Re: Help me tell my family

[Guest guest]

Darcie, be selfish! It's your life at stake and it's your decision. They need

to respect that.

From: " Darcie "

Can someone please tell me the best way to tell my family I have breast cancer

and I refuse to treat with rad/chemo. I plan on seeking alternative treatment

and I know that my family will not understand. I have talked about it in the

past after my aunt died miserably from the effects of the radiation and chemo

treatments and they said words like selfish and suicidal. I am afraid and I

need them. I don't want them to hate or think of me being selfish or suicidal.

How can I explain it to them so that it doesn't sound like Im selfish and

suicidal?

[Guest guest]

I'm inclined to agree. You know you are not selfish or suicidal - they

should too. Others with training will probably know better than I how

things like this are phrased, but you don't have to be apologetic and

" please love and understand me even though I don't do what you think I

should " .

It's a case of:

I have an illness and I need to do certain things ( perhaps: to make

sure I don't end up like auntie).

I need your support, and I'd like you to work out how you can best

support me.

It's not appropriate for you to be negative here; that is bad for my

progress.

I need you to support my decisions for my body.

Do you even have to tell them you have cancer? Maybe when they are

behaving themselves and are in some sort of routine of loving and caring.

Can you call it something else? I have a serious immunological problem,

and I need to build up my immune system.

I need to treat a fungal / yeast problem before it overwhelms me.

Do you even have to tell them what treatment you are having? Maybe when

they know how to treat you.

Do you need to consider their opinions so much when they don't seem to

have any consideration for your opinions? Your preferences?

You don't need to be bullied or reviled or called names.

Get strong on your own, work out your plans, and see whether you are

willing to entrust them with what they may end up using as weapons.

Are you able to stand up for yourself firmly - 'this is what I need from

you'?

That behaviour is not acceptable?

That statement is not correct - I'd like you to withdraw it.

That's not a kind thing to say. Would you like to rephrase that?

I don't have energy to waste on negative and unhelpful conversations.

When you know how to speak to me with kindness and consideration, maybe

we can return to the topic.

Sorry, but your family has rather shocked me. Attitudes like theirs are

death-dealing. You don't need that. There's a word for what I am

trying to say - affirmative or something. Not passive, or

passive-aggressive, or aggressive, but ... can't remember.

Work on some scripts ahead of time.

" Doctor's orders - I have to do / take / whatever " . No nonsense, no

messing, just firm. (and it's up to you who you choose to endow with the

title " Doctor " .)

I'd rather you didn't come with me this time. I need someone supportive

and positive.

I'll let you know when I'm ready for you to .....

You may not realise it, but what you said to me is very ........... I

don't like that. That doesn't help me.

And the old " I " statements -

" When you do/say/ (state the problem) it makes me feel ...... (say how

you feel). "

They can't say no you don't, because you are not accusing them of

something, you are just telling them how you feel, and only you know that.

If they don't accept what you say, I think the recommendation is that

you repeat it, whether in the same or other words. i.e. you don't get

upset and angry, no matter what they do or say, you just state your

position (if you choose to do so).

If at some stage you notice that they are the ones who are selfish and -

sorry, girl - murderous (as opposed to suicidal) you may end up feeling

you don't care about their opinion. Then you are free.

They have duties as well as rights. They shouldn't infringe on yours.

The anxiety their attitudes may engender is not good for your body.

There are so many ways to wellness, and they don't seem to run via your

family.

So take that road without them. If that is what you need to do to get

well in peace.

Rowena

On 5/03/2010 1:22 PM, valheieck@... wrote:

> Darcie, be selfish! It's your life at stake and it's your decision. They

need to respect that.

>

>

> From: " Darcie "

> Can someone please tell me the best way to tell my family I have breast cancer

and I refuse to treat with rad/chemo. I plan on seeking alternative treatment

and I know that my family will not understand. I have talked about it in the

past after my aunt died miserably from the effects of the radiation and chemo

treatments and they said words like selfish and suicidal. I am afraid and I

need them. I don't want them to hate or think of me being selfish or suicidal.

How can I explain it to them so that it doesn't sound like Im selfish and

suicidal?

>

>

>

>

>

> ------------------------------------

>

>

[Guest guest]

People simply don't understand. They allow their fear to rule them when it

comes to making certain decisions.

I would just tell them that cancer treatment is a personal choice and that what

you need from them is support. See what happens.

Tell me more about your diagnosis - I was stage 0, DCIS, breast cancer.

ar

>

> Can someone please tell me the best way to tell my family I have breast cancer

and I refuse to treat with rad/chemo. I plan on seeking alternative treatment

and I know that my family will not understand. I have talked about it in the

past after my aunt died miserably from the effects of the radiation and chemo

treatments and they said words like selfish and suicidal. I am afraid and I

need them. I don't want them to hate or think of me being selfish or suicidal.

How can I explain it to them so that it doesn't sound like Im selfish and

suicidal?

>

[Guest guest]

Darci

I believe most family members are subdued by their fear and by what everyone

Should do to increase their chances of success. It is obvious they do not

want you to get sicker, or die...Keeping in mind that their intention is

good, I would simply Tell them that you know that they are guided by their

love for you and their fear of something happening to you. That you

understand that they believe that it would be worse for you not doing

conventional treatments.

After all this I would tell them that " my only Chance for success is to do

what my

soul and body and mind know I have to do for myself, and that I need their

support as much as I need any other treatment! "

When I faced my decision of doing chemo or radiation for my breast cancer,

intraductal, invasive, I knew inside my soul that my body could not tolerate

the chemo.

My liver is not strong, and my ability to detox has always been slow ... I

knew it was not a path for me to follow. I faced a lot of threats from the

medical establishment and they did call me suicidal... When I asked them if

they knew for sure that their chemo would not harm me or kill me, they said

they did not have a crystal ball..So I told them they had just given me the

answer. We do not have a crystal ball..Sometimes what they do to cure you,

kills you, but we all take a chance either way. We follow our convictions

and try tl listen to our bodies and souls... We decide the best way we can,

given our condition..

This is a decision that no one in the planet can make for you..You live

inside yourself. You know your body better than anyone else in the whole

world... Being selfish is such a strange word to use when dealing with

saving your life... Selfishness has nothing to do with being the number one

person on the list, and maybe number 2 and 3... You have yourself to fight

for yourself... You need people´s support because it is a difficult path,

but more than that you need yourself. Trust yourself, your decision and

your needs. If you have not been number 1 on the list so far in your life,

this is a good time to start, and to reconsider what selfishness is vs

taking care of your needs first. I think this is one of the main lessons

cancer taught me!

I never asked my husband what he thought about my decisions. I told him

what I was going to do.. He was very supportive, but if he hadn´t been I

would have done the same as I did..

Let them know you are deciding this because you see your chances of getting

better increasing with your decision, and that what works for some, doesn't

work for all. Tell them any added stress can be harmful so they should

support you and not go against you. Tell them you know they love you and

they want what is best for you and so do you! Let them know you are an

informed adult and you are making a very difficult decision based on your

wish to live and not your wish to die!

Anyway I might be just writing from that place I was in 4 1/2 years ago.. I

would do the same again....

I hope this is useful and if it only projection and it is not helpful,

discard it as you have to discard anything that comes your way and does not

meet your needs.

Be yourself and trust your instinct!

in light

Lillian

2010/3/5 Darcie <darcie.keyes@...>

>

>

> Can someone please tell me the best way to tell my family I have breast

> cancer and I refuse to treat with rad/chemo. I plan on seeking alternative

> treatment and I know that my family will not understand. I have talked about

> it in the past after my aunt died miserably from the effects of the

> radiation and chemo treatments and they said words like selfish and

> suicidal. I am afraid and I need them. I don't want them to hate or think of

> me being selfish or suicidal. How can I explain it to them so that it

> doesn't sound like Im selfish and suicidal?

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

A little confused here. So after your aunt died you brought up alternative

treatment & your family responded by labeling such an approach as suicidal &

selfish? Did they have a different view of her decline? Because it seems to me

that the rad/chemo route has more of a suicidal flavor. I would say you didn't

want to go down the same path as your aunt, that you wanted to try something

else. You can always leave open the possibility of future chemo if you think

you might avail yourself of that in the (hopefully unlikely) event that the

alternative approaches don't work so well.

Hang in there -- it is YOUR life after all.

p.s. My family is much more open to alternative approaches. But part of the

reason I took that path (after a first round of chemo failed) was that I saw one

sister battle, ultimately unsuccessfully, ovarian cancer. She basically

followed everything her doctors recommended without seriously considering

alternatives. I very much want to avoid the path she found herself on.

>

> Can someone please tell me the best way to tell my family I have breast cancer

and I refuse to treat with rad/chemo. I plan on seeking alternative treatment

and I know that my family will not understand. I have talked about it in the

past after my aunt died miserably from the effects of the radiation and chemo

treatments and they said words like selfish and suicidal. I am afraid and I

need them. I don't want them to hate or think of me being selfish or suicidal.

How can I explain it to them so that it doesn't sound like Im selfish and

suicidal?

>

[Guest guest]

I am here if you want to talk. I can email you my number.

First I can't tell you what to say. I only know it takes a lot of strength. I

just said I draw the line at chemo and went from there. I was scheduled for

surgery and thankfully that was out of the question because of blood pressure. I

am lucky the family just accepted it. My mother is currently going through chemo

and radiation and is almost dead but still going on because her husband (my step

dad) won't let her stop. Same thing selfish suicidal etc. Will not let her take

anything the dr doesn't approve of (which means nothing)

There is nothing I can say to you but to listen here or privately.

Cheri

>

> Can someone please tell me the best way to tell my family I have breast cancer

and I refuse to treat with rad/chemo. I plan on seeking alternative treatment

and I know that my family will not understand. I have talked about it in the

past after my aunt died miserably from the effects of the radiation and chemo

treatments and they said words like selfish and suicidal. I am afraid and I

need them. I don't want them to hate or think of me being selfish or suicidal.

How can I explain it to them so that it doesn't sound like Im selfish and

suicidal?

>

[Guest guest]

First you start by showing them the articles stating that allopathic

intervention does not work. There are two circulating in emails now. If they

see this, let them discuss it and if they tend to believe then break the news to

them.

>

> Can someone please tell me the best way to tell my family I have breast cancer

and I refuse to treat with rad/chemo. I plan on seeking alternative treatment

and I know that my family will not understand. I have talked about it in the

past after my aunt died miserably from the effects of the radiation and chemo

treatments and they said words like selfish and suicidal. I am afraid and I

need them. I don't want them to hate or think of me being selfish or suicidal.

How can I explain it to them so that it doesn't sound like Im selfish and

suicidal?

>

[Guest guest]

Very well said Lillian!

Darci, I have stage1 Melanoma. Was diagnosed back in July of '09. The

oncologist scared me to death by telling me that I needed to do surgery and

possibly Chemo. She didn't want to give me any time to " do my homework " I

tell ya..she wanted me in for surgery in 10 days!! I told her I had to think

about it and do a little research for myself. She told me not to wait that

her brother had melanoma that was not treated right away and he died of a

brain tumor. Thank goodness I stood my ground with her and said that I

NEEDED time to look into my options.

When she called me a couple days later after I had a chance to search on

line, talked to some Naturopaths etc. Did reading and more reading....found

this incredible group of people, ordered a book called " Cancer Step Outside

the box " by Ty Bollinger http://www.cancertruth.net I really began to open

my eyes as to the " WHY " my Oncologist " needed " me to agree on surgery asap.

My goodness, I learned a lot and I'm still learning about how $$ is a big

reason behind the reason for " no conventional cancer cures. " There are over

300 natural cures for cancer out there Darci. Order this book and share it

with the family. Cancer is a BILLION DOLLAR a day industry and....your

family needs to learn " WHO " is actually selfish and they will learn that

it's the FDA, Big Pharma etc. and NOT YOU!!

I highly recommend the book mentioned as well ordering the 5 CD's at

www.cellectbudwig.com These CD's are PACKED with information and websites

for you to educate yourself and the family as to WHY you have chosen an

alternative path. These CD's are by a man named Vrentas..he has a

great website too. can share info with you about his wife's breast

cancer and what they have done to put her's into remission naturally if this

is what " YOU " would like to do.

In my opinion Darci, I have spoken to many people who have cancer and it

sure seems to me that IF we were selfish people, we who have battled cancer

would of never gotten cancer in the first place! You see, I have noticed

one thing that most of us have in common who have cancer is... we have

ALWAYS put others first and us last!! Seriously... this seems soooo true. I

just turned 49 and throughout my life I have always had a hard time putting

my needs first..I always was there to help others and put me last. The

hardest thing about fighting cancer is..... I had to actually learn to put

ME first for once in my life! It's a lot of work taking care of cancer

naturally. Juicing, figuring out the vitamins, minerals, herbs, what to eat

and what not to eat..what feeds cancer and what's kills cancer. How to

become mentally and spiritually strong. How to get people to understand WHY

you can't and won't eat the way you use to. Yeah..... guess you could say we

do become " selfish " when we learn we have cancer because........... we jump

into survival mode......real quick I must say! :-)

My husband was VERY supportive once I gathered info for him to read (didn't

take him long to see that I was on the right path.) My Mom and Dad are in

their 80's and it was hard for me to get them to understand, trust and have

faith that the decision to take an alternative path. Oddly..both my aunt,

cousin and myself were diagnosed with different cancers within months of

each other. They have chosen 100% conventional. Both have shared their

concerns to my parents about my not making a clear decision and that I

should go conventional. My parents have been worried about me to say the

least. I have told them over and over again in as gentle of a voice as

possible that I need love and support right now, no negative. I tell them

that I have made this decision and there is no changing my mind. They both

know I am and have always been a very strong willed lady and when I make my

mind up that I'm going to do something......nothing will change it. I

laughed and said, so Mom and Dad, why would I " change " the person I am now

when I NEED to be the strongest I've ever been in my life. I have a battle

to fight and I NEED the troops to support me more then ever. It doesn't have

to be a battle that's fought alone....support and positive energy do wonders

in this battle!!! :-)

Anyhow....didn't think I'd go on here like the Energizer Bunny

but............ once I got on a roll.... :-)

Darci, you take care and believe in yourself in what ever decision you

make. If your family is very negative you may have to do something that's

VERY hard to do...and that is...disconnect from them until you're feeling so

strong and have an UNSHAKABLE BELIEF that what you are doing IS AND WILL be

done. Once you have that unshakable believe, NO negative will will even put

a dent in what you're doing.

Blessings,

Lory

2010/3/5 Darcie

Can someone please tell me the best way to tell my family I have breast cancer

and I refuse to treat with rad/chemo. I plan on seeking alternative treatment

and I know that my family will not understand.

[Guest guest]

Darcie,

Here is my take on your situation for your consideration. Let me say I haven't

had cancer, but as a healer (specializing in cancer) have helped many cancer

clients the last 30 years. All of this is my opinion from research and

experience and so preference this with " In my opinion " so I don't have to say

that over and over. I gather since you haven't told your family and mention

that you plan to seek alternative healing that you have been recently diagnosed.

I would suggest you switch your focus from what you refuse to do and instead

focus on Your Journey and what you are planning to do. In my experience

becoming conscious and empowered regarding your journey is key whatever

treatment you choose or don't choose alternative, complementary or traditional.

I would get clarity about the journey you want to take. When you present this

to your loved ones, present your plans...even if somewhat tentative...not just

your refusal. Remember they are your loved ones and ultimately want your very

best but unfortunately using their healing paradigm rather than yours. I've

researched such things as epigenetics (the process of turning genes on and off),

the biology of beliefs/emotions/attitudes, dietary considerations (check out

omega 6s vs omega 3s regarding cancer), partnering with spirit, self healing

etc. It takes quite awhile to do the research without help and support. I

suggest to clients that they enlist supportive loved ones to assist in the

research process...all those who say " is there anything I can do to help " are

perfect to ask to research/highlight/summarize articles/websites/books/this

group/etc. It is time for you to partner with spirit and put yourself not

on your list but at the top of your list. Women often have difficulty with this

because we are often so busy and identified with taking care of everyone else.

I suggest to think as if this was your child...how much of an advocate/fierce

mother bear would you become? Have this passion for your journey! Dedicate

your time and energy to your journey but get help...don't get overwhelmed and

isolated trying to do it all by yourself. Tell your loved ones this is the

diagnosis and this is what I plan to do and this is why. Get them onboard to

support rather than judge and be negative. I love the other response where the

women stated that she knew her liver because of past experience would not handle

the chemo. Her response was very much not based on fear but on knowing herself

(body and soul). I'd have in mind what I plan to do on many levels...personal

research, diet, support, treatments, lifestyle, checking progress, etc. You

very possibly may need some time to put your ideas even if not set in stone

together. I would also suggest: Anticancer...the book already mentioned for a

template and lots of research regarding things other than traditional

chemo/radiation.

Your thoughts during this journey are so key. I love the example Deepak Chopra

gives of two people going on a rollercoaster...one raising their arms and

whoooohoooing, while the other is white-knucking terrified (this would be me).

The first person makes 10,000 units of interluken (the cancer fighting compound)

while the terrified one releases cortisol (stress hormones) and in the process

decreases their immunity and shuts off cell repair processes. He also says

something to the effect... " every cell in your body eavesdrop on every thought

you have! " Every thought turns genes on and off, releases hormones, creates or

reinforces new neuropathways, etc. And therefore learning to work with your

thinking and redesigning a healthy lifestyle can really support and complement

your journey and choices.

I hope this helps you move to an empowered/conscious journey as you move

forward. I want to wish you the very best and look forward to hearing more from

you in the future!

www.consciouscancerjourney.com

On Mar 4, 2010, at 5:55 PM, Darcie wrote:

> Can someone please tell me the best way to tell my family I have breast cancer

and I refuse to treat with rad/chemo. I plan on seeking alternative treatment

and I know that my family will not understand. I have talked about it in the

past after my aunt died miserably from the effects of the radiation and chemo

treatments and they said words like selfish and suicidal. I am afraid and I need

them. I don't want them to hate or think of me being selfish or suicidal. How

can I explain it to them so that it doesn't sound like Im selfish and suicidal?

>

>

[Guest guest]

Hi Darcie

I have witnessed this same situation over and over and even a bit in my own

family after a colon cancer diagnosis. However, they quickly changed their

minds once they witnessed how healthy I became. I have had clients come in

for an initial consultation with family members (which I encourage) and

literally some (the yea's) sit on one side of the room and the others (the

nay's) sit on the other side of the room with the client in the middle. One

side wants to refute everything that I say and the other side wants to cheer

everything that I say. The poor client is sitting there trying to be

neutral without hurting anyone's feelings while also trying to listen to

what I am saying. One could cut the tenseness with a knife. It's a

ridiculous situation, but it happens.

If you empower yourself with good information, knowledge, determination and

discipline (as well as showing them your desire to get well) then you will

be able to handle everything in a positive manner. There needs to be no

defensiveness for your choices. Also, this is your first opportunity of

many to take control and responsibility for not only your choices but also

YOUR health. Keep in mind that this is YOUR health journey, not theirs.

They can come along and be supportive or they can stay behind -- choice is

theirs. But, in the long run, it matters " squat " what anyone thinks or even

believes, except for YOU. Don't give YOUR power away. I would suggest

printing out a sheet of information (websites, conventional medicine

statistics, articles, studies, etc.) that pertain to " why " you have chosen

this particular path in order to get well. Most people truly don't have any

knowledge about the cancer industry because the masses have been programmed

by media, etc that conventional medicine always has our best interest at

heart....if you have the fortitude, take this as an opportunity to provide

them with truthful knowledge as well as information to " chew on " . When/If

someone begins to question YOUR choices -- hand them this sheet and tell

them that right now you are in healing-mode and that you absolutely refuse

to hear or acknowledge (meaning you will not discuss it) any negativity

about the wellness path you have chosen. It is YOUR body and YOUR choice.

Unless they have a supernatural way to walk this path for you, then they

have no say and you are not accepting " opinions " right now. YOUR thoughts

and what YOU hear are just as important to YOUR healing as anything else you

will be doing for your body. The mind is important in the healing process

and it must be controlled. If they come back with " you are being selfish in

not allowing us to help you " or " we just want to make sure that you get

well " or " we want you to live and not waste time on quackery or snake oil "

or " you are committing suicide " , then tell them YOU have done YOUR research

and have made YOUR choice. Be nice (don't allow outside influence to thwart

your healing....ever!) and tell them you deeply appreciate their concern.

But what you would ask them to do is to pray for you, support you (they

don't have to agree with your choices) and speak positively to you. Should

they not want to do this or feel they cannot do this, then YOUR health

choices are not up for any type of discussion or scrutiny. Darcie, I have

seen some cancer clients that had to remove friends, family, job, etc from

their life while they are healing. It wasn't a forever thing....just a

season and it proved to be very beneficial toward their health and

well-being.

Certainly this is not a time when you need this difficulty. Stress is a

silent killer and no one needs it while trying to heal from cancer.

However, I would highly suggest jumping over this hurdle quickly so that you

can move on with your healing. Be kind, but be VERY serious and confident

so they have no doubt that you do mean what you say. Again, it is NOT about

them (don't allow it to be), it is about YOU. Contrary to what some may

think, BELIEF in what you are doing is VERY important and you do not need

constant questioning or undermining of that BELIEF. Read the " Biology of

Belief " by Bruce Lipton. Do not allow them to predetermine or predict what

is going to happen to you. Just as it is with doctors, they are NOT

GOD....don't allow ANYONE to " play " His role in your life.

By the way, you can also suggest that they go walk the halls of the cancer

wing at the nearest hospital to see the effects of conventional medicine

therapy.

I wish you MUCH success!!

Be Well

Dr.L

-----Original Message-----

Can someone please tell me the best way to tell my family I have breast

cancer and I refuse to treat with rad/chemo. I plan on seeking alternative

treatment and I know that my family will not understand. I have talked

about it in the past after my aunt died miserably from the effects of the

radiation and chemo treatments and they said words like selfish and

suicidal. I am afraid and I need them. I don't want them to hate or think

of me being selfish or suicidal. How can I explain it to them so that it

doesn't sound like Im selfish and suicidal?

[Guest guest]

Wonderful advice given here already, Darcie. Please don't worry about your

family - and don't let your family worry YOU. This is YOUR life, and if they

don't understand or agree, oh well.

I have 3 children, two are teens, and I decided to not tell them at all. I

don't want them worried about me, and worry they will. I have spent the last 15

months doing research and at this point I am 100% confident in what I'm doing,

and I KNOW I am going to be completely free of this condition eventually.

Therefore, I don't want to dump this load on them. I have all of this

tremendous support online with hundreds of marvelous knowledgeable people!

A handful of adult friends and family do know, and I have been firm in my

decision and my unwillingness to discuss anything that goes against my decision.

One friend I had to just completely cut off, because she is very PRO-chemo,

despite rattling off the names of several people who died after cancer

treatment, she insists on forcing it down my throat at every conversation and

telling me how stupid I am being. So I have not spoken to her in months. I

love her dearly, but I cut ALL negative and non-supportive people out of my

life. I won't listen to them and allow them to insert that energy into my life.

So there it is. You can tell them and be firm and then learn to put the

naysayers on IGNORE (I'm really good at ignoring people, lol), or you can NOT

tell them and just do YOU and leave them wondering why. Either way, don't feel

that you owe anyone an explanation or justification for your decision.

If they don't support you, you've got hundreds of " us " online who do and will!

>

> Can someone please tell me the best way to tell my family I have breast cancer

and I refuse to treat with rad/chemo. I plan on seeking alternative treatment

and I know that my family will not understand. I have talked about it in the

past after my aunt died miserably from the effects of the radiation and chemo

treatments and they said words like selfish and suicidal. I am afraid and I

need them. I don't want them to hate or think of me being selfish or suicidal.

How can I explain it to them so that it doesn't sound like Im selfish and

suicidal?

>

[Guest guest]

Just tell them that you will do what most of Oncologists will do and nothing

more.

That's it !! :

In a survey of 79 oncologists from McGill University Cancer Center in Canada, 64

said they would not consent to treatment with Cisplatin, a common chemotherapy

drug, while 58 oncologists said they would reject all the current trials being

carried out by their establishment. Why? " The ineffectiveness of chemotherapy

and its unacceptable degree of toxicity. " Philip Day, Cancer: Why We're Still

Dying to Know the Truth

[Guest guest]

http://articles.mercola.com/sites/articles/archive/2005/07/05/steve-jobs.aspx

This is a talk Apple's Steve Jobs gave at a college. It's an

interesting read, but I felt this quote was pretty applicable here:

*Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life.

Don't be trapped by dogma--which is living with the results of other

people's thinking.

Don't let the noise of other's opinions drown out your own inner voice.

And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition.

They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else

is secondary.

On that page there is a link to another:

http://www.mercola.com/forms/diet_goals.htm

Another good read about setting goals, reviewing, writing them down, etc.

Rowena

*

[Guest guest]

: that was beautiful and empowering for us others as well. thanks for

sharing it. best wishes darcie.

>

> > Can someone please tell me the best way to tell my family I have breast

cancer and I refuse to treat with rad/chemo. I plan on seeking alternative

treatment and I know that my family will not understand. I have talked about it

in the past after my aunt died miserably from the effects of the radiation and

chemo treatments and they said words like selfish and suicidal. I am afraid and

I need them. I don't want them to hate or think of me being selfish or suicidal.

How can I explain it to them so that it doesn't sound like Im selfish and

suicidal?

> >

> >

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

,

Your comments to Darcie are some of the wisest most encouraging I've read on

this list. If I had cancer I'd want you on my side. Everyone who has responded

to Darcie has given great advice but I hope she especially pays attention to

what you're telling her because it makes so much sense and is true...IMHO.

Thank you...that was beautiful to read.

Sandy

>

> > Can someone please tell me the best way to tell my family I have breast

cancer and I refuse to treat with rad/chemo. I plan on seeking alternative

treatment and I know that my family will not understand. I have talked about it

in the past after my aunt died miserably from the effects of the radiation and

chemo treatments and they said words like selfish and suicidal. I am afraid and

I need them. I don't want them to hate or think of me being selfish or suicidal.

How can I explain it to them so that it doesn't sound like Im selfish and

suicidal?

> >

> >

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

I hope I don't seem unappreciative by my lack of response. The support and help

I am receiving from this site is ten times more than I expected and It makes me

feel real good. But truth be told Im scared and I don't know how to act.

Please don't be disappointed in me but this is going to take time to get use to.

Reality hasn't set in yet and I think im going to wake up from this bad dream

soon. I sincerely appreciate your advice and encouragement. Please be assured

that it is not going to deaf ears, just a wounded heart that needs time to heal.

Im sorry

Darcie

[Guest guest]

Hi Darcy,

When you research your options, be sure to print out the studies you come across

that sway your mind one way or another...whether they are pros or cons...so that

you can review it again with an open and more learned mind later, and also so

you can share what you learn with your family. Research your specific cancer,

stage, grade, etc. Research alternatives, and allopathic as well, keep in mind

there's bad medicine in both worlds. But also, there are certain cancers and

situations that can actually benefit with help from BOTH worlds.

As you move along, you may find you'd benefit by a little tweaking of whatever

protocol you go with, or that even changing course altogether is necessary. So,

try not to make decisions based on fear, or stubbornness.

Look at what you've done already for yourself...you found a support group, and a

source for information.

It might help if you start a journal for yourself, organize it so you can find

information easily...maybe a binder so you can add the things you print off. It

will also help you to recall and follow-up on directions of thought/research

that you might have digressed from and would like to get back to.

There are things you can do now to slow the cancer way down as you give yourself

the space you need to think...perhaps starting to juice--or at least eat

more--veggies and fruits, and stopping sugar and processed food consumption.

Get as much sunshine as you can, good for body AND mind...a 'sunnier'

disposition. (Pun intended!)

Take care,

Rose

>

> I hope I don't seem unappreciative by my lack of response. The support and

help I am receiving from this site is ten times more than I expected and It

makes me feel real good. But truth be told Im scared and I don't know how to

act. Please don't be disappointed in me but this is going to take time to get

use to. Reality hasn't set in yet and I think im going to wake up from this bad

dream soon. I sincerely appreciate your advice and encouragement. Please be

assured that it is not going to deaf ears, just a wounded heart that needs time

to heal. Im sorry

> Darcie

>

[Guest guest]

Darci:

You do not need to worry about ANYTHING, other than taking care of yourself.

The initial shock is really difficult to digest. I think we all understand

that part, very well: It all feels like a dream and we all wish to wake up,

when it´s all solved and well..

I think a good way to start digesting what is happening to you in a positive

note, and thus to allow healing to begin now, is to do some of the wonderful

things people have told you about , here. I also believe that the more you

talk about what is happening, what your diagnosis is, what step of the

process you are facing, etc..the more you will learn to live with this new

reality. You will get feedback, which is good, information that you can

start thinking about and printing, or using in the way you find more

useful...

Deal with this one day at the time.. *Set small goals that you can start

accomplishing right away*. Be flexible! allow all feelings to come ,

recognise them but *do not allow them to guide your decisions*. Think

clearly as they have said here, as if you had the most cherished life in

your hands.. You do , by the way!

feel protected and pampered as much as possible ... create positive bonds,

links feelings and thoughts... You can start that right away...

Use the group as much as you need to use it... There are some extremely

knowledgeable people here, and many who have been through what you are going

through..

Caroline Myss, one of my favourite ladies says that when we are faced with

a terribly difficult health challenge, some of us answer " *Do I have to do

all that to recover my health*? " and some of us answer " *IS that ALL I

have to do to recover my health*? " and that one pretty much has the choice

to position oneself in either of the two spots.

I think the best advise you have gotten so far is to EMPOWER yourself! Face

this knowing you are not alone and there is HOPE!

Hopeful thoughts create a lot of good chemicals in your blood, and boost

your immune system! We all need to believe in miracles to see them happen!

You are going through the natural process we all face, and you do not need

to apologize about answering, or not answering. People here all truly

caring people who invest their time in sharing and giving what they have and

know. I am not one to take credit for that since I hardly ever write. I

read all posts however with respect and admiration for all those who so

generously share form their hearts and knowledge to benefit and support

others.. ...

See this as a team and know you are part of it... I wish this in itself can

let you know your Healing journey has begun.

lots of blessings, and light going your way

Lillian

2010/3/7 Darcie

I hope I don't seem unappreciative by my lack of response. The support and

> help I am receiving from this site is ten times more than I expected and It

> makes me feel real good. But truth be told Im scared and I don't know how to

> act. Please don't be disappointed in me but this is going to take time to

> get use to. Reality hasn't set in yet and I think im going to wake up from

> this bad dream soon. I sincerely appreciate your advice and encouragement.

> Please be assured that it is not going to deaf ears, just a wounded heart

> that needs time to heal. Im sorry

> Darcie

[Guest guest]

I did not tell my family until 7 months after the diagnosis. I did tell my

sister right away so she could get checked for Breast Cancer but I asked her not

to tell any of the other family members and she didn't. Once I told them, the

pressure was put on me by them as I'd refused conventional treatment. When I

was first diagnosed, I could hardly contain and change my negative thoughts let

alone fend off the barrage of " assaults " like, " you need surgery, drugs. Have

you spoken with an oncologist? " etc. etc. that they were hurling at me. I was

so glad I waited to tell them. I was a mess when I was first diagnosed and it

was all I could do to keep myself together and try the alternatives I was

pursuing let alone put up with them (my families " advice " ). I love my family

but they don't know what is best for me when it comes to medical care. Healing

cancer is not a 1 size fits all solution like the allopathic physicians are

taught.

I wish you all the best.

Louise