RE: Christmas family dinner for a grandson

[Guest guest]

Hi Laurie,

So sorry to hear you are going through this. For years when we lived

near family (we don't now) we didn't really celebrate holiday dinners

with them. We weren't GF/CF, but we did observe a very healthy diet

that didn't include many of their offerings. We weren't invited to the

in-laws very often for a meal, but at least when we were, it was

special. My mother-in-law tried to make sure to serve food I would

approve of for my children. But, when it came to big family, holiday

get togethers, in 15 years, we probably only participated in 2 of them.

If we wanted to do a family meal, I would just cook it at home and

invite them all. Unfortunately, that meant they had to eat our way,

which really wasn't that bizarre. You know, they didn't mind eating our

way that much.

Maybe you need to just tell your family that you are doing Christmas

dinner at your house, and if they would like to join you they are

welcome. Just have your immediate family skip the restaurant meal.

That will make a much bigger impact on the family than bringing your son

a bag lunch. And, he will get to participate in the meal with all the

fixings. As long as you make adjustments for him to fit into their

world, they won't make the adjustment to fit into his. I'd rather see

them trying to understand his world than trying to squeeze him into

their mold, if it were my child. Then, I tend to be a little obnoxious

that way. ;-)

Whatever you decide, understand you are not alone. Being different in

our cookie cutter world is not easy, but it is worth making sure others

recognize the rights of your son.

Blessings,

P.

Laurie wrote:

>

> I need to air a bit and would appreciate any support in our situation.

> I'll try and make this short.

> For the last 5 years my in-laws have been celebrating Christmas

> dinner

> at a family restaurant that does not accomodate gluten/casein

> restrictions. There is a restaurant 5 miles from this one , " The

> Outback Steakhouse " that does have gluten free menu. We've been

> asking

> them if for the last 3 years if we could change locations so their

> grandsom could participate. We've even offered to pay for our family

> meal.

> They happened to just call today to let us know they are having it at

> the same family restaurant. I called them back to let them know that

> Bennie cannot participate. This is his Grandma mind you....she then

> said " You need to take care of this and bring his lunch " .

> Needless to say after several attemps through the years to convince

> them I finally totally lost it. " How would you like a sack lunch for

> God sake! " Those were my exacts words as I was shaken and hung up on

> her.

> Guess I'll be in the dog house for a long time.

> I just feel for once I want some family besides our own to understand

> how Bennie has been isolated for most social setting that maybe a

> Christmas celebrating should be special for all involved. Thanks for

> letting me air, Laurie on

>

>

[Guest guest]

Have you tried calling the restaurant? A simple hamburger patty or steak,

baked potato and a steamed vegetable?

I go through it every holiday. My mom serves turkey, I made a chicken

breast. I'll bring safe veggie, jello, normal kid stuff. I even bring his

favorite, sweet potato and my moms holds out boiled potatoes. Works.

Tammy

[ ] Christmas family dinner for a grandson

I need to air a bit and would appreciate any support in our situation.

I'll try and make this short.

For the last 5 years my in-laws have been celebrating Christmas

dinner

at a family restaurant that does not accomodate gluten/casein

restrictions. There is a restaurant 5 miles from this one , " The

Outback Steakhouse " that does have gluten free menu. We've been

asking

them if for the last 3 years if we could change locations so their

grandsom could participate. We've even offered to pay for our family

meal.

They happened to just call today to let us know they are having it at

the same family restaurant. I called them back to let them know that

Bennie cannot participate. This is his Grandma mind you....she then

said " You need to take care of this and bring his lunch " .

Needless to say after several attemps through the years to convince

them I finally totally lost it. " How would you like a sack lunch for

God sake! " Those were my exacts words as I was shaken and hung up on

her.

Guess I'll be in the dog house for a long time.

I just feel for once I want some family besides our own to understand

how Bennie has been isolated for most social setting that maybe a

Christmas celebrating should be special for all involved. Thanks for

letting me air, Laurie on

[Guest guest]

Sounds to me like your in laws are selfish and are rigid. They also

sound like not willing to change. They are out of your control.

You only can then focus on the things you can control like your

immediate family. What would it be like for you to say to them, " Oh we

are going to dinner that same night but we will be at the Outback, if

you want to join us you are more than welcome and if not oh well " .

Take the power back from them and have you own fun which you can

control (with or without them-their choice-ball in their court)

Kay

[Guest guest]

If it makes you feel any better my father in law is selfish as well.

He would rather gamble then spend anytime with my kids. One time he

drove 3 hours (he lives 3 hours away from us). Riley my autistic son

wanted him to read him a book right after he arrived and he said, " I

gotta go to the race track " . This was about one minute after he stepped

foot in our house.

I was really mad at first but now I am so over him. I can not control

him or his addiction. All I can do is love my own family and spend

time with them and live life. He certainly is living no life and I no

longer let it control me or my emotions. I accepted it and moved on

with my own fun life of swinging with the kids, playing in sandbox, and

trying new things with my husband and kids. I will look back on my

life someday and have no regrets. Will my father in law have regrets??

Kay