Urgh.....

[Guest guest]

Talk about fun. My little is really sick today. I will probably have to

take her in tomorrow. The last three days she has really been complaining about

hurting, aching and her stamach. She is only two this must mean she is really

uncomfortable. She has been having a fever off and on. Right now she seems to

be feeling a little better and she did eat fairly well tonight but she has been

having her ups and downs. it is bad enough when I get sick but it is so hard

for me to watch my children. I think the doctor is going to see some heck

raised from 's mother tomorrow. I hope I can find the energy.

My husband has promised to start helping me fight the health issues a little

more after my complete breakdown. I just couldn't stop crying it was like a

never ending issue. I just told him it wasn't fair that he sat back and watched

me while I fought for my daughters health and my own. That he married me for

better and for worse and so on. I think he is scared and perhaps resents me/or

should I say my illness. How do you guys do it. Keeping up the fight when You

feel so tired and drained. I have this bad attitude right now that I could just

let the world go on around me if it would just leave me alone, and this is not

like me. It is like I am walking around with a stranger. Saying things and

doing things that I seem to hardly have any control over. I am usually a very

hopeful person. I mean I am not going to give up or anything I just think my

mind won't let me. I actually believe this not wanting to quit is the Lord

telling me someday it will get better. But this month has been like I am

trudging. Since the heat has gotten hotter here I seem to be getting worse. My

temp is running a low grade fever again this month ranging from 99.1 to 102.2

F...it is driving me nuts. My Neuro symptoms seem to be doubling and getting

worse I can't talk right and I bable half the time and I have woke up about

every morning with drool all over my pillow....yuck.

I am use to some let up at a time. You know it being bad yet something breaking

and shining through. Although Sunday seemed to be a pretty good day I even got

down to visit my stepmother and Dad which I hadn't been able to do for a while.

What a test and trial I am going through right now. I don't trust psychologist

but have come to the point that I just might go to one. My stepmother who has

been diagnosed with LUPUS, Chronic Fatigue Syndrome/fibromyalgia and Irratable

Bowel Syndrome has told me about a good psychologist that she has been seeing

and says he is great. I am ready to throw my hands up and say I can't fight

this alone anymore. You guys are there I don't mean to sound ungrateful. But it

is so hard being in Idaho and not knowing anyone else here in Idaho with Lyme

disease. I had someone recently write me and tell me that they knew someone

with Lyme moving to Idaho but I don't know where and have lost contact with

them. They wanted me to help find a LLMD for her but I just felt helpless

because I couldn't help.

I feel so bad everyone going to ralys and writing posters and standing together

with Lyme. And I am still undiagnosed and my children, no antibiotics and felt

like I have not helped in the war for Lyme cause. I feel like I am standing

still. And am so far away to help. Well anyway I don't know what help I could

be I can't even fight for myself and children; I feel like a terrible mother.

Okay I better be quiet got a bad attitude right now. Somehow I will dig in and

find a better one soon I hope. Thanks for listening. Urgh I hate that I am not

more positive and influencial for anyone right now. In any of the other groups

I have been in I am usually the positive influence but for some reason I can't

seem to get it together this month. I sure wish it would cool down maybe I

would be better. Sigh...does anyone out there feel like at times they are

trying to win a battle that can't be won.

Love,

Cyntha Landon Idaho

PS...thankyou guys for all your advice. I always take them into my heart and

try to find a way for me to use them to help my family. Thank you so much.

[Guest guest]

Dear , may God give you the courage to carry on. There must be some

way to get you and your child to another state to get help. Don't give up; i

firmely believe God helps those who help themselves! I too had to ask my

husband to step in and take on the ins. co.s as tjhis disease it'self is

overwhelming withour what one goes throug trying to get a Dr. and dealing

with Ins. co's. I have been where you are and I pray that things get better

for you and your family. God Bless you and keep you. Carol Fisch in MI.

[Guest guest]

,

I sure wish it would cool down maybe I would be better. Sigh...does

anyone out there feel like at times they are trying to win a battle

that

can't be won.

Cyntha, I am sitting at my computer reading my mail. I am feeling just

as hopeless as you are at this moment. I woke up feeling so sick, and

I just cant take it anymore. I have been off IV for a week now and

dont know if the insurance co. will approve more. Thats my problem in

a nut shell. The only time i see some improvement is when i am on IV,

And to know I am not going to get the help i need and feel like no one

(the ins. co, the doctors, the SSD, the IV provider) cares or

understands, is just getting to me. I live alone and provide for

myself. I have LTD, but it is so dificult to live on this money. My

children are grown, but still depend on me to be mom and its so hard.

I find myself very depressed and if it werent for the 40 mgs of Paxil i

am on I cant say if i wouldnt do something drastic. I need to get well

enough to work and its just not happening. And i think thats whats so

frustrating. We want to get well, but the medical comunity will not

let us. Its obvious from all i have read, that i need long term

aggressive treatment. I dont have the energy to fight, i dont even

know where to start. I have no idea why i am writing all this, i hope

i havent made you feel worse. its just that these are the only people

who understand.

roe

__________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

---

I had to have my husband take over the fight with ins. and he also had to start

taking over

our finances that I had always been in charge of...I screwed up so much because

I couldn't

remember if I paid things or I thought I paid when I didn't! Keep posting to

different lyme

web discussion groups, you may get lucky and someone will come up with a dr in

your area. I

was that fortunate today...I had been posting everywhere I could find to find a

llmd where my

son lives...I didn't think I would find one then I got an e-mail from an

angel--actually

several angels--with referrals of llmd's in his area!!!! Don't give up hope!

Rhonna

EJFISCH@... wrote:

> Dear , may God give you the courage to carry on. There must be some

> way to get you and your child to another state to get help. Don't give up; i

> firmely believe God helps those who help themselves! I too had to ask my

> husband to step in and take on the ins. co.s as tjhis disease it'self is

> overwhelming withour what one goes throug trying to get a Dr. and dealing

> with Ins. co's. I have been where you are and I pray that things get better

> for you and your family. God Bless you and keep you. Carol Fisch in MI.

>

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