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[Guest guest]

Hello all. I was diagnosed with RA 12/04 at 31. The symptoms started

when my mom was diagnosed with cancer in September 2004, she passed

away a month later on her birthday, October 20. I was having a lot of

joint pain and swelling, especially in my wrists and shoulders. The

doctors would give me shots and send me home with Ibuprofen, assuming

I had hurt myself lifting Mom or it was the trauma of her passing

making me feel bad. When it got to where I could hardly hold a

toothbrush or brush my hair in early December, they tested for RA. I

was notified a week before Christmas that it was positive.

My rheumy put me on Salsalate. He couldn't put me on MTX or any of

the biologics because my fiance and I knew we wanted a child. (I have

a 5 year old from a previous marriage.) Finding out I had RA made us

want to start a family immediately so we got married in March and we

immediately got pregnant. Unfortunately we suffered a miscarriage at

6 weeks. My rheumy has since changed me to Sulfasalazine-6 a day and

Diclofenac after my symptoms started getting worse.

I appreciate the previous posts about getting pregnant. We are at a

stand still on having a baby. I want a child so badly with my husband

and my little girl prays for a brother or sister every night. After

the miscarriage, we tried so hard with no luck. My OB said that he's

not sure we can get pregnant again due to other gyne issues and that

I need some testing and most likely fertility drugs. So we stopped

trying in August.

My rheumy said that my RA is not full blown, which terrifies me. I

have already had to change so many things in my life, mostly my

independence. I have changed my career. I went back to school and got

my Master's in teaching when I was pregnant and finished when Haley

was 2. Now I can't teach anymore because I can't be on my feet that

much a day, nor do I have the energy for a classroom of young

children. So I've taken about a 50% cut in pay to work an office job

where I can sit.

I guess I'm wondering, at 32, if I can even handle having a child. I

have a wonderful husband, who I know will help me take care of a

baby. But there are many days that I just have to lie down when I get

home. I want to be able to be active and do things with a child.

After having Haley, I realize that my purpose in life is to be a mom-

and I cherish every minute of it. My husband says that he will stand

by any decision I make. That he deeply wants a child, but he wants to

do what's best for me and my health. We're both stradling the fence

on this one.

To beat it all, when I saw my Rheumy two weeks ago, he was very

sarcastic and patronizing. When I asked him about my legs swelling,

he said it was a woman thing and he couldn't do anything for me.

Seeing as how my legs have never swelled until I was diagnosed, I

don't think it's a woman thing. When I told him about my sleep

troubles, he interrupted me and said that he only deals with

Rheumatology issues, that I need to see my family doctor. Then when I

was checking out he looked at the nurse and said, maybe you two and

go to the doctor together--she isn't sleeping well either. I was

flabbergasted! Needless to say, I am looking for another Rheumy now.

I'm sorry for the long post. I don't have anyone to talk to that

truly understands the pain and loss you feel with this disease. I

feel bad for complaining as I'm not full blown like most of you! How

do you stay positive? I get sad and angry about losing my career, not

being able to be active, hurting everyday, staying sick (I had

walking pheumonia 4 times last year, not to mention other illnesses).

Should I see a therapist, get on anti-depressants? I'm just having

trouble dealing with it all, plus losing my mom, the miscarriage, and

my grandmother just passed away the night of my birthday in August.

Any thoughts or ideas would be greatly appreciated.

Thank you so much for listening--this board is a wonderful thing.

in TN