Husband Wife Jokes

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[Husband wife Jokes]

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wife:honey,what r u looking 4?

husband: nothing

wife:why have u been reading our marriage certificate 4 an hour ?

husband: i was just looking 4 the expiry date

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There is a husband and a wife and they decided to get a shower so while

they are in the shower they here a knock on the door so the wife says

ill go get it and puts on a towl and goes downstairs and opens the door

to find there neighbor and the neigbor notices that she is in a towl

and say wow you look amazing in that towl susan and she says thanks and

then he says ill tell you what i will give you 100 dollars right now if

you flash me really quick and of corse susan said no so he decide to up

the anti any pull out 500 dollars and says i will give you 500 dollars

right now if you give me a 5 second flash so susan looks around to make

sure there is no one looking and flashes him grabs the money and go

back to her sower. When she got in the shower her husband ask who was

there and she says ohh it was tom our neighbor i dont even know what he

wanted and then her husban says well maybe he wanted to give me back

that 500 dollars that i loand him… lol thats a funny one

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The bride tells her husband, " Honey, you know I'm a virgin and I

don't know

anything about sex. Can you explain it to me first? "

" OK, Sweetheart. Putting it simply, we will call your private place

`the

prison' and call my private thing `the prisoner'. So what we

do is: put the

prisoner in the prison.

And then they made love for the first time.

Afterwards, the guy is lying face up on the bed, smiling with

satisfaction.

Nudging him, his bride giggles, " Honey the prisoner seems to have

escaped. "

Turning on his side, he smiles. " Then we will have to re-imprison

him. "

After the second time they spent, the guy reaches for his cigarettes but

the girl, thoroughly enjoying the new experience of making love, gives

him

a suggestive smile, " Honey, the prisoner is out again! "

The man rises to the occasion, but with the unsteady legs of a recently

born foal.

Afterwards, he lays back on the bed, totally exhausted.

She nudges him and says, " Honey, the prisoner escaped again. "

Limply turning his head, He YELLS at her, " Hey, its not a life

sentence,

OKAY!

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From his death bed, the husband called his wife and said, " One month

after I die I want you to marry . "

" ! But he is your enemy! "

" Yes, I know that ! I've suffered all these years so let him

suffer now. " Hahahaha…

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At a cocktail party, one woman said to another, " Aren't you

wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger? "

The other replied, " Yes I am, I married the wrong man. "

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" Dad, I was away for a few days. Yesterday I sent a fax to my wife

telling her that I'd be home that night, and when I got into my room

I found my wife was in another man's arms. Why? Dad, tell me

why! "

Dad kept silent for a few minutes, then coolly said, " Maybe, Son,

she didn't get the fax. "

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A husband visited a marriage counselor and complaint, " When we were

first married, I would come home from the office, my wife would bring my

slippers and our cute little dog would run around barking. Now after

ten years it's all different, I come home, the dog brings the

slippers and my wife runs around barking. "

" Why complain? " said the counselor, " You're still

getting the same service! " Hahaha, lol.

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A wife <http://funzunlimited.com/2317/husband-wife-jokes/> , one

evening, drew her husband's attention to the couple next door and

said, " Do you see that couple? How devoted they are? He kisses her

every time they meet. Why don't you do that? "

" I would love to. " , replied the husband. " But I don't

know her well enough. "

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A woman was complaining to the neighbour that her husband always came

home late, no matter how she tried to stop him.

" Take my advice, " said the neighbour, " and do what I did.

Once my husband came home at three o'clock in the morning, and from

my bed I called out: " Is that you, Jim? " And that cured him.

" Cured him ! " asked the woman, " but how? "

The neighbour said, " You see, his name is Bill. " What a

brilliant idea!

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