Re:hiv Re:kumar

[Guest guest]

My name is kumar born in the famiy of lower socio economic status and Brought up

in a slum in Chennai. My father was an drug addict he died due to overdose I Had

an elder brother and two younger sisters all are married and settled.

My father was an drug peddler and my mother also helped in

that I am a school dropout studied upto 5th standard. My father needed an extra

hand at that time, SO, I helped him by packing the drugs and also while using

drugs and alcohol. I got the curiousity and started drinking alcohol Ocassionaly

later became regularily. I had frequent quarrels in my fanily due to alcoholism.

Hence, I switched over to brown sugar to hide my alcoholic problem to my

family. First, I had habit of chasing the brown sugar chasing seems to be a

expensive for me. As per one of my friends suggestion I tried fixing means

injecting the drugs into vein thus I became addicted to the drugs. My addiction

costs me more, due to this I lost my family support, physical damages and moral

values. I End up with the finanacial crisis. It became very difficuilt, to cut

down my withdrawals to keep my using alive, I started stealing, physically

harassed my family members

and threatened them to fulfill my needs. Even my love for my family are

repeateadly overthrown because, I cannot reliably predict or stop my using,

I admitted eight times in various treatment centres for

detoxification and rehabitalation. But, I relapsed frequently. I feel disgust

and selfloathing at my pathetic inability to exert control and exercise will

power.

I used to share needle with other drug users while using.

As, I am a drug addict an N. G. O motivated me for HIV test through“target

intervention†program. I refused it later on, I came to know, three of my

using friends with them I shared needles are tested HIV. On suspicious, I went

for HIV diaganosis. At that time I again admitted in rehabitation centre and

stayed for three months till not yet collected my result. After discharged from

rehab I found my result is positive and also infected by Hepatitis B and C. I

got frustrated and upset and again started using drugs under the influence of

drugs I disclosed my status to my family

I was discriminated by my family because of my drug

addiction the situation became very serious but I had only one support on that

despaired moment was my partner.

I living with a widow who has two children, her husband died

due to drug overdose I had contact with her before knowing my status, After

known my status my partner had tested and found negative. She is very concern

towards me and very supportive. She is very caring, Her motivation and

encouragement brought me to Freedom Foundation. During this time I was very

frustrated and depressed. Feelings of worthlessness, fear or rejection,

helplesness and withdrawal from challenges. Vague fears given me sleepless

nights. Fear of the manifestation of stress. I am incapable of understanding

what is happening inside me. I had low self esteem. In community care centre

they given me a counselling about the neccessary coping skills to cope the

situation. Counselling made me to understood the root cause or all the problem

is my addiction. Counsellor told methat my primary problem is addition. I

admitted and addressed it.

Since, I and my wife have not much aware about HIV/AIDS,

C.C.C provided us adequate information about disease, mode of transmission,

options, treatment possibilites and chances to lead a normal life, my wife had

the fear that she might contract through me. Counsellor clarified her doubts and

encouraged her to give care and concern counsellor explained her that

discrimination is most painful than HIV, only acceptance and integration

relieves this pain.

In C.C.C they motivated me to work about my future and explained

the possibilities of healthy life and told me total absitence from drugs and

alcohol only works. Both HIV and using won’t work. When I done a first CD4

test on December 2004 my CD4 count was 360. My full cooperation with treatment

improved my physical strength and CD4 count increases upto 537 on june’06.

On my follow-up visit, I expressed my intrest to work in the

field of HIV/AIDS. My wish forwarded to the C.C.C head office. Along with the

guidance of counselIor and other staff’s I worked out a future plan to lead a

healthy and sane life. After one month of service in C.C.C, they inducted me as

support staff. I involved fully in the centre’s activities and joyfully

renderd my service to the clients, they appreciated my work and promotedme as

out reach worker,

As per plan I repaying my debt amd supporting my step

children’s eduation. I accepted my physical and emotional limitations. I may

be an +ve but I learned to stay affirmed on my positive thoughts and assests. By

serving others with love, I learned to love my self,

* Every chid is born

With a pure spirit

And an open heart

Waiting and wanting be loved

* Every family will determine

The state of the heart

As time passes

Until the child leaves

* In way of his own

Went in the wrong path

Mind full of illusions

And road full of thorns

* If you walk away

With a broken heart

Enclosed in fear

Needing protection

* Then someday .

Yoo will need to find forgiveness

To heal your heart

To replace with peace

And to be able to love and Beloved.

kumar

email;kumar.freedom@...

cell.9003041469

Thank you

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