Police Jokes

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Police Jokes <http://funzunlimited.com/2611/police-jokes/>

A policeman brought four boys before a judge.

" They were causing an awful lot of commotion at the zoo, your

Honor, " he said.

" Boys, " said the judge sternly, " I never like to hear

reports of juvenile delinquency.

Now I want each of you to tell me your name and what you were doing

wrong. "

" My name is , " said the first boy, " and I threw

peanuts into the elephant pen. "

" My name is Pete, " said the second boy, " and I threw peanuts

into the elephant pen. "

" My name is Mike, " said the third boy, " and I threw peanuts

into the elephant pen. "

" My name is Peanuts, " said the fourth boy.

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A Scotsman who was driving home one night, ran into a car driven by an

Englishman. The Scotsman got out of the car to apologize and offered the

Englishman a drink from a bottle of whisky. The Englishman was glad to

have a drink.

" Go on, " said the Scot, " have another drink. "

The Englishman drank gratefully. " But don't you want one,

too? " he asked the Scotsman.

" Perhaps, " replied the Scotsman, " after the police have

gone. "

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A police officer pulls over a speeding car.

The officer says, " I clocked you at 80 miles per hour, sir . "

The driver says, " Gee, officer, I had it on cruise control at 60;

perhaps your radar gun needs calibrating. "

Not looking up from her knitting the wife says: " Now don " t be

silly, dear — you know that this car doesn " t have cruise

control. "

As the officer writes out the ticket, the driver looks over at his wife

and growls, " Can't you please keep your mouth shut for once !!

? "

The wife smiles demurely and says, " Well dear you should be thankful

your radar detector went off when it did or your speed would have been

higher. "

As the officer makes out the second ticket for the illegal radar

detector unit, the man glowers at his wife and says through clenched

teeth, " Woman, can't you keep your mouth shut? "

The officer frowns and says, " And I notice that you " re not

wearing your seat belt, sir. That's an automatic $75 fine. "

The driver says, " Yeah, well, you see, officer, I had it on, but I

took it off when you pulled me over so that I could get my license out

of my back pocket. "

The wife says, " Now, dear, you know very well that you didn " t

have your seat belt on. You never wear your seat belt when you " re

driving. "

And as the police officer is writing out the third ticket, the driver

turns to his wife and barks, " WHY DON " T YOU PLEASE SHUT

UP?? "

The officer looks over at the woman and asks, " Does your husband

always talk to you this way, Ma " am? "

" Only when he " s been drinking, officer. "

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A game warden was driving down the road when he came upon a boy carrying

a wild turkey under his arm.

He stopped and asked the boy, " Where did you get that turkey? "

The boy replied, " What turkey? "

The game warden said, " That turkey you're carrying under your

arm. "

The boy looks down and said, " Well, lookee here, a turkey done

roosted under my arm! "

The game warden said, " Now look, you know turkey season is closed,

so whatever you do to that turkey, I'm going to do to you.

If you break his leg, I'm gonna break your leg. If you break his

wing, I'll break your arm. Whatever you do to him, I'll do to

you. So, what are you gonna do with him? "

The little boy said, " I guess I'll just kiss his ass and let him

go! "

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Police Jokes <http://funzunlimited.com/2611/police-jokes/>