Re: List: continuing comment

[Guest guest]

Hi ,

I appreciate you sharing your journey with us - though I hate that you are in a

position to do so.

Cancer IS lonely. No matter how many people are surrounding you, it is still a

battle that only you can fight, the others can only watch.

I think my biggest surprise has been the feeling of betrayal - after treating my

body well, this is what it did to me.

And having the enemy within you is scary, too.

I also had unusual symptoms that lead up to my diagnosis. Hindsight really is

20/20, of course. Actually, my cat had been trying to tell me I had cancer for

months. Now I know to listen better.

Just keep moving forward...

ar

>

> List,

>

> Thank you.

> I have received a number of very supportive messages both on and off

> list. I was telling my wife the other day that this is quite the

> lonely disease. She was offended because she has given me so much

> support. I did some rethinking and she is right. It is lonely only

> in the sense that all of us die alone and there is no way that anyone

> can share much of the pathology burden. I have received many phone

> calls and e-mails: they have truly been welcome. They do help share

> the load in a way that I can't easily define.

>

> My wife then went on to tell me that she won't discount the

> possibility that we will have family and friends waiting to welcome

> us when we die. I laughed and told her that no cancer patient should

> hear this kind of nonsense. If she wanted to say something

> constructive she could say that she knows that if I die during the

> coming year I'll surely plummet straight to hell -- that way I'll

> fight to cling on to dear life..!!

>

> I have been very upbeat. Like a dog with a fresh bone I really enjoy

> latching on to this very difficult problem to solve. There are many

> tools that I can use to kill most of the cancer very quickly, and all

> of them would put me at high risk of the cancer turning ulcerative

> and I would still end up with the surgery that I am trying so hard to

> avoid. If I kill it too slowly then it will go into a quasi-stable

> mode and continue its course of genetic devolution -- again this

> would lead to exenteration. One of the better natural strategies is

> allowing the cancer to round out and encapsulate. But this, or any

> unwanted inflammation, could cause a complete bowel obstruction

> necessitating surgery. If I use stem cells to try to rebuild the

> rectal wall, the new cells could easily be entrained to become

> cancerous too. I do try to play to my strengths: I am patient and

> reflective. I recognize my weaknesses: I could be better organized

> and I'm intolerant of pain.

>

> How could get cancer?!

> I think I knew it for about a year (family history, BRCA2 oncogene,

> symptoms) but I could not narrow it down. It turned out that it is a

> very rare one: only one in a thousand rectal cancers are

> squamous. The other major factor is the adversarial stance that was

> taken by my HMO. I could get no cooperation with prevention,

> diagnosis, or assessment. They have the diagnostic equipment -- I don't.

>

> On the other hand there are things that I missed. During past year a

> number of people would ask me if I was in pain as I would take stairs

> slowly and sit slowly. I didn't feel pain -- but apparently

> something inside knew that something was going on. Normally I'm very

> lean and light on my feet.

>

> Each week I teach on the recognizing of the subtle signs of

> cancer. It never dawned on me that these applied to me. I could not

> sleep during early morning hours and I had many signs of autonomic

> dysfunction. These included temperature regulation, sudomotor

> response, regional variance in electrical potential, the " need " for

> coffee in the afternoon, etc.

>

> I was thrown off a bit because all my main tumor markers are well

> within reference range and my HMO docs were all so absolutely

> insistent that I did not have cancer. Any human health care advisor

> should only say that they can't find anything at this time thus

> keeping the door open. Any physician should be willing to physically

> examine the patient (they thought that I didn't need to be digitally

> examined.) They should be willing to listen to the insured's

> symptoms and they should be willing to at least look at the

> diagnostic findings from other clinics. I think that in future

> seminars I will devote a few hours to teaching diagnostic physical

> examination of self and friends. There is little I can do to change

> the greater medical practices paradigm.

>

> I do think that humor can be quite healing. To this end I think

> that I'll write of book that will compile all the corporate mission

> statements of pharmaceutical companies, health insurance companies,

> and every other cutthroat business that cloaks itself in altruism and

> service. When one of my sons was four years old he asked me, " Dad,

> is it possible for a joke to be so funny that a person never stops

> laughing? " Maybe, but some humor can be so black that one never

> stops groaning -- cruel jokes such as mission statements of the

> medical industries.

>

> List, thanks again for all the encouragement. My current plan is to

> be extremely transparent in all my treatment choices. I will be

> doing my strategies at the retreat center along with everyone

> else. For example it is much easier to sit in the Von Ardenne

> hyperthermia sauna (with sensitizers) if others are in there with you.

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

LOL (sorry not really) my dog was telling me since I got him as a puppy.

Cheri

> >

> > List,

> >

> > Thank you.

> > I have received a number of very supportive messages both on and off

> > list. I was telling my wife the other day that this is quite the

> > lonely disease. She was offended because she has given me so much

> > support. I did some rethinking and she is right. It is lonely only

> > in the sense that all of us die alone and there is no way that anyone

> > can share much of the pathology burden. I have received many phone

> > calls and e-mails: they have truly been welcome. They do help share

> > the load in a way that I can't easily define.

> >

> > My wife then went on to tell me that she won't discount the

> > possibility that we will have family and friends waiting to welcome

> > us when we die. I laughed and told her that no cancer patient should

> > hear this kind of nonsense. If she wanted to say something

> > constructive she could say that she knows that if I die during the

> > coming year I'll surely plummet straight to hell -- that way I'll

> > fight to cling on to dear life..!!

> >

> > I have been very upbeat. Like a dog with a fresh bone I really enjoy

> > latching on to this very difficult problem to solve. There are many

> > tools that I can use to kill most of the cancer very quickly, and all

> > of them would put me at high risk of the cancer turning ulcerative

> > and I would still end up with the surgery that I am trying so hard to

> > avoid. If I kill it too slowly then it will go into a quasi-stable

> > mode and continue its course of genetic devolution -- again this

> > would lead to exenteration. One of the better natural strategies is

> > allowing the cancer to round out and encapsulate. But this, or any

> > unwanted inflammation, could cause a complete bowel obstruction

> > necessitating surgery. If I use stem cells to try to rebuild the

> > rectal wall, the new cells could easily be entrained to become

> > cancerous too. I do try to play to my strengths: I am patient and

> > reflective. I recognize my weaknesses: I could be better organized

> > and I'm intolerant of pain.

> >

> > How could get cancer?!

> > I think I knew it for about a year (family history, BRCA2 oncogene,

> > symptoms) but I could not narrow it down. It turned out that it is a

> > very rare one: only one in a thousand rectal cancers are

> > squamous. The other major factor is the adversarial stance that was

> > taken by my HMO. I could get no cooperation with prevention,

> > diagnosis, or assessment. They have the diagnostic equipment -- I don't.

> >

> > On the other hand there are things that I missed. During past year a

> > number of people would ask me if I was in pain as I would take stairs

> > slowly and sit slowly. I didn't feel pain -- but apparently

> > something inside knew that something was going on. Normally I'm very

> > lean and light on my feet.

> >

> > Each week I teach on the recognizing of the subtle signs of

> > cancer. It never dawned on me that these applied to me. I could not

> > sleep during early morning hours and I had many signs of autonomic

> > dysfunction. These included temperature regulation, sudomotor

> > response, regional variance in electrical potential, the " need " for

> > coffee in the afternoon, etc.

> >

> > I was thrown off a bit because all my main tumor markers are well

> > within reference range and my HMO docs were all so absolutely

> > insistent that I did not have cancer. Any human health care advisor

> > should only say that they can't find anything at this time thus

> > keeping the door open. Any physician should be willing to physically

> > examine the patient (they thought that I didn't need to be digitally

> > examined.) They should be willing to listen to the insured's

> > symptoms and they should be willing to at least look at the

> > diagnostic findings from other clinics. I think that in future

> > seminars I will devote a few hours to teaching diagnostic physical

> > examination of self and friends. There is little I can do to change

> > the greater medical practices paradigm.

> >

> > I do think that humor can be quite healing. To this end I think

> > that I'll write of book that will compile all the corporate mission

> > statements of pharmaceutical companies, health insurance companies,

> > and every other cutthroat business that cloaks itself in altruism and

> > service. When one of my sons was four years old he asked me, " Dad,

> > is it possible for a joke to be so funny that a person never stops

> > laughing? " Maybe, but some humor can be so black that one never

> > stops groaning -- cruel jokes such as mission statements of the

> > medical industries.

> >

> > List, thanks again for all the encouragement. My current plan is to

> > be extremely transparent in all my treatment choices. I will be

> > doing my strategies at the retreat center along with everyone

> > else. For example it is much easier to sit in the Von Ardenne

> > hyperthermia sauna (with sensitizers) if others are in there with you.

> >

> >

> >

>