Holiday Eating Tips...

[Guest guest]

Yeah, we've all seen this one before, but it's still funny!

Holiday Eating Tips...

1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet

table knows nothing of the Holiday spirit. In fact, if you see carrots,

leave immediately. Go next door, where they're serving rum balls.

2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. It's rare. You cannot

find it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares that it

has 10,000 calories in every sip? It's not as if you're going to turn

into an eggnog-alcoholic or something. It's a treat. Enjoy it. Have one

for me. Have two. It's later than you think. It's Christmas!

3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That's the whole point of

gravy. Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of

your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.

4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with skim milk or

whole milk. If it's skim, pass. Why bother? It's like buying a sports

car with an automatic transmission.

5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control

your eating. The whole point of going to a Holiday party is to eat

other people's food for free. Lots of it. Hello?

6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New

Year's. You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do.

This is the time for long naps, which you'll need after circling the

buffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of

eggnog.

7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like

frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position

yourself near them and don't budge. Have as many as you can before

becoming the center of attention. They're like a beautiful pair of

shoes. If you leave them behind, you're never going to see them again.

8. Same for pies. Apple, pumpkin, mincemeat. Have a slice of each. Or if

you don't like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always have

three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert? Labor Day?

9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded with the

mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, have

some standards.

10. One final tip: If you don't feel terrible when you leave the party

or get up from the table, you haven't been paying attention. Re-read

tips; start over, but hurry. January is just around the corner. Remember

this motto to live by:

" Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of

arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to

skid in sideways, chocolate and wine in hand, body thoroughly used up,

totally worn out and screaming, " WOO HOO what a ride! "

Have a great holiday season!

Love and Peace

Always

Shaun and Barb

Aka: ScarlettShaun

[Guest guest]

Bravo. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year. As I am sitting in the Dr.s office

waiting to get stuck with a needle for my blood work your e-mail brought a smile

to my face. Thanks.

C

Cali