My aching eyeballs

[Guest guest]

Well I went to the eye doc today since one of his offices is a few

blocks from my apt. I have an appt for tomorrow but my eyes have

been hurting all weekend and I was home with because she did

not feel too well after being in the cold rain at the County Fair

yesterday. (it was one of those situations where you know as a

parent that the kid will cry if you don't go and then blame you for

all the fun she COULD have had or cry if you go and then next time

it rains she'll say " Let's not go through THAT again " .....so we

went) I have been handling work at home today...calls and doing what

I could on the computer...and taking care of who is active

even when she does not feel well. I have just wanted to lay down and

relax....maybe even nap (heaven) but just can't do it with

needing me. I got a blow from my eye doc today. Normal pressure for

eyes is 11-18 and mine is 38 in the right eye and 42 in the left

eye. Pre-glaucoma but not destined to become Glaucoma if we stay on

top of it. ONE MORE DOCTOR TO ADD TO THE LIST. And this is going to

be a trip to see him every 2 weeks for months to come. The Iritis

looks good but the prednisone drops that cleared it up have caused

the pressure to build up in my eyes and it hurts like the dickens

and makes me dizzy everytime I bend over or squat or sometimes when

I stand up after sitting for a spell. I was not sure if that was

from the UTI (still waiting to hear from the lab if it's clear or

not and then from the doc to hear what we will do if it's not...it

might mean IV antibiotics and I'm hoping THAT does not mean hospital

for a few days...if so...then I'm shooting for a Sunday Monday

Tuesday stay and then I can be at work Thursday morning as crazy as

that sounds...I did not work all year until July...I am still trying

to catch up on bills...can't miss work anymore). If I get word that

the UTI is CLEAR, I won't have to post it...you'll hear me whoop

from where ever you are. 2 months!! Too long!! It would be so nice

if after the Enbrel I could waltz along and enjoy walking and

feeling better. I am fighting to keep my spirits up. I'm limping a

bit and the stairs are not my friends right now. If I get back on

the Enbrel and then get another infection, I guess I'll go to

Humira. I sure as heck won't give up. I'm still stronger than PA and

smarter than stinkin PA. I feel like a little feather weight boxer

that's been KO'd a few times but keeps getting up and taping myself

up and jumping back in the ring even though I look beat up. My Daddy

was a feather weight champ in the 30's and he lost his left arm in

an auto accident during that time. He was supporting his family

since his Mom had just died and his Dad was becoming a sad alcholic

due to grief. Dad never gave up. Sometimes I feel his spirit pushing

me on...my trainer. I'm really miffed about this eye thing. The doc

said that I might be on one prednisone drop a day for life...but he

also said that the Enbrel might keep it at bay. It's an inflamitory

disease and we know all about that. Remission or treatment for life.

I had it 24 yrs ago at oncet of my PA and I did have remission for

all these years. I guess I should be thankful for that time. And

thankful for someone who can treat it and respect the connection

between PA and Iritis. Dang. Another disease. Don't ya just feel

like you see enough doctors as it is? And I miss my contacts but

that's out of the question for a bit. At least I look smarter in the

specs. But they hurt my bony little head behind my ears. Oh...and

the eye doc told me why my eyeballs feel hard as rocks. The

pressure. Like a balloon that is blown up too tight. is

amazed when she feels her eyeballs (through her eyelids) and then

feels mine. So that's my update. Not a happy camper but keeping my

chin up. I guess I get a little scared sometimes being on my

own...wondering if there will ever be someone who will be by my side

and help me care for myself and then I think that I would never wish

that on someone I cared about and who would be nuts enough to want

to take that on as well as living with the ups and downs of an

autistic child. I don't usually get lonely. No time for it which is

good. But sometimes....not too often....I get scared. That's when I

have to trust that God will care for me and has it all under

control. -Betz