Guest guest Posted July 28, 2003 Report Share Posted July 28, 2003 Just FYI: there is an herbal (available by prescription as well) called " yohimbe " that works in WOMEN as well as men. Anne Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 28, 2003 Report Share Posted July 28, 2003 In a message dated 7/28/2003 7:14:49 PM Central Daylight Time, CanDakota1@... writes: > Just FYI: > there is an herbal (available by prescription as well) called " yohimbe " that > > works in WOMEN as well as men. > > Anne > Be extremely careful with yohimbe. We had a man at the hospital who was taking a " herb " for sexual prowess. He presented to the hospital with uncontrolled B/P that was stroke level and nothing would bring it down. A nurse was giving him his night meds and asked about what he was taking and he said yohimbe. She asked if it worked and he said " Yeah, I'm still taking it " (embarassed the hell out of Faye...LOL). Anyway she went and researched the herb and found out high B/P was a reaction to the yohimbe. They stopped it and within 48 hrs his B/P was within normal limits. I thought he was going to cry when he was told that he couldn't take it anymore. It is also a short term MAO inhibitor drug. Here is a FYI on Yohimbe, Hope it explains..... Yohimbe is a tree that grows throughout the African nations of Cameroon, Gabon and Zaire. (A similar plant in South America is called Quebracho). For centuries, natives from these areas have ingested both the crude bark and purified compound as a tonic to enhance sexual prowess and as an aphrodisiac. The bark has been smoked as a hallucinogen and has been used in traditional medicine to treat angina and hypertension. The herb is a sensual stimulant for healthy men and women. Today, doctors prescribe an extract from the tree to treat organic impotence. Yohimbe's energizing effects stem from it's ability to increase blood flow to the genitals, both male and female. It is thought to stimulate the pelvic nerve ganglia and thus is helpful for men with erection problems. In fact a prescription drug, yohimbine hydrochloride, is the only FDA approved drug for impotence. Effects can include increased libido, increased sensation and increased stamina. Women have also reported similar effects and general pleasant sensations. Yohimbe bark contains about 6% yohimbine. This constituent is an indole alkaloid that is classified as an alpha-2-adrenergic blocking agent. The herb has a general nervous system stimulatory effect and can cause changes in blood pressure by dilating blood vessels. It can increase the heart rate, raise body temperature and increase blood pressure. At higher dosages, it has a mild psychotropic effect. Yohimbe bark stimulates chemical reactions in the body that may aid in psychogenic cases of impotence, due to fatigue, tension and stress. Clinical studies have shown the herb to be effective in restoring potency in diabetic and heart patients who suffer from impotency. As an alpha-adrenoreceptor blocker, yohimbe reduces the effect of hormones that cause constriction of blood vessels, which typically increases as we age. It increases the body's production of norepinephrine which is essential in the formation of erections. Yohimbe may also boost the adrenaline supply to nerve endings, which can quicken male sensual stimulation. It has been used in combination with ginseng and saw palmetto as a remedy for men with low sex drive. Yohimbe is also a short term MAO (monoamine oxidase) inhibitor and should be used with caution, especially if you have high blood pressure. Being an MAO inhibitor, yohimbe should not be taken with any food or drink containing tyramines (cheese, chocolate, beer, aged meats, nuts, etc.) and particularly not with the amino acids tyrosine or phenylalanine. A rise in blood pressure can result from the body not being able to remove the tyramines from these foods. It may be dangerous if used with anti-depressants, sedatives, antihistamines, caffeine, or amphetamines. Yohimbe may have other side effects such as racing heart rate, irritability, headache, nausea, sweating, dizziness and frequent urination. Anyone with a heart condition, kidney disease, glaucoma or history of gastric or duodenal ulcers should avoid this herb. Part Used: The inner bark. Used in tablet, liquid extract, and powder forms. Common Use: The herb has been used for centuries as an aphrodisiac for men, and has similar effects with women. Recent studies suggest the drug may be effective in the treatment of male impotence especially that associated with diabetes. in Bama http://hometown.aol.com/mdl1031/myhomepage/profile.html Surgery- RNY to DS revision on12/6 -377.5 12/17 - 346.5 ( minus 31lbs) 02/12-330.0 (minus 47.5 lbs) 05/12- 304.8 (minus 72.7 lbs)-BMI now 48 06/22- 290.8 (minus 86.7)BMI 46. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 17, 2008 Report Share Posted December 17, 2008 My husband is in denial and I have a hard time making him cooperate with me to get his problem addressed. I am no doctor or psychologist, all the data that I have is: 1. My marriage is unconsummated for over a year. 2. My husband is a pornography addict (he is finally addressing that with therapy, 12 step program). 3. He has compulsively masturbated for years. 4. He has low testosterone (200). 5. He has small, tender testicles that I find hard to feel/find inside his wrinkled scrotum. 6. He has experienced seminal leakage throughout the day sometimes. 7. His semen is watery. 8. He has very low sex drive - he never gets worked up and passionate enough during sex to thrust vigorously enough to penetrate. 9. And biggest problem, he is in denial. I have a very hard time convincing him that he has a problem that needs to be addressed. Is it possible he has damaged his emotional and physical sexual health irreversibly through self-abuse? Is there any hope or should I just run away? I am at the end of my patience. Before someone asks me why did I marry him if he is like this, let me tell you that I was not aware of these facts before marriage, and waited till marriage to have sex. I just feel so frustrated and cheated now. Thanks, Sally Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 18, 2008 Report Share Posted December 18, 2008 Sally, yes, it is quite possible in fact very probable, that he not capable physically and psychologically, to have a mutually satisfying sexual relationship with you. In short, he does not " need " you at all, he takes care of his sexual desires by masturbating with porn, in all likelyhood did so long before he met you. Yes, he is in denial, no he will not admit it. The more I read your comments and think about them, the more convinced I am, rightly or wrongly, that he is just fine with a low testosterone level. In fact, I think if his level was raised to " normal " , he would just masturbate more, and ignore you just like he is now. I know that many here may disagree with me and think your husband can be " saved " , made by TRT and therapy, into the man you want, and deserve, him to be. I think not. He is not, and may very well, never be, capable of a mature sexual relationship with any woman. My advice is to issue him a firm ultimatum, either get on TRT right now and see how you two are together sexually for some period of time, or tell him you want a divorce. Period. You sound like a really great and concerned, loving, wife to put up with this. You definately do NOT DESERVE, to spend your life miserable with this man. You DO deserve, to be free to go out and see if you can find a loving life partner. Yes, they ARE out there, and with internet sites like match.com and eharmony.com, the opportunity to pre screen and meet men looking for a wonderful women like you are just about endless. Bottom line, get tough with him, give hime the ultimatum and stick to it, it is your life that is miserable, not his, YOU deserve it. please keep us informed norton Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 18, 2008 Report Share Posted December 18, 2008 Hi Sally - I agree with Norton. He probably feels more in control by masterbating so there is probably some performance anxiety issues as well as his physical issues. This is such a hard subject for a man to admit to. Its like we are accepting that we are less of a man - I know its that male ego thing but it is a strong emotion for us. There is a medical report that is in the library that evaluated sexual performance to testosterone level. Bottom line is men really need > 500 on T to perform adequately. This is a general statement of coarse some can perform just fine on a lower level. We are all different. He will probably not change anything unless put into a corner like Norton suggested. Tell him that your sexual life is not enough for you. Let him know that this is important enough for you that if you have to you will move on. Sometimes it takes something drastic to get through our thick heads. Also remember that his aggressiveness is non-existent with a T level like his so he has a hard time making the right choices. Ultimately it is up to you. We always have 2 choices in life - either we are willing to live with a situation or we do something different. Good luck - Arkansas From: kahrcw9 <no_reply > Subject: Re: Sexual dysfunction Date: Thursday, December 18, 2008, 10:41 AM Sally, yes, it is quite possible in fact very probable, that he not capable physically and psychologically, to have a mutually satisfying sexual relationship with you. In short, he does not " need " you at all, he takes care of his sexual desires by masturbating with porn, in all likelyhood did so long before he met you. Yes, he is in denial, no he will not admit it. The more I read your comments and think about them, the more convinced I am, rightly or wrongly, that he is just fine with a low testosterone level. In fact, I think if his level was raised to " normal " , he would just masturbate more, and ignore you just like he is now. I know that many here may disagree with me and think your husband can be " saved " , made by TRT and therapy, into the man you want, and deserve, him to be. I think not. He is not, and may very well, never be, capable of a mature sexual relationship with any woman. My advice is to issue him a firm ultimatum, either get on TRT right now and see how you two are together sexually for some period of time, or tell him you want a divorce. Period. You sound like a really great and concerned, loving, wife to put up with this. You definately do NOT DESERVE, to spend your life miserable with this man. You DO deserve, to be free to go out and see if you can find a loving life partner. Yes, they ARE out there, and with internet sites like match.com and eharmony.com, the opportunity to pre screen and meet men looking for a wonderful women like you are just about endless. Bottom line, get tough with him, give hime the ultimatum and stick to it, it is your life that is miserable, not his, YOU deserve it. please keep us informed norton Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 18, 2008 Report Share Posted December 18, 2008 whenharry_metsally wrote: > My husband is in denial and I have a hard time making him cooperate > with me to get his problem addressed. I am no doctor or psychologist, > all the data that I have is: > > 1. My marriage is unconsummated for over a year. > 2. My husband is a pornography addict (he is finally addressing that > with therapy, 12 step program). > 3. He has compulsively masturbated for years. > 4. He has low testosterone (200). > 5. He has small, tender testicles that I find hard to feel/find inside > his wrinkled scrotum. > 6. He has experienced seminal leakage throughout the day sometimes. > 7. His semen is watery. > 8. He has very low sex drive - he never gets worked up and passionate > enough during sex to thrust vigorously enough to penetrate. > 9. And biggest problem, he is in denial. I have a very hard time > convincing him that he has a problem that needs to be addressed. > > Is it possible he has damaged his emotional and physical sexual health > irreversibly through self-abuse? Is there any hope or should I just > run away? I am at the end of my patience. Before someone asks me why > did I marry him if he is like this, let me tell you that I was not > aware of these facts before marriage, and waited till marriage to have > sex. I just feel so frustrated and cheated now. > > Thanks, > Sally As they say about number 3, 98% do it and the other 2% lie about it. If he met your needs and continued with number 3 for any additional needs he had, would that be a problem? The more you want to set him right and " fix " him, the greater his inability to perform will become IMO. The only person anyone can " fix " is themselves. I'm inclined to think that items 8 and 2/3 are incompatibles. He cannot " compulsively " masturbate AND have low sex drive. This also seems to indicate that low testosterone is not an issue with either drive or performance. And finally, I don't think that this is only " his " problem. We are seeing only one side here. Arousal is a multifaceted thing and thinking that sex is dirty generally (except when it's the kind you want) is going to be anti-climatic. The idea that he is in therapy indicates that. My sex drive is many times greater than my wifes and I don't think I'm broken, nor would I ever agree to be " fixed " . I highly recommend the following book, very very highly: Passionate Marriage: Keeping Love and Intimacy Alive in Committed Relationships by Schnarch http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0805058265/bookstorenow57-20 A lot of marriage books are women " focused " in that they seem to think that " talk " is the way to resolutions for both men and women. Women talk, men act, so any kind of therapy needs to take both needs into account. The question is, how can he continue to be who he is and you continue to be who you are, both of you learn to accept each other without the plethora of social and perhaps religious conditioning so that you both can " merge " in deep and intensely physical, erotic, and emotional ways. I never believe that problems are so polarizingly one sided. -- Steve - dudescholar4@... Take World's Smallest Political Quiz at http://www.theadvocates.org/quiz.html " If a thousand old beliefs were ruined on our march to truth we must still march on. " --Stopford Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 18, 2008 Report Share Posted December 18, 2008 I have been on TRT since 1987, but I still have to use Viagra to maintain an erection. I think you are overstepping the mark about advising someone to divorce the husband unless he starts on TRT. TRT doesn't suit everyone and also the correct dose and frequency can take years to reach a satisfactory level. I suspect the husband probably feels miserable too because he can't satisfy his wife. I would advise both him to seek psychotherapy and his wife, counselling long before taking such drastic action as divorce. TRT is not necessarily a cure for sexual dysfunction, there could be other underlying problems. It is also possible from what Sally says about his small testicles that she can barely find, that he has Klinefelters Syndrome. I suggest that he seeks medical intervention from an endocrinologist. Too low a level of T can be just as bad as too high. Perhaps Sally should use the net to find out as much as she can about small testes. Look at Klinefelters Syndrome sites as well as XXY. By reading up on this stuff may give her a better insight into what the underlying issues might be. Print them and leave copies lying around for hubby to pick up. At the very least he should have told her before marriage about these issues. If the Marriage is unconsumated, it can be annulled. However there is far more to a stisfying sexual relationship than being penetrated. Before TRT began in 1987, at the age of 26, my penis was less than 2 inches in length and the same in circumference. Since TRT began it has grown to 4 inches and about 3 in circumference. My balls are tiny, but that is a classic sign of Klinefelters, although some men can have Variant Klinefelters and have a normal or average sized penis. And believe me if he does have Klinefelters then his emotions are no doubt all over the place. I fully understand where Sally is coming from. I had a partner who couldn't penetrate me because of his disabilities. We were together for 3 years, but I loved him not his dick though I thoroughly enjoyed playing with it.......more to the point, so did he! I'm a gay man (who also happens to be Intersex) and I adore anal sex. I like being penetrated, but being in that particular relationship it didn't matter that he couldn't perform in that way, we could make love to one another in many other ways and had a very exciting sexual relationship. Perhaps Sally might entertain the art of Tantric Sex that doesn't involve penetration but will drive both herself and her man wild with lust. If all else fails, she could learn how to make love to herself. I run workshops on how to love yourself and how to make love to yourself. These involve Tantric practices that in turn produce mind blowing orgasms! Divorce or even anullment however should be far, far down the line. Perhaps Sally should tell hubby of the advice she has sought through this group and get him to join too. Steph (Glasgow, UK) PS MY Klinefelters site is: www.xxylegacy.co.uk From: kahrcw9 <no_reply > Subject: Re: Sexual dysfunction Date: Thursday, 18 December, 2008, 4:41 PM Sally, yes, it is quite possible in fact very probable, that he not capable physically and psychologically, to have a mutually satisfying sexual relationship with you. In short, he does not " need " you at all, he takes care of his sexual desires by masturbating with porn, in all likelyhood did so long before he met you. Yes, he is in denial, no he will not admit it. The more I read your comments and think about them, the more convinced I am, rightly or wrongly, that he is just fine with a low testosterone level. In fact, I think if his level was raised to " normal " , he would just masturbate more, and ignore you just like he is now. I know that many here may disagree with me and think your husband can be " saved " , made by TRT and therapy, into the man you want, and deserve, him to be. I think not. He is not, and may very well, never be, capable of a mature sexual relationship with any woman. My advice is to issue him a firm ultimatum, either get on TRT right now and see how you two are together sexually for some period of time, or tell him you want a divorce. Period. You sound like a really great and concerned, loving, wife to put up with this. You definately do NOT DESERVE, to spend your life miserable with this man. You DO deserve, to be free to go out and see if you can find a loving life partner. Yes, they ARE out there, and with internet sites like match.com and eharmony.com, the opportunity to pre screen and meet men looking for a wonderful women like you are just about endless. Bottom line, get tough with him, give hime the ultimatum and stick to it, it is your life that is miserable, not his, YOU deserve it. please keep us informed norton ------------------------------------ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 18, 2008 Report Share Posted December 18, 2008 Steph Meant to ask you how your klinefelters got picked up from you going to see your GP about a headache? since there is no logical link (at least not one I'm aware of) - also don't know how low T would cause headache but then again it is linked to endothelial dysfunction which means arteries can't dilate properly and going on TRT helps this - maybe has same effect on arteries elsewhere in body (head and penis for one) Also penis size I feel is more important for a straight man - I know that's maybe controversial but girls really dont like a small penis - ok too big is an issue as well but mine is just over 5 and thats small enough I think (normal range being 5-7inches). If 4 or less most girls I've ever known would have an issue with that unless there were 'compensating' factors of course - money for one! and they do like girth more than length (assuming length is adequate) This may seem a unfair but life is unfair and despite what girls say size is important to them - each one will have their cut-off point as to whats small/acceptable to them though so there is no definitive or standardised cut-off point cheers > From: kahrcw9 <no_reply > > Subject: Re: Sexual dysfunction > > Date: Thursday, 18 December, 2008, 4:41 PM > > Sally, yes, it is quite possible in fact very probable, that he not > capable physically and psychologically, to have a mutually satisfying > sexual relationship with you. In short, he does not " need " you at > all, > he takes care of his sexual desires by masturbating with porn, in all > likelyhood did so long before he met you. > Yes, he is in denial, no he will not admit it. The more I read your > comments and think about them, the more convinced I am, rightly or > wrongly, that he is just fine with a low testosterone level. In fact, > I think if his level was raised to " normal " , he would just masturbate > > more, and ignore you just like he is now. > I know that many here may disagree with me and think your husband can > be " saved " , made by TRT and therapy, into the man you want, and > deserve, him to be. I think not. He is not, and may very well, never > be, capable of a mature sexual relationship with any woman. > My advice is to issue him a firm ultimatum, either get on TRT right > now and see how you two are together sexually for some period of time, > or tell him you want a divorce. Period. You sound like a really great > and concerned, loving, wife to put up with this. You definately do NOT > DESERVE, to spend your life miserable with this man. You DO deserve, > to be free to go out and see if you can find a loving life partner. > Yes, they ARE out there, and with internet sites like match.com and > eharmony.com, the opportunity to pre screen and meet men looking for a > wonderful women like you are just about endless. > Bottom line, get tough with him, give hime the ultimatum and stick to > it, it is your life that is miserable, not his, YOU deserve it. > please keep us informed > norton > > > > ------------------------------------ > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 18, 2008 Report Share Posted December 18, 2008 Hi, he's got some medical issues for sure... a t level of 200 at an early age is an indication of something wrong... along with the testicle issue and semen consistency.... and all this could have easily bent him to where he doesn't think he can satisfy a " real woman " so he's got the porno issues. this is one of the reasons I'm in favor of pre-marital sex... you know what you're getting into. there are people who are cuckolds... they actually enjoy watching (listening, being told about, etc) their wives extra-marital sexual activities... have you considered (and suggested to him) a threesome with him watching and participating as much he's willing and able? you'd get sex... your husband would get " live porn " ... and you might be able to work him into being intimate with you in a way he can. heck he may be gay/bi and a 3some is JUST want he needs/wants. > > My husband is in denial and I have a hard time making him cooperate > with me to get his problem addressed. I am no doctor or psychologist, > all the data that I have is: > > 1. My marriage is unconsummated for over a year. > 2. My husband is a pornography addict (he is finally addressing that > with therapy, 12 step program). > 3. He has compulsively masturbated for years. > 4. He has low testosterone (200). > 5. He has small, tender testicles that I find hard to feel/find inside > his wrinkled scrotum. > 6. He has experienced seminal leakage throughout the day sometimes. > 7. His semen is watery. > 8. He has very low sex drive - he never gets worked up and passionate > enough during sex to thrust vigorously enough to penetrate. > 9. And biggest problem, he is in denial. I have a very hard time > convincing him that he has a problem that needs to be addressed. > > Is it possible he has damaged his emotional and physical sexual health > irreversibly through self-abuse? Is there any hope or should I just > run away? I am at the end of my patience. Before someone asks me why > did I marry him if he is like this, let me tell you that I was not > aware of these facts before marriage, and waited till marriage to have > sex. I just feel so frustrated and cheated now. > > Thanks, > Sally > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 19, 2008 Report Share Posted December 19, 2008 Sally What level of fitness does your husband have? i.e. does he do any exercise at all as this will exacerbate his symptoms of no energy, libido and some strength training done right could raise his TT marginally but would be step in right direction. I think some other people's comments about your husband on this board have been surprising given that just about everyone on here is on TRT because they have at least some of the same symptoms which most have been hopefully helped with correct TRT treatment. His maburbation issue is no doubt borne out of frustration on his part because he knows deep down he has a problem maintaining his erection for satisfactory intercourse and the attraction with porn is that it requires no energy or demands on him and he can at least get of on it. Any guy though is going to prefer actual sex to watching it through a box - thats just a fact. The big hurdle is him confronting his problem - any guy here will tell you the same. Do you know if he has had these symptoms since puberty? If he has is likely to have a small penis (5 inches or less). I'm not sure if the watery semen is a result of no sperm since most of the liquid is preduced by seminal vesicles and prostate and small amount from testicles. I have low TT (300ng/dL) and have normal colour (cloudy white) but if I ejaculate several times a day then I get watery semen and testicles decrease in size although mines are also small to begin with. I find if I exercise and eat good diet (which includes ensuring zinc and folate requirements are met) and refrain from ejaculation from few days I have better orgasms and good amount of semen. Also stopping myself from ejaculation during sex then starting again helps to build up more fluid and better orgasm - also prolongs the enjoyment Medical literature that I've read seems to be in agreement that not much testosterone is needed to get an erection and that difficulty in maintaining an erection provided small amount of T is present is more likely to be due to endothelial dysfuntion i.e. arteries are not able to dilate during increased heart rate (which low T causes) - the jury is still out on this one of course and there is no agreement what the low cut-off point for TT is One thing for sure though is that low T will have an effect on arteries and cardio exercise like running can combat this to a large extent along with TT supplementation - if fertiltiy was possible with your husband you would need hCG (and if hCG then arimidex to keep estrogen levels in check) Testosterone has also been shown to improve insulin sensitivity which greatly reduces risk of type 2 diabetes (another cardio disease). Therefore although increasing testosterone will decrease HDL slightly it has less effect on LDL and improves endothelial function and insulin sensitivity - along with a good diet and daily exercise (only 30mins good intensity needed) your husbands health will be the where it should be. If erections are still a problem add in Cialis. You will then be much more satisfied yourself I'm sure. > > > > My husband is in denial and I have a hard time making him cooperate > > with me to get his problem addressed. I am no doctor or psychologist, > > all the data that I have is: > > > > 1. My marriage is unconsummated for over a year. > > 2. My husband is a pornography addict (he is finally addressing that > > with therapy, 12 step program). > > 3. He has compulsively masturbated for years. > > 4. He has low testosterone (200). > > 5. He has small, tender testicles that I find hard to feel/find inside > > his wrinkled scrotum. > > 6. He has experienced seminal leakage throughout the day sometimes. > > 7. His semen is watery. > > 8. He has very low sex drive - he never gets worked up and passionate > > enough during sex to thrust vigorously enough to penetrate. > > 9. And biggest problem, he is in denial. I have a very hard time > > convincing him that he has a problem that needs to be addressed. > > > > Is it possible he has damaged his emotional and physical sexual health > > irreversibly through self-abuse? Is there any hope or should I just > > run away? I am at the end of my patience. Before someone asks me why > > did I marry him if he is like this, let me tell you that I was not > > aware of these facts before marriage, and waited till marriage to have > > sex. I just feel so frustrated and cheated now. > > > > Thanks, > > Sally > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 19, 2008 Report Share Posted December 19, 2008 Hello all, I trust that we've come with good intentions to help Sally, & can only imagine that she's appreciative ( & overwhelmed) by the wealth of information. I think we've largely answered & pre-empted many of her questions. She's undoubtedly seen the same answer echoed for certain concerns. Let's give her time to digest & sort through some of the different answers. Agreed? ~Xian Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 19, 2008 Report Share Posted December 19, 2008 I am thankful for the helpful and positive responses I have got (I choose to ignore the negative ones). I guess the right approach would be to first find the underlying cause for low testosterone, see if it can be treated, find out his fertility status through semen analysis, and use non-TRT methods like Viagra, zinc supplementation to increase sex drive, and see if consummation can be achieved. Once he has the number of children he wants, maybe TRT is a good idea because low testosterone causes other health concerns too (rapid aging, etc.). Is this a good approach? The biggest hurdle of course is to make him agree to go. I think he needs to see a doctor irrespective of the marriage or me - it is a health problem that deserves investigation. Divorce is certainly an option I am looking at if I am with a man who is making me miserable by refusing to acknowledge his problems, but first I intend to try out everything. I am almost 30 so I have not many fertile years left myself, so I don't have time to wait years trying to convince my husband that he needs to seek treatment. I suspect that he was aware of this problem before marriage but chose to hide it from me, which makes it fraud, in my opinion. I told him before marriage that having children is one of my life goals. Sally > > Hello all, > > I trust that we've come with good intentions to help Sally, & can only > imagine that she's appreciative ( & overwhelmed) by the wealth of > information. I think we've largely answered & pre-empted many of her > questions. > > She's undoubtedly seen the same answer echoed for certain concerns. > Let's give her time to digest & sort through some of the different > answers. > > Agreed? > > ~Xian > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 20, 2008 Report Share Posted December 20, 2008 Sally The he could still go on TRT to address low T health issue and maintain fertility at the same time but using small dose of hCG in conjuction with TRT > > > > Hello all, > > > > I trust that we've come with good intentions to help Sally, & can only > > imagine that she's appreciative ( & overwhelmed) by the wealth of > > information. I think we've largely answered & pre-empted many of her > > questions. > > > > She's undoubtedly seen the same answer echoed for certain concerns. > > Let's give her time to digest & sort through some of the different > > answers. > > > > Agreed? > > > > ~Xian > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 20, 2008 Report Share Posted December 20, 2008 Sally, You're right about receiving some good advice and trying to help your husband deal with the physical aspect of low T. I hope he will seek out treatment. But.....and this is a BIG BUT.......you must address his pornography/masturbation addiction. And, yes, this sounds like an addiction, just like alcoholism, drug addiction, gambling, etc. I'm not saying that occasional masturbation is bad. But you've been married a year without consummating your marriage? Wake up and small the coffee. This is HUGE and don't stay in denial about it. I can also appreciate that your biological clock is ticking, but do you really want to bring children into a relationship that has major problems? I belong to another group that I strongly encourage your to check out. It's called SupportEdPartners. It's a group for women (although there are a few guys) whose husbands/SO have ED. You've only been experiencing this problem for a year. Many of the ladies have dealt with it for years (myself, 9 years) and trust me....it can really take a toll on you. Don't mean to sound super negative, just trying to be realistic and give you something else to think about. Good luck and I wish you the best. > > > > Hello all, > > > > I trust that we've come with good intentions to help Sally, & can only > > imagine that she's appreciative ( & overwhelmed) by the wealth of > > information. I think we've largely answered & pre-empted many of her > > questions. > > > > She's undoubtedly seen the same answer echoed for certain concerns. > > Let's give her time to digest & sort through some of the different > > answers. > > > > Agreed? > > > > ~Xian > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 20, 2008 Report Share Posted December 20, 2008 Thanks, - it is good to get advice from a woman. Low T has a " ripple effect " on women, even though it is not a physical problem we ourselves have. Yes, I have been thinking about the emotional issues too, alongwith the physical/sexual ones. The marriage is certainly not in an emotionally healthy place right now to bring children. After I had busted his pornography addiction, he has been visiting a therapist and going to Sex Addicts Anonymous meetings (of course, only under threat of divorce, but I guess that is how all addicts are forced to seek help - they hit rock-bottom, not that they have a change of heart). He is still in " going through the motions " kind of recovery (as opposed to the spiritual recovery that 12 step programs aim at). I have to see if he is serious about change, and I have to decide how long am I going to wait to see if he changes. He has to address both his emotional and physical issues, and I get frustrated trying to convince him that he needs to address them. Does low testosterone cause emotional problems, or do emotional problems cause low testosterone? Addictions are maladaptive responses to stress, so I have been wondering if that is something to do with low testosterone too. Does low T affect brain chemistry? I think he needs to address his low T of 200 irrespective of me, irrespective of the marriage, irrespective of sexual life, just for his own sake because of the other associated health risks. I am trying to find an endocrinologist/fertility center in IL. I couldn't find one in the database for this group. Specialists like endocrinologists seem to be booked for months, it is hard to get an appointment soon. I wish my husband would do some of the work of finding information and not me. Well, in my current state I would consider myself lucky if he agrees to go to a doctor I find, let alone find a doctor by himself. Thanks, Sally > > > > > > Hello all, > > > > > > I trust that we've come with good intentions to help Sally, & can > only > > > imagine that she's appreciative ( & overwhelmed) by the wealth of > > > information. I think we've largely answered & pre-empted many of > her > > > questions. > > > > > > She's undoubtedly seen the same answer echoed for certain > concerns. > > > Let's give her time to digest & sort through some of the different > > > answers. > > > > > > Agreed? > > > > > > ~Xian > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 20, 2008 Report Share Posted December 20, 2008 Agreed. From: d00fu524 <calvin1564@...> Subject: Re: Sexual dysfunction Date: Friday, 19 December, 2008, 5:37 PM Hello all, I trust that we've come with good intentions to help Sally, & can only imagine that she's appreciative ( & overwhelmed) by the wealth of information. I think we've largely answered & pre-empted many of her questions. She's undoubtedly seen the same answer echoed for certain concerns. Let's give her time to digest & sort through some of the different answers. Agreed? ~Xian ------------------------------------ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 21, 2008 Report Share Posted December 21, 2008 Hi Sally, Personally I don't believe an endo is the best choice. Endo's " do " diabetes mostly, that represents usually up to 90% of their patient base. If you want quick results, consider Dr. Crisler in Lansing, MI. It's about a 3 and a half hour drive from Chicago (you said you were in IL, not sure where). I know that sort of drive is a PAIN, but you could see him NEXT WEEK most likely. You and your husband might have some time off and can make a day of it. He ONLY does male stuff like this. He can give your husband his first shot of testosterone right in his office NEXT WEEK! Here is his website. http://www.allthingsmale.com/index.htm You can see him once a year in person, and in between your husband can do follow ups by phone. His rates are super reasonable, not " big city " rates. Neil > > > > > > > > Hello all, > > > > > > > > I trust that we've come with good intentions to help Sally, & can > > only > > > > imagine that she's appreciative ( & overwhelmed) by the wealth of > > > > information. I think we've largely answered & pre-empted many of > > her > > > > questions. > > > > > > > > She's undoubtedly seen the same answer echoed for certain > > concerns. > > > > Let's give her time to digest & sort through some of the different > > > > answers. > > > > > > > > Agreed? > > > > > > > > ~Xian > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 22, 2008 Report Share Posted December 22, 2008 > Does low testosterone cause emotional problems, or do emotional > problems cause low testosterone? Hi, I'd say low test can cause emotional issues. testosterone is what makes a man feel like a MAN... it's what has a man running INTO a burning building when the women and children are running OUT... it's responsible for strength (physical -and- emotional) with a real low test level I can easily see a guy not feeling he has the ability to satisfy his wife... the -confidence- isn't there even if he can physically get an erection. I'd recommend getting him on TRT along with counseling/SAA so he can feel he CAN satisfy his wife... if he's a virgin (or near virgin... I have this feeling that while he may have had sex with a sex worker he may not have ever had a regular positive sexual relationship with someone he loves...) so... get him on TRT and SEDUCE HIM... that way he can see that YOU, his Wife, -wants- him... and yes it's OK for a wife to seduce her husband... you may want to check out the kind of porn he watches... he may want to be tied up and you " take him against his will " ... I dunno... but it's perfectly OK for a husband and wife to do ANYTHING they both desire... if that means dressing up as a schoolgirl, nurse, french maid, dominatrix, etc (Fredericks has lots of this kinda stuff and being as it's been a steady seller for decades I'd say LOTS of people like to play that way) it's OK. now he may pop in 15 seconds... don't make a big deal out of it... continue to be sexual and sensual with him... show him all the many things he can do to please you, his wife... take his hand and show him... guide his head (just take his head, put it where you want it, and tell him how... up/down, left/right, circles, whatever)... he'll learn (along with a little test to help confidence and potency). he may need you to teach him how to make love with you... yea I'm sure he knows the mechanics but that's not what I mean... I'm talking about being loving and sensual and sexual in ways you both enjoy... together... > I think he needs to address his low T of 200 irrespective of me, > irrespective of the marriage, irrespective of sexual life, just for > his own sake because of the other associated health risks. yes > I am trying to find an endocrinologist/fertility center in IL. I > couldn't find one in the database for this group. google Testosterone Replacement Therapy and see what you come up with. I know even Memphis, Tn has a clinic advertising now... and isn't Dr. in like Milwaukee or ??? not a long drive... I'm sure Chicago has TRT clinics (again use google and the yellow pages... sometimes they'll call themselves anti-aging clinics for men) > I wish my husband would do some of the work of > finding information and not me. Well, in my current state I would > consider myself lucky if he agrees you could just go BUY a vial of test, arimidex, and hcg and start him on the " standard regimen " (1/2cc of test, 1/4 tab of arimidex every other day, and 250iu of hcg on days 5 and 6... see the texts in the files section)... you can get the labwork done easily enough (there are several online places that can set that up). but I'm not a doctor and ymmv. but 2-3 days after that first shot he'll -notice- since his test level will be higher than it has in YEARS and he'll feel better generally. it really can be pretty amazing :-} ttyl Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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