Co-Dependency and Recovery from Cancer

July 19, 2009

I have come to the realization that I have serious co-dependency issues, putting

everyone else first in my family and trying to please them and not myself. It's

so odd, that every time I have had a recurrence, I end up taking care of OTHERS.

But part of it is the fear that I am going to die and I want to love and care

for people as my last act in this world.

I recently returned from a visit to a family member, and unbelievably we got

into an argument about me eating raw foods. This relative is overweight and has

a dominant personality which I can easily fold over and try to please her

instead of myself. But when it got to the third time that she wanted me to take

" just a bite " of the homemade ice cream she had made, filled with organic cane

sugar, I finally hit the roof and said, " I need you to respect my diet. I have

continually asked you all day to not tempt me with foods with sugar. Cancer

feeds on sugar. Why are you trying to sabotage me? I don't even know if I am

going to live even if I DO eat raw foods. "

I picked up my belongings, the food in my refrigerator and as I was walking out

the door said, " I can't come down here again if you aren't going to respect my

raw foods diet. I am not asking you to eat this way. But I am fighting for my

life. " Unbelievably she said to me, " Well, I don't think you should come down

either until you eat some cooked foods because I like sharing my meals. "

Sometimes I have wanted to die to escape the dsyfunctional family I grew up in

and the one I created myself (or at least helped to). Cancer is a way out.

I just had to get this out because I want to change. It is hard for women

especially to put themselves first as we are trained from the time we are little

girls to please others and to put others first. Joan Lunden said once, " From the

time men are little boys, they are raised to have tremendous self-worth in the

eyes of society. " Now, I know this is a blanket statement, as men suffer too and

many have grown up in abusive families. But women are expected to give and

people take and take and take from us and we are supposed to sit back and SMILE.

We are supposed to love our children at our expense into adulthood and give up

our lives as duty-bound mothers. We get paid less then men and get lower social

security checks because of it.

I want to take a stand right now and say: CO-DEPENDENCY NO MORE. Everyone in my

family can take care of their own needs, including emotional, mental and

financial ones. It is not up to me to support others at a time when I am

fighting for my life.

I am putting myself FIRST. Everyone is a grown up and can manage their own

lives. All I have to do is take care of ME.

So, there!! I got it off my chest. Any other co-dependents out there struggling

with selfish family members?

Dorr

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