Why I'm not for gay marriages- Ashok Row Kavi

[Guest guest]

[Editors comment: Ashok Row Kavi is a leading social critique, who doesn’t need

to be introduced on this FORUM as he is known to many. His comments about gay

marriages are more of critique of the Institution of heterosexual marriage. Some

of the members of this FORUM may find his observations about marriage

interesting. The following is an edited version of his e-mail correspondence

with one of his colleague. Message is posted with Ashok’s permission]

..........I did NOT say I am not for gay marriages. I said gay marriage was not

for me.

That's a different cup of tea altogether, if you would like to know.

A stable gay relationship can end in a gay marriage or not but it will still

remain stable. It's not essential that a stable gay relationship ends up in a

gay marriage.

A gay marriage is for very many reasons essential if you need to have pensions,

insurance and even some kind of right to property. It never does not and never

did guarantee any stable gay relationship.

More than 70 per cent of gay men in India are married to women in very " stable "

marriages but we all know what they are doing, right?

So did that striaght marriage help?

What gays are asking for is that if heterosexual stable relationships may (and

do) result in a socially and legally recognised bond called marriage, then

homosexuals, transexuals, bisexuals or asexual guys and women should also have

the right to the same socially and legally sanctioned unit.

But it may not be for many of us the answer to our problems.

I would explain to you that in many ancient societies, there were other kinds of

" families " besides one resulting from the marriage of two people. Many

generations of people lived under one roof and were respected for what they

brought in as socially useful and productive people. I suggest you read people

from Margaret Mead and other anthropologists who describe such societies.

Maybe you think anybody who has anal sex is a gay man, which is untrue.

Try and build a support group like Gay Bombay and you'll see people coming to

see you if you fall ill, forget if you are in hospital for anal fissures.

In Humsafar Trust, lately we lost a dear colleague called Naresh. who was a

community counselor besides being HIV positive. When he died seven years after

being with us, he was surrounded by friends and colleagues from Humsafar and by

his relatives who he had worked upon to explain what he was and what was

happening to him.

We miss him and we mourn him. He was not married but he was also not alone or

left alone to die.

We never do that to our gay family members. Try to build one and see the miracle

of being loved and wanted.

And believe me, gay marriage has nothing to do with it.

Warm regards

Ashok Row Kavi

e-mail: <arowkavi@...>