosis.

9. Bread has been proven to be addictive. Subjects deprived of bread

and given only water to eat begged for bread after as little as two

days.

10. Bread is often a " gateway " food item, leading the user

to " harder " items such as butter, jelly, peanut butter, and even cold

cuts.

11. Bread has been proven to absorb water. Since the human body is

more than 80 percent water, it follows that eating bread could lead

to your body being taken over by this absorptive food product,

turning you into a soggy, gooey bread-pudding person.

12. Newborn babies can choke on bread.

13. Bread is baked at temperatures as high as 400 degrees Fahrenheit!

That kind of heat can kill an adult in less than one minute.

14. Most bread eaters are utterly unable to distinguish between

significant scientific fact and meaningless statistical babbling.

In light of these frightening statistics, we propose the following

bread restrictions:

1. No sale of bread to minors.

2. A nationwide " Just Say No To Toast " campaign, complete celebrity

TV spots and bumper stickers.

3. A 300 percent federal tax on all bread to pay for all the societal

ills we might associate with bread.

4. No animal or human images, nor any primary colors (which may

appeal to children) may be used to promote bread usage.

5. The establishment of " Bread-free " zones around schools.

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[Guest guest]

Yes bread, tortilla chips, and other processed grains can set off gall bladder

attacks.

That is what caused the ones I had a dozen or so years ago.

I don't eat any bread or any of those other things any more.

And don't eat meat, dairy products, or fat.