Morning erections and random sad-thoughts

February 6, 2011

So, guys, if I really am a bit high in E2, which it looks like, why would I wake

up some mornings (maybe not all - or maybe I just sleep thru the erection) with

an erection? This often wakes me up, OR, I wake up when I already have the

erection, before I normally get up. I am not happy with my sleeping schedule

yet. I never go to bed before midnight. This has been my lifestyle for at least

15+ years; I was a Vampire, really enjoying the nights... TIL I started on HC,

then it felt like the body was " rebooted " , and now I get sleepy every evening

around 9-10-11 pm, instead of feeling like I am waking up! Probably a cortisol

vs. adrenaline issue, that I had for years. And it probably didn't help taking

T4 and T3 before going to bed all those years either. So, I was wondering about

the erections... Cause yesterday, I felt NO horniness at ALL, even with 2 hot

girls kissing me in the evening, and trying to get me to bed. It really made me

deeply depressed as I

was sitting there in my couch, just feeling NOTHING (no hornines what so ever)

but pain in my head, pressure in my head and eyes, sleepiness/tiredness, and

just plain weird and spaced out in my head and thoughts. If this had been OFF

_TRT_, or better yet, 3+ years ago when I was healthy, well, then you know what

would've happened - I would've been twice as lucky as I am today! Cause, it

didn't happen. The girls went out to drink at 10:30 pm, and I couldn't follow

them, cause I am, well, a sick person! I had NO power to do so, even if I wanted

to more than anything! THEN a few hrs later, they send me an sms at 4:15 am,

asking me if they could come and " sleep over " . Well. I saw the message as I fell

asleep, didn't reply to it. And it felt like it was WAY past my bedtime. Being

on HC, one doesn't have the feeedom of being awake late - It is REALLY hard

staying awake late cause the last dose of HC is taken at 9 pm. At midnight there

is not so much

cortisol left in me. And at 4:15 am, well, I don't need to explain how tired I

felt at that point. So, I cannot live a normal free live anymore and it's

killing me. Well this is getting " OT " , but I really wonder about that erection

though. It happened this morning. Maybe 2-3 hours before getting up. Maybe it's

my body trying to follow a normal sleeping schedule? Which I don't have yet.

So far I am going to bed at 3 am, waking up at like 10-11. I try to NEVER wake

up ater noon. That would be too close to my old lifestyle of being a Vampire. I

have a goal of going to bed at midnight, no later than that. Perhaps even

before. But I know it'll be difficult in the summertime coming; To go to bed

early (early meaning before midnight) cause " I am young, hot and single! " -

Haha! If you get me... Damn! :-( It hurts even to make jokes like that. I

soooooo wanna live like a normal person! Will I ever be able to do so? I am

pretty sure the answer is

NO................................

Recommended Posts