Authenticity

[Guest guest]

Every man builds his world in his own image. He has the power to

choose, but no power to escape the necessity of choice.

- Ayn Rand, philosopher

Authenticity means being real and genuine when you communicate. Let

truth be your guiding principle. This is the natural style of

communication we might use when talking to a best friend.

The concept of authenticity has received a significant amount of

attention recently as people search for meaning and happiness,

particularly in their work lives. How one chooses to try to live more

authentically depends on their own perspective on authenticity. Like

many other popular concepts, different people have different views

about authenticity and many people feel very strongly about their own

views. Some people might assert that an individual is being authentic

if they are being completely honest and participating in the here-and-

now, eg, an honest conversation with a friend, completely focused on

cleaning out the garage, etc. There are others who assert that

authenticity involves many other features, including, eg, always

being centered with themselves and others, living in a completely

integrated fashion with their own values and principles, always

feeling complete meaning or sense of purpose in their lives, etc.

The concepts of " authenticity " and " meaning " can seem almost the

same. However, the major philosophical movement called existentialism

has studied authenticity for centuries and helps us understand more

about what authenticity is, along with its relationship to the

concept of meaning. Existentialists assert that if an individual is

not living authentically in their lives, then they lose meaning and

can fall into chronic anxiety, boredom and despair. People might

pursue " quick fixes " to avoid the responsibility of living

authentically, e.g., quick fixes such as anesthetizing themselves

with alcohol or drugs, living in fantasies, etc. Others might even

assert that it's inauthentic to pursue any approach (programs, books,

etc.) that promises to help people transcend (escape?) the

responsibilities -- and sometimes drudgery -- of day-to-day living.

Regardless of others' perspectives on authenticity, it's important

for people in management to live and work as authentically as

possible -- a goal that is usually often difficult to achieve,

particularly in large organizations. As mentioned above, how one

chooses to live a more authentic life depends on their perspective. A

person might choose to appreciate more their own current approach to

life, or meditate on a regular basis, or journal (write down) their

thoughts, or engage in regular retreats, or sign up for a more

complete program, etc.

When two people in quest of Authenticity become open to each other,

discover that they understand and appreciate each other's life-

meanings, and begin to encourage and support each other in these

projects-of-being, they might develop a unique personal

relationship. That singular, emergent relationship is love based on

Authenticity. Such love is not a romantic response (based on

emotional programming), which creates internal feelings rather than a

real relationship.

WHAT IS AUTHENTIC EXISTENCE?

We were all initially creatures of culture, but if we exercise our

freedom, we can reshape ourselves into the persons we want to be.

Becoming more Authentic can be as smooth or as difficult as you

choose but, it is also a never-ending project, requiring years of

careful unlearning and reconstruction. We all begin as complex,

culturally-given personalities; but starting with this random

material, we can reconstruct ourselves. It is like crossing a river

with only enough lumber to build a dock. At each stage in the

process of growth toward greater Authenticity, we must have a place

to stand; we must be definite selves. So we dismantle the dock at

one end and use the salvaged materials to build at the other —

changing ourselves first where we most clearly need to change. In

this process, each part of our selves will be shifted several times,

but at no time is the dock completely dismantled. Our self-creating

selves go thru many small alterations as we build toward the other

side of the river—Authenticity.

To become more Authentic means to emerge from our original existence,

to become more focused, centered, integrated, and purposeful, more

self-directing and self-creating. As we move toward greater

Authenticity, we leave behind extrinsic rewards: We are no longer

controlled by approval, acceptance, status, or money. Instead, we

choose to center our lives around comprehensive projects —purposes we

consider intrinsically worth pursuing.

But before we explore Authentic Existence any further, let's look

more carefully at two of its more familiar opposites: conforming to a

culture or sub-culture and living spontaneously.

Conformity is Not Authenticity.

On the side of the river where all of us were born, many diverse

human societies were already fully developed. We grew up assuming

the patterns of our given cultures. These traditions, beliefs, and

habits were useful for day-to-day living; these social conventions

helped us become stable, responsible citizens. In America, we 'fell

in love', got married, and had children. We became loyal, efficient

employees, successful entrepreneurs, or skilled professionals in

order to earn money to buy houses. We became comfortable within

ourselves and well-adjusted to our culture. Our roles and identities

were defined, settled, and secure.

Every culture provides the patterns for mature adulthood.

In 'primitive' cultures, these patterns were very different from our

own. And when we naively accepted the relationship-patterns of our

culture, we regarded those particular ways of life as " normal "

and " natural " . For instance, if we grew up in one of the Western

cultures, we probably accepted romance, marriage, and having children

as inevitable. Only after we began to awaken from our cultural

slumbers were we

enabled to say of our former life-styles: " I used to be a

conformist. " Once we become aware of the arbitrariness of all

cultural patterns, we notice when we give in to cultural pressures

and expectations. While we conformed, we followed such ways of life

automatically.

In short, each human culture helps its members to develop into very

real, genuine, and fully-mature human persons, but becoming

responsible adults is not yet Authentic Existence.

As conformity is not Authenticity, neither is anti-conformity. If we

simply reject everything our culture supports—doing the opposite— we

are just as unfree as when we silently followed the general pattern.

Joining a rebellious sub-culture often creates new forms of

conformity:

We develop the same patterns of dress, hair, music, food, speech,

etc. Conforming to a sub-culture is not Authentic Existence either.

Although dropping out of a culture might be a step toward

Authenticity, it is still a long way from re-inventing ourselves.

You can boost your authentic self-esteem every single day. This real

self-esteem will serve you well through the good times and the bad.

The National Association for Self-Esteem defines it as, " the

experience of being capable of meeting life's challenges and being

worthy of happiness. People who have healthy or authentic self-esteem

trust their own being to be life-affirming, constructive, responsible

and trust-worthy " . Self-esteem is not simply telling yourself that

you are wonderful and special (which you are!) . That's why simply

reading or reciting positive affirmations is rarely enough to build

authentic self esteem. You need action! Authentic self-esteem is

based more on what you DO than how you feel at any given moment. Have

you noticed how your feelings tend to follow your behaviors? Even

though you don't feel like working out, you feel better about

yourself after you do it. Right? You know you're trying to watch the

calorie intake, and you eat way too many cookies. You likely feel

worse about yourself after that cookie-eating behavior. So, this is

the good news! You can choose your behavior, so you can choose to

behave in ways that will increase your self-esteem. Authentic self-

esteem is based on recognizing your actual accomplishments,

identifying and understanding how you can use your strengths, and

living a life filled with expressions of your unique talents and

gifts.

SOME SIGNS OF HEALTHY, AUTHENTIC SELF-ESTEEM (to know what you're

aimin' for!) -YOU BELIEVE YOU ARE WORTHY to be loved and to love

other people. You believe you are worthy of being supported,

nurtured, listened to and respected. -YOU ARE PRODUCTIVE and have

achieved success, to the best of your ability, in school, work,

hobbies, relationships and society. You are optimistic in your

approach to life. -YOU CAN BE A LEADER & ARE SKILLFUL IN DEALING WITH

PEOPLE. You are neither too independent nor too dependent on others.

You have the ability to size up a relationship and adjust to the

demands of the interaction. -YOU ACKNOWLEDGE PROBLEMS AND LOOK FOR

SOLUTIONS. You are not " Polyanna " , ignoring problems and

difficulties. You face problems squarely, and work toward solving

them. -YOU HAVE A HEALTHY SELF-CONCEPT & SELF-IMAGE. You are able to

state clearly who you are, what your future potential is, and to what

you are committed to in life. You see yourself realistically. You

believe you are worthy of good things, and you like who you are. -YOU

ARE ABLE TO ACCEPT RESPONSIBILITY for and the consequences of your

actions. You do not resort to shifting the blame or using others as

scapegoats for actions that have resulted in a negative outcome. -YOU

THINK OF OTHERS AND GIVE TO OTHERS. You have a legitimate concern for

the welfare of others. You are not self–centered or egotistical in

your outlook on life. You can help others accept responsibility for

their own actions. -YOU HAVE HEALTHY COPING SKILLS. You are able to

handle the stresses in your life in a productive way. You are able to

put the problems, concerns, issues, and conflicts that come your way

into perspective. You are able to keep their your in perspective

without becoming too idealistic or too morose. YOU HAVE A GOOD SENSE

OF HUMOR. You're able to keep a balance of work and fun in your

life. -YOU LOOK TO THE FUTURE WITH EXCITEMENT. You have a sense of

adventure and optimism. You recognize your potential for success and

visualize your success in the future. You have dreams, aspirations,

and hopes for the future. You are goal–oriented with a sense of

balance in working toward your goals.

SELF-TALK TO GET YOU THERE! COMBINE THIS WITH THE ACTIONS BELOW -NO

MORE NEGATIVE TALK! 'I'm no good at that' or " I couldn't possibly do

that " are negative affirmations that support low self-esteem.

Instead, try saying, " I have never done that before, but I am willing

to try " or " what's the best way to do that? " - CHEERLEAD YOURSELF!

Talk to yourself in positive and supportive ways. How would you talk

to a good friend who needed support and encouragement? That's a good

way to start! Sometimes we say things to ourselves that we would

never say to someone we love. - TRY POSITIVE AFFIRMATIONS, combined

with action. It's been said that we are what we think. Be realistic

and positive in your self-talk and affirmations--If you're 4'11, your

sub-conscious just won't buy the affirmation that, " I am tall " ! Try

these: -I am open to new things -I can handle whatever comes my way -

I am capable and intelligent -I am working hard to achieve my goals -

CENSOR RUMINATING ON THE NEGATIVE--just don't go there! Listen for

those self-defeating thoughts and challenge them as soon as you can.

Remember, would you say that to a friend?

ACTION TO GET YOU THERE! -ACCURATELY JUDGE THE FEEDBACK YOU RECEIVE

FORM PEOPLE YOU RESPECT. This process will allow you to deepen your

understanding of yourself and expand your self-image. -SET SMALL

GOALS AND WORK TOWARD ACHIEVING THEM. This will really boost your

self-esteem. Every accomplishment (even " tiny " ones) you make builds

your belief in yourself as a capable human being. -NOTICE WHAT MAKES

YOU FEEL GOOD ABOUT YOUR SELF--and do more of it! Everyone has

certain things that they do which makes them feel worthwhile, but

people with low self esteem tend to belittle these feelings or ignore

them. -LEARN A NEW SKILL. This will not only create one more thing

you can do, but it also increases your belief in your ability to

learn. -TELL THE TRUTH. Be honest with yourself and others, in a kind

way. Dishonesty almost always undermines true self-esteem. -KEEP YOUR

COMMITMENTS--to yourself and to others. Also, only make commitments

you feel reasonably certain you can keep. -LOOK AT ALL YOU HAVE

ALREADY DONE! Take inventory of all the things that you have already

accomplished in your life no matter how small they may seem.

Recognize that you have made achievements in your life and remember

all the positive things that you have done for yourself and others. -

NOTICE THE " FAILURES " , TOO. Take a note of times when you did not

succeed. Avoid making excuses like, " I'm just not good enough " or " I

just knew that would happen to me " . Try to objectively look at what

went wrong in the situation and prepare yourself better for the next

time. -SURROUND YOURSELF WITH CHEERLEADERS! -Spend time with people

who are supportive and positive and who believe in you. People who

are honest about your strengths and will help you work through your

weakness. Give the same level of support to them! -AVOID

THOSE " NEGATIVE NELLIES " -- You know who they are. These are people

who continually undermine you or make you feel small or self-

conscious. These people are just showing their own lack of self-

esteem. Do things you love to do and that make you happy. By getting

busy living your own life with passion and joy you will not have time

to be self-conscious.