Re: Co-Dependency and Recovery from Cancer

[Guest guest]

hi jim

dont give up my friend,miracles happen everyday.im new to this group,which

member is immensely intelligent and supporting?

kind regards

bobby

[ ] Re: Co-Dependency and Recovery from Cancer

:

Bravo for you for keeping up the exercise and effort. I can no longer walk the

1/2 mile block around my house. I am going down so fast it is unreal. The only

thing I have left is faith in the Lord, and for whatever reason he seems to want

to take me quick.

Yes, I too am of the opinion that there is one fraud on this cancer board who

claims to know everything, yet when it gets to the nitty gritty, this person

refuses to release any information of value to people in desparate need. But I

refuse to mention any names whatsoever in public, nor in private for that

matter. People will have to figure this out on their own.

Conversely, there is one member who is immensely intelligent and supporting of

anyone who asks for advice.

And please remember my story about my sister -- when she found out I had

cancer, she tried to take my children away, tried to bust up my marriage, then

when those two things didn't work she tried to sabotage all other lines of

support I had. I have never heard of, or witnessed a more vicious attack on one

human being by another for no apparent reason, and it happened to me, by my own

sister.

God Bless you.

>

> Thank you Arlyn. Yes, family is difficult. I think when we get a serious

Illness, family draws close because they are afraid of us dying. Of course, this

is a reality. But also, people want to spend time with loved ones. I am not

saying there haven't been fun and wonderful times with my family recently, but

they all seem to want to CONTROL me either directly (by telling me what I should

or should not do) and indirectly (by not returning calls or always being busy

and going somewhere when you do call).

>

> I just got back from a 2 mile hike. 1 mile stationary bike warm-up at the

gym and a 40 minute work-out with weights. I also did my speech therapy

exercises.

>

> I love my family, but I am going to start following the steps in Melody

Bettie's book, Co-Dependent No More, which I just got from the library. I don't

know how to " detach with love, " it always seems I react with either resentment

or hostility---just as Melody says co-dependents do.

>

> Anyway, I have some emotional work to do on myself. I am going back to my

energy psychologist, who I used right after my stroke. She is great.

>

> Thank you for all your support, Arlyn. I get support from my family too. I

don't want to leave the impression that they haven't supported me as well. I

have to work on ME and leave them alone to solve their own issues. This is the

major problem co's have---we worry about other people's business and should

simply stay out of other people's problems and solve our own and get a true

live.

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Hi ,

I had many problems with family and so-called friends when I went raw. For

whatever reason, people seem offended when someone close to them makes a

lifestyle change that will actually improve their life. (You are, of course,

fighting for your life - which puts a whole new perspective on it).

I remember soon after I was diagnosed, I was at dinner with my father. We were

eating in our favorite Indian restaurant. My father was trying to decide

between chicken or shrimp. I suggested he choose vegetables instead. My father

replied, " Vegetables?? But they cause CANCER! " It was actually very funny - as

he meant it to be. My family still makes fun of my diet. And though I am the

healthiest one of them and eat the healthiest diet, I am the one with the cancer

diagnosis.

But I digress. It's important that you are only surround yourself with people

who will support you - or who will offer intelligent suggestions. I'm sorry

that you spent the day with someone who did not meet that criteria. Of course,

the vast majority of people do not believe that diet changes will have any

affect on cancer, so I doubt your relative will ever take this diet seriously

for you.

ar

[Guest guest]

Bravo --you need to stay away from negative (controlling) family or

friends. I see mine only on family Christmas gatherings. You can't help it if

you were born in a disfunctionaly family (I was too) when you grow up==you don't

have to see them on a regular basis, if you don't want to.

I am blessed with many wonderful friends and we respect our choices, even if we

do not agree--true friends. We laugh all the time at each other and

ourselves--I don't know what I would do without their support. You need to love

yourself and be surrounded by people who also love you. The hardest change I

made was learning to say NO. I now choose what I want to do for someone--no

more doing from guilt or whatever.

Pattie

> From: dorrnancy <dorrnancy@...>

> Subject: [ ] Co-Dependency and Recovery from Cancer

>

> Date: Sunday, July 19, 2009, 7:56 PM

> I have come to the realization that I

> have serious co-dependency issues, putting everyone else

> first in my family and trying to please them and not myself.

> It's so odd, that every time I have had a recurrence, I end

> up taking care of OTHERS. But part of it is the fear that I

> am going to die and I want to love and care for people as my

> last act in this world.

>

> I recently returned from a visit to a family member, and

> unbelievably we got into an argument about me eating raw

> foods. This relative is overweight and has a dominant

> personality which I can easily fold over and try to please

> her instead of myself. But when it got to the third time

> that she wanted me to take " just a bite " of the homemade ice

> cream she had made, filled with organic cane sugar, I

> finally hit the roof and said, " I need you to respect my

> diet. I have continually asked you all day to not tempt me

> with foods with sugar. Cancer feeds on sugar. Why are you

> trying to sabotage me? I don't even know if I am going to

> live even if I DO eat raw foods. "

>

> I picked up my belongings, the food in my refrigerator and

> as I was walking out the door said, " I can't come down here

> again if you aren't going to respect my raw foods diet. I am

> not asking you to eat this way. But I am fighting for my

> life. " Unbelievably she said to me, " Well, I don't think you

> should come down either until you eat some cooked foods

> because I like sharing my meals. "

>

> Sometimes I have wanted to die to escape the dsyfunctional

> family I grew up in and the one I created myself (or at

> least helped to). Cancer is a way out.

>

> I just had to get this out because I want to change. It is

> hard for women especially to put themselves first as we are

> trained from the time we are little girls to please others

> and to put others first. Joan Lunden said once, " From the

> time men are little boys, they are raised to have tremendous

> self-worth in the eyes of society. " Now, I know this is a

> blanket statement, as men suffer too and many have grown up

> in abusive families. But women are expected to give and

> people take and take and take from us and we are supposed to

> sit back and SMILE. We are supposed to love our children at

> our expense into adulthood and give up our lives as

> duty-bound mothers. We get paid less then men and get lower

> social security checks because of it.

>

> I want to take a stand right now and say: CO-DEPENDENCY NO

> MORE. Everyone in my family can take care of their own

> needs, including emotional, mental and financial ones. It is

> not up to me to support others at a time when I am fighting

> for my life.

>

> I am putting myself FIRST. Everyone is a grown up and can

> manage their own lives. All I have to do is take care of ME.

>

>

> So, there!! I got it off my chest. Any other co-dependents

> out there struggling with selfish family members?

>

> Dorr

>

>

>

> ------------------------------------

>

>

[Guest guest]

I hear you and I havent got cancer. I have done this all my life helped

others and not myself and suprisingly sometimes I want to find that island where

there is no human life on it!. People can be so distance in their thinking and

not realize it and not mean it. Even though I dont know your family at all, that

in the situation on her wanting you to eat the homemade icecream, she was

wanting from you a nice comment about her icecream she probably made for you.

She wants that approval from you. People that dont understand cancer, and are

not on the same page as you are, we sometimes expect them to know exactly what

is going on, sadly that is not the case. The most ordinary of all is the fact

that the ones you help are taking your life for granted thinking you are going

to always be here,they do not consider it to be any other way, which probably

you will be, but when you are not, that is their reflextion time to say " if

only " . Give those around you all your warmth you have as thats what sort of

person you are and feel happy about it and do look after number one " yourself "

but with no regrets or resentments as you will only make yourself unhappy. Until

they are in your position they will never understand the help love and

reassurence you need no matter what the occasion.Stay strong and keep them

little cells open for their oxygen, you need it. Would I be rude to ask you what

birth sign are you and your family member who made the icecream.???? Take Care

, you have a lot of people on this site that care for you, and you care

undoubtly for them. T

" dorrnancy " wrote:

> I have come to the realization that I have serious co-dependency issues,

putting everyone else first in my family and trying to please them and not

myself. It's so odd, that every time I have had a recurrence, I end up taking

care of OTHERS. But part of it is the fear that I am going to die and I want to

love and care for people as my last act in this world.....

>

> I want to take a stand right now and say: CO-DEPENDENCY NO MORE. Everyone in

my family can take care of their own needs, including emotional, mental and

financial ones. It is not up to me to support others at a time when I am

fighting for my life.

>

> I am putting myself FIRST. Everyone is a grown up and can manage their own

lives. All I have to do is take care of ME.

>

> So, there!! I got it off my chest. Any other co-dependents out there

struggling with selfish family members?

>

> Dorr

>

[Guest guest]

Thank you Arlyn. Yes, family is difficult. I think when we get a serious

Illness, family draws close because they are afraid of us dying. Of course, this

is a reality. But also, people want to spend time with loved ones. I am not

saying there haven't been fun and wonderful times with my family recently, but

they all seem to want to CONTROL me either directly (by telling me what I should

or should not do) and indirectly (by not returning calls or always being busy

and going somewhere when you do call).

 

I just got back from a 2 mile hike. 1 mile stationary bike warm-up at the gym

and a 40 minute work-out with weights. I also did my speech therapy exercises.

 

I love my family, but I am going to start following the steps in Melody Bettie's

book, Co-Dependent No More, which I just got from the library. I don't know how

to " detach with love, " it always seems I react with either resentment or

hostility---just as Melody says co-dependents do.

 

Anyway, I have some emotional work to do on myself. I am going back to my energy

psychologist, who I used right after my stroke. She is great.

 

Thank you for all your support, Arlyn. I get support from my family too. I don't

want to leave the impression that they haven't supported me as well. I have to

work on ME and leave them alone to solve their own issues. This is the major

problem co's have---we worry about other people's business and should simply

stay out of other people's problems and solve our own and get a true live.

 

Hi ,

I had many problems with family and so-called friends when I went raw. For

whatever reason, people seem offended when someone close to them makes a

lifestyle change that will actually improve their life. (You are, of course,

fighting for your life - which puts a whole new perspective on it).

I remember soon after I was diagnosed, I was at dinner with my father. We were

eating in our favorite Indian restaurant. My father was trying to decide between

chicken or shrimp. I suggested he choose vegetables instead. My father replied,

" Vegetables? ? But they cause CANCER! " It was actually very funny - as he meant

it to be. My family still makes fun of my diet. And though I am the healthiest

one of them and eat the healthiest diet, I am the one with the cancer diagnosis.

But I digress. It's important that you are only surround yourself with people

who will support you - or who will offer intelligent suggestions. I'm sorry that

you spent the day with someone who did not meet that criteria. Of course, the

vast majority of people do not believe that diet changes will have any affect on

cancer, so I doubt your relative will ever take this diet seriously for you.

ar

[Guest guest]

Pat,

 

I love that you divorced your controlling husband, sold your house and moved to

a smaller one and got a less complicated job. This is as important as anything

in this battle. Dr. Loretta spoke about the mind-body connection a few weeks

ago. I BELIEVE it.

 

Thanks for your support.

 

Bravo --you need to stay away from negative (controlling) family or

friends. I see mine only on family Christmas gatherings. You can't help it if

you were born in a disfunctionaly family (I was too) when you grow up==you don't

have to see them on a regular basis, if you don't want to.

I am blessed with many wonderful friends and we respect our choices, even if we

do not agree--true friends. We laugh all the time at each other and ourselves--I

don't know what I would do without their support. You need to love yourself and

be surrounded by people who also love you. The hardest change I made was

learning to say NO. I now choose what I want to do for someone--no more doing

from guilt or whatever.

Pattie

[Guest guest]

:

Bravo for you for keeping up the exercise and effort. I can no longer walk the

1/2 mile block around my house. I am going down so fast it is unreal. The only

thing I have left is faith in the Lord, and for whatever reason he seems to want

to take me quick.

Yes, I too am of the opinion that there is one fraud on this cancer board who

claims to know everything, yet when it gets to the nitty gritty, this person

refuses to release any information of value to people in desparate need. But I

refuse to mention any names whatsoever in public, nor in private for that

matter. People will have to figure this out on their own.

Conversely, there is one member who is immensely intelligent and supporting of

anyone who asks for advice.

And please remember my story about my sister -- when she found out I had cancer,

she tried to take my children away, tried to bust up my marriage, then when

those two things didn't work she tried to sabotage all other lines of support I

had. I have never heard of, or witnessed a more vicious attack on one human

being by another for no apparent reason, and it happened to me, by my own

sister.

God Bless you.

>

> Hi ,

>

> I had many problems with family and so-called friends when I went raw. For

whatever reason, people seem offended when someone close to them makes a

lifestyle change that will actually improve their life. (You are, of course,

fighting for your life - which puts a whole new perspective on it).

>

> I remember soon after I was diagnosed, I was at dinner with my father. We were

eating in our favorite Indian restaurant. My father was trying to decide between

chicken or shrimp. I suggested he choose vegetables instead. My father replied,

" Vegetables? ? But they cause CANCER! " It was actually very funny - as he meant

it to be. My family still makes fun of my diet. And though I am the healthiest

one of them and eat the healthiest diet, I am the one with the cancer diagnosis.

>

> But I digress. It's important that you are only surround yourself with people

who will support you - or who will offer intelligent suggestions. I'm sorry that

you spent the day with someone who did not meet that criteria. Of course, the

vast majority of people do not believe that diet changes will have any affect on

cancer, so I doubt your relative will ever take this diet seriously for you.

>

> ar

>