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Re: Heal my Perspective

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Best help I could give you is for you to post your labs so we can see if your

Dr. did the right tests and tell us what meds your on. If you are suffering low

testosterone and you treat it all this will go away low T makes one feel like

this.

Co-Moderator

Phil

> From: Justus Gent <verilylight@...>

> Subject: Heal my Perspective

>

> Date: Monday, June 30, 2008, 11:36 PM

> I have suffered what I call dinity Abuse. It is the assault

> of my

> self perception.

>

> I am in search of seeing myself as whole and not broken. I

> have

> many 'Cut to the bone' experiences.

>

> In this affliction Hypogonadism I have hid and fled all my

> days.

> I have problems with concepts and statements like 'Live

> life to its

> fullest'

>

> I am exhausted and no longer trust hope. I am as a man

> that hides

> from a savage wild beast. It sees me and I see it.

> Hypogonadism is

> crushing me. It is killing me slowly.

>

> Has anyone had growth or life to their withered blossom?

> Can you

> help me gain my perspective. It is always from the torment

> of

> brokenness and never from the state of a good beginning.

>

> Hope has made me lie to myself. I fear accepting

> hypogonadism

> because it is not the real me. It is a disease or an

> affliction but

> it is not me. I have it but can't get rid of it.

>

> I am like a blind man who had sight for 15 seconds and then

> returned

> to blindness.

>

> How can I understand Manhood and The Natural Use of the Sex

>

> For those of you who have read the bible. I am in distress

> as the man

> at the pool of Bethesda. Someone always gets in before me

> and I have

> no one to truly help me. Year after year I know, wait and

> hope but

> in the end I am just unhealed and let down.

>

> I don't know how to do this anymore. I need closure.

> Existing in the

> state of continual trying is a sore evil and daily

> vexation.

>

> Help me escape the prison of my mind.

> The scars of heart,the let downs and the mis understanding.

>

> The Initial joy when I see men who are whole; and then the

> sorrow

> for to me it is witheld.

>

> Racism, poverty - Nothing hurts me more than this

> Hypogonadism

>

> If you have the power of truth- Please set me Free.

>

> Mr. Justus Gent

>

>

>

>

> ------------------------------------

>

>

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Guest guest

Hey Justus - welcome to the group - you are in the right place. We all have been

there and the good news is it can be fixed. To help you however, we need to know

your history and symptoms. For example what test have been conducted and what

were your results. Can you get erections and maintain them. Do not be afraid to

discuss personal matters for we have all been there. It is a long road but well

worth it in the end. By the way you write very well.

 

Arkansas

From: Justus Gent <verilylight@...>

Subject: Heal my Perspective

Date: Monday, June 30, 2008, 10:36 PM

I have suffered what I call dinity Abuse. It is the assault of my

self perception.

I am in search of seeing myself as whole and not broken. I have

many 'Cut to the bone' experiences.

In this affliction Hypogonadism I have hid and fled all my days.

I have problems with concepts and statements like 'Live life to its

fullest'

I am exhausted and no longer trust hope. I am as a man that hides

from a savage wild beast. It sees me and I see it. Hypogonadism is

crushing me. It is killing me slowly.

Has anyone had growth or life to their withered blossom? Can you

help me gain my perspective. It is always from the torment of

brokenness and never from the state of a good beginning.

Hope has made me lie to myself. I fear accepting hypogonadism

because it is not the real me. It is a disease or an affliction but

it is not me. I have it but can't get rid of it.

I am like a blind man who had sight for 15 seconds and then returned

to blindness.

How can I understand Manhood and The Natural Use of the Sex

For those of you who have read the bible. I am in distress as the man

at the pool of Bethesda. Someone always gets in before me and I have

no one to truly help me. Year after year I know, wait and hope but

in the end I am just unhealed and let down.

I don't know how to do this anymore. I need closure. Existing in the

state of continual trying is a sore evil and daily vexation.

Help me escape the prison of my mind.

The scars of heart,the let downs and the mis understanding.

The Initial joy when I see men who are whole; and then the sorrow

for to me it is witheld.

Racism, poverty - Nothing hurts me more than this Hypogonadism

If you have the power of truth- Please set me Free.

Mr. Justus Gent

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Thank you Mr. Georgian,

I have had 3 testosterone tests in the last 2 months.  Testosterone surum 161, 

Treated with 200mg shot, went down to 137,

Test results as of 6/19 collected, reported 6/21

FSH 8.3 mIU/ml

LH  4.4 mIU/ml

Testosterone Serum 170L ng/dl

Free Testosterone  3.0L pg/ml

TSH  1.609

Cortisol 7.5 ug/dl

Prolactin 5.0 ng/ml

Carbon Dioxide, Total  was 19L just under range of 20-32

(sodium,potassium, chloride, calcium, all just making range)

Current treatment is Testim 1%  1/2 tube of 50mg per 5g tube daily.

Given Livitra to take 1/2 tablet 10mg 2-3 times weekly.  Made me delusional and

confused and did nothing to help stimulate me.  I went to my Primary yesterday

after a 'meltdown'  He said I did not have to take it. He called my

Endocronoligst personally.  I took a MRI on 6/25.  They discussed results and he

said the Endocronologist didn't think it was Hypogontropic but will discuss

results on 7/8.

Please Advise!!!!

Heal my Perspective

>

> Date: Monday, June 30, 2008, 11:36 PM

> I have suffered what I call dinity Abuse. It is the assault

> of my

> self perception.

>

> I am in search of seeing myself as whole and not broken. I

> have

> many 'Cut to the bone' experiences.

>

> In this affliction Hypogonadism I have hid and fled all my

> days.

> I have problems with concepts and statements like 'Live

> life to its

> fullest'

>

> I am exhausted and no longer trust hope. I am as a man

> that hides

> from a savage wild beast. It sees me and I see it.

> Hypogonadism is

> crushing me. It is killing me slowly.

>

> Has anyone had growth or life to their withered blossom?

> Can you

> help me gain my perspective. It is always from the torment

> of

> brokenness and never from the state of a good beginning.

>

> Hope has made me lie to myself. I fear accepting

> hypogonadism

> because it is not the real me. It is a disease or an

> affliction but

> it is not me. I have it but can't get rid of it.

>

> I am like a blind man who had sight for 15 seconds and then

> returned

> to blindness.

>

> How can I understand Manhood and The Natural Use of the Sex

>

> For those of you who have read the bible. I am in distress

> as the man

> at the pool of Bethesda. Someone always gets in before me

> and I have

> no one to truly help me. Year after year I know, wait and

> hope but

> in the end I am just unhealed and let down.

>

> I don't know how to do this anymore. I need closure.

> Existing in the

> state of continual trying is a sore evil and daily

> vexation.

>

> Help me escape the prison of my mind.

> The scars of heart,the let downs and the mis understanding.

>

> The Initial joy when I see men who are whole; and then the

> sorrow

> for to me it is witheld.

>

> Racism, poverty - Nothing hurts me more than this

> Hypogonadism

>

> If you have the power of truth- Please set me Free.

>

> Mr. Justus Gent

>

>

>

>

> ------------ --------- --------- ------

>

>

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Dan,

I have had 3 Testosteron Tests over the last 2 months.  161( treated with 200mg

shot) 30 days later after retest 137.   Last test 6/21 results

Testosterone 170 ng/dl

Free Testosterone 3.0  pg/ml

FSH 8.3 mIU/mL

LH 4.4 mIU/mL

TSH 1.609 uIU/ml

Cortisol 7.5 ug/dl

Prolactin 5..0 ng/ml

History -small penis and testicles.  Best ever 4 inches errect and 0-1 flaccid

Current last errection 2.0 errect.  0-1 flaccid.   Current no errection

possible, slight blood flow. Penis will ejaculate but painful to do because it

is not errect. Only takes a about 30 seconds to get semen but it is very weird. 

It is not an arousal at all.   Its more like when you run out of toothpaste and

and beat up the tube.  I tried 2 weeks agon and I had to stop. It was hopeless.

Current Treatment is Testim 1% 1/2 tube of 50mg from 5g tube once daily

Given Lavitra- tried it once- made me feel delusional, no stimulus whatsoever

even when forcing it.

Took MRI on 6/25.  I went to my primary yesterday after a meltdown.  Told me not

take the Levirta.

He called my Endrocrnlogist.  He told me MRI was not conclusive for

Hyogonotropic Hypogonadism.

I will see Endrocronologist on 6/8.

Please advise!!!

Heal my Perspective

Date: Monday, June 30, 2008, 10:36 PM

I have suffered what I call dinity Abuse. It is the assault of my

self perception.

I am in search of seeing myself as whole and not broken. I have

many 'Cut to the bone' experiences.

In this affliction Hypogonadism I have hid and fled all my days.

I have problems with concepts and statements like 'Live life to its

fullest'

I am exhausted and no longer trust hope. I am as a man that hides

from a savage wild beast. It sees me and I see it. Hypogonadism is

crushing me. It is killing me slowly.

Has anyone had growth or life to their withered blossom? Can you

help me gain my perspective. It is always from the torment of

brokenness and never from the state of a good beginning.

Hope has made me lie to myself. I fear accepting hypogonadism

because it is not the real me. It is a disease or an affliction but

it is not me. I have it but can't get rid of it.

I am like a blind man who had sight for 15 seconds and then returned

to blindness.

How can I understand Manhood and The Natural Use of the Sex

For those of you who have read the bible. I am in distress as the man

at the pool of Bethesda. Someone always gets in before me and I have

no one to truly help me. Year after year I know, wait and hope but

in the end I am just unhealed and let down.

I don't know how to do this anymore. I need closure. Existing in the

state of continual trying is a sore evil and daily vexation.

Help me escape the prison of my mind.

The scars of heart,the let downs and the mis understanding.

The Initial joy when I see men who are whole; and then the sorrow

for to me it is witheld.

Racism, poverty - Nothing hurts me more than this Hypogonadism

If you have the power of truth- Please set me Free.

Mr. Justus Gent

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Guest guest

Verily Light one thing stands out your Cortisol level it is very low Dr.'s only

look for 's when testing this and will tell you your OK your in range yet

your very low. This looks like Adrenal Fatigue to me here is some links about

this.

http://www.lammd.com/A3R_brief_in_doc_format/adrenal_fatigue.cfm

http://www.tuberose.com/Adrenal_Glands.html

We did this FAQ's on this at this link it's full of info read it and the links

in it. You will find labs you can buy a Saliva test that checks this 4 x's in a

day. This will show you what your levels look like in the day.

http://www.stopthethyroidmadness.com/adrenal-info/faq/

Your labs are lower then mine were I am Hypopituitary it took me 23 yrs to

figure this out dam Dr.'s one after the other kept telling me I am Primary

meaning my Testis don't work to make enough testosterone. Now that I know this

we treat everything. I have been on Cortef for low cortisol now 2 yrs and I now

feel the best ever.

Your testosterone levels are way to low and doing 1/2 a tube of Testim is not

even a starting dose. Are you sure your Dr.'s know how to treat this. Your

labs look like your Primary you need to do 2 tubes of Testim then retest in 6

weeks also adding Estradiol to your labs. If this is very high it will take

away from the good the Testim is trying to do. If your levels don't get up into

the upper 1/3 of your labs range for Total and Free Testosterone then you need

to switch to shots I had too the gels just did not get through my skin to get my

levels up high enough. Also keep your Estradiol down to about 20 pg/ml. This

go by how you feel If you switch to shots start at 100mgs and do them every

week.

Your feeling like this because you not only have low Testosterone by your

Cortisol levels are very low. This will keep you down feeling fatigue, Brain

Fog, Depression and a loss of libido with some bad ED.

I am also a mod for men's thyroid problems and I tell all then new men to run

these labs.

http://forums.realthyroidhelp.com/viewtopic.php?f=5 & t=7059

In this link is a link to Dr. 's site read TRT: A Recipe for Success and his

HCG update. He is one of the best Dr.'s for low T if your Dr. is not up on this

you can ask him if he would test and treat you over the phone with Dr. he

dose this.

Co-Moderator

Phil

>

> > From: Justus Gent <verilylight>

> > Subject: Heal my Perspective

> >

> > Date: Monday, June 30, 2008, 11:36 PM

> > I have suffered what I call dinity Abuse. It is the

> assault

> > of my

> > self perception.

> >

> > I am in search of seeing myself as whole and not

> broken. I

> > have

> > many 'Cut to the bone' experiences.

> >

> > In this affliction Hypogonadism I have hid and fled

> all my

> > days.

> > I have problems with concepts and statements like

> 'Live

> > life to its

> > fullest'

> >

> > I am exhausted and no longer trust hope. I am as a man

> > that hides

> > from a savage wild beast. It sees me and I see it.

> > Hypogonadism is

> > crushing me. It is killing me slowly.

> >

> > Has anyone had growth or life to their withered

> blossom?

> > Can you

> > help me gain my perspective. It is always from the

> torment

> > of

> > brokenness and never from the state of a good

> beginning.

> >

> > Hope has made me lie to myself. I fear accepting

> > hypogonadism

> > because it is not the real me. It is a disease or an

> > affliction but

> > it is not me. I have it but can't get rid of it.

> >

> > I am like a blind man who had sight for 15 seconds and

> then

> > returned

> > to blindness.

> >

> > How can I understand Manhood and The Natural Use of

> the Sex

> >

> > For those of you who have read the bible. I am in

> distress

> > as the man

> > at the pool of Bethesda. Someone always gets in before

> me

> > and I have

> > no one to truly help me. Year after year I know, wait

> and

> > hope but

> > in the end I am just unhealed and let down.

> >

> > I don't know how to do this anymore. I need

> closure.

> > Existing in the

> > state of continual trying is a sore evil and daily

> > vexation.

> >

> > Help me escape the prison of my mind.

> > The scars of heart,the let downs and the mis

> understanding.

> >

> > The Initial joy when I see men who are whole; and then

> the

> > sorrow

> > for to me it is witheld.

> >

> > Racism, poverty - Nothing hurts me more than this

> > Hypogonadism

> >

> > If you have the power of truth- Please set me Free.

> >

> > Mr. Justus Gent

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > ------------ --------- --------- ------

> >

> >

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Guest guest

Thank You so Very, very, very much!!!

I will follow up with you as results come in.  Am I correct in your

recommendation to purchase the saliva test on my own and not have either the

primary or endocronoligst order the tests?

Heal my Perspective

> >

> > Date: Monday, June 30, 2008, 11:36 PM

> > I have suffered what I call dinity Abuse. It is the

> assault

> > of my

> > self perception.

> >

> > I am in search of seeing myself as whole and not

> broken. I

> > have

> > many 'Cut to the bone' experiences.

> >

> > In this affliction Hypogonadism I have hid and fled

> all my

> > days.

> > I have problems with concepts and statements like

> 'Live

> > life to its

> > fullest'

> >

> > I am exhausted and no longer trust hope. I am as a man

> > that hides

> > from a savage wild beast. It sees me and I see it.

> > Hypogonadism is

> > crushing me. It is killing me slowly.

> >

> > Has anyone had growth or life to their withered

> blossom?

> > Can you

> > help me gain my perspective. It is always from the

> torment

> > of

> > brokenness and never from the state of a good

> beginning.

> >

> > Hope has made me lie to myself. I fear accepting

> > hypogonadism

> > because it is not the real me. It is a disease or an

> > affliction but

> > it is not me. I have it but can't get rid of it.

> >

> > I am like a blind man who had sight for 15 seconds and

> then

> > returned

> > to blindness.

> >

> > How can I understand Manhood and The Natural Use of

> the Sex

> >

> > For those of you who have read the bible. I am in

> distress

> > as the man

> > at the pool of Bethesda. Someone always gets in before

> me

> > and I have

> > no one to truly help me. Year after year I know, wait

> and

> > hope but

> > in the end I am just unhealed and let down.

> >

> > I don't know how to do this anymore. I need

> closure.

> > Existing in the

> > state of continual trying is a sore evil and daily

> > vexation.

> >

> > Help me escape the prison of my mind.

> > The scars of heart,the let downs and the mis

> understanding.

> >

> > The Initial joy when I see men who are whole; and then

> the

> > sorrow

> > for to me it is witheld.

> >

> > Racism, poverty - Nothing hurts me more than this

> > Hypogonadism

> >

> > If you have the power of truth- Please set me Free.

> >

> > Mr. Justus Gent

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > ------------ --------- --------- ------

> >

> >

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Guest guest

You can try having a Dr. give you a Saliva test but like I told you most Dr.'s

don't believe in Adrenal Fatigue they just look for you to be below or above the

labs range. If your in it then they tell you your ok. Endos are the worst

Dr.'s for low testosterone, thyroid and Adrenal problems. We have so many men

come here saying there Dr. an Endo said they are fine with levels of

testosterone at levels of 300 bottom of range at about 250. Or younger men

saying they are below normal but the Endo told them they are to young to go on

Testosterone meds. Best Dr.'s for this are DO Dr.'s.

American Academy of Osteopathy

Find an osteopath in US and some other countries

http://www.academyofosteopathy.org/findphys.cfm

Find an osteopath

http://www.osteopathic.org/index.cfm?PageID=findado_main

General Osteopathic Council

Find an osteopath in almost any country

http://www.osteopathy.org.uk/find_osteo/

Healthfinder

Find an osteopath near you in the US. Also links to site to explain what an

osteopath is.

http://www.healthfinder.gov/Scripts/SearchContext.asp?topic=3786

*I recommend avoiding osteopathic endos. They seem to be the same as regular

endos.

You can get the test for less money at this these labs.

1) LAB WORK from Canary Club. You can choose from two lab facilities–Diagnos

Tech (saliva test for adrenals & reproductive hormones) or ZRT (thyroid,

adrenals, reproductive hormones).

I need to tell you the saliva tests for sex hormones are not anygood they do a

lot of tests in this the only one you need to read is Cortisol.

Here is a link showing the stages of Adrenal Problems you start out very high

and as time goes on the Adrenals can't put out cortisol they are over worked so

you start to see in the later stages levels going down and DHEA takes a hit with

it.

http://www.chronicfatigue.org/ASI%201%20.html

Try to find out whats wrong and treat it you will find you will become a new man

and you will get your sex life back.

Co-Moderator

Phil

> >

> > > From: Justus Gent <verilylight>

> > > Subject: Heal my Perspective

> > >

> > > Date: Monday, June 30, 2008, 11:36 PM

> > > I have suffered what I call dinity Abuse. It is

> the

> > assault

> > > of my

> > > self perception.

> > >

> > > I am in search of seeing myself as whole and not

> > broken. I

> > > have

> > > many 'Cut to the bone' experiences.

> > >

> > > In this affliction Hypogonadism I have hid and

> fled

> > all my

> > > days.

> > > I have problems with concepts and statements like

> > 'Live

> > > life to its

> > > fullest'

> > >

> > > I am exhausted and no longer trust hope. I am as

> a man

> > > that hides

> > > from a savage wild beast. It sees me and I see

> it.

> > > Hypogonadism is

> > > crushing me. It is killing me slowly.

> > >

> > > Has anyone had growth or life to their withered

> > blossom?

> > > Can you

> > > help me gain my perspective. It is always from

> the

> > torment

> > > of

> > > brokenness and never from the state of a good

> > beginning.

> > >

> > > Hope has made me lie to myself. I fear accepting

> > > hypogonadism

> > > because it is not the real me. It is a disease or

> an

> > > affliction but

> > > it is not me. I have it but can't get rid of

> it.

> > >

> > > I am like a blind man who had sight for 15

> seconds and

> > then

> > > returned

> > > to blindness.

> > >

> > > How can I understand Manhood and The Natural Use

> of

> > the Sex

> > >

> > > For those of you who have read the bible. I am in

> > distress

> > > as the man

> > > at the pool of Bethesda. Someone always gets in

> before

> > me

> > > and I have

> > > no one to truly help me. Year after year I know,

> wait

> > and

> > > hope but

> > > in the end I am just unhealed and let down.

> > >

> > > I don't know how to do this anymore. I need

> > closure.

> > > Existing in the

> > > state of continual trying is a sore evil and

> daily

> > > vexation.

> > >

> > > Help me escape the prison of my mind.

> > > The scars of heart,the let downs and the mis

> > understanding.

> > >

> > > The Initial joy when I see men who are whole; and

> then

> > the

> > > sorrow

> > > for to me it is witheld.

> > >

> > > Racism, poverty - Nothing hurts me more than this

> > > Hypogonadism

> > >

> > > If you have the power of truth- Please set me

> Free.

> > >

> > > Mr. Justus Gent

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > > ------------ --------- --------- ------

> > >

> > >

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Guest guest

Hey Justus - I read Phil's response to you and he is right on target. Follow the

advice in his response would be my recommendation also. A lot of men can not

absorb the gels/creams. The other thing I would consider is shots. For me they

were a life saver. Do not do 200 mg shots - that is too much - the large doses

converts to estradiol which also negates the benefits. 100 mg every 7 days at a

minimum is the standard now. I take 50 mg two times a week.

 

Arkansas

From: Justus Gent <verilylight>

Subject: Heal my Perspective

Date: Monday, June 30, 2008, 10:36 PM

I have suffered what I call dinity Abuse. It is the assault of my

self perception.

I am in search of seeing myself as whole and not broken. I have

many 'Cut to the bone' experiences.

In this affliction Hypogonadism I have hid and fled all my days.

I have problems with concepts and statements like 'Live life to its

fullest'

I am exhausted and no longer trust hope. I am as a man that hides

from a savage wild beast. It sees me and I see it. Hypogonadism is

crushing me. It is killing me slowly.

Has anyone had growth or life to their withered blossom? Can you

help me gain my perspective. It is always from the torment of

brokenness and never from the state of a good beginning.

Hope has made me lie to myself. I fear accepting hypogonadism

because it is not the real me. It is a disease or an affliction but

it is not me. I have it but can't get rid of it.

I am like a blind man who had sight for 15 seconds and then returned

to blindness.

How can I understand Manhood and The Natural Use of the Sex

For those of you who have read the bible. I am in distress as the man

at the pool of Bethesda. Someone always gets in before me and I have

no one to truly help me. Year after year I know, wait and hope but

in the end I am just unhealed and let down.

I don't know how to do this anymore. I need closure. Existing in the

state of continual trying is a sore evil and daily vexation.

Help me escape the prison of my mind.

The scars of heart,the let downs and the mis understanding.

The Initial joy when I see men who are whole; and then the sorrow

for to me it is witheld.

Racism, poverty - Nothing hurts me more than this Hypogonadism

If you have the power of truth- Please set me Free.

Mr. Justus Gent

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Share on other sites

Guest guest

Thanks I will order the saliva tests.   How often should I test to see if I am

absorbing the Testim Gel.

I went to Endo this morning.  You were right on with his attitude.  Obtaining

product is not a problem I have plenty of Testim.

He said to increase to 1 tube per day.  My question is.  Should I give 1 tube a

try for 2 weeks and test or just do 2 tubes and test after 2weeks or 30 days. 

How long between dosage changes should I wait to be retested?????

Heal my Perspective

Date: Monday, June 30, 2008, 10:36 PM

I have suffered what I call dinity Abuse. It is the assault of my

self perception.

I am in search of seeing myself as whole and not broken. I have

many 'Cut to the bone' experiences.

In this affliction Hypogonadism I have hid and fled all my days.

I have problems with concepts and statements like 'Live life to its

fullest'

I am exhausted and no longer trust hope. I am as a man that hides

from a savage wild beast. It sees me and I see it. Hypogonadism is

crushing me. It is killing me slowly.

Has anyone had growth or life to their withered blossom? Can you

help me gain my perspective. It is always from the torment of

brokenness and never from the state of a good beginning.

Hope has made me lie to myself. I fear accepting hypogonadism

because it is not the real me. It is a disease or an affliction but

it is not me. I have it but can't get rid of it.

I am like a blind man who had sight for 15 seconds and then returned

to blindness.

How can I understand Manhood and The Natural Use of the Sex

For those of you who have read the bible. I am in distress as the man

at the pool of Bethesda. Someone always gets in before me and I have

no one to truly help me. Year after year I know, wait and hope but

in the end I am just unhealed and let down.

I don't know how to do this anymore. I need closure. Existing in the

state of continual trying is a sore evil and daily vexation.

Help me escape the prison of my mind.

The scars of heart,the let downs and the mis understanding.

The Initial joy when I see men who are whole; and then the sorrow

for to me it is witheld.

Racism, poverty - Nothing hurts me more than this Hypogonadism

If you have the power of truth- Please set me Free.

Mr. Justus Gent

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Yes do what the Dr. told you to do then test again in 2 weeks or as soon after

this as you can.

Co-Moderator

Phil

>

> From: Justus Gent <verilylight>

> Subject: Heal my Perspective

>

> Date: Monday, June 30, 2008, 10:36 PM

>

> I have suffered what I call dinity Abuse. It is the assault

> of my

> self perception.

>

> I am in search of seeing myself as whole and not broken. I

> have

> many 'Cut to the bone' experiences.

>

> In this affliction Hypogonadism I have hid and fled all my

> days.

> I have problems with concepts and statements like 'Live

> life to its

> fullest'

>

> I am exhausted and no longer trust hope. I am as a man that

> hides

> from a savage wild beast. It sees me and I see it.

> Hypogonadism is

> crushing me. It is killing me slowly.

>

> Has anyone had growth or life to their withered blossom?

> Can you

> help me gain my perspective. It is always from the torment

> of

> brokenness and never from the state of a good beginning.

>

> Hope has made me lie to myself. I fear accepting

> hypogonadism

> because it is not the real me. It is a disease or an

> affliction but

> it is not me. I have it but can't get rid of it.

>

> I am like a blind man who had sight for 15 seconds and then

> returned

> to blindness.

>

> How can I understand Manhood and The Natural Use of the Sex

>

> For those of you who have read the bible. I am in distress

> as the man

> at the pool of Bethesda. Someone always gets in before me

> and I have

> no one to truly help me. Year after year I know, wait and

> hope but

> in the end I am just unhealed and let down.

>

> I don't know how to do this anymore. I need closure.

> Existing in the

> state of continual trying is a sore evil and daily

> vexation.

>

> Help me escape the prison of my mind.

> The scars of heart,the let downs and the mis understanding.

>

> The Initial joy when I see men who are whole; and then the

> sorrow

> for to me it is witheld.

>

> Racism, poverty - Nothing hurts me more than this

> Hypogonadism

>

> If you have the power of truth- Please set me Free.

>

> Mr. Justus Gent

>

>

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