Last minute hope....anywhere?

[Guest guest]

Yesterday my husband told me it was time for him to go home to heaven. I really

believed him and we had some beautiful moments together....but much to his

disappointment, he did not die. (he has ben in hospital in Tulsa since Saturday

night: staph infection)

So then he decided he wanted to go home to our house here near Tulsa to die and

refused all care we had set up for home health....they took out the new picc

line and everything (keep in mind he still has a raging staph

infection).....just wanted to go home and wait for the infection or the cancer

to kill him, hoping for plenty of pain pills.

Then after our son talked to him, he decided he would do home health and try

again.....

They installed the feeding tube up his nose (horrible experience) but are NOT

going to put in another picc line. And supposedly we are going home

today....maybe Ray is hoping to die....I am hoping he will live.

He is fragile, lost a lot of weight, and since Friday no longer has the energy

to walk so is completely non ambulatory. He can still use a urinal. Still

completely constipated.

There is a pump with the feeding tube and they put something like carnation

instant breakfast in it....

I want a turn around. I know that no one else in the world probably would think

this is a possibility....he has stage iv non small cell lung with mets to

adrenals and brain and intestines...but there is something in me that will NOT

give up.

I have spent thousands of dollars on gadgets and supplements, consultations,

treatments and the Camelot Cancer Care center( he only got into the 2nd week

with them before becoming too ill to go).....and spend every waking hour that i

can at his bed side researching.....

I am on many cancer lists, but this is the only one I felt impressed to post

about this.

There is NO time and no room for experimentation or mistakes. I have one plan

of action in my head ..but, I wonder what you would tell me to try if this was

someone you love. Please don't tell me to surrender or let go or anything like

that. While I love everyone who takes the time to respond, just know that I am

NOT going to give up....yet....maybe never.....I believe that Ray could be a

walking miracle. (He already is, he has survived some amazing accidents that

seemed unsurvivable.)

Maybe I am crazy, maybe I am delusional, but I really just want to be sure I

have done everything I can do. There is so much information out there. I don't

want to find out after it is too late that there is something more I should have

done.

Carla, husband of Ray for 38 years; sweetest man on earth