My partner has autism: PLEASE HELP!

[Guest guest]

A friend of mine whose child has autism told me about this group. I have been

reading the posts, but feel uncertain whether the techniques that are useful for

children will work for adults as well. Chelation? Supplements? Diet changes?

Is it too late?

My partner is 24 years old. I fell in love with him not knowing that he had

high-functioning autism. (Yes, believe it! Your children will grow up to be

beautiful lovable adults, in spite of their disabilities.)

He is the most loving, intelligent, funny, intuitive and talented person i have

ever met. Unfortunately he is also dysfunctional when it comes to every day

life.

He forgets to eat, can't/won't get a job, doesn't seem to know how to plan his

day, forgets to do things i ask him, won't do much except the computer on his

own...the list goes on and on. I love him very much and i only want to help

him. It is hard not to fall into the role of mother when living with someone

who has trouble with everyday tasks.

I was wondering if there were any spouses of autistic adults out there who could

give advice? Are there support groups available for partners of autistic

adults?

There is tremendous pressure on me to run both of our lives and with all of the

inconsistency that comes with autism, i sometimes feel that i cannot go on. We

both live out of the country so have little support in terms of

family/friends/medical care/support groups.

Some more of his issues:

His biggest physical issues are eating and sleeping. He has been incredibly

thin his whole life (zero muscle tone, no body fat). He is 5'8'' (173 cm) and

weighs probably 100 pounds at most. He is hungry all of the time. He feels

stressed because finding enough to eat is a constant problem. He can eat

spoiled food and not get ill. I have the feeling that his body is not absorbing

what he eats. If i give him supplements will they pass right through him? Is

the malnourished look a feature of autism? Does anyone have any ideas why he is

so thin and what to do about it?

My partner has trouble getting to sleep. He tosses and turns quite violently.

He kind of bangs his head on the pillow, slams his arms and feet on the

mattress. The strange thing is that he seems unaware of it. I told him it

looks like he is in combat. He told me he is battling autism.

Mental issues one day might include lack of clarity/confusion over simple

things, forgetfulness/memory problems (in day to day life, not things learned by

himself online or elsewhere), problems with sequencing tasks (things that must

be done in a certain order are done in the wrong order), getting dressed (it

once took him 45 minutes!). In general he is just not " on task " for the simplest

tasks. If i ask him to water my plants, he might water half of them and leave

the other half unwatered. If he is doing dishes, he might do all of the dishes

in the sink, but not do the ones right next to the sink. Or he might remember

feed the dog one day, but not the next 3 days.

We are very close. He shares emotions, is supportive, entertaining, humorous

and considerate. He is a math and computer whiz. He juggles, does magic

tricks, rides a unicycle, can beat anyone at ping-pong. I think there is a lot

of hope for my partner if he could get perhaps some of the autistic tendencies

under control. Until then, life for me is not easy!

Sorry for the long post! I guess i feel so alone in this battle. I can't really

talk about it to friends or family.

I am grateful that this group exists and look forward to any suggestions or

advice.

[Guest guest]

Hi ,

After reading you're post I think you're partner needs to structurize his

days, make sure sure you have a repeating pattern of eating, drinking and

sleeping.

Because he is highly functional doesn't mean he do not need structure.

(Maybe this is already something you do, but just in case) Structure means

less time needed to start and do things which makes rome for other things.

We (my wife an I) see a big difference when we structurize the day for our

son. I also saw this happen with my 2 autistic brothers.

A nice place to meet autistic people and parents is also:

http://autismandaspergersinthefamily.freeforums.org/portal.php

It is run by an autistic mother who know from the inside about the things

that bother you.

Another thing, try to find groups to talk in person with about the things

you see the questions you have etc. Sometime a hand on the shoulder is

better than 1000 words.

Hope this helps a little, there are a lot of people in the world who know

what you are going through...

Martijn van der Kooij

Creator of Picto Selector - www.PECSforAll.com