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Re: My partner has autism: PLEASE HELP!

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Posted
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,

Please forgive the general answer to your rather specific questions, and

my directness.

What you are proposing to do with your life, while incredibly

altruistic, is extraordinarily difficult. The chances of it actually

being possible are very, very slim.

I know that in an ideal world, each partner in a relationship brings

something different to the table and the sum of what each partner can

bring can be equal. They MUST be equal for the relationship to work

without being dysfunctional, i.e. ultimately doomed.

You have started to identify the pitfalls:

" I love him very much and i only want to help him. "

" It is hard not to fall into the role of mother ... " (I would say it's

impossible.)

It's one thing for partners to start out on equal footings and for an

accident or illness to happen which makes the other partner become a

caretaker. The already causes incredible stress on the relationship, and

many end, with horrible feelings of guilt for the caring partner.

To start off the relationship on such drastically unequal footing is a

recipe for disaster. It usually is borne out of the need for some kind

of therapy on the part of the caretaker-partner, working out problems of

childhood or previous relationships. Ultimately, it usually turns out to

be extremely UNFAIR to the cared-for-partner, and a big source of hurt,

disappointment, and guilt.

Having said this, and not knowing the workings of your psyche, if your

partner is interested in chelating and working with a knowledgeable

medical professional on a supplementation and diet program, you can

suggest this and support him through this process. (Yes, this is useful

for adults, although the longer you wait to chelate, the less the

chances of meaningful progress.) But you cannot be expected to be his

" coach " or get involved in the daily details of such a problem. This is

in fact, parenting.

If I were in your shoes right now, rather than attempting to " fix " your

partner, I would be asking myself this: " Where do I want to be in my own

life in ten years? " If you cannot imagine it being EXACTLY the same as

it is right now, then you owe it to both yourself AND your partner to

make other plans, today.

(Other comments interspersed below.)

Good luck in your endeavors,

littlelittlejoyjoy wrote:

>

>

> A friend of mine whose child has autism told me about this group. I

> have been reading the posts, but feel uncertain whether the techniques

> that are useful for children will work for adults as well. Chelation?

> Supplements? Diet changes? Is it too late?

>

> My partner is 24 years old. I fell in love with him not knowing that

> he had high-functioning autism. (Yes, believe it! Your children will

> grow up to be beautiful lovable adults, in spite of their disabilities.)

>

> He is the most loving, intelligent, funny, intuitive and talented

> person i have ever met. Unfortunately he is also dysfunctional when it

> comes to every day life.

>

> He forgets to eat, can't/won't get a job, doesn't seem to know how to

> plan his day, forgets to do things i ask him, won't do much except the

> computer on his own...the list goes on and on. I love him very much

> and i only want to help him. It is hard not to fall into the role of

> mother when living with someone who has trouble with everyday tasks.

>

> I was wondering if there were any spouses of autistic adults out there

> who could give advice? Are there support groups available for partners

> of autistic adults?

>

> There is tremendous pressure on me to run both of our lives and with

> all of the inconsistency that comes with autism, i sometimes feel that

> i cannot go on. We both live out of the country so have little support

> in terms of family/friends/medical care/support groups.

>

> Some more of his issues:

>

> His biggest physical issues are eating and sleeping. He has been

> incredibly thin his whole life (zero muscle tone, no body fat). He is

> 5'8'' (173 cm) and weighs probably 100 pounds at most. He is hungry

> all of the time. He feels stressed because finding enough to eat is a

> constant problem. He can eat spoiled food and not get ill. I have the

> feeling that his body is not absorbing what he eats.

>

You are most likely correct.

> If i give him supplements will they pass right through him? Is the

> malnourished look a feature of autism? Does anyone have any ideas why

> he is so thin and what to do about it

>

Malabsorbtion and thyroid issues come to mind.

> My partner has trouble getting to sleep. He tosses and turns quite

> violently. He kind of bangs his head on the pillow, slams his arms and

> feet on the mattress. The strange thing is that he seems unaware of

> it. I told him it looks like he is in combat. He told me he is

> battling autism.

>

> Mental issues one day might include lack of clarity/confusion over

> simple things, forgetfulness/memory problems (in day to day life, not

> things learned by himself online or elsewhere), problems with

> sequencing tasks (things that must be done in a certain order are done

> in the wrong order), getting dressed (it once took him 45 minutes!).

> In general he is just not " on task " for the simplest tasks. If i ask

> him to water my plants, he might water half of them and leave the

> other half unwatered. If he is doing dishes, he might do all of the

> dishes in the sink, but not do the ones right next to the sink. Or he

> might remember feed the dog one day, but not the next 3 days.

>

> We are very close. He shares emotions, is supportive, entertaining,

> humorous and considerate. He is a math and computer whiz. He juggles,

> does magic tricks, rides a unicycle, can beat anyone at ping-pong. I

> think there is a lot of hope for my partner if he could get perhaps

> some of the autistic tendencies under control.

>

They are NOT tendencies. They are very real. There are chemical issues

inside his body that make him do the things he does. Getting them " under

control " is a red herring. The only way for him to get better is to

correct the chemical problems and the damage that has been done to his

organs. There are certain things that will _never_ change. Can you

understand this?

> Until then, life for me is not easy!

>

> Sorry for the long post! I guess i feel so alone in this battle. I

> can't really talk about it to friends or family.

>

> I am grateful that this group exists and look forward to any

> suggestions or advice.

>

>

>

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Posted
Posted

Hi:

I have 2 boys with autism and my husband has sensory sensitivities....it can

be very overwhelming to live with someone with so many issues.....My

thoughts go out to you...

My husband many times is unaware of how he feels as well and loves to sit at

the computer for hours by himself....

I would say that it is never too late.....

I would start with:

fish oil (up to 4 grams/day)

CoQ10 - good for energy

P5P or B6

Enzyme - helps with digestion

Multi-strain (10-15 strains) Probiotic - keeps good bacteria in the gut

Yes, thinness can be a common thread with ASD people....it is pretty hard to

find the answer and takes time to figure out with lots of trial and

error....

ANN

_____

From: [mailto: ]

On Behalf Of littlelittlejoyjoy

Sent: Friday, February 19, 2010 6:42 PM

Subject: [ ] My partner has autism: PLEASE HELP!

A friend of mine whose child has autism told me about this group. I have

been reading the posts, but feel uncertain whether the techniques that are

useful for children will work for adults as well. Chelation? Supplements?

Diet changes? Is it too late?

My partner is 24 years old. I fell in love with him not knowing that he had

high-functioning autism. (Yes, believe it! Your children will grow up to be

beautiful lovable adults, in spite of their disabilities.)

He is the most loving, intelligent, funny, intuitive and talented person i

have ever met. Unfortunately he is also dysfunctional when it comes to every

day life.

He forgets to eat, can't/won't get a job, doesn't seem to know how to plan

his day, forgets to do things i ask him, won't do much except the computer

on his own...the list goes on and on. I love him very much and i only want

to help him. It is hard not to fall into the role of mother when living with

someone who has trouble with everyday tasks.

I was wondering if there were any spouses of autistic adults out there who

could give advice? Are there support groups available for partners of

autistic adults?

There is tremendous pressure on me to run both of our lives and with all of

the inconsistency that comes with autism, i sometimes feel that i cannot go

on. We both live out of the country so have little support in terms of

family/friends/medical care/support groups.

Some more of his issues:

His biggest physical issues are eating and sleeping. He has been incredibly

thin his whole life (zero muscle tone, no body fat). He is 5'8'' (173 cm)

and weighs probably 100 pounds at most. He is hungry all of the time. He

feels stressed because finding enough to eat is a constant problem. He can

eat spoiled food and not get ill. I have the feeling that his body is not

absorbing what he eats. If i give him supplements will they pass right

through him? Is the malnourished look a feature of autism? Does anyone have

any ideas why he is so thin and what to do about it?

My partner has trouble getting to sleep. He tosses and turns quite

violently. He kind of bangs his head on the pillow, slams his arms and feet

on the mattress. The strange thing is that he seems unaware of it. I told

him it looks like he is in combat. He told me he is battling autism.

Mental issues one day might include lack of clarity/confusion over simple

things, forgetfulness/memory problems (in day to day life, not things

learned by himself online or elsewhere), problems with sequencing tasks

(things that must be done in a certain order are done in the wrong order),

getting dressed (it once took him 45 minutes!). In general he is just not

" on task " for the simplest tasks. If i ask him to water my plants, he might

water half of them and leave the other half unwatered. If he is doing

dishes, he might do all of the dishes in the sink, but not do the ones right

next to the sink. Or he might remember feed the dog one day, but not the

next 3 days.

We are very close. He shares emotions, is supportive, entertaining, humorous

and considerate. He is a math and computer whiz. He juggles, does magic

tricks, rides a unicycle, can beat anyone at ping-pong. I think there is a

lot of hope for my partner if he could get perhaps some of the autistic

tendencies under control. Until then, life for me is not easy!

Sorry for the long post! I guess i feel so alone in this battle. I can't

really talk about it to friends or family.

I am grateful that this group exists and look forward to any suggestions or

advice.

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Posted

I would also look at Humaworm and do a parasite protocol on top of the

supplements Ann recommended. I would also recommend writing lists to then he

can check them off.

Best of luck.

Tammy

[ ] My partner has autism: PLEASE HELP!

A friend of mine whose child has autism told me about this group. I have

been reading the posts, but feel uncertain whether the techniques that are

useful for children will work for adults as well. Chelation? Supplements?

Diet changes? Is it too late?

My partner is 24 years old. I fell in love with him not knowing that he had

high-functioning autism. (Yes, believe it! Your children will grow up to be

beautiful lovable adults, in spite of their disabilities.)

He is the most loving, intelligent, funny, intuitive and talented person i

have ever met. Unfortunately he is also dysfunctional when it comes to every

day life.

He forgets to eat, can't/won't get a job, doesn't seem to know how to plan

his day, forgets to do things i ask him, won't do much except the computer

on his own...the list goes on and on. I love him very much and i only want

to help him. It is hard not to fall into the role of mother when living with

someone who has trouble with everyday tasks.

I was wondering if there were any spouses of autistic adults out there who

could give advice? Are there support groups available for partners of

autistic adults?

There is tremendous pressure on me to run both of our lives and with all of

the inconsistency that comes with autism, i sometimes feel that i cannot go

on. We both live out of the country so have little support in terms of

family/friends/medical care/support groups.

Some more of his issues:

His biggest physical issues are eating and sleeping. He has been incredibly

thin his whole life (zero muscle tone, no body fat). He is 5'8'' (173 cm)

and weighs probably 100 pounds at most. He is hungry all of the time. He

feels stressed because finding enough to eat is a constant problem. He can

eat spoiled food and not get ill. I have the feeling that his body is not

absorbing what he eats. If i give him supplements will they pass right

through him? Is the malnourished look a feature of autism? Does anyone have

any ideas why he is so thin and what to do about it?

My partner has trouble getting to sleep. He tosses and turns quite

violently. He kind of bangs his head on the pillow, slams his arms and feet

on the mattress. The strange thing is that he seems unaware of it. I told

him it looks like he is in combat. He told me he is battling autism.

Mental issues one day might include lack of clarity/confusion over simple

things, forgetfulness/memory problems (in day to day life, not things

learned by himself online or elsewhere), problems with sequencing tasks

(things that must be done in a certain order are done in the wrong order),

getting dressed (it once took him 45 minutes!). In general he is just not

" on task " for the simplest tasks. If i ask him to water my plants, he might

water half of them and leave the other half unwatered. If he is doing

dishes, he might do all of the dishes in the sink, but not do the ones right

next to the sink. Or he might remember feed the dog one day, but not the

next 3 days.

We are very close. He shares emotions, is supportive, entertaining, humorous

and considerate. He is a math and computer whiz. He juggles, does magic

tricks, rides a unicycle, can beat anyone at ping-pong. I think there is a

lot of hope for my partner if he could get perhaps some of the autistic

tendencies under control. Until then, life for me is not easy!

Sorry for the long post! I guess i feel so alone in this battle. I can't

really talk about it to friends or family.

I am grateful that this group exists and look forward to any suggestions or

advice.

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Posted

I should have known there was a group of us out there. The thing is each

individual is unique so their " autism " can vary from another's...My husband

is also on the spectrum at a high functioning level...it took...there were

so many times before we figured this out (I actually came to understand my

husband better through raising my Asperger son..after we got a diagnosis on

my son and learned about common traits of Aspergers the light came on for me

and my husband about himself...before undertanding that I would feel that

there was often something lacking... " missing " and had so much pain and

frustration...now there is much more peace in our household.

As far as nutrition, I ditto Ann, especially on the enzymes before every

meal and a multi strain probiotic in the a.m. and p.m. I also like taking a

glutathione booster we've had good success with Max GXL...you can buy it

online. It energizes and cleanses the brain and liver and helps memory and

thought processes a great deal. IMy father was thinking he was getting

Alzheimers like his mother and he has also experienced a big improvement...

I've seen that other folks try boosting glutathione other ways...maybe

somebody will give you other ideas.

But hang in there and don't give up! He sounds like his thyroid could

really be messed up, so I would suggest getting a baseline on that as well..

that could greatly impact directions you go for his diet...

Best wishes...

-- [ ] My partner has autism: PLEASE HELP!

A friend of mine whose child has autism told me about this group. I have

been reading the posts, but feel uncertain whether the techniques that are

useful for children will work for adults as well. Chelation? Supplements?

Diet changes? Is it too late?

My partner is 24 years old. I fell in love with him not knowing that he had

high-functioning autism. (Yes, believe it! Your children will grow up to be

beautiful lovable adults, in spite of their disabilities.)

He is the most loving, intelligent, funny, intuitive and talented person i

have ever met. Unfortunately he is also dysfunctional when it comes to every

day life.

He forgets to eat, can't/won't get a job, doesn't seem to know how to plan

his day, forgets to do things i ask him, won't do much except the computer

on his own...the list goes on and on. I love him very much and i only want

to help him. It is hard not to fall into the role of mother when living with

someone who has trouble with everyday tasks.

I was wondering if there were any spouses of autistic adults out there who

could give advice? Are there support groups available for partners of

autistic adults?

There is tremendous pressure on me to run both of our lives and with all of

the inconsistency that comes with autism, i sometimes feel that i cannot go

on. We both live out of the country so have little support in terms of

family/friends/medical care/support groups.

Some more of his issues:

His biggest physical issues are eating and sleeping. He has been incredibly

thin his whole life (zero muscle tone, no body fat). He is 5'8'' (173 cm)

and weighs probably 100 pounds at most. He is hungry all of the time. He

feels stressed because finding enough to eat is a constant problem. He can

eat spoiled food and not get ill. I have the feeling that his body is not

absorbing what he eats. If i give him supplements will they pass right

through him? Is the malnourished look a feature of autism? Does anyone have

any ideas why he is so thin and what to do about it?

My partner has trouble getting to sleep. He tosses and turns quite

violently. He kind of bangs his head on the pillow, slams his arms and feet

on the mattress. The strange thing is that he seems unaware of it. I told

him it looks like he is in combat. He told me he is battling autism.

Mental issues one day might include lack of clarity/confusion over simple

things, forgetfulness/memory problems (in day to day life, not things

learned by himself online or elsewhere), problems with sequencing tasks

(things that must be done in a certain order are done in the wrong order),

getting dressed (it once took him 45 minutes!). In general he is just not

" on task " for the simplest tasks. If i ask him to water my plants, he might

water half of them and leave the other half unwatered. If he is doing

dishes, he might do all of the dishes in the sink, but not do the ones right

next to the sink. Or he might remember feed the dog one day, but not the

next 3 days.

We are very close. He shares emotions, is supportive, entertaining, humorous

and considerate. He is a math and computer whiz. He juggles, does magic

tricks, rides a unicycle, can beat anyone at ping-pong. I think there is a

lot of hope for my partner if he could get perhaps some of the autistic

tendencies under control. Until then, life for me is not easy!

Sorry for the long post! I guess i feel so alone in this battle. I can't

really talk about it to friends or family.

I am grateful that this group exists and look forward to any suggestions or

advice.

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,

How sweet of you that you can see all the endearing qualities in your friend.

My son is almost 15 and sounds similar, so I have a few suggestions.

Sleep: My son is restless, crases around violently and sleeps in weird

positions. What helps is 3mg melatonin and 500 mg inositol to calm him before

bed. You can get these over the counter at the vitamin shoppe. They have an

online website too. Take about an hour before bed.

Also, turn off all electronics about an hour and a half before bed because the

mind races with all the information it was processing. Maybe having the same

routine every night will get the body used to settling for sleep at a consistant

time.

Constant hunger: Not our problem, but my son has always been underweight due to

malabsorbtion and limited appetite. I would look into parasites. There is an

over the counter remedy for parasites called ia 100 that can be purchased

online. I would also look into digestive enzymes, liquid trace minerals, and

probiotics.

Disorganization: Lists, lists, lists! I'm not sure your partner would want you

to do this because you are not his mother, but maybe you could encourage him to

create his own lists. I make check off charts for my son using the program

templets in Microsoft Works. Things like:

Shower, shave

Get dressed including socks and shoes

Eat breakfast, take vitamins

Brush Teeth

Make bed

Get on the bus without making the driver wait (it comes to our door)

In the evening it goes like this:

Finish homework

Put everything you need in your backpack

Put backback by the front door

Choose clothes for tomorrow and have them ready in closet (This really helps him

dress himself in the morning. Otherwise, he can't find anything or he puts

clothes that don't fit or don't match on.)

Of course his lists would be more adult, but you get the idea. With the lists,

my son does a lot of these things himself quickly. There are still days I have

to say, " check your list " , but he minds it less than, " brush your teeth, Did you

brush your teeth? Josh you need to brush your teeth! The bus is coming Josh,

it's too late to brush your teeth, just go. "

Another thing that helps is to have as little clutter as possible. Try to put

things away where they would logically go, and keep it consistant so it is easy

to retrieve needed items. Memory issues contribute to that disorganization, so

make it easy on the brain by keeping the house logical and simple.

My son does freak a little when I try to get rid of his clutter, so I started

with mine. Then I made him clean and organize his stuff, which he did not want

to do. After awhile, he realized it was easier to pitch items he wasn't using

then to try to find a clean spot for them.

Hope that helps. We have at least one adult with HFA that posts here. Maybe he

will have suggestions too.

Jen

>

> A friend of mine whose child has autism told me about this group. I have been

reading the posts, but feel uncertain whether the techniques that are useful for

children will work for adults as well. Chelation? Supplements? Diet changes?

Is it too late?

>

> My partner is 24 years old. I fell in love with him not knowing that he had

high-functioning autism. (Yes, believe it! Your children will grow up to be

beautiful lovable adults, in spite of their disabilities.)

>

> He is the most loving, intelligent, funny, intuitive and talented person i

have ever met. Unfortunately he is also dysfunctional when it comes to every

day life.

>

> He forgets to eat, can't/won't get a job, doesn't seem to know how to plan his

day, forgets to do things i ask him, won't do much except the computer on his

own...the list goes on and on. I love him very much and i only want to help

him. It is hard not to fall into the role of mother when living with someone

who has trouble with everyday tasks.

>

> I was wondering if there were any spouses of autistic adults out there who

could give advice? Are there support groups available for partners of autistic

adults?

>

> There is tremendous pressure on me to run both of our lives and with all of

the inconsistency that comes with autism, i sometimes feel that i cannot go on.

We both live out of the country so have little support in terms of

family/friends/medical care/support groups.

>

> Some more of his issues:

>

> His biggest physical issues are eating and sleeping. He has been incredibly

thin his whole life (zero muscle tone, no body fat). He is 5'8'' (173 cm) and

weighs probably 100 pounds at most. He is hungry all of the time. He feels

stressed because finding enough to eat is a constant problem. He can eat

spoiled food and not get ill. I have the feeling that his body is not absorbing

what he eats. If i give him supplements will they pass right through him? Is

the malnourished look a feature of autism? Does anyone have any ideas why he is

so thin and what to do about it?

>

> My partner has trouble getting to sleep. He tosses and turns quite violently.

He kind of bangs his head on the pillow, slams his arms and feet on the

mattress. The strange thing is that he seems unaware of it. I told him it

looks like he is in combat. He told me he is battling autism.

>

> Mental issues one day might include lack of clarity/confusion over simple

things, forgetfulness/memory problems (in day to day life, not things learned by

himself online or elsewhere), problems with sequencing tasks (things that must

be done in a certain order are done in the wrong order), getting dressed (it

once took him 45 minutes!). In general he is just not " on task " for the simplest

tasks. If i ask him to water my plants, he might water half of them and leave

the other half unwatered. If he is doing dishes, he might do all of the dishes

in the sink, but not do the ones right next to the sink. Or he might remember

feed the dog one day, but not the next 3 days.

>

> We are very close. He shares emotions, is supportive, entertaining, humorous

and considerate. He is a math and computer whiz. He juggles, does magic

tricks, rides a unicycle, can beat anyone at ping-pong. I think there is a lot

of hope for my partner if he could get perhaps some of the autistic tendencies

under control. Until then, life for me is not easy!

>

> Sorry for the long post! I guess i feel so alone in this battle. I can't

really talk about it to friends or family.

>

> I am grateful that this group exists and look forward to any suggestions or

advice.

>

>

>

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,

Please allow me to comment on your response to .

As a single mom to a teen with HFA I agree that these problems can absorb your

life. Somedays I wonder if I will ever have a life that revolves around my

interests and who I am. It scares me a little that most of the time I don't

care. Maybe I forgot to develop those interests. I think it is a little

codependent of me of to let everything be about helping my son. It smothers him

as well.

should be on the lookout for codependency issues and make sure to avoid

them by developing her own interests, career, studies what have you. It is hard

to be a mom to a partner.

Kingsley publishers has a series of books on dating and relationships

for people on the spectrum and their partners. I think Autism Asperger

publishing does too.

On the bright side, my son is highly intelligent and talented in the areas of

art, computers, writing, and math. I think with the right education, he may

well be very successful in one of those areas.

Einstien needed his secretary to make sure he was dressed properly, Monk needs

that sidekick lady to help him. There isn't any glory in being sidekick lady,

but it isn't without merit.

I also wanted to comment, that I taught a student with HFA whose success was

largely due to his stay at home dad. Dad was an engineer with Aspergers who had

been laid off around the time my student was diagnosed. He became a stay at

home dad, while mom was the bread winner. He understood his son's issues and

combined high epectations with understanding to help his son function at an

optimal level. My point is, there are many different roles we can follow in a

family. In this case, Aspergers did not get in the way of being a loving

supportive father. I also noticed that dad was able to push a litle harder than

a mom would. We moms can be soft and don't think our Aspies don't know that.

Jen

> >

> >

> > A friend of mine whose child has autism told me about this group. I

> > have been reading the posts, but feel uncertain whether the techniques

> > that are useful for children will work for adults as well. Chelation?

> > Supplements? Diet changes? Is it too late?

> >

> > My partner is 24 years old. I fell in love with him not knowing that

> > he had high-functioning autism. (Yes, believe it! Your children will

> > grow up to be beautiful lovable adults, in spite of their disabilities.)

> >

> > He is the most loving, intelligent, funny, intuitive and talented

> > person i have ever met. Unfortunately he is also dysfunctional when it

> > comes to every day life.

> >

> > He forgets to eat, can't/won't get a job, doesn't seem to know how to

> > plan his day, forgets to do things i ask him, won't do much except the

> > computer on his own...the list goes on and on. I love him very much

> > and i only want to help him. It is hard not to fall into the role of

> > mother when living with someone who has trouble with everyday tasks.

> >

> > I was wondering if there were any spouses of autistic adults out there

> > who could give advice? Are there support groups available for partners

> > of autistic adults?

> >

> > There is tremendous pressure on me to run both of our lives and with

> > all of the inconsistency that comes with autism, i sometimes feel that

> > i cannot go on. We both live out of the country so have little support

> > in terms of family/friends/medical care/support groups.

> >

> > Some more of his issues:

> >

> > His biggest physical issues are eating and sleeping. He has been

> > incredibly thin his whole life (zero muscle tone, no body fat). He is

> > 5'8'' (173 cm) and weighs probably 100 pounds at most. He is hungry

> > all of the time. He feels stressed because finding enough to eat is a

> > constant problem. He can eat spoiled food and not get ill. I have the

> > feeling that his body is not absorbing what he eats.

> >

> You are most likely correct.

>

>

> > If i give him supplements will they pass right through him? Is the

> > malnourished look a feature of autism? Does anyone have any ideas why

> > he is so thin and what to do about it

> >

> Malabsorbtion and thyroid issues come to mind.

>

> > My partner has trouble getting to sleep. He tosses and turns quite

> > violently. He kind of bangs his head on the pillow, slams his arms and

> > feet on the mattress. The strange thing is that he seems unaware of

> > it. I told him it looks like he is in combat. He told me he is

> > battling autism.

> >

> > Mental issues one day might include lack of clarity/confusion over

> > simple things, forgetfulness/memory problems (in day to day life, not

> > things learned by himself online or elsewhere), problems with

> > sequencing tasks (things that must be done in a certain order are done

> > in the wrong order), getting dressed (it once took him 45 minutes!).

> > In general he is just not " on task " for the simplest tasks. If i ask

> > him to water my plants, he might water half of them and leave the

> > other half unwatered. If he is doing dishes, he might do all of the

> > dishes in the sink, but not do the ones right next to the sink. Or he

> > might remember feed the dog one day, but not the next 3 days.

> >

> > We are very close. He shares emotions, is supportive, entertaining,

> > humorous and considerate. He is a math and computer whiz. He juggles,

> > does magic tricks, rides a unicycle, can beat anyone at ping-pong. I

> > think there is a lot of hope for my partner if he could get perhaps

> > some of the autistic tendencies under control.

> >

> They are NOT tendencies. They are very real. There are chemical issues

> inside his body that make him do the things he does. Getting them " under

> control " is a red herring. The only way for him to get better is to

> correct the chemical problems and the damage that has been done to his

> organs. There are certain things that will _never_ change. Can you

> understand this?

>

> > Until then, life for me is not easy!

> >

> > Sorry for the long post! I guess i feel so alone in this battle. I

> > can't really talk about it to friends or family.

> >

> > I am grateful that this group exists and look forward to any

> > suggestions or advice.

> >

> >

> >

>

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Hi ,

Welcome to the group. Comments interspersed.

S S

My partner has autism: PLEASE HELP!

Posted by: " littlelittlejoyjoy " fanelli.laura@... littlelittlejoyjoy

Fri Feb 19, 2010 6:41 pm (PST)

A friend of mine whose child has autism told me about this group. I have been

reading the posts, but feel uncertain whether the techniques that are useful for

children will work for adults as well. Chelation? Supplements? Diet changes? Is

it too late?

*It's never too late.

My partner is 24 years old. I fell in love with him not knowing that he had

high-functioning autism. (Yes, believe it! Your children will grow up to be

beautiful lovable adults, in spite of their disabilities.)

He is the most loving, intelligent, funny, intuitive and talented person i have

ever met. Unfortunately he is also dysfunctional when it comes to every day

life.

He forgets to eat, can't/won't get a job, doesn't seem to know how to plan his

day, forgets to do things i ask him, won't do much except the computer on his

own...the list goes on and on. I love him very much and i only want to help him.

It is hard not to fall into the role of mother when living with someone who has

trouble with everyday tasks.

*It's good that you realize that. He has to want to make some changes.

I was wondering if there were any spouses of autistic adults out there who could

give advice? Are there support groups available for partners of autistic adults?

There is tremendous pressure on me to run both of our lives and with all of the

inconsistency that comes with autism, i sometimes feel that i cannot go on. We

both live out of the country so have little support in terms of

family/friends/medical care/support groups.

*There are some good books available, some from the perspective of adults with

autism. Let me know if you want a list. They may be helpful for both of you.

Some more of his issues:

His biggest physical issues are eating and sleeping. He has been incredibly thin

his whole life (zero muscle tone, no body fat). He is 5'8'' (173 cm) and weighs

probably 100 pounds at most. He is hungry all of the time.

*He would probably benefit from digestive enzymes. www.houston-enzymes.com (I

was down to 82 lbs at the worst of my mercury poisoning, I'm 5'6 " ) . What's his

diet like? Lots of carbs and dairy? He probably has dybiosis (leaky gut

syndrome).

He feels stressed because finding enough to eat is a constant problem. He can

eat spoiled food and not get ill. I have the feeling that his body is not

absorbing what he eats. If i give him supplements will they pass right through

him? Is the malnourished look a feature of autism? Does anyone have any ideas

why he is so thin and what to do about it?

*Probiotics (preferably dairy-free) would probably be useful. Has he been on

lots of antibiotics, maybe as a kid? Yeast overgrowth causes a person to always

be hungry because the " bad bugs " living in the gut want more sugar/carbs. He

would probably also benefit by going gluten-free, he may have celiac or

gluten-sensitivity. For those of us with gluten issues the gluten acts like a

drug in our systems and we constantly want more to keep that gluten " high " .

Gluten is in wheat, oats, barley, rye, triticale, spelt, and products made of

them.

My partner has trouble getting to sleep. He tosses and turns quite violently. He

kind of bangs his head on the pillow, slams his arms and feet on the mattress.

The strange thing is that he seems unaware of it. I told him it looks like he is

in combat. He told me he is battling autism.

Mental issues one day might include lack of clarity/confusion over simple

things, forgetfulness/memory problems (in day to day life, not things learned by

himself online or elsewhere), problems with sequencing tasks (things that must

be done in a certain order are done in the wrong order), getting dressed (it

once took him 45 minutes!). In general he is just not " on task " for the simplest

tasks. If i ask him to water my plants, he might water half of them and leave

the other half unwatered. If he is doing dishes, he might do all of the dishes

in the sink, but not do the ones right next to the sink. Or he might remember

feed the dog one day, but not the next 3 days.

We are very close. He shares emotions, is supportive, entertaining, humorous and

considerate. He is a math and computer whiz. He juggles, does magic tricks,

rides a unicycle, can beat anyone at ping-pong. I think there is a lot of hope

for my partner if he could get perhaps some of the autistic tendencies under

control. Until then, life for me is not easy!

Sorry for the long post! I guess i feel so alone in this battle. I can't really

talk about it to friends or family.

*You're in the right place!

I am grateful that this group exists and look forward to any suggestions or

advice.

------------------------------------------------------------

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Hi ,

How many mercury amalgam dental fillings does your partner have? He didn't get

the flu shot, did he? He may want to get a DDI (Doctor's Data, Inc.) hair

elements test and apply the counting rules. This can be ordered through DLS

(Direct Lab Services) and they'll give a discount if he mentions this group.

That way he can see that toxic metals may be causing some of his issues.

" Amalgam Illness " and " Hair Test Interpreting " by Andy Cutler could also prove

enlightening. As scattered as he sounds it would be good for him to get some

routine/schedule in place for food, sleep, etc. before trying to tackle anything

like chelation. If he has any mercury amalgam dental fillings he would have to

have them safely removed before he could chelate anyway.

Recommendations:

Houston enzymes

Probiotics (can be liquid or chewable for more likelihood of absorption)

Epsom salt baths or foot soaks (probably best before trying to sleep as they

have a calming effect)

DDI hair elements test with counting rules applied

Talk about gluten-free, casein-free (GFCF) diet (he has to want to try this and

it might seem counter-intuitive to limit food since he also feels he can't get

enough). One idea would be to introduce some GFCF foods and incorporate them,

before any talk of removing the gluten-containing ones.

S S

------------------------------------------------------------

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business.

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Jen,

All very good points concerning the _parenting_ of an person with HFA.

Not applicable to the _partner_ of a person with HFA.

Your JOB as a mother is to do everything to help your son.

A _partner's_ job is not being a mother.

A partner's job is not being an employee (re: your Einstein comment).

Everyone (especially people with HFA) need people with diverse roles in their

life. The single most rewarding thing in an adult relationship is to treat your

partner and be treated by your partner as an adult equal. I would venture to say

most people with HFA _don't_ want another parent. They want a healthy adult

relationship.

Put it another way: if can assume the duties and tasks of _two_ people in

the relationship, and not _expect_ her partner to contribute reliably in the

practical, everyday life, little things this can work. It's perfectly imaginable

that what she " gets " in return in terms of emotional interaction (as she

described) is sufficient to her. (It looks as if she thinks it is now, at

least.)

What rarely works is going into _any_ relationship thinking you can improve the

other person, physically or emotionally. If this thought is present, even if you

_think_ you can live with the day-to-day frustrations, it will ultimately make

you feel burdened, and usually resentful.

My further advice to would be to make some form of commitment to her

partner (like marriage, or living together for an extended period of time)

before embarking on a support venture (or even mentioning the possibility of him

improving through chelation/diet/etc... and setting up expectations). Not

testing the relationship or committing to it completely before offering this

kind of support is simply unfair to any partner, let alone one on the spectrum.

I have no doubt whatsoever that most people on the spectrum can have mature,

adult, rewarding partner relationships. The non-spectrum partner is usually the

weak link. :)

> > >

> > >

> > > A friend of mine whose child has autism told me about this group. I

> > > have been reading the posts, but feel uncertain whether the techniques

> > > that are useful for children will work for adults as well. Chelation?

> > > Supplements? Diet changes? Is it too late?

> > >

> > > My partner is 24 years old. I fell in love with him not knowing that

> > > he had high-functioning autism. (Yes, believe it! Your children will

> > > grow up to be beautiful lovable adults, in spite of their disabilities.)

> > >

> > > He is the most loving, intelligent, funny, intuitive and talented

> > > person i have ever met. Unfortunately he is also dysfunctional when it

> > > comes to every day life.

> > >

> > > He forgets to eat, can't/won't get a job, doesn't seem to know how to

> > > plan his day, forgets to do things i ask him, won't do much except the

> > > computer on his own...the list goes on and on. I love him very much

> > > and i only want to help him. It is hard not to fall into the role of

> > > mother when living with someone who has trouble with everyday tasks.

> > >

> > > I was wondering if there were any spouses of autistic adults out there

> > > who could give advice? Are there support groups available for partners

> > > of autistic adults?

> > >

> > > There is tremendous pressure on me to run both of our lives and with

> > > all of the inconsistency that comes with autism, i sometimes feel that

> > > i cannot go on. We both live out of the country so have little support

> > > in terms of family/friends/medical care/support groups.

> > >

> > > Some more of his issues:

> > >

> > > His biggest physical issues are eating and sleeping. He has been

> > > incredibly thin his whole life (zero muscle tone, no body fat). He is

> > > 5'8'' (173 cm) and weighs probably 100 pounds at most. He is hungry

> > > all of the time. He feels stressed because finding enough to eat is a

> > > constant problem. He can eat spoiled food and not get ill. I have the

> > > feeling that his body is not absorbing what he eats.

> > >

> > You are most likely correct.

> >

> >

> > > If i give him supplements will they pass right through him? Is the

> > > malnourished look a feature of autism? Does anyone have any ideas why

> > > he is so thin and what to do about it

> > >

> > Malabsorbtion and thyroid issues come to mind.

> >

> > > My partner has trouble getting to sleep. He tosses and turns quite

> > > violently. He kind of bangs his head on the pillow, slams his arms and

> > > feet on the mattress. The strange thing is that he seems unaware of

> > > it. I told him it looks like he is in combat. He told me he is

> > > battling autism.

> > >

> > > Mental issues one day might include lack of clarity/confusion over

> > > simple things, forgetfulness/memory problems (in day to day life, not

> > > things learned by himself online or elsewhere), problems with

> > > sequencing tasks (things that must be done in a certain order are done

> > > in the wrong order), getting dressed (it once took him 45 minutes!).

> > > In general he is just not " on task " for the simplest tasks. If i ask

> > > him to water my plants, he might water half of them and leave the

> > > other half unwatered. If he is doing dishes, he might do all of the

> > > dishes in the sink, but not do the ones right next to the sink. Or he

> > > might remember feed the dog one day, but not the next 3 days.

> > >

> > > We are very close. He shares emotions, is supportive, entertaining,

> > > humorous and considerate. He is a math and computer whiz. He juggles,

> > > does magic tricks, rides a unicycle, can beat anyone at ping-pong. I

> > > think there is a lot of hope for my partner if he could get perhaps

> > > some of the autistic tendencies under control.

> > >

> > They are NOT tendencies. They are very real. There are chemical issues

> > inside his body that make him do the things he does. Getting them " under

> > control " is a red herring. The only way for him to get better is to

> > correct the chemical problems and the damage that has been done to his

> > organs. There are certain things that will _never_ change. Can you

> > understand this?

> >

> > > Until then, life for me is not easy!

> > >

> > > Sorry for the long post! I guess i feel so alone in this battle. I

> > > can't really talk about it to friends or family.

> > >

> > > I am grateful that this group exists and look forward to any

> > > suggestions or advice.

> > >

> > >

> > >

> >

>

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> A friend of mine whose child has autism told me about this group. I have been

reading the posts, but feel uncertain whether the techniques that are useful for

children will work for adults as well. Chelation? Supplements? Diet changes?

Is it too late?

All of those were helpful for adults I know.

> His biggest physical issues are eating and sleeping. He has been incredibly

thin his whole life (zero muscle tone, no body fat).

Carnitine is helpful for this.

>>He is hungry all of the time.

This meant yeast overgrowth and certain food intolerances at my house.

http://www.danasview.net/yeast.htm

>>I have the feeling that his body is not absorbing what he eats.

Carnitine and digestive enzymes. I used HNI enzymes

http://www.houstonni.com/

> My partner has trouble getting to sleep. He tosses and turns quite violently.

Yeast overgrowth, certain foods especially milk and phenols

http://www.danasview.net/phenol.htm

Dana

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Posted
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i have a son on autistic spectrum but i belive my hubby and i have a few

issues of our own my hubby is some what like ur partner not exactly .Things i

could think u should look into is diet most importantly get a allergy testing

and use noallergic food with proper digestive enzymes .Look in GAPS or BED (body

ecology diet ) i am doing both and that thing alone is helping a lot there are

support gorups for these diets also check them. Rest of what Jenniffer said is

so good that i will adopt it too :)

________________________________

From: S <iferstevens@...>

Sent: Sat, February 20, 2010 6:05:34 AM

Subject: [ ] Re: My partner has autism: PLEASE HELP!

 

,

How sweet of you that you can see all the endearing qualities in your friend. My

son is almost 15 and sounds similar, so I have a few suggestions.

Sleep: My son is restless, crases around violently and sleeps in weird

positions. What helps is 3mg melatonin and 500 mg inositol to calm him before

bed. You can get these over the counter at the vitamin shoppe. They have an

online website too. Take about an hour before bed.

Also, turn off all electronics about an hour and a half before bed because the

mind races with all the information it was processing. Maybe having the same

routine every night will get the body used to settling for sleep at a consistant

time.

Constant hunger: Not our problem, but my son has always been underweight due to

malabsorbtion and limited appetite. I would look into parasites. There is an

over the counter remedy for parasites called ia 100 that can be purchased

online. I would also look into digestive enzymes, liquid trace minerals, and

probiotics.

Disorganization: Lists, lists, lists! I'm not sure your partner would want you

to do this because you are not his mother, but maybe you could encourage him to

create his own lists. I make check off charts for my son using the program

templets in Microsoft Works. Things like:

Shower, shave

Get dressed including socks and shoes

Eat breakfast, take vitamins

Brush Teeth

Make bed

Get on the bus without making the driver wait (it comes to our door)

In the evening it goes like this:

Finish homework

Put everything you need in your backpack

Put backback by the front door

Choose clothes for tomorrow and have them ready in closet (This really helps him

dress himself in the morning. Otherwise, he can't find anything or he puts

clothes that don't fit or don't match on.)

Of course his lists would be more adult, but you get the idea. With the lists,

my son does a lot of these things himself quickly. There are still days I have

to say, " check your list " , but he minds it less than, " brush your teeth, Did you

brush your teeth? Josh you need to brush your teeth! The bus is coming Josh,

it's too late to brush your teeth, just go. "

Another thing that helps is to have as little clutter as possible. Try to put

things away where they would logically go, and keep it consistant so it is easy

to retrieve needed items. Memory issues contribute to that disorganization, so

make it easy on the brain by keeping the house logical and simple.

My son does freak a little when I try to get rid of his clutter, so I started

with mine. Then I made him clean and organize his stuff, which he did not want

to do. After awhile, he realized it was easier to pitch items he wasn't using

then to try to find a clean spot for them.

Hope that helps. We have at least one adult with HFA that posts here. Maybe he

will have suggestions too.

Jen

>

> A friend of mine whose child has autism told me about this group. I have been

reading the posts, but feel uncertain whether the techniques that are useful for

children will work for adults as well. Chelation? Supplements? Diet changes? Is

it too late?

>

> My partner is 24 years old. I fell in love with him not knowing that he had

high-functioning autism. (Yes, believe it! Your children will grow up to be

beautiful lovable adults, in spite of their disabilities. )

>

> He is the most loving, intelligent, funny, intuitive and talented person i

have ever met. Unfortunately he is also dysfunctional when it comes to every day

life.

>

> He forgets to eat, can't/won't get a job, doesn't seem to know how to plan his

day, forgets to do things i ask him, won't do much except the computer on his

own...the list goes on and on. I love him very much and i only want to help him.

It is hard not to fall into the role of mother when living with someone who has

trouble with everyday tasks.

>

> I was wondering if there were any spouses of autistic adults out there who

could give advice? Are there support groups available for partners of autistic

adults?

>

> There is tremendous pressure on me to run both of our lives and with all of

the inconsistency that comes with autism, i sometimes feel that i cannot go on.

We both live out of the country so have little support in terms of

family/friends/ medical care/support groups.

>

> Some more of his issues:

>

> His biggest physical issues are eating and sleeping. He has been incredibly

thin his whole life (zero muscle tone, no body fat). He is 5'8'' (173 cm) and

weighs probably 100 pounds at most. He is hungry all of the time. He feels

stressed because finding enough to eat is a constant problem. He can eat spoiled

food and not get ill. I have the feeling that his body is not absorbing what he

eats. If i give him supplements will they pass right through him? Is the

malnourished look a feature of autism? Does anyone have any ideas why he is so

thin and what to do about it?

>

> My partner has trouble getting to sleep. He tosses and turns quite violently.

He kind of bangs his head on the pillow, slams his arms and feet on the

mattress. The strange thing is that he seems unaware of it. I told him it looks

like he is in combat. He told me he is battling autism.

>

> Mental issues one day might include lack of clarity/confusion over simple

things, forgetfulness/ memory problems (in day to day life, not things learned

by himself online or elsewhere), problems with sequencing tasks (things that

must be done in a certain order are done in the wrong order), getting dressed

(it once took him 45 minutes!). In general he is just not " on task " for the

simplest tasks. If i ask him to water my plants, he might water half of them and

leave the other half unwatered. If he is doing dishes, he might do all of the

dishes in the sink, but not do the ones right next to the sink. Or he might

remember feed the dog one day, but not the next 3 days.

>

> We are very close. He shares emotions, is supportive, entertaining, humorous

and considerate. He is a math and computer whiz. He juggles, does magic tricks,

rides a unicycle, can beat anyone at ping-pong. I think there is a lot of hope

for my partner if he could get perhaps some of the autistic tendencies under

control. Until then, life for me is not easy!

>

> Sorry for the long post! I guess i feel so alone in this battle. I can't

really talk about it to friends or family.

>

> I am grateful that this group exists and look forward to any suggestions or

advice.

>

>

>

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Posted
Posted

Go out and get a copy of " Look me in the Eye: My Life with Aspergers " by

Elder Robison. Your partner might find it comforting and insightful, too. It

won't give you answers, but it will give you a well-written glimpse in to the

life of a special person with Aspergers.

You will burn yourself out real fast if you try to fix him, and you will resent

him if you fall in to the role of parent. I think you know that, which is why

you are here.

Make lists. Things he can check off or make reference to. This might seem

juvenile, but many of us *without* Autism rely on lists to get us through the

day. Better yet, sit down with him and have HIM make the lists. He might even

need the tasks broken down in sequencing steps. Laminate them and paste them up

in the kitchen, the bathroom, the bedroom...

I'm wondering if digestive enzymes and a trial of gluten/casein free diet would

be helpful. How do you think he'd manage a restricted diet? Again, you cannot

add cook to your role, too. If you are the shopper, maybe you can decide to go

GFCF too and stock the cabinets with gluten/casein free items. If money is an

issue, start cooking from scratch with simple meals. Here I go, giving you more

jobs!

Houston Nutraceuticals makes a great set of digestive enzymes. A not so

pleasant thing to consider is a possible parasite infestation, too. Not

uncommon.

Fish oil (Omega 3s) and a mineral supplement could help with focus and sleep.

Magnesium and calcium are nice. It will not be completely wasted on him if you

give him pills. If he has trouble falling asleep, perhaps a try with melatonin

(.5-1 mg to start).

There are so many things to suggest. He loves the computer... send him here.

Are there volunteer opportunities where you live? He needs to get out of your

home.

Thank you for looking out for him.

Pam (mom to an 8yr old who will hopefully one day have a girlfriend!)

>

> A friend of mine whose child has autism told me about this group. I have been

reading the posts, but feel uncertain whether the techniques that are useful for

children will work for adults as well. Chelation? Supplements? Diet changes?

Is it too late?

>

> My partner is 24 years old. I fell in love with him not knowing that he had

high-functioning autism. (Yes, believe it! Your children will grow up to be

beautiful lovable adults, in spite of their disabilities.)

>

> He is the most loving, intelligent, funny, intuitive and talented person i

have ever met. Unfortunately he is also dysfunctional when it comes to every

day life.

>

> He forgets to eat, can't/won't get a job, doesn't seem to know how to plan his

day, forgets to do things i ask him, won't do much except the computer on his

own...the list goes on and on. I love him very much and i only want to help

him. It is hard not to fall into the role of mother when living with someone

who has trouble with everyday tasks.

>

> I was wondering if there were any spouses of autistic adults out there who

could give advice? Are there support groups available for partners of autistic

adults?

>

> There is tremendous pressure on me to run both of our lives and with all of

the inconsistency that comes with autism, i sometimes feel that i cannot go on.

We both live out of the country so have little support in terms of

family/friends/medical care/support groups.

>

> Some more of his issues:

>

> His biggest physical issues are eating and sleeping. He has been incredibly

thin his whole life (zero muscle tone, no body fat). He is 5'8'' (173 cm) and

weighs probably 100 pounds at most. He is hungry all of the time. He feels

stressed because finding enough to eat is a constant problem. He can eat

spoiled food and not get ill. I have the feeling that his body is not absorbing

what he eats. If i give him supplements will they pass right through him? Is

the malnourished look a feature of autism? Does anyone have any ideas why he is

so thin and what to do about it?

>

> My partner has trouble getting to sleep. He tosses and turns quite violently.

He kind of bangs his head on the pillow, slams his arms and feet on the

mattress. The strange thing is that he seems unaware of it. I told him it

looks like he is in combat. He told me he is battling autism.

>

> Mental issues one day might include lack of clarity/confusion over simple

things, forgetfulness/memory problems (in day to day life, not things learned by

himself online or elsewhere), problems with sequencing tasks (things that must

be done in a certain order are done in the wrong order), getting dressed (it

once took him 45 minutes!). In general he is just not " on task " for the simplest

tasks. If i ask him to water my plants, he might water half of them and leave

the other half unwatered. If he is doing dishes, he might do all of the dishes

in the sink, but not do the ones right next to the sink. Or he might remember

feed the dog one day, but not the next 3 days.

>

> We are very close. He shares emotions, is supportive, entertaining, humorous

and considerate. He is a math and computer whiz. He juggles, does magic

tricks, rides a unicycle, can beat anyone at ping-pong. I think there is a lot

of hope for my partner if he could get perhaps some of the autistic tendencies

under control. Until then, life for me is not easy!

>

> Sorry for the long post! I guess i feel so alone in this battle. I can't

really talk about it to friends or family.

>

> I am grateful that this group exists and look forward to any suggestions or

advice.

>

>

>

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Posted
Posted

Maggie...I agree! I have to remind my NT husband to administer the chelator 3

times before it's actually due. 1 by text, 2 by phone call & not to mention the

little plastic pill baggie I leave attached on the fridge with a chip

clip...lol...dated & timed! Then I have to call & remind him to feed

them...lol!

Valencia

Sent from my iPhone

On Feb 20, 2010, at 4:28 PM, " Maggie " <maggie_orourke@...> wrote:

Micheal,

I find your bitter view of relationships with autistics to be annoying as well

as insulting. It takes a lot of work to be in any relationship, but to imply

that it takes TOO much work to be in one with an autistic is ridiculous. She

loves him and asked for some advice, not an analysis of her psyche.

As for the original poster's questions, you seemed to have gotten a lot of

responses that are pretty good. A visual schedule can really help to keep

someone with autism on track. Maybe even have one for every room....or have one

for the day's activities. Structure is crucial and schedules really help to

prevent some of the problems you talked about. I don't know where you are from,

but you may be able to find services for him in the job placement or education

area.

Autism is not a unmoving disorder. What I mean by that is that people with

autism ARE capable of changing and adapting and learning. It does require

patience, but I assume you must be aware of that already.

And for the record, I have many of the same complaints about my NT husband. I

swear our dogs would die of starvation if I didn't feed them, because he NEVER

remembers that kind of thing. He gets stuck playing music for hours on end, and

if I ask him to do 4 things I'm lucky if 2 of them get done!!

Good luck to you both!!

Maggie

> >

> >

> > A friend of mine whose child has autism told me about this group. I

> > have been reading the posts, but feel uncertain whether the techniques

> > that are useful for children will work for adults as well. Chelation?

> > Supplements? Diet changes? Is it too late?

> >

> > My partner is 24 years old. I fell in love with him not knowing that

> > he had high-functioning autism. (Yes, believe it! Your children will

> > grow up to be beautiful lovable adults, in spite of their disabilities.)

> >

> > He is the most loving, intelligent, funny, intuitive and talented

> > person i have ever met. Unfortunately he is also dysfunctional when it

> > comes to every day life.

> >

> > He forgets to eat, can't/won't get a job, doesn't seem to know how to

> > plan his day, forgets to do things i ask him, won't do much except the

> > computer on his own...the list goes on and on. I love him very much

> > and i only want to help him. It is hard not to fall into the role of

> > mother when living with someone who has trouble with everyday tasks.

> >

> > I was wondering if there were any spouses of autistic adults out there

> > who could give advice? Are there support groups available for partners

> > of autistic adults?

> >

> > There is tremendous pressure on me to run both of our lives and with

> > all of the inconsistency that comes with autism, i sometimes feel that

> > i cannot go on. We both live out of the country so have little support

> > in terms of family/friends/medical care/support groups.

> >

> > Some more of his issues:

> >

> > His biggest physical issues are eating and sleeping. He has been

> > incredibly thin his whole life (zero muscle tone, no body fat). He is

> > 5'8'' (173 cm) and weighs probably 100 pounds at most. He is hungry

> > all of the time. He feels stressed because finding enough to eat is a

> > constant problem. He can eat spoiled food and not get ill. I have the

> > feeling that his body is not absorbing what he eats.

> >

> You are most likely correct.

>

>

> > If i give him supplements will they pass right through him? Is the

> > malnourished look a feature of autism? Does anyone have any ideas why

> > he is so thin and what to do about it

> >

> Malabsorbtion and thyroid issues come to mind.

>

> > My partner has trouble getting to sleep. He tosses and turns quite

> > violently. He kind of bangs his head on the pillow, slams his arms and

> > feet on the mattress. The strange thing is that he seems unaware of

> > it. I told him it looks like he is in combat. He told me he is

> > battling autism.

> >

> > Mental issues one day might include lack of clarity/confusion over

> > simple things, forgetfulness/memory problems (in day to day life, not

> > things learned by himself online or elsewhere), problems with

> > sequencing tasks (things that must be done in a certain order are done

> > in the wrong order), getting dressed (it once took him 45 minutes!).

> > In general he is just not " on task " for the simplest tasks. If i ask

> > him to water my plants, he might water half of them and leave the

> > other half unwatered. If he is doing dishes, he might do all of the

> > dishes in the sink, but not do the ones right next to the sink. Or he

> > might remember feed the dog one day, but not the next 3 days.

> >

> > We are very close. He shares emotions, is supportive, entertaining,

> > humorous and considerate. He is a math and computer whiz. He juggles,

> > does magic tricks, rides a unicycle, can beat anyone at ping-pong. I

> > think there is a lot of hope for my partner if he could get perhaps

> > some of the autistic tendencies under control.

> >

> They are NOT tendencies. They are very real. There are chemical issues

> inside his body that make him do the things he does. Getting them " under

> control " is a red herring. The only way for him to get better is to

> correct the chemical problems and the damage that has been done to his

> organs. There are certain things that will _never_ change. Can you

> understand this?

>

> > Until then, life for me is not easy!

> >

> > Sorry for the long post! I guess i feel so alone in this battle. I

> > can't really talk about it to friends or family.

> >

> > I am grateful that this group exists and look forward to any

> > suggestions or advice.

> >

> >

> >

>

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Posted
Posted

I agree.  NT husbands aren't always a picnic and you shouldn't just leave

someone you love because they may have some challenges. 

I would recommend a book called " The Fabric of Autism " by Judith Bluestone. 

The author of this book herself was once autistic and it is written from her

perspective as a child with autism and how she relates it to her clients with

autism.  She also describes a sensory training program and some of the problems

you described your husband as having sound similar to some of the problems she

describes.  Sometimes with eating issues it isn't just that they have gut

problems but they have sensory problems that make it difficult for them to fully

chew their food.  The sound of chewing may be too loud, the taste may not be

good and they almost always have low muscle tone.  This can cause people on the

spectrum to find eating pleasurable or in the case of my son his food often

comes out undigested; hence causing mal-absorption and not enough weight gain. 

She also describes chelating herself in her 40's and how even at that age she

was able to eleviate even

more of her symptoms and lose the diagnosis of autism.

I don't like when people think that hope is harmful.

http://aydansrecovery.blogspot.com/2009_08_01_archive.html

Micheal,

I find your bitter view of relationships with autistics to be annoying as well

as insulting. It takes a lot of work to be in any relationship, but to imply

that it takes TOO much work to be in one with an autistic is ridiculous. She

loves him and asked for some advice, not an analysis of her psyche.

As for the original poster's questions, you seemed to have gotten a lot of

responses that are pretty good. A visual schedule can really help to keep

someone with autism on track. Maybe even have one for every room....or have one

for the day's activities. Structure is crucial and schedules really help to

prevent some of the problems you talked about. I don't know where you are from,

but you may be able to find services for him in the job placement or education

area.

Autism is not a unmoving disorder. What I mean by that is that people with

autism ARE capable of changing and adapting and learning. It does require

patience, but I assume you must be aware of that already.

And for the record, I have many of the same complaints about my NT husband. I

swear our dogs would die of starvation if I didn't feed them, because he NEVER

remembers that kind of thing. He gets stuck playing music for hours on end, and

if I ask him to do 4 things I'm lucky if 2 of them get done!!

Good luck to you both!!

Maggie

> >

> >

> > A friend of mine whose child has autism told me about this group. I

> > have been reading the posts, but feel uncertain whether the techniques

> > that are useful for children will work for adults as well. Chelation?

> > Supplements? Diet changes? Is it too late?

> >

> > My partner is 24 years old. I fell in love with him not knowing that

> > he had high-functioning autism. (Yes, believe it! Your children will

> > grow up to be beautiful lovable adults, in spite of their disabilities. )

> >

> > He is the most loving, intelligent, funny, intuitive and talented

> > person i have ever met. Unfortunately he is also dysfunctional when it

> > comes to every day life.

> >

> > He forgets to eat, can't/won't get a job, doesn't seem to know how to

> > plan his day, forgets to do things i ask him, won't do much except the

> > computer on his own...the list goes on and on. I love him very much

> > and i only want to help him. It is hard not to fall into the role of

> > mother when living with someone who has trouble with everyday tasks.

> >

> > I was wondering if there were any spouses of autistic adults out there

> > who could give advice? Are there support groups available for partners

> > of autistic adults?

> >

> > There is tremendous pressure on me to run both of our lives and with

> > all of the inconsistency that comes with autism, i sometimes feel that

> > i cannot go on. We both live out of the country so have little support

> > in terms of family/friends/ medical care/support groups.

> >

> > Some more of his issues:

> >

> > His biggest physical issues are eating and sleeping. He has been

> > incredibly thin his whole life (zero muscle tone, no body fat). He is

> > 5'8'' (173 cm) and weighs probably 100 pounds at most. He is hungry

> > all of the time. He feels stressed because finding enough to eat is a

> > constant problem. He can eat spoiled food and not get ill. I have the

> > feeling that his body is not absorbing what he eats.

> >

> You are most likely correct.

>

>

> > If i give him supplements will they pass right through him? Is the

> > malnourished look a feature of autism? Does anyone have any ideas why

> > he is so thin and what to do about it

> >

> Malabsorbtion and thyroid issues come to mind.

>

> > My partner has trouble getting to sleep. He tosses and turns quite

> > violently. He kind of bangs his head on the pillow, slams his arms and

> > feet on the mattress. The strange thing is that he seems unaware of

> > it. I told him it looks like he is in combat. He told me he is

> > battling autism.

> >

> > Mental issues one day might include lack of clarity/confusion over

> > simple things, forgetfulness/ memory problems (in day to day life, not

> > things learned by himself online or elsewhere), problems with

> > sequencing tasks (things that must be done in a certain order are done

> > in the wrong order), getting dressed (it once took him 45 minutes!).

> > In general he is just not " on task " for the simplest tasks. If i ask

> > him to water my plants, he might water half of them and leave the

> > other half unwatered. If he is doing dishes, he might do all of the

> > dishes in the sink, but not do the ones right next to the sink. Or he

> > might remember feed the dog one day, but not the next 3 days.

> >

> > We are very close. He shares emotions, is supportive, entertaining,

> > humorous and considerate. He is a math and computer whiz. He juggles,

> > does magic tricks, rides a unicycle, can beat anyone at ping-pong. I

> > think there is a lot of hope for my partner if he could get perhaps

> > some of the autistic tendencies under control.

> >

> They are NOT tendencies. They are very real. There are chemical issues

> inside his body that make him do the things he does. Getting them " under

> control " is a red herring. The only way for him to get better is to

> correct the chemical problems and the damage that has been done to his

> organs. There are certain things that will _never_ change. Can you

> understand this?

>

> > Until then, life for me is not easy!

> >

> > Sorry for the long post! I guess i feel so alone in this battle. I

> > can't really talk about it to friends or family.

> >

> > I am grateful that this group exists and look forward to any

> > suggestions or advice.

> >

> >

> >

>

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Posted
Posted

Maggie wrote:

>

> Micheal,

>

> I find your bitter view of relationships with autistics to be annoying

> as well as insulting.

>

Hmm. If you actually read my two posts, you would see that my view is

not bitter and that it is a comment on relationships in general, not

just with " autistics " , as you put it. May I ask, are you on the spectrum

yourself?

> It takes a lot of work to be in any relationship, but to imply that it

> takes TOO much work to be in one with an autistic is ridiculous.

>

Nope. Didn't say or mean to imply this.

Interesting but uninformative knee-jerk reaction as usual, Maggie.

> She loves him and asked for some advice, not an analysis of her psyche.

>

> As for the original poster's questions, you seemed to have gotten a

> lot of responses that are pretty good. A visual schedule can really

> help to keep someone with autism on track. Maybe even have one for

> every room....or have one for the day's activities. Structure is

> crucial and schedules really help to prevent some of the problems you

> talked about. I don't know where you are from, but you may be able to

> find services for him in the job placement or education area.

>

> Autism is not a unmoving disorder. What I mean by that is that people

> with autism ARE capable of changing and adapting and learning. It does

> require patience, but I assume you must be aware of that already.

>

> And for the record, I have many of the same complaints about my NT

> husband. I swear our dogs would die of starvation if I didn't feed

> them, because he NEVER remembers that kind of thing. He gets stuck

> playing music for hours on end, and if I ask him to do 4 things I'm

> lucky if 2 of them get done!!

>

> Good luck to you both!!

>

> Maggie

>

>

> > >

> > >

> > > A friend of mine whose child has autism told me about this group. I

> > > have been reading the posts, but feel uncertain whether the

> techniques

> > > that are useful for children will work for adults as well. Chelation?

> > > Supplements? Diet changes? Is it too late?

> > >

> > > My partner is 24 years old. I fell in love with him not knowing that

> > > he had high-functioning autism. (Yes, believe it! Your children will

> > > grow up to be beautiful lovable adults, in spite of their

> disabilities.)

> > >

> > > He is the most loving, intelligent, funny, intuitive and talented

> > > person i have ever met. Unfortunately he is also dysfunctional

> when it

> > > comes to every day life.

> > >

> > > He forgets to eat, can't/won't get a job, doesn't seem to know how to

> > > plan his day, forgets to do things i ask him, won't do much except

> the

> > > computer on his own...the list goes on and on. I love him very much

> > > and i only want to help him. It is hard not to fall into the role of

> > > mother when living with someone who has trouble with everyday tasks.

> > >

> > > I was wondering if there were any spouses of autistic adults out

> there

> > > who could give advice? Are there support groups available for

> partners

> > > of autistic adults?

> > >

> > > There is tremendous pressure on me to run both of our lives and with

> > > all of the inconsistency that comes with autism, i sometimes feel

> that

> > > i cannot go on. We both live out of the country so have little

> support

> > > in terms of family/friends/medical care/support groups.

> > >

> > > Some more of his issues:

> > >

> > > His biggest physical issues are eating and sleeping. He has been

> > > incredibly thin his whole life (zero muscle tone, no body fat). He is

> > > 5'8'' (173 cm) and weighs probably 100 pounds at most. He is hungry

> > > all of the time. He feels stressed because finding enough to eat is a

> > > constant problem. He can eat spoiled food and not get ill. I have the

> > > feeling that his body is not absorbing what he eats.

> > >

> > You are most likely correct.

> >

> >

> > > If i give him supplements will they pass right through him? Is the

> > > malnourished look a feature of autism? Does anyone have any ideas why

> > > he is so thin and what to do about it

> > >

> > Malabsorbtion and thyroid issues come to mind.

> >

> > > My partner has trouble getting to sleep. He tosses and turns quite

> > > violently. He kind of bangs his head on the pillow, slams his arms

> and

> > > feet on the mattress. The strange thing is that he seems unaware of

> > > it. I told him it looks like he is in combat. He told me he is

> > > battling autism.

> > >

> > > Mental issues one day might include lack of clarity/confusion over

> > > simple things, forgetfulness/memory problems (in day to day life, not

> > > things learned by himself online or elsewhere), problems with

> > > sequencing tasks (things that must be done in a certain order are

> done

> > > in the wrong order), getting dressed (it once took him 45 minutes!).

> > > In general he is just not " on task " for the simplest tasks. If i ask

> > > him to water my plants, he might water half of them and leave the

> > > other half unwatered. If he is doing dishes, he might do all of the

> > > dishes in the sink, but not do the ones right next to the sink. Or he

> > > might remember feed the dog one day, but not the next 3 days.

> > >

> > > We are very close. He shares emotions, is supportive, entertaining,

> > > humorous and considerate. He is a math and computer whiz. He juggles,

> > > does magic tricks, rides a unicycle, can beat anyone at ping-pong. I

> > > think there is a lot of hope for my partner if he could get perhaps

> > > some of the autistic tendencies under control.

> > >

> > They are NOT tendencies. They are very real. There are chemical issues

> > inside his body that make him do the things he does. Getting them

> " under

> > control " is a red herring. The only way for him to get better is to

> > correct the chemical problems and the damage that has been done to his

> > organs. There are certain things that will _never_ change. Can you

> > understand this?

> >

> > > Until then, life for me is not easy!

> > >

> > > Sorry for the long post! I guess i feel so alone in this battle. I

> > > can't really talk about it to friends or family.

> > >

> > > I am grateful that this group exists and look forward to any

> > > suggestions or advice.

> > >

> > >

> > >

> >

>

>

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Posted
Posted

,

I guess nobody really wants anyone else to " fix " them except maybe Vivian in

Pretty Woman or Eliza Dolittle in My Fair Lady.

My son gets pretty irritated with my constant attempts at reversing his autism.

I'm quite certain he won't be seeking a woman like me for a mate.

I suppose if 's boyfriend wants help with health or organization he will

communicate that. Perhaps he has other strengths to bring to the table to make

up for the " burden " of work on her. For example, if I need something fixed with

my computer or cable, my son is the one I go to. When I returned to graduate

school many years after graduating from college, it was my son who showed me how

to use Power Point. (Okay so I'm a little slow, but you get the point.)

I just hope it works out for her. With the increasing numbers of people on the

spectrum, I suppose these kind of relationships will be more common.

Jen

> > > >

> > > >

> > > > A friend of mine whose child has autism told me about this group. I

> > > > have been reading the posts, but feel uncertain whether the techniques

> > > > that are useful for children will work for adults as well. Chelation?

> > > > Supplements? Diet changes? Is it too late?

> > > >

> > > > My partner is 24 years old. I fell in love with him not knowing that

> > > > he had high-functioning autism. (Yes, believe it! Your children will

> > > > grow up to be beautiful lovable adults, in spite of their disabilities.)

> > > >

> > > > He is the most loving, intelligent, funny, intuitive and talented

> > > > person i have ever met. Unfortunately he is also dysfunctional when it

> > > > comes to every day life.

> > > >

> > > > He forgets to eat, can't/won't get a job, doesn't seem to know how to

> > > > plan his day, forgets to do things i ask him, won't do much except the

> > > > computer on his own...the list goes on and on. I love him very much

> > > > and i only want to help him. It is hard not to fall into the role of

> > > > mother when living with someone who has trouble with everyday tasks.

> > > >

> > > > I was wondering if there were any spouses of autistic adults out there

> > > > who could give advice? Are there support groups available for partners

> > > > of autistic adults?

> > > >

> > > > There is tremendous pressure on me to run both of our lives and with

> > > > all of the inconsistency that comes with autism, i sometimes feel that

> > > > i cannot go on. We both live out of the country so have little support

> > > > in terms of family/friends/medical care/support groups.

> > > >

> > > > Some more of his issues:

> > > >

> > > > His biggest physical issues are eating and sleeping. He has been

> > > > incredibly thin his whole life (zero muscle tone, no body fat). He is

> > > > 5'8'' (173 cm) and weighs probably 100 pounds at most. He is hungry

> > > > all of the time. He feels stressed because finding enough to eat is a

> > > > constant problem. He can eat spoiled food and not get ill. I have the

> > > > feeling that his body is not absorbing what he eats.

> > > >

> > > You are most likely correct.

> > >

> > >

> > > > If i give him supplements will they pass right through him? Is the

> > > > malnourished look a feature of autism? Does anyone have any ideas why

> > > > he is so thin and what to do about it

> > > >

> > > Malabsorbtion and thyroid issues come to mind.

> > >

> > > > My partner has trouble getting to sleep. He tosses and turns quite

> > > > violently. He kind of bangs his head on the pillow, slams his arms and

> > > > feet on the mattress. The strange thing is that he seems unaware of

> > > > it. I told him it looks like he is in combat. He told me he is

> > > > battling autism.

> > > >

> > > > Mental issues one day might include lack of clarity/confusion over

> > > > simple things, forgetfulness/memory problems (in day to day life, not

> > > > things learned by himself online or elsewhere), problems with

> > > > sequencing tasks (things that must be done in a certain order are done

> > > > in the wrong order), getting dressed (it once took him 45 minutes!).

> > > > In general he is just not " on task " for the simplest tasks. If i ask

> > > > him to water my plants, he might water half of them and leave the

> > > > other half unwatered. If he is doing dishes, he might do all of the

> > > > dishes in the sink, but not do the ones right next to the sink. Or he

> > > > might remember feed the dog one day, but not the next 3 days.

> > > >

> > > > We are very close. He shares emotions, is supportive, entertaining,

> > > > humorous and considerate. He is a math and computer whiz. He juggles,

> > > > does magic tricks, rides a unicycle, can beat anyone at ping-pong. I

> > > > think there is a lot of hope for my partner if he could get perhaps

> > > > some of the autistic tendencies under control.

> > > >

> > > They are NOT tendencies. They are very real. There are chemical issues

> > > inside his body that make him do the things he does. Getting them " under

> > > control " is a red herring. The only way for him to get better is to

> > > correct the chemical problems and the damage that has been done to his

> > > organs. There are certain things that will _never_ change. Can you

> > > understand this?

> > >

> > > > Until then, life for me is not easy!

> > > >

> > > > Sorry for the long post! I guess i feel so alone in this battle. I

> > > > can't really talk about it to friends or family.

> > > >

> > > > I am grateful that this group exists and look forward to any

> > > > suggestions or advice.

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > >

> >

>

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Posted
Posted

As a wife and mother of of two on the spectrum, I'm guessing there is a lot

more out there than we give credit for...the intensity of the different

aspects of autism can vary widely...things that might be " communication

issues " (amongst other things) between mates could very well contributed by

autism traits and the misunderstanding of where the issues come from by the

other mate. It happened in my marriage and coming to understand my son on

the spectrum did much to ease the misunderstood perceptions between my

husband and I.

-- [ ] Re: My partner has autism: PLEASE HELP!

,

I guess nobody really wants anyone else to " fix " them except maybe Vivian in

Pretty Woman or Eliza Dolittle in My Fair Lady.

My son gets pretty irritated with my constant attempts at reversing his

autism. I'm quite certain he won't be seeking a woman like me for a mate.

I suppose if 's boyfriend wants help with health or organization he

will communicate that. Perhaps he has other strengths to bring to the table

to make up for the " burden " of work on her. For example, if I need something

fixed with my computer or cable, my son is the one I go to. When I returned

to graduate school many years after graduating from college, it was my son

who showed me how to use Power Point. (Okay so I'm a little slow, but you

get the point.)

I just hope it works out for her. With the increasing numbers of people on

the spectrum, I suppose these kind of relationships will be more common.

Jen

> > > >

> > > >

> > > > A friend of mine whose child has autism told me about this group. I

> > > > have been reading the posts, but feel uncertain whether the

techniques

> > > > that are useful for children will work for adults as well.

Chelation?

> > > > Supplements? Diet changes? Is it too late?

> > > >

> > > > My partner is 24 years old. I fell in love with him not knowing that

> > > > he had high-functioning autism. (Yes, believe it! Your children will

> > > > grow up to be beautiful lovable adults, in spite of their

disabilities.)

> > > >

> > > > He is the most loving, intelligent, funny, intuitive and talented

> > > > person i have ever met. Unfortunately he is also dysfunctional when

it

> > > > comes to every day life.

> > > >

> > > > He forgets to eat, can't/won't get a job, doesn't seem to know how

to

> > > > plan his day, forgets to do things i ask him, won't do much except

the

> > > > computer on his own...the list goes on and on. I love him very much

> > > > and i only want to help him. It is hard not to fall into the role of

> > > > mother when living with someone who has trouble with everyday tasks.

> > > >

> > > > I was wondering if there were any spouses of autistic adults out

there

> > > > who could give advice? Are there support groups available for

partners

> > > > of autistic adults?

> > > >

> > > > There is tremendous pressure on me to run both of our lives and with

> > > > all of the inconsistency that comes with autism, i sometimes feel

that

> > > > i cannot go on. We both live out of the country so have little

support

> > > > in terms of family/friends/medical care/support groups.

> > > >

> > > > Some more of his issues:

> > > >

> > > > His biggest physical issues are eating and sleeping. He has been

> > > > incredibly thin his whole life (zero muscle tone, no body fat). He

is

> > > > 5'8'' (173 cm) and weighs probably 100 pounds at most. He is hungry

> > > > all of the time. He feels stressed because finding enough to eat is

a

> > > > constant problem. He can eat spoiled food and not get ill. I have

the

> > > > feeling that his body is not absorbing what he eats.

> > > >

> > > You are most likely correct.

> > >

> > >

> > > > If i give him supplements will they pass right through him? Is the

> > > > malnourished look a feature of autism? Does anyone have any ideas

why

> > > > he is so thin and what to do about it

> > > >

> > > Malabsorbtion and thyroid issues come to mind.

> > >

> > > > My partner has trouble getting to sleep. He tosses and turns quite

> > > > violently. He kind of bangs his head on the pillow, slams his arms

and

> > > > feet on the mattress. The strange thing is that he seems unaware of

> > > > it. I told him it looks like he is in combat. He told me he is

> > > > battling autism.

> > > >

> > > > Mental issues one day might include lack of clarity/confusion over

> > > > simple things, forgetfulness/memory problems (in day to day life,

not

> > > > things learned by himself online or elsewhere), problems with

> > > > sequencing tasks (things that must be done in a certain order are

done

> > > > in the wrong order), getting dressed (it once took him 45 minutes!).

> > > > In general he is just not " on task " for the simplest tasks. If i ask

> > > > him to water my plants, he might water half of them and leave the

> > > > other half unwatered. If he is doing dishes, he might do all of the

> > > > dishes in the sink, but not do the ones right next to the sink. Or

he

> > > > might remember feed the dog one day, but not the next 3 days.

> > > >

> > > > We are very close. He shares emotions, is supportive, entertaining,

> > > > humorous and considerate. He is a math and computer whiz. He juggles

> > > > does magic tricks, rides a unicycle, can beat anyone at ping-pong. I

> > > > think there is a lot of hope for my partner if he could get perhaps

> > > > some of the autistic tendencies under control.

> > > >

> > > They are NOT tendencies. They are very real. There are chemical issues

> > > inside his body that make him do the things he does. Getting them

under

> > > control " is a red herring. The only way for him to get better is to

> > > correct the chemical problems and the damage that has been done to his

> > > organs. There are certain things that will _never_ change. Can you

> > > understand this?

> > >

> > > > Until then, life for me is not easy!

> > > >

> > > > Sorry for the long post! I guess i feel so alone in this battle. I

> > > > can't really talk about it to friends or family.

> > > >

> > > > I am grateful that this group exists and look forward to any

> > > > suggestions or advice.

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > >

> >

>

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Posted
Posted

You know, might be blunt... but there is a limit to what a person can

handle in a relationship. Staying with someone who has a chronic condition is

obviously stressful, and a person should really think long and hard before they

committ to that type of relationship. It applies to way more than Autism.

Once the puppy love wears off the real life begins. Unfortunately, it is

reality that a spouse or partner of a person with Autism will have to be

somewhat of a caretaker, too. Doesn't mean there won't be people who excel at

this partnership... I'm counting on one being out there for my son.

Pam

> > > >

> > > >

> > > > A friend of mine whose child has autism told me about this group. I

> > > > have been reading the posts, but feel uncertain whether the

> > techniques

> > > > that are useful for children will work for adults as well. Chelation?

> > > > Supplements? Diet changes? Is it too late?

> > > >

> > > > My partner is 24 years old. I fell in love with him not knowing that

> > > > he had high-functioning autism. (Yes, believe it! Your children will

> > > > grow up to be beautiful lovable adults, in spite of their

> > disabilities.)

> > > >

> > > > He is the most loving, intelligent, funny, intuitive and talented

> > > > person i have ever met. Unfortunately he is also dysfunctional

> > when it

> > > > comes to every day life.

> > > >

> > > > He forgets to eat, can't/won't get a job, doesn't seem to know how to

> > > > plan his day, forgets to do things i ask him, won't do much except

> > the

> > > > computer on his own...the list goes on and on. I love him very much

> > > > and i only want to help him. It is hard not to fall into the role of

> > > > mother when living with someone who has trouble with everyday tasks.

> > > >

> > > > I was wondering if there were any spouses of autistic adults out

> > there

> > > > who could give advice? Are there support groups available for

> > partners

> > > > of autistic adults?

> > > >

> > > > There is tremendous pressure on me to run both of our lives and with

> > > > all of the inconsistency that comes with autism, i sometimes feel

> > that

> > > > i cannot go on. We both live out of the country so have little

> > support

> > > > in terms of family/friends/medical care/support groups.

> > > >

> > > > Some more of his issues:

> > > >

> > > > His biggest physical issues are eating and sleeping. He has been

> > > > incredibly thin his whole life (zero muscle tone, no body fat). He is

> > > > 5'8'' (173 cm) and weighs probably 100 pounds at most. He is hungry

> > > > all of the time. He feels stressed because finding enough to eat is a

> > > > constant problem. He can eat spoiled food and not get ill. I have the

> > > > feeling that his body is not absorbing what he eats.

> > > >

> > > You are most likely correct.

> > >

> > >

> > > > If i give him supplements will they pass right through him? Is the

> > > > malnourished look a feature of autism? Does anyone have any ideas why

> > > > he is so thin and what to do about it

> > > >

> > > Malabsorbtion and thyroid issues come to mind.

> > >

> > > > My partner has trouble getting to sleep. He tosses and turns quite

> > > > violently. He kind of bangs his head on the pillow, slams his arms

> > and

> > > > feet on the mattress. The strange thing is that he seems unaware of

> > > > it. I told him it looks like he is in combat. He told me he is

> > > > battling autism.

> > > >

> > > > Mental issues one day might include lack of clarity/confusion over

> > > > simple things, forgetfulness/memory problems (in day to day life, not

> > > > things learned by himself online or elsewhere), problems with

> > > > sequencing tasks (things that must be done in a certain order are

> > done

> > > > in the wrong order), getting dressed (it once took him 45 minutes!).

> > > > In general he is just not " on task " for the simplest tasks. If i ask

> > > > him to water my plants, he might water half of them and leave the

> > > > other half unwatered. If he is doing dishes, he might do all of the

> > > > dishes in the sink, but not do the ones right next to the sink. Or he

> > > > might remember feed the dog one day, but not the next 3 days.

> > > >

> > > > We are very close. He shares emotions, is supportive, entertaining,

> > > > humorous and considerate. He is a math and computer whiz. He juggles,

> > > > does magic tricks, rides a unicycle, can beat anyone at ping-pong. I

> > > > think there is a lot of hope for my partner if he could get perhaps

> > > > some of the autistic tendencies under control.

> > > >

> > > They are NOT tendencies. They are very real. There are chemical issues

> > > inside his body that make him do the things he does. Getting them

> > " under

> > > control " is a red herring. The only way for him to get better is to

> > > correct the chemical problems and the damage that has been done to his

> > > organs. There are certain things that will _never_ change. Can you

> > > understand this?

> > >

> > > > Until then, life for me is not easy!

> > > >

> > > > Sorry for the long post! I guess i feel so alone in this battle. I

> > > > can't really talk about it to friends or family.

> > > >

> > > > I am grateful that this group exists and look forward to any

> > > > suggestions or advice.

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > >

> >

> >

>

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Posted
Posted

It's never too late. Just takes longer with adults, but still works.

TJ

________________________________

From: littlelittlejoyjoy <fanelli.laura@...>

Sent: Fri, February 19, 2010 6:41:36 PM

Subject: [ ] My partner has autism: PLEASE HELP!

 

A friend of mine whose child has autism told me about this group. I have been

reading the posts, but feel uncertain whether the techniques that are useful for

children will work for adults as well. Chelation? Supplements? Diet changes? Is

it too late?

My partner is 24 years old. I fell in love with him not knowing that he had

high-functioning autism. (Yes, believe it! Your children will grow up to be

beautiful lovable adults, in spite of their disabilities. )

He is the most loving, intelligent, funny, intuitive and talented person i have

ever met. Unfortunately he is also dysfunctional when it comes to every day

life.

He forgets to eat, can't/won't get a job, doesn't seem to know how to plan his

day, forgets to do things i ask him, won't do much except the computer on his

own...the list goes on and on. I love him very much and i only want to help him.

It is hard not to fall into the role of mother when living with someone who has

trouble with everyday tasks.

I was wondering if there were any spouses of autistic adults out there who could

give advice? Are there support groups available for partners of autistic adults?

There is tremendous pressure on me to run both of our lives and with all of the

inconsistency that comes with autism, i sometimes feel that i cannot go on. We

both live out of the country so have little support in terms of family/friends/

medical care/support groups.

Some more of his issues:

His biggest physical issues are eating and sleeping. He has been incredibly thin

his whole life (zero muscle tone, no body fat). He is 5'8'' (173 cm) and weighs

probably 100 pounds at most. He is hungry all of the time. He feels stressed

because finding enough to eat is a constant problem. He can eat spoiled food and

not get ill. I have the feeling that his body is not absorbing what he eats. If

i give him supplements will they pass right through him? Is the malnourished

look a feature of autism? Does anyone have any ideas why he is so thin and what

to do about it?

My partner has trouble getting to sleep. He tosses and turns quite violently. He

kind of bangs his head on the pillow, slams his arms and feet on the mattress.

The strange thing is that he seems unaware of it. I told him it looks like he is

in combat. He told me he is battling autism.

Mental issues one day might include lack of clarity/confusion over simple

things, forgetfulness/ memory problems (in day to day life, not things learned

by himself online or elsewhere), problems with sequencing tasks (things that

must be done in a certain order are done in the wrong order), getting dressed

(it once took him 45 minutes!). In general he is just not " on task " for the

simplest tasks. If i ask him to water my plants, he might water half of them and

leave the other half unwatered. If he is doing dishes, he might do all of the

dishes in the sink, but not do the ones right next to the sink. Or he might

remember feed the dog one day, but not the next 3 days.

We are very close. He shares emotions, is supportive, entertaining, humorous and

considerate. He is a math and computer whiz. He juggles, does magic tricks,

rides a unicycle, can beat anyone at ping-pong. I think there is a lot of hope

for my partner if he could get perhaps some of the autistic tendencies under

control. Until then, life for me is not easy!

Sorry for the long post! I guess i feel so alone in this battle. I can't really

talk about it to friends or family.

I am grateful that this group exists and look forward to any suggestions or

advice.

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Posted
Posted

I would like to thank everyone from the bottom of my heart for the insightful

comments and wonderful encouragement!

Although i was somewhat shocked by the paternalistic tone of 's message,

i do appreciate hearing anyone's humble two cents worth. I am certainly aware of

the dangers presented, but maybe some folks aren't. I suppose we all

make assumptions when we attempt to provide advice.

For the record, I feel encouraged as far as my partner's future (Great news that

it is not too late!), but not sure that i can manage the responsibility of

dealing with all of the life issues at hand. I am the least co-dependent person

on the planet, but am stuck in a situation of intense love and wanting to do my

best, whatever that means. In this learning process i am also evaluating on a

daily (minutely?) basis whether i can handle our situation (the medical stuff i

can handle though, it is daily life that can be wearing). Time will tell...

For now, more questions on supplements.

VITAMINS AND MINERALS--I have been quietly reading the posts and brought back

20+ supplements to try (from the USA as we live out of the country). So, here

goes with some questions:

My first thought: We are not on a GFCF diet yet. (I introduced the idea to my

partner and am waiting to see if he will agree to handle it on his own. I

cannot be reminding him what to eat or avoid all of the time. It is just too

much work for me.) All of the supplements are GFCF. Do you think it is wiser

to wait until his diet is GFCF (if he agrees to try it) before looking for

positive responses to supplements?

I started giving Magnesium Citrate (250 mg) with food for muscle relaxation at

night. It has been five days and no improvement so far. Should we wait longer?

Up the dosage? A friend said she saw relief immediately. (I accidentally also

bought Magnesium Oxide. I read that Mag Citrate is better, is this correct?)

I started Vitamin C and E assuming they probably would not cause any reactions,

just provide general support. Am i ok in my assumption?

Can i add Vitamin A (10,000 IU) too and see how we go? I don't want to do this

too quickly, but i am hoping some of these vitamins are no-brainers and easily

accepted by the body.

After that i would like to add D3 (1000 IU).

If we are stable with the above, i plan to start Vitamin B12 (both oral and

Twinlab sublingual to maximize the chances of absorption) and B-6 (100 mg

Pyridoxine HCl). Some people have mentioned reactions with their children so i

plan to monitor his reactions to the B Vitamins. I am hoping for a mild

improvement with anxiety.

ENZYMES AND PROBIOTICS--So many of you mentioned taking enzymes before meals. I

am excited to try this with him. Does this mean before EVERY meal? I purchased

Country Life brand MAXI-ZYME CAPS (probably because these were the cheapest

ones). Any thoughts on whether certain brands of enzymes work better than

others?

A friend gave me Mercola's Bacillus Coagulans, but we will probably not keep

using it after the bottle is gone as it seemed expensive. I bought Solgar

Advanced Multi-Billion Dophilus. Are all probiotics created equal? Or do we

need to worry about their strain or their ability to survive the stomach lining,

etc.?

Can we start both the enzymes and probiotics immediately? Or do we need to

carefully monitor their introduction as well?

Fish Oils/ Cod-liver Oil: I was afraid that heavy metals might get into fish

oil, so i didn't buy any. What are the pros/cons of the fishy stuff? As far as

Omega's i was planning on incorporating ground flax in our diet.

YEAST, PARASITES, GUT PROBLEMS, OH MY! (These bottles are making me batty!) Here

goes with more questions:

Candida: Some of you said malabsorption might be related to yeast overgrowth.

I have something called Candidase (Enzymedica brand). It says take for 7 - 14

days. When should i try this? Maybe i should be trying it before everything

else?

Upping the anti's: Anti-oxidants/Anti-virals/Anti-fungal/Anti-whatever: I have

GSE (Grapefruit Seed Extract), OoO (Oil of Oregano), and OLE (Olive leaf

extract). Do they all do pretty much the same thing? Should i give all of them

or just pick one? Any advice on when to start administering? Which ones are

good to take long-term and which can only be given for a limited period of time?

Parasites: Others mentioned parasites could explain why he has always been

underweight. Also possible complications of bacteria in the original parasite

causing Autistic behaviors. In an attempt to help with parasites i bought

Kroeger Herb Wormwood Combination. It has a blend of black walnut leaf,

wormwood herb, quassia, cloves, and male fern root. Should i be looking for a

non-OTC formula? Is it better to test for all kinds of parasites beforehand?

(We currently have limited access to medical care due to budget and location.)

It is wise to give this? Of all of the bottles i have right now, i feel most

uncertain about this one. " Herbal blends " make me kind of uneasy. I do not

want to play mad scientist with a loved one. :)

I kind of wanted to order the introduction of new supplements one by one so that

i wouldn't have to think about what new supplement to give him and when.

As a side note, i am trying to take some of the more normal supplements with him

on a regular basis until we figure out what his body can accept. I thought i

could compare any of his reactions to mine. The problem for me is that vitamins

make me incredible thirsty. I don't usually take them myself for this reason.

Whew! Sorry for the number of questions! This is beginning to feel like

guerrilla medicine. If we lived in another country, had better medical

coverage, and knew a doctor with experience treating autism we wouldn't be doing

this alone. For now, it is up to us to try safe doses of supplements on our

own.

I will respond to the other suggestions some of you made individually.

Thank you all for being so brave, for sharing your knowledge and for tolerating

my ignorance!

>

> A friend of mine whose child has autism told me about this group. I have been

reading the posts, but feel uncertain whether the techniques that are useful for

children will work for adults as well. Chelation? Supplements? Diet changes?

Is it too late?

>

> My partner is 24 years old. I fell in love with him not knowing that he had

high-functioning autism. (Yes, believe it! Your children will grow up to be

beautiful lovable adults, in spite of their disabilities.)

>

> He is the most loving, intelligent, funny, intuitive and talented person i

have ever met. Unfortunately he is also dysfunctional when it comes to every

day life.

>

> He forgets to eat, can't/won't get a job, doesn't seem to know how to plan his

day, forgets to do things i ask him, won't do much except the computer on his

own...the list goes on and on. I love him very much and i only want to help

him. It is hard not to fall into the role of mother when living with someone

who has trouble with everyday tasks.

>

> I was wondering if there were any spouses of autistic adults out there who

could give advice? Are there support groups available for partners of autistic

adults?

>

> There is tremendous pressure on me to run both of our lives and with all of

the inconsistency that comes with autism, i sometimes feel that i cannot go on.

We both live out of the country so have little support in terms of

family/friends/medical care/support groups.

>

> Some more of his issues:

>

> His biggest physical issues are eating and sleeping. He has been incredibly

thin his whole life (zero muscle tone, no body fat). He is 5'8'' (173 cm) and

weighs probably 100 pounds at most. He is hungry all of the time. He feels

stressed because finding enough to eat is a constant problem. He can eat

spoiled food and not get ill. I have the feeling that his body is not absorbing

what he eats. If i give him supplements will they pass right through him? Is

the malnourished look a feature of autism? Does anyone have any ideas why he is

so thin and what to do about it?

>

> My partner has trouble getting to sleep. He tosses and turns quite violently.

He kind of bangs his head on the pillow, slams his arms and feet on the

mattress. The strange thing is that he seems unaware of it. I told him it

looks like he is in combat. He told me he is battling autism.

>

> Mental issues one day might include lack of clarity/confusion over simple

things, forgetfulness/memory problems (in day to day life, not things learned by

himself online or elsewhere), problems with sequencing tasks (things that must

be done in a certain order are done in the wrong order), getting dressed (it

once took him 45 minutes!). In general he is just not " on task " for the simplest

tasks. If i ask him to water my plants, he might water half of them and leave

the other half unwatered. If he is doing dishes, he might do all of the dishes

in the sink, but not do the ones right next to the sink. Or he might remember

feed the dog one day, but not the next 3 days.

>

> We are very close. He shares emotions, is supportive, entertaining, humorous

and considerate. He is a math and computer whiz. He juggles, does magic

tricks, rides a unicycle, can beat anyone at ping-pong. I think there is a lot

of hope for my partner if he could get perhaps some of the autistic tendencies

under control. Until then, life for me is not easy!

>

> Sorry for the long post! I guess i feel so alone in this battle. I can't

really talk about it to friends or family.

>

> I am grateful that this group exists and look forward to any suggestions or

advice.

>

>

>

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Posted
Posted

littlelittlejoyjoy wrote:

>

> I would like to thank everyone from the bottom of my heart for the

> insightful comments and wonderful encouragement!

>

> Although i was somewhat shocked by the paternalistic tone of 's

> message

>

For me this is a compliment. Thank you. :)

> , i do appreciate hearing anyone's humble two cents worth. I am

> certainly aware of the dangers presented, but maybe some folks

> aren't. I suppose we all make assumptions when we attempt to provide

> advice.

>

Not so much as it's good not to assume _anything_ rather than too much.

> For the record, I feel encouraged as far as my partner's future (Great

> news that it is not too late!), but not sure that i can manage the

> responsibility of dealing with all of the life issues at hand. I am

> the least co-dependent person on the planet, but am stuck in a

> situation of intense love and wanting to do my best, whatever that

> means. In this learning process i am also evaluating on a daily

> (minutely?) basis whether i can handle our situation

>

This is good. No one will blame you if you determine you can't handle it.

> (the medical stuff i can handle though, it is daily life that can be

> wearing). Time will tell...

>

> For now, more questions on supplements.

>

> VITAMINS AND MINERALS--I have been quietly reading the posts and

> brought back 20+ supplements to try (from the USA as we live out of

> the country). So, here goes with some questions:

>

> My first thought: We are not on a GFCF diet yet. (I introduced the

> idea to my partner and am waiting to see if he will agree to handle it

> on his own. I cannot be reminding him what to eat or avoid all of the

> time. It is just too much work for me.) All of the supplements are

> GFCF. Do you think it is wiser to wait until his diet is GFCF (if he

> agrees to try it) before looking for positive responses to supplements?

>

> I started giving Magnesium Citrate (250 mg) with food for muscle

> relaxation at night. It has been five days and no improvement so far.

> Should we wait longer? Up the dosage?

>

Yes. To bowel tolerance. Up to 1000 mg if possible.

> A friend said she saw relief immediately. (I accidentally also bought

> Magnesium Oxide. I read that Mag Citrate is better, is this correct?)

>

Yes. Oxide is not well absorbed at all.

>

> I started Vitamin C and E assuming they probably would not cause any

> reactions, just provide general support. Am i ok in my assumption?

>

> Can i add Vitamin A (10,000 IU) too and see how we go? I don't want to

> do this too quickly, but i am hoping some of these vitamins are

> no-brainers and easily accepted by the body.

>

As long as it's retinol. Mercury-poisoned bodies cannot convert

carotenes to Vitamin A easily.

>

> After that i would like to add D3 (1000 IU).

>

Best to get a blood level of D (25-OH). Then start at a loading dose of

5000 IU.

>

> If we are stable with the above, i plan to start Vitamin B12

>

methylcobalamin

> (both oral and Twinlab sublingual to maximize the chances of

> absorption) and B-6 (100 mg Pyridoxine HCl). Some people have

> mentioned reactions with their children so i plan to monitor his

> reactions to the B Vitamins. I am hoping for a mild improvement with

> anxiety.

>

> ENZYMES AND PROBIOTICS--So many of you mentioned taking enzymes before

> meals. I am excited to try this with him. Does this mean before EVERY

> meal? I purchased Country Life brand MAXI-ZYME CAPS (probably because

> these were the cheapest ones). Any thoughts on whether certain brands

> of enzymes work better than others?

>

>

> A friend gave me Mercola's Bacillus Coagulans, but we will probably

> not keep using it after the bottle is gone as it seemed expensive. I

> bought Solgar Advanced Multi-Billion Dophilus. Are all probiotics

> created equal? Or do we need to worry about their strain or their

> ability to survive the stomach lining, etc.?

>

Quantity of probiotics is what matters. 50-100 Billion units at the least.

> Can we start both the enzymes and probiotics immediately? Or do we

> need to carefully monitor their introduction as well?

>

> Fish Oils/ Cod-liver Oil: I was afraid that heavy metals might get

> into fish oil, so i didn't buy any. What are the pros/cons of the

> fishy stuff? As far as Omega's i was planning on incorporating ground

> flax in our diet.

>

> YEAST, PARASITES, GUT PROBLEMS, OH MY! (These bottles are making me

> batty!) Here goes with more questions:

>

> Candida: Some of you said malabsorption might be related to yeast

> overgrowth. I have something called Candidase (Enzymedica brand). It

> says take for 7 - 14 days. When should i try this? Maybe i should be

> trying it before everything else?

>

Better: GSE and emulsified oil of oregano.

>

> Upping the anti's:

> Anti-oxidants/Anti-virals/Anti-fungal/Anti-whatever: I have GSE

> (Grapefruit Seed Extract), OoO (Oil of Oregano), and OLE (Olive leaf

> extract). Do they all do pretty much the same thing? Should i give all

> of them or just pick one?

>

Pick one and stick with it for a few weeks at least. Short rotations

produce resistant strains.

> Any advice on when to start administering? Which ones are good to take

> long-term and which can only be given for a limited period of time?

>

> Parasites: Others mentioned parasites could explain why he has always

> been underweight. Also possible complications of bacteria in the

> original parasite causing Autistic behaviors. In an attempt to help

> with parasites i bought Kroeger Herb Wormwood Combination. It has a

> blend of black walnut leaf, wormwood herb, quassia, cloves, and male

> fern root. Should i be looking for a non-OTC formula? Is it better to

> test for all kinds of parasites beforehand? (We currently have limited

> access to medical care due to budget and location.) It is wise to give

> this? Of all of the bottles i have right now, i feel most uncertain

> about this one. " Herbal blends " make me kind of uneasy. I do not want

> to play mad scientist with a loved one. :)

>

Your instincts are correct. Hold off to see if treating the adrenals and

the thyroid might help.

>

> I kind of wanted to order the introduction of new supplements one by

> one so that i wouldn't have to think about what new supplement to give

> him and when.

>

> As a side note, i am trying to take some of the more normal

> supplements with him on a regular basis until we figure out what his

> body can accept. I thought i could compare any of his reactions to

> mine. The problem for me is that vitamins make me incredible thirsty.

> I don't usually take them myself for this reason.

>

Why not find the cause of the thirst?

http://onibasu.com/archives/am/69568.html

Allergies can cause thirst.

>

> Whew! Sorry for the number of questions! This is beginning to feel

> like guerrilla medicine. If we lived in another country, had better

> medical coverage, and knew a doctor with experience treating autism we

> wouldn't be doing this alone.

>

In many ways, you are better off alone.

I would, however, recommend a hair yest and getting your hands on Andy

Cutler's two books:

http://www.noamalgam.com

http://www.noamalgam.com/hairtestbook.html

> For now, it is up to us to try safe doses of supplements on our own.

>

> I will respond to the other suggestions some of you made individually.

>

> Thank you all for being so brave, for sharing your knowledge and for

> tolerating my ignorance!

>

>

>

>

> >

> > A friend of mine whose child has autism told me about this group. I

> have been reading the posts, but feel uncertain whether the techniques

> that are useful for children will work for adults as well. Chelation?

> Supplements? Diet changes? Is it too late?

> >

> > My partner is 24 years old. I fell in love with him not knowing that

> he had high-functioning autism. (Yes, believe it! Your children will

> grow up to be beautiful lovable adults, in spite of their disabilities.)

> >

> > He is the most loving, intelligent, funny, intuitive and talented

> person i have ever met. Unfortunately he is also dysfunctional when it

> comes to every day life.

> >

> > He forgets to eat, can't/won't get a job, doesn't seem to know how

> to plan his day, forgets to do things i ask him, won't do much except

> the computer on his own...the list goes on and on. I love him very

> much and i only want to help him. It is hard not to fall into the role

> of mother when living with someone who has trouble with everyday tasks.

> >

> > I was wondering if there were any spouses of autistic adults out

> there who could give advice? Are there support groups available for

> partners of autistic adults?

> >

> > There is tremendous pressure on me to run both of our lives and with

> all of the inconsistency that comes with autism, i sometimes feel that

> i cannot go on. We both live out of the country so have little support

> in terms of family/friends/medical care/support groups.

> >

> > Some more of his issues:

> >

> > His biggest physical issues are eating and sleeping. He has been

> incredibly thin his whole life (zero muscle tone, no body fat). He is

> 5'8'' (173 cm) and weighs probably 100 pounds at most. He is hungry

> all of the time. He feels stressed because finding enough to eat is a

> constant problem. He can eat spoiled food and not get ill. I have the

> feeling that his body is not absorbing what he eats. If i give him

> supplements will they pass right through him? Is the malnourished look

> a feature of autism? Does anyone have any ideas why he is so thin and

> what to do about it?

> >

> > My partner has trouble getting to sleep. He tosses and turns quite

> violently. He kind of bangs his head on the pillow, slams his arms and

> feet on the mattress. The strange thing is that he seems unaware of

> it. I told him it looks like he is in combat. He told me he is

> battling autism.

> >

> > Mental issues one day might include lack of clarity/confusion over

> simple things, forgetfulness/memory problems (in day to day life, not

> things learned by himself online or elsewhere), problems with

> sequencing tasks (things that must be done in a certain order are done

> in the wrong order), getting dressed (it once took him 45 minutes!).

> In general he is just not " on task " for the simplest tasks. If i ask

> him to water my plants, he might water half of them and leave the

> other half unwatered. If he is doing dishes, he might do all of the

> dishes in the sink, but not do the ones right next to the sink. Or he

> might remember feed the dog one day, but not the next 3 days.

> >

> > We are very close. He shares emotions, is supportive, entertaining,

> humorous and considerate. He is a math and computer whiz. He juggles,

> does magic tricks, rides a unicycle, can beat anyone at ping-pong. I

> think there is a lot of hope for my partner if he could get perhaps

> some of the autistic tendencies under control. Until then, life for me

> is not easy!

> >

> > Sorry for the long post! I guess i feel so alone in this battle. I

> can't really talk about it to friends or family.

> >

> > I am grateful that this group exists and look forward to any

> suggestions or advice.

> >

> >

> >

>

>

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Posted
Posted

In a message dated 24/02/2010 14:10:02 GMT Standard Time,

phaselow@... writes:

ENZYMES AND PROBIOTICS--ENZYMES AND PROBIOTICS--<WBR>So many of you mention

> > meals. I am excited to try this with him. Does this mean before EVERY

> > meal? I purchased Country Life brand MAXI-ZYME CAPS (probably because

> > these were the cheapest ones). Any thoughts on whether certain brands

> > of enzymes work better than others?

>>for enzymes I would recommend Houston, you can ring them for a free

consult to see what would be best and for samples

_www.Houston-Enzymes.com_ (http://www.Houston-Enzymes.com)

For fish oil consider Polar Power, caps same price as oil, you can get that

from iherb.com its sock eye salmon oil, very clean, retains all natural

goodness with natural A & D in good quantities also

HTH

Mandi in UK

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Posted
Posted

,

You asked for suggestions on treatment, not relationship advice. I get that.

I believe it's never too late to treat this condition. There are supplements out

there specifically designed to help with memory and attention, such as

vinpocetine, ginkgo, and piracetam.

You might encourage him to see a doctor to help him with any gut issues, such as

parasites, that might be using a lot of his calories.

Good Luck!

I enjoyed reading about your boyfriend. Please keep us posted on how things are

going with you folks.

Thanks,

Drew

>

> A friend of mine whose child has autism told me about this group. I have been

reading the posts, but feel uncertain whether the techniques that are useful for

children will work for adults as well. Chelation? Supplements? Diet changes?

Is it too late?

>

> My partner is 24 years old. I fell in love with him not knowing that he had

high-functioning autism. (Yes, believe it! Your children will grow up to be

beautiful lovable adults, in spite of their disabilities.)

>

> He is the most loving, intelligent, funny, intuitive and talented person i

have ever met. Unfortunately he is also dysfunctional when it comes to every

day life.

>

> He forgets to eat, can't/won't get a job, doesn't seem to know how to plan his

day, forgets to do things i ask him, won't do much except the computer on his

own...the list goes on and on. I love him very much and i only want to help

him. It is hard not to fall into the role of mother when living with someone

who has trouble with everyday tasks.

>

> I was wondering if there were any spouses of autistic adults out there who

could give advice? Are there support groups available for partners of autistic

adults?

>

> There is tremendous pressure on me to run both of our lives and with all of

the inconsistency that comes with autism, i sometimes feel that i cannot go on.

We both live out of the country so have little support in terms of

family/friends/medical care/support groups.

>

> Some more of his issues:

>

> His biggest physical issues are eating and sleeping. He has been incredibly

thin his whole life (zero muscle tone, no body fat). He is 5'8'' (173 cm) and

weighs probably 100 pounds at most. He is hungry all of the time. He feels

stressed because finding enough to eat is a constant problem. He can eat

spoiled food and not get ill. I have the feeling that his body is not absorbing

what he eats. If i give him supplements will they pass right through him? Is

the malnourished look a feature of autism? Does anyone have any ideas why he is

so thin and what to do about it?

>

> My partner has trouble getting to sleep. He tosses and turns quite violently.

He kind of bangs his head on the pillow, slams his arms and feet on the

mattress. The strange thing is that he seems unaware of it. I told him it

looks like he is in combat. He told me he is battling autism.

>

> Mental issues one day might include lack of clarity/confusion over simple

things, forgetfulness/memory problems (in day to day life, not things learned by

himself online or elsewhere), problems with sequencing tasks (things that must

be done in a certain order are done in the wrong order), getting dressed (it

once took him 45 minutes!). In general he is just not " on task " for the simplest

tasks. If i ask him to water my plants, he might water half of them and leave

the other half unwatered. If he is doing dishes, he might do all of the dishes

in the sink, but not do the ones right next to the sink. Or he might remember

feed the dog one day, but not the next 3 days.

>

> We are very close. He shares emotions, is supportive, entertaining, humorous

and considerate. He is a math and computer whiz. He juggles, does magic

tricks, rides a unicycle, can beat anyone at ping-pong. I think there is a lot

of hope for my partner if he could get perhaps some of the autistic tendencies

under control. Until then, life for me is not easy!

>

> Sorry for the long post! I guess i feel so alone in this battle. I can't

really talk about it to friends or family.

>

> I am grateful that this group exists and look forward to any suggestions or

advice.

>

>

>

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Posted
Posted

,

So glad to hear from you. I thought we scared you away!

Try one thing at a time so you know if it is working, neutral or causing a

negative reaction. Give it a week or two before adding something else.

I would start with enzymes first. I like Houston's Peptazide and No Phenol, but

less specific enzymes have gotten the job done when I couldn't afford those.

The one you bought is probably a good place to start. I would take one a half

an hour before eating to let the capsule dedolve before the food reaches the

stomach. He might need to increase that dose if he eats huge meals. By the

way, you can get most of this stuff online and have it shipped. I generally

don't give enzymes with smaller snacks.

We don't need the diet, but if your partner is willing to try it, you could give

it a go. I find with the right enzymes, food allergies resolve, the protiens in

gluten and casine are broken down in the intestine and it is easier to just eat

like everyone else.

The parasite formula you bought contains many of the herbal ingredients known to

kill parasites. Once you have enzymes and vitamins going, I would try that

next, and post for help because there will be a die off with parasites.

So glad you are trying this. Is your partner excited or is he skeptical? My

son is not thrilled about all the supplements I make him take, but he does

srealize that he is better in control of his symptoms when he just bites the

bullet and takes them.

He has voiced that he feels like he is being " controlled " when I make him lists

to get things done. I tell him this is valid so he knows I understand. I make

sure to let him know he will have time to do what he wants without me bothering

him, so that he doesn't resent it too much. Not sure how this would work in a

romantic relationship. How does your partner feel about your attempts to help

him resolve some of these symptoms?

Jen

> >

> > A friend of mine whose child has autism told me about this group. I have

been reading the posts, but feel uncertain whether the techniques that are

useful for children will work for adults as well. Chelation? Supplements? Diet

changes? Is it too late?

> >

> > My partner is 24 years old. I fell in love with him not knowing that he had

high-functioning autism. (Yes, believe it! Your children will grow up to be

beautiful lovable adults, in spite of their disabilities.)

> >

> > He is the most loving, intelligent, funny, intuitive and talented person i

have ever met. Unfortunately he is also dysfunctional when it comes to every

day life.

> >

> > He forgets to eat, can't/won't get a job, doesn't seem to know how to plan

his day, forgets to do things i ask him, won't do much except the computer on

his own...the list goes on and on. I love him very much and i only want to help

him. It is hard not to fall into the role of mother when living with someone

who has trouble with everyday tasks.

> >

> > I was wondering if there were any spouses of autistic adults out there who

could give advice? Are there support groups available for partners of autistic

adults?

> >

> > There is tremendous pressure on me to run both of our lives and with all of

the inconsistency that comes with autism, i sometimes feel that i cannot go on.

We both live out of the country so have little support in terms of

family/friends/medical care/support groups.

> >

> > Some more of his issues:

> >

> > His biggest physical issues are eating and sleeping. He has been incredibly

thin his whole life (zero muscle tone, no body fat). He is 5'8'' (173 cm) and

weighs probably 100 pounds at most. He is hungry all of the time. He feels

stressed because finding enough to eat is a constant problem. He can eat

spoiled food and not get ill. I have the feeling that his body is not absorbing

what he eats. If i give him supplements will they pass right through him? Is

the malnourished look a feature of autism? Does anyone have any ideas why he is

so thin and what to do about it?

> >

> > My partner has trouble getting to sleep. He tosses and turns quite

violently. He kind of bangs his head on the pillow, slams his arms and feet on

the mattress. The strange thing is that he seems unaware of it. I told him it

looks like he is in combat. He told me he is battling autism.

> >

> > Mental issues one day might include lack of clarity/confusion over simple

things, forgetfulness/memory problems (in day to day life, not things learned by

himself online or elsewhere), problems with sequencing tasks (things that must

be done in a certain order are done in the wrong order), getting dressed (it

once took him 45 minutes!). In general he is just not " on task " for the simplest

tasks. If i ask him to water my plants, he might water half of them and leave

the other half unwatered. If he is doing dishes, he might do all of the dishes

in the sink, but not do the ones right next to the sink. Or he might remember

feed the dog one day, but not the next 3 days.

> >

> > We are very close. He shares emotions, is supportive, entertaining,

humorous and considerate. He is a math and computer whiz. He juggles, does

magic tricks, rides a unicycle, can beat anyone at ping-pong. I think there is

a lot of hope for my partner if he could get perhaps some of the autistic

tendencies under control. Until then, life for me is not easy!

> >

> > Sorry for the long post! I guess i feel so alone in this battle. I can't

really talk about it to friends or family.

> >

> > I am grateful that this group exists and look forward to any suggestions or

advice.

> >

> >

> >

>

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Posted
Posted

Hi ,

You may not realize this, but most of the questions you have asked have been

discussed on this group many, many times.

And there is NO problem with asking all the questions again; there are always

people here who are dedicated to helping others who will repeat the answers

again and again to help people, but if you would like more information more

quickly, you can go to the home page of the group and put your search items into

the box (or click the advanced search link under the search box).

There are also people who are more reluctant to take the time to answer

questions unless it is clear that people have searched and read the discussions

that have taken place before they joined the group. This is a big group and

there is a lot of info in the archives.

I mean this to be helpful to you, so that you can get the most out of being

here.

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