Jump to content
RemedySpot.com

Questions about my condition.

Rate this topic


Guest guest

Recommended Posts

Posted to a few mainstream medical groups:

---------------------------------------------------------------

 

Dear Doctors,

 

Over the past few months many of you have written to me off list enquiring about

how I regressed, what symptoms I suffered and how I recovered. I did not reply,

not because I am modest or arrogant but because it is very difficult for me to

go back to those days and reminisce. I have tried documenting my experience and

even written about it in bits and parts on the net but I was always conscious of

the fact that, because of the severe memory lapses I suffered during those

times, my narration may not be accurate. That apprehension is there with me even

now. Moreover on two occasions I was requested to document my experience

for medical journals but after I wrote and submitted I was greeted

with silence and my subsequent mails ignored.

 

But I know and feel that my experience needs to be told so that the doctors may

benefit from it and of course their patients. I will try to be as accurate as

possible.

 

My problem started one sunny morning sometime in 1979. I had passed my

intermediate in science and was looking forward to a career in medicine, my

childhood dream being finding a cure for asthma, a condition I had suffered

acutely for many years. I was very good in biology, had a knack of helping

people in distress, and appreciated the poise and confidence exuded by the

doctors I met at the air force base my father served in. I still remember

doctors Mahapatra, Nair, Ghosh and Chatterjee, senior doctors of the air

force hospital who would take great pains to answer my questions about asthma.

They were appreciative about the feedback I gave and hinted I should take up

the study of medicine. Hence my interest in biology and allied sciences.

 

Later my father opted for a civillian posting and we settled down at

Bhubaneswar. One day my father told me to stay back as somebody would be coming

to deliver a vaccine. I was not new to vaccines but someone coming over to

deliver one was a bit unusual. My father said it was a 3-in-1 vaccine that our

local health unit doctor was very enthusiastic about. My brother was not so

enthusiastic  as his term examinations were on and he could not risk a fever. I

was administered the shot then went out for a game of cricket with my friends.

 

I had a slight fever in the afternoon. I was not worried, fever after vaccines

was a good sign, doctors usually said. In the evening I went to bed early. I

remember having a very disturbed sleep. It was full of dreams and I was tossing

and turning in bed. The next morning I felt odd. The world seemed to have

changed and I felt I was a bit too keenly aware of things. The rays of the sun,

the sounds around me, the sights I saw; things that one rarely worries about

seemed overwhelming. It seemed abnormal. I also felt extremely lethargic and

somewhat depressed. It was very irritating and I desparately wanted to return to

normal. It was as if I had lost my alignment with the world and was positioned

wrong.

 

This continued for some days. Sometimes I would physically shake myself to get

rid of the condition. I took more cups of tea to combat the fatigue and

lethargy. I could also feel my body ache all over, like getting up the next

morning after running a marathon. It did not occur to me to visit a doctor.

Maybe it was because I felt depressed and did not feel like meeting anybody. I

was hoping this condition would pass. It was unlike anything that I had

experienced earlier.

 

One night I was itching all over. It itched so much my fingers ached from

scratching. The itch seemed to emanate from deep within. The next morning I saw

that I had developed a rash all over my body. I was bleeding in many places from

the incessant itching. Subsequently I developed ferocious looking ulcers at some

spots, my chin, chest, lower abdomen, buttocks and upper thighs. The ulcers had

raised edges, like craters, and would exude a sticky fluid upon itching. Small

ulcers appeared around them which like bubbles would attach themselves to the

main one and help them grow. The one on my chest spread to cover almost the

entire chest and a portion of the abdomen... My skin felt unusually dry and

harsh. This time I visited our family doctor.  

 

I could see the doctors eyes pop out when I opened my shirt. From where did

you catch it, he asked. When I said it had appeared by itself he refused to

believe it. You must have come into contact with a friend who has this, he said.

He examined the ulcers, poked me with a needle to check for sensation, and when

he saw me cringing he appeared relieved. He prescribed Grisofulvin tablets and a

Betnovate ointment. While he took my history I mentioned the vaccine. He did not

attach the least importance to it.

 

The medicines did reduce the intensity of the itch but they refused to go away.

I developed a diarrhoea. Somebody advised me to visit a homeopath. This doctor

too was surprised at the nature of the ulcers. He was a retired principal

of the local homeopathic college. He did not comment much, only listened to

what I said and after consulting a big fat book wrote down the medicines

telling me that it could take a long time to heal. He advised me strongly

against meddling with it with any kind of ointment. He took one long look at me

when I mentioned the vaccine angle but did not comment.

 

The homeopathic medicine aggravated the condition. The ulcers which had receded

somewhat appeared again with full force. I went back to my family doctor

once again who was furious when he learnt about the homeopathic intervention.

He wrote down something in his pad and said it was a hand made lotion which the

local chemist would prepare for me. It was very strong and could create stains

he said.

 

After about a week of application the skin problem was much better. But I again

developed a diarrhoea, very violent this time. I would go to the toilet umpteen

times and wondered where the flood came from considering that I was eating

practically nothing. One night I woke up with a start. My legs had gone ice

cold. The coldness started creeping up slowly. When it touched my heart I

panicked and screamed. My parents gave me horlicks to help me get warm and

rushed me to the hospital. It was diagnosed that I was suffering from

dehydration and was put on saline.

 

There were other symptoms I noticed. The weakness that developed made me feel I

would just collapse like a punctured baloon. All my muscles twitched and jerked.

My body was no longer fully in control. I would be getting up in the mornings

bathed in a cold sweat and panicky. The memory problems surfaced around this

time. I could not remember many things. Studying became a chore and I felt

deeply hurt because reading was a passion, I was used to spending entire days

in libraries. I started loosing weight. My eyesight deterriorated very rapidly.

Soon I was straddled with thick spectacles. My skin lost sensation and felt like

a rag covering my body. Mentally I knew I was loosing my sanity.

 

I received a letter informing me that I had passed the PMET (Medical Entrance)

and was advised to take admission. I was devastated. I was in no condition to

take up the onerous task of completing a medical degree. I took admission in

commerce stream instead, hoping to graduate, find a job and a doctor who could

cure me.  

 

The doctors who examined me found nothing wrong. They said I was a " psycho " ...

They gave me tonics, B Complex injections, and advised a good nutritious diet.

Symptomatic treatment was resorted to. The diarrhoea settled into IBS.. I

developed some strength but when I went back to cricket I found that I was not

able to perform, my coordination problems were too much to overcome.. I

persisted, unwilling to give up and continued as a spin bowler. I stood first in

the college exams which I was adamant about dropping because of the panic

syndrome and the severe memory problems. I was forced to take the exams by my

professors. However I left my M. Com. half way to take up a job with the SBI. I

was given a village posting.

 

Within a few months of staying in that village I developed a severe jaundice. My

BP plummetted to 90/70 and the doctor advised me to pack up and go home. I took

up another job, suffered yet another bout of jaundice after I recovered from

the first and the digestive problems became a permanent feature. There was also

a severe problem of worm infestation. I would suffer from a colic which was so

vicious that I would roll on the ground crying, screaming and shouting. Located

at the solar plexus this colic would go only when injected with painkillers.

There would be fevers and swelling of the glands.

 

The doctors just refused to believe the vaccine angle and warned me that I was

suffering from a obsessive compulsive disorder which made me fix the blame on

the vaccines and raise the subject again and again. It was during this time I

received the first direct threat not to persist with my " theory " . I had been

studying about vaccines and did not particularly like what was enfolding.

Sometimes I hit back ferociously. The doctors simply said they would stop

treating me if I did not " reform " .

 

Slowly over the years the physical problems started receding with the various

medicines but I developed some very peculiar sensory problems. I became a

recluse, confined to my home and office. I developed a fear of travelling... My

fear about insanity drove me to work even harder. I started loosing sensation of

my entire body. I would go for nights together without sleep and yet have the

same panic attacks during the morning hours. I developed a burning neauralgia.

It was very strange. Feeling the acute intolerable pain all over the body and

not being able to feel the body! Like being burnt alive I was engulfed in pain

all the time without a pause. My body, when I could feel it, seemed hollow and I

was afraid of being swept away by a gust of wind.

 

I developed a routine in office and would panic if anyone even suggested a

change. My limbs would jerk automatically and often I would be contorting my

entire body trying to find relief in movement. My anxiety and stress levels hit

the roof. My colleagues could sense the change and called me a " Lunatic " , partly

from the fact that unable to handle a heavy vehicle I used to travel in a moped

called Luna.

 

I tried everything from ayurveda to homeopathy but nothing worked. I went back

to search for the ex-principal of the homeopathic college but was informed he

had passed away. The homeopaths told me it was a great error on my part not to

pay heed to his warnings about not meddling with the skin problem. The body was

trying to throw off the vaccine toxins and it was a gross mistake to stop the

process, they said. The worsening of the skin problem they said was a part of

the healing process. They pointed to some books that detailed the dangers of

using animal serum in vaccines but said they had never come across a case like

mine.

 

It was at this time I developed a suicidal tendency. My morning panic attacks

turned suicidal. The first thing I would think of when getting up in the morning

was that I had to somehow end my life. The thoughts were very powerful and it

required a lot of restraint not to obey. While driving there was this irrestible

desire to dash my moped to the oncoming trucks and other heavy vehicles. I would

be standing before a fire, fascinated by the flame and yearning to jump into it

and end it all.

 

My memory often completely failed me. I would go out on official assignments and

upon getting down at the station forget who I was, what I was doing there and

where I was headed. Seated on a bus I would travel miles past my destination

before I remembered I had to get down. I had a lot of difficulty with numbers

and would break out into a cold sweat when I would try to remember figures. With

every passing day my problems only got worse. I use to go to bed in the evening

with the thought that I had somehow lived another day and was fearful about the

next. I would just lie there and wonder how much more suffering would come my

way.

 

I could not quit my job and run away because my father was retired and my

brother was studying engineering. I was already guilty about not living up to

the expectations of my parents and there was no way I could let my brother fail

them too.

 

My worried parents took me to my doctor relatives, some of whom hold very

important positions. They too felt I needed psychiatric treatment. I remember

asking the psychiatrist if I was mad. He said he was yet to see a mad man walk

up to a psychiatrist and narrate his symptoms. He gave me some pills which

induced sleep in me. But the dreams I had were horrible. Such nightmares that I

would be afraid of falling asleep. My parents told me that I cried in sleep. I

sometimes dreamt of being tied up and pushed into a dark coffin like room. I

would be shouting to get out.

 

I had read about pain and knew that there was a " thresh hold " , a limit beyond

which the body could not tolerate. But in my case there was none. I moved from

one extreme to another without any end in sight. I developed a habit of praying.

I would wander from one temple to another. Sometimes I would find myself lying

postrate in the front of an idol without having the faintest idea how I got

there. My colleagues made fun of me.

 

Have you ever heard your soul cry? I have. I have actually felt my soul. I have

felt it appeal to God to be relieved of the horror. It is pretty frightening to

go through such an experience I can assure you. You feel distinctly that the

mind and the body are not yours. That they can be destroyed any minute. That

your ego you treasure so much can be carelessly wiped out in a single stroke.

All the things you consider permanent are the ones that are the most temporary.

Nothing matters. All temporal efforts seem futile, life seems meaningless. You

feel like being a puppet, dancing to somebody else's tunes. It is not so easy to

think about death and what it really means. You have to face death to know.

 

Twenty one years of such pain would perhaps destroy God and I was a mere mortal.

My brother passed with full honours and I got him married.

 

I came across a neuropsychiatrist. He said I was suffering from a chemical

imbalance of the brain. His medicines relieved me only slightly. I knew I had a

long and tough battle ahead. I was willing to fight. I had to survive and warn

the others. I was an adult and could not bear what I was going through. It was

beyond even me to imagine what many infants could be going through. That thought

gave me strength to continue. My life was a total blank but for this passion. I

had nothing to look forward to; absolutely nothing. My only companion was

the pain and the fears, nightmares and phobias I suffered from. The depression

would make me feel like I was being sucked into one large cosmic black hole.

Often I would react violently and screaming like a mad man throw furniture

around. I was after all a mere mortal and I wanted to be free.

 

One day while browsing the net searching for more matter on vaccines I came

across a homeopath who mentioned some things about vaccines. I read on to know

that she knew about vaccine ingredients and their effects. I immediately went

under her treatment. I did not mention the vaccines because I was tired of being

rebuked and threatened. Or maybe the communication problems I had prevented me.

 

This doctor treated me for a year with only a marginal improvement to show. One

day she wrote to me that she suspected heavy metal toxicity and, as I was a

science student, enquired whether I was accidentally exposed to any toxins? I

mentioned the vaccines and she changed the course of treatment. I felt a little

better but she cautioned me against expecting too much. From her mails I could

know she did not expect that I would survive. She wanted to go in for palliative

treatment but I pushed her on. After three more years of ups and downs, with a

superhuman effort on her part, I finally started feeling that I may indeed

recover. I was treated for mercury, aluminum, lead and arsenic poisoning. I was

also treated for gut parasites. The usual remedies against adverse effects of

animal serum were given. I also needed constitutional remedies and other

remedies that the symptoms suggested.

 

With homeopathy I also undertook a naturopathic detoxification which helped me a

lot. But it is not that I have recovered fully. I am still on the basic

psychiatric medicines, one of which is imported from Denmark. Having learnt

homeopathy I use my knowledge to nip problems in the bud. I have to take costly

vitamin and mineral supplements as I cannot do without them. My muscle fatigue I

know will stay with me forever as I suspect mitochondrial damage.

 

Thank you for going through all going through all this patiently. I would

request each and one of you to be very careful in treating your patients. Death

is an infinitely better proposition than having to lead a life damaged with

medication.

 

I have forgiven all those who have threatened me and tried to discourage me...

The doctor who advised the vaccine is still a friend. He does not know that it

was his decision that made me suffer so much. I hope he never finds out.

 

I should stop here. Incidentally I have studied asthma too and have benefitted

many people who have asked me for help. My life has not been entirely

unproductive.

 

Thank you all again.

 

Regards,

Jagannath. 

“There is an unpleasant whiff of arrogance in the whole (vaccine-autism)

debate,†Horton says. “Can the public not be trusted with a controversial

hypothesis? The view that the public cannot interpret uncertainty indicates an

old-fashioned paternalism at work. The public is entitled to know as much as

possible.â€

Add more friends to your messenger and enjoy! Go to

http://messenger./invite/

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You are posting as a guest. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

Loading...
×
×
  • Create New...