Guest guest Posted March 15, 2000 Report Share Posted March 15, 2000 I found this not too improbable interview on sci.med the other day and thought it should be shared: =========== The following is from an interview with Deputy Commissioner Vak C. Nayshun of the Commission for Wellness and Data Profitability as reported by the Reuters AP CBS news desk at CNN.Reporter: Dr. Nayshun, exactly how does the PN333x2 virus attack the brain?Dr. Nayshun: Well, I'll make it simple for you. First the bad little buggy wuggies get into your body. This could be from contact with any object, person, or from the air. Then they weave themselves into your DNA and disappear without a trace. Dr. Gallo at the NIH developed an ingenious way of detecting them. We always knew that PN333x2 existed, we just could not prove it. This is the most important leap in preventative healthcare this century. Reporter: How can the average person get one of these tests and how do they work? Dr. Nayshun: The FDA has granted pre-approval in lieu of safety testing. The kits should be available in the next few months at every major grocery store. The recently passed Citizens Happiness Act (PL-333-2) will require all citizens to buy at least three, whether they use them or not. The test contains a sharp pointy thing, mostly collected from metal recycling efforts. The user pokes themselves vigorously and then observes the results. If the blood is RED, then you know that you have PN333x2. It is quite clever really. Reporter: My goodness! I think that I saw RED blood once. What is the government doing to save us from this? Dr. Nayshun: The CDC, NIH, CIA, FBI, DOT and SEC have all embarked on a bold new research campaign to eradicate PN333x2. This will be similar to the widely successful Polio eradication campaign in the 50's and 60's. Dr. Gallo of the CDC is working jointly with Dr. J. Mengele of Brazil on a promising new vaccine but they say that it will require $100 billion dollars to complete phase 1 trials. The vaccine involves infusing liquid H20 with sodium chloride to produce a clear salty solution. This solution attacks PN333x2 by being absorbed through the cell wall and washing the PN333x2 out. It doesn't stop the blood from turning red, but it will save your life! It appears that a series of injections followed by bi-monthly boosters will provide an adequate prophylactic response. Reporter: Oh thank you! thank you! You have saved us again! (reporter begins kissing his feet). Dr. Nayshun: You are very welcome little man. We are just happy to be of service to humanity. Now, please get up. I am late for my afternoon golfing appointment and I do need a caddy. Come with me. =========== R. -- Euless, TexasA Tick Made Me SickTIICS Are Keeping Me That Way(The Insurance Industry Captive Specialists)http://www.angelfire.com/biz/romarkaraoke/james.html3-10-2000 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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