Wisdom of Intimacy from those in Love

July 11, 2008

Good Day Men,

Truly I appreciate all of your insight to this plight of evil that has

befallen us.

I am asking for wisdom from those of you are currently in love and practicing

intimacy. What I mean by that is now that I am impotent. I am lost as to

express intimacy.

My history is I was never a good lover as far as ability or technique. I was

always shaky in that respect but I found a place with my wife where I could be

lost in the simple beauty of premature orgasm. More or less a state of joy as

young man lost his virginity and was totaly elated during his second

visit. Somehow I was able to remain captivated in that freedom.

Together we found a place for both of us to be orgasmic, tender,

compassionate, truly on one accord. Well past a 'Get Some' mentality.

Is it o.k to be fraudulent with my wife in terms of intimacy. What I mean is I

want to stimulate her to the best I can. Maintain her loving confidence the best

I can. Because I long for the day we can cleave once again. But physically

when we embrace I feel nothing. I smootch and kiss but think of a well butterd

lobster and a nicely charred grilled strip steak.

I have lost the intimacy of my heart as well as my body. Will it return? How

should I proceed and with what precautions. When I lied I was a good liar.

When I was honest I was extremely honest.

How should I preserve her being??? I do love her. I am running out of ways to

cover up the gap between the excellence of our past and my disparity of the

present.

Your Friend,

Justus Gent

July 11, 2008

I can only say that you have a serious issue that goes well beyond

the everyday issues of this group. Most of us have the motivation,

it's the opportunity that causes us grief.

Without trying to sound like a therapist, which I am not, I have to

state that everyone has things they like, things they dislike, and

things that they just don't have all that much care for. You sould

like intimacy falls into the third category. It doesn't turn you

off, but it doesn't turn you on either...

Personally I've had that issue to some extent from a physical rather

than a psycological perspective. In that I mean that while I had

tons of desire, general intimacy did not always produce the

physiological effects required for me to follow through with my

psycological desires. I had to find coping mechanisms, and i did.

At least for a while.

My mechanisms caused me to become a giver. I sought pleasure in the

pleasure of others, and I opened my mind to any and every conceivable

way to do so. Surprisingly enough, as I did this, the very act of

thinking broader had a physiological effect and it at least for some

time solved my problem over all.

For instance, when plain old vanilla didn't seem to cut it, I would

try things such as highly increased fore play. We would start out on

a Saturday teasing each other all afternoon. Working up to something

in our minds. An intimate dinner somewhere that was followed up with

dancing that could be cheek to cheek if possible. Extra points for

whispering some suggestive remarks during a dance. Clear your mind

of all that is around you and find that little space in your brain

that remembers what it was like when you were dating. Fantasize

about it all week, work it, over and over again.

By the time we would get home, it was all we could do not to tear the

crap out of what ever clothing we had on and break into some very hot

and steamy.

Over the years, other techniques, including games, toys, reading the

Kama Sutra at bed time together and trying to make sense of what it

was saying, adult movies, as well as the occasional naughty time such

as finding an empty parking lot etc all helped. It was truly a case

of just changing the game to something that caught my attention more.

But all of that is secondary to the fact that in the end, as a

couple, you both simply have to find your rhythm. A place where you

can provide what she needs, and vis versa... and that requires simple

yet oh so difficult communication between you. No lies, but honesty

does not need to be brutal either. Both will give and both will take

and somewhere in there you find a place where both are comfortable.

If not, then there are deeper issues that must be addressed. The

above examples are just the mechanics that I used... What you do may

be totally unrelated. But in the end the path is the same. Sit,

talk, discuss, take into account each others feelings, and if you

really love each other and want each other, all it takes is a little

properly placed romance to drive things in the right direction.

Good luck with it. I'm pulling for you.

RB

PS In the last 10 years I've had 4 Long term relationships. Three of

them were incredibly hot and romantic, and made for 8 of the 10

years. In each case, we would go dancing 2 or 3 times a month, and

that day, we would have no intimacy at all before we got back from

the dance club. There is something incredibly hot about dancing with

(by with I mean physically touching, not standing 3 feet apart!!!)

the one you love. Let the music be a catalyst and let the whole

world fall away from around you. Let yourself see no one else in the

entire world except your lover. Look at her, think of her, think of

pleasing her and her reciprocating. Hold her tightly and look into

her eyes as much as possible. Let your eyes do the talking. Anyone

who can do this will NEVER have their mate question their feelings,

because the eyes don't lie.

>

> Good Day Men,

> Truly I appreciate all of your insight to this plight of evil

that has befallen us.

> I am asking for wisdom from those of you are currently in love and

practicing intimacy. What I mean by that is now that I am

impotent. I am lost as to express intimacy.

> My history is I was never a good lover as far as ability or

technique. I was always shaky in that respect but I found a place

with my wife where I could be lost in the simple beauty of premature

orgasm. More or less a state of joy as young man lost his virginity

and was totaly elated during his second visit. Somehow I was able to

remain captivated in that freedom.

>

> Together we found a place for both of us to be orgasmic, tender,

compassionate, truly on one accord. Well past a 'Get Some' mentality.

> Is it o.k to be fraudulent with my wife in terms of intimacy. What

I mean is I want to stimulate her to the best I can. Maintain her

loving confidence the best I can. Because I long for the day we can

cleave once again. But physically when we embrace I feel nothing.

I smootch and kiss but think of a well butterd lobster and a nicely

charred grilled strip steak.

> I have lost the intimacy of my heart as well as my body. Will it

return? How should I proceed and with what precautions. When I

lied I was a good liar. When I was honest I was extremely honest.

> How should I preserve her being??? I do love her. I am running

out of ways to cover up the gap between the excellence of our past

and my disparity of the present.

> Your Friend,

> Justus Gent

>

July 11, 2008

Justus

The bigest key to imaticy my wife and I found was communication,

communication, communication.

After dinner, at the table, the TV goes off. We each have one program

a week. Mine is NASCAR and hers is American Idol.

I found that when I opened my heart and being to my wife our world

changed. I told her stuff about myself that I was ashamed of and had

kept to myself for 40 years. Guess what she already knew just the act

of me telling her made her more responsive to me. To be blunt I was a

B****** before her. She retrevied me from myself to the man she knew

I was.

We talk about our hopes, dreams, sorrows. The good times and the bad

are all the same now.

Sounds like your wife loves you for you not just sex. I also am 100%

impotent now and awaiting an Implant. It has been a 3 year wait

because of other health problems but she has been with me all the

way. I will never forget the time she said " Jack I did not marry you

for your penis. " I bet your wife feels the same if you will just let

her tell you in her own time and way.

Counceling would not hurt, but remember communication, communication,

communicatio is the key. Open Up To Her, tell her how you feel.

Buy the way we talk in a nuteral room, sun room. Works best without

distractions. Sometime we look up and it is well past bed time.

Hope this helps.

Jack

> >

> > Good Day Men,

> > Truly I appreciate all of your insight to this plight of evil

> that has befallen us.

> > I am asking for wisdom from those of you are currently in love

and

> practicing intimacy. What I mean by that is now that I am

> impotent. I am lost as to express intimacy.

> > My history is I was never a good lover as far as ability or

> technique. I was always shaky in that respect but I found a place

> with my wife where I could be lost in the simple beauty of

premature

> orgasm. More or less a state of joy as young man lost his virginity

> and was totaly elated during his second visit. Somehow I was able

to

> remain captivated in that freedom.

> >

> > Together we found a place for both of us to be orgasmic, tender,

> compassionate, truly on one accord. Well past a 'Get Some'

mentality.

> > Is it o.k to be fraudulent with my wife in terms of intimacy.

What

> I mean is I want to stimulate her to the best I can. Maintain her

> loving confidence the best I can. Because I long for the day we

can

> cleave once again. But physically when we embrace I feel

nothing.

> I smootch and kiss but think of a well butterd lobster and a nicely

> charred grilled strip steak.

> > I have lost the intimacy of my heart as well as my body. Will

it

> return? How should I proceed and with what precautions. When I

> lied I was a good liar. When I was honest I was extremely honest.

> > How should I preserve her being??? I do love her. I am running

> out of ways to cover up the gap between the excellence of our past

> and my disparity of the present.

> > Your Friend,

> > Justus Gent

> >

July 11, 2008

Thanks for your sharing your insight and experience. You have given me some

good direction. I appreciate it greatly. It is already helping. Life finds

away-something I forgot in all these methods and procedures.

Sincerely,

Justus Gent

Re: Wisdom of Intimacy from those in Love