Re: Urgent Healing and Prayer Requst -- I'm Really Struggling

[Guest guest]

Dear Lara Did you know that if you started crying today for the real pain in your heart it won't last forever your tears on there own will dry up your heart really knows whats best for you at this time .. I want to be here for you I want you to accept your beautiful self embrace your pain today so you can be without tomorrow TEARS REALLY DO DRY UP<3 I have alot I can share with you your sdd and your serotonin can be altered by going to one of those places where they give tans a tanning bed .... if you would like my mail is jsm 2224 @ I love you and I hug you endlessly for the rest of time my heart surrounds yours and the echoes of your tears always from the deepest part of my heart The things alcolholics say and do to others are actually how they feel and see themselves and it was

never you never will be you your sensitivty and your desire to love another unconditionally is the true reason you feel hurt I know the words they use the destruction days after days that you feel you own when it is not you there are no tests there is at this point only forgiveness ....<3 first and foremost forgiveness in yourself that you were in the path of this and the pain you feel god or whom ever has brought to you it is not god it is our twisted society alot of people are not as sensitive to anything but there own wants and desires wrecking havoc at the same time onto others they do not love they have no faith and their hope has been dried up or drunk up which ever you are in my arms and my hope and love rest on you again I love you today as

I will love you tomorrow you are but a part of me when you are in pain we are in pain when your tears dry up you may be confused a bit lost but you will no longer have tears and can start to hold your head up and know you are so very beautifl and loved endlesslyLara Kearns <persian_rose9@...> wrote: Beloved Soul Family: Dear Hearts, my most beautiful and beloved soul family. I'm going through an extremely rough time lately and am really feeling the need to reach out tonight. As most of you already know and some of you may not I'm 29 yrs old now, and I had been verbally and emotionally abused by me ex-stepfather (who is an Alcholic) for about 8 yrs from when I was 13 until I was about 21 yrs. old. I've been going to Alanon and also Coda for a little over a year now. Things were just much to painful for me and so I had of course blocked it all out, and have only just started remember and working through things about 2 yrs ago with the help of my therapist as well as no going to Alanon and Coda. I know in the back of my mind that I'm Worthy and Loved and Valued and that It's Not My Fault, but at the same time the feelings of

feeling unworthy and unloved and unvalued and feeling like it's my fault, etc are so completely overpowering that it makes me forget the real truth. Also my mother has never been there for me emotinally and still isn't, so most likely never will be. Sometime I just hurt so much that I wish there was never such a thing as feelings. Right now I just need so very much to be held and comforted or even just a great big hug,but have no one here at home to do that. Even as I sit here at the computer typing this I feel like I'm about to burst into tears at any second, and I can feel eve! rything welling up inside of me and can feel the tears starting to run down my cheeks. Also I suffer from Depression and (SAD) Seasonal Affective Disorder and the meds that I'm currently on have completely stopped working so I'm in the process of med change though can't start the new meds yet as I'm have to

be weened off the old ones first. Also just recently I lost another very dear friend and and I had gone to the funeral which was on Tuesday. Also back in early December had lost another very dear friend who was only 21 yrs old. He had been killed pretty much instantly in a tragic highway accident. I miss him so very much and love him as if he were the brother I never had. I'm very close to him and his whole family. So right now I'm in the process of grieving as well, and am no were near being done grieving for my dear brother that was killed back in December and now I have another loss to deal with on top on that. So right now I'm also in the middle of so! me very severe mental tests and could really use of super extra heavy duty prayers especially for healing and for aid and assistance and/or tests and difficulties. Also prayers for the departed would be very much appreciated as

well. Hope this isn't too long, Thanks everyone for letting me vent and of course also thanks so much for listening it's most truly appreciated. Much love and blessings to all. Love Always, Your Beloved Soul Sister Lara Tolland,CT USA "Be a lamp or a lifeboat or a ladder. Help someone's soul heal. Walk out of your house like a shepherd." ~ Rumi "Faith is the bird that feels the light when the dawn is still dark." Rabindranath Tagore Tell me and I'll forget Show me and I may remember Involve me and I'll understandsending healing and soulful messages from the angels of mystic I'm following the rainbow of love

[Guest guest]

Sweet Lara,

I'm at work right now and can't spend much time here but please...for me...no for yourself...take a deep breath and know that you are loved. I also know how it feels to KNOW IN MY MIND that I am worthy and loved and valued and that it's not my fault, feeling all the while like you just want to crawl in a hole somewhere and disappear. Head knowledge and heart knowledge are two different things. Just keep telling yourself until it sinks in that you are all these things and so much more. Find something to laugh about. Find something to smile about, or just smile for no reason. That will lift your spirits. Fighting depression while grieving and trying to hold your head up and smile at the world is a huge endeavor. But it can all turn out good - I know. I mean I really know!!!

And know if I were there you'd get the biggest bear hug I could muster up!

You are loved,

On Thu, Sep 18, 2008 at 12:23 PM, Lara Kearns <persian_rose9@...> wrote:

Beloved Soul Family:Dear Hearts, my most beautiful and beloved soul family. I'm going through an extremely rough time lately and am really feeling the need to reach out tonight. As most of you already know and some of you may not I'm 29 yrs old now, and I had been verbally and emotionally abused by me ex-stepfather (who is an Alcholic) for about 8 yrs from when I was 13 until I was about 21 yrs. old. I've been going to Alanon and also Coda for a little over a year now.

Things were just much to painful for me and so I had of course blocked it all out, and have only just started remember and working through things about 2 yrs ago with the help of my therapist as well as no going to Alanon and Coda. I know in the back of my mind that I'm Worthy and Loved and Valued and that It's Not My Fault, but at the same time the feelings of feeling unworthy and unloved and unvalued and feeling like it's my fault, etc are so completely overpowering that it makes me forget the real truth. Also my mother has never been there for me emotinally and still isn't, so most likely never will be. Sometime I just hurt so much that I wish there was never such a thing as feelings. Right now I just need so very much to be held and comforted or even just a great big hug,but have no one here at home to do that. Even as I sit here at the computer typing this I feel like I'm about to burst into tears at any second, and I can feel everything welling up inside of me and !

can feel the tears starting to run down my cheeks.Also I suffer from Depression and (SAD) Seasonal Affective Disorder and the meds that I'm currently on have completely stopped working so I'm in the process of med change though can't start the new meds yet as I'm have to be weened off the old ones first. Also just recently I lost another very dear friend and and I had gone to the funeral which was on Tuesday. Also back in early December had lost another very dear friend who was only 21 yrs old. He had been killed pretty much instantly in a tragic highway accident. I miss him so very much and love him as if he were the brother I never had. I'm very close to him and his whole family. So right now I'm in the process of grieving as well, and am no were near being done grieving for my dear brother that was killed back in December and now I have another loss to deal with on top on that. So right now I'm also in the middle of some very severe mental tests and could really use of super extra heavy duty prayers especially fo!

r healing and for aid and assistance and/or tests and difficulties. Also prayers for the departed would be very much appreciated as well.Hope this isn't too long, Thanks everyone for letting me vent and of course also thanks so much for listening it's most truly appreciated. Much love and blessings to all.

Love Always,Your Beloved Soul Sister LaraTolland,CT USA " Be a lamp or a lifeboat or a ladder. Help someone's soul heal. Walk out of your house like a shepherd. " ~ Rumi

" Faith is the bird that feels the light when the dawn is still dark. " Rabindranath Tagore

[Guest guest]

Lara, you are very loved. Remember to be kind to yourself sweetie. It all starts with you. Many prayers, and a never-ending hug,Stefanie>> Beloved Soul Family:> Dear Hearts, my most beautiful and beloved soul family. I'm going through an extremely rough time lately and am really feeling the need to reach out tonight. As most of you already know and some of you may not I'm 29 yrs old now, and I had been verbally and emotionally abused by me ex-stepfather (who is an Alcholic) for about 8 yrs from when I was 13 until I was about 21 yrs. old. I've been going to Alanon and also Coda for a little over a year now.> > Things were just much to painful for me and so I had of course blocked it all out, and have only just started remember and working through things about 2 yrs ago with the help of my therapist as well as no going to Alanon and Coda. I know in the back of my mind that I'm Worthy and Loved and Valued and that It's Not My Fault, but at the same time the feelings of feeling unworthy and unloved and unvalued and feeling like it's my fault, etc are so completely overpowering that it makes me forget the real truth. Also my mother has never been there for me emotinally and still isn't, so most likely never will be. Sometime I just hurt so much that I wish there was never such a thing as feelings. Right now I just need so very much to be held and comforted or even just a great big hug,but have no one here at home to do that. Even as I sit here at the computer typing this I feel like I'm about to burst into tears at any second, and I can feel everything welling up inside of me and !> can feel the tears starting to run down my cheeks.> > > > Also I suffer from Depression and (SAD) Seasonal Affective Disorder and the meds that I'm currently on have completely stopped working so I'm in the process of med change though can't start the new meds yet as I'm have to be weened off the old ones first. Also just recently I lost another very dear friend and and I had gone to the funeral which was on Tuesday. Also back in early December had lost another very dear friend who was only 21 yrs old. He had been killed pretty much instantly in a tragic highway accident. I miss him so very much and love him as if he were the brother I never had. I'm very close to him and his whole family. So right now I'm in the process of grieving as well, and am no were near being done grieving for my dear brother that was killed back in December and now I have another loss to deal with on top on that. So right now I'm also in the middle of some very severe mental tests and could really use of super extra heavy duty prayers especially fo!> r healing and for aid and assistance and/or tests and difficulties. Also prayers for the departed would be very much appreciated as well.> > > > Hope this isn't too long, Thanks everyone for letting me vent and of course also thanks so much for listening it's most truly appreciated. Much love and blessings to all.> > > > Love Always,> > Your Beloved Soul Sister Lara > > Tolland,CT USA> > > > "Be a lamp or a lifeboat or a ladder. Help someone's soul heal. Walk out of your house like a shepherd." ~ Rumi> > > > "Faith is the bird that feels the light when the dawn is still dark."> Rabindranath Tagore>

[Guest guest]

Greetings Beautiful One…………..

                I  am guided to ask if you would chose to have

some esoteric energy work gifted to you……next week it would take place if I

receive permission from your   Highest Self……………..

Know that you are God’s golden miracle.

Namaste and hugs, as we walk together in the Grace Light in

Heaven on Earth

Jacqui 

www.goddessofdivinity.com

From:

[mailto: ] On

Behalf Of GENTLE WHISPERS

Sent: Thursday, September 18, 2008 2:03 PM

Subject: Re: [] Urgent Healing and Prayer Requst -- I'm

Really Struggling

Dear Lara

Did you know that if you started crying today for the real pain in your

heart it won't last forever your tears on there own will

dry up your heart really knows whats best for you at this

time .. I want to be here for you I want you to accept your

beautiful self embrace your pain today so you can be without

tomorrow TEARS REALLY DO DRY UP<3

I have alot I can share with you your sdd and your serotonin

can be altered by going to one of those places where they give tans a tanning

bed ....

if you would like my mail is jsm 2224 @

I love you and I hug you endlessly for the rest of time my heart

surrounds yours and the echoes of your tears

always from the deepest part of my heart

The things alcolholics say and do to others are actually how they feel

and see themselves and it was never you never will be you

your sensitivty and your desire to love another unconditionally is the true

reason you feel hurt I know the words they use the destruction

days after days that you feel you own when it is not

you there are no tests there is at this point only forgiveness

.....<3 first and foremost forgiveness in yourself that you were

in the path of this and the pain you feel god or whom ever has

brought to you it is not god it is our twisted society

alot of people are not as sensitive to anything but there own

wants and desires wrecking havoc at the same time onto others they do not

love they have no faith and their hope has been dried up or drunk

up which ever

you are in my arms and my hope and love rest on

you again I love you today as I will

love you tomorrow you are but a part of me when you are in pain we

are in pain

when your tears dry up you may be confused a bit lost but you

will no longer have tears and can start to

hold your head up and know you are so very beautifl and loved

endlessly

Lara Kearns <persian_rose9@...> wrote:

Beloved Soul

Family:

Dear Hearts, my most beautiful and beloved

soul family. I'm going through an extremely rough time

lately and am really feeling the need to reach out tonight. As

most of you already know and some of you may not I'm 29 yrs old now, and I

had been verbally and emotionally abused by me ex-stepfather (who is an

Alcholic) for about 8 yrs from when I was 13 until I was about 21 yrs. old.

I've been going to Alanon and also Coda for a little over a year now.

Things were just much to painful for me and so I had of

course blocked it all out, and have only just started remember and working

through things about 2 yrs ago with the help of my therapist as well as no

going to Alanon and Coda. I know in the back of my mind that I'm Worthy

and Loved and Valued and that It's Not My Fault, but at the same time the

feelings of feeling unworthy and unloved and unvalued and feeling like it's

my fault, etc are so completely overpowering that it makes me forget the real

truth. Also my mother has never been there for me emotinally and still

isn't, so most likely never will be. Sometime I just hurt so much that

I wish there was never such a thing as feelings. Right now I just need so

very much to be held and comforted or even just a great big hug,but have no

one here at home to do that. Even as I sit here at the computer typing

this I feel like I'm about to burst into tears at any second, and I can feel

eve! rything welling up inside of me and can feel the tears starting to run

down my cheeks.

Also I suffer from Depression and (SAD) Seasonal Affective

Disorder and the meds that I'm currently on have completely stopped working

so I'm in the process of med change though can't start the new meds yet as

I'm have to be weened off the old ones first. Also just recently I lost

another very dear friend and and I had gone to the funeral which was on

Tuesday. Also back in early December had lost another very dear friend

who was only 21 yrs old. He had been killed pretty much instantly in a

tragic highway accident. I miss him so very much and love him as if he

were the brother I never had. I'm very close to him and his

whole family. So right now I'm in the process of grieving as well,

and am no were near being done grieving for my dear brother that

was killed back in December and now I have another loss to deal with on

top on that. So right now I'm also in the middle of so! me very

severe mental tests and could really use of super extra heavy duty prayers

especially for healing and for aid and assistance and/or tests and

difficulties. Also prayers for the departed would be very much

appreciated as well.

Hope this isn't too long, Thanks everyone for letting me

vent and of course also thanks so much for listening it's most truly

appreciated. Much love and blessings to all.

Love Always,

Your Beloved Soul Sister Lara

Tolland,CT USA

" Be a lamp or a lifeboat or a ladder. Help someone's

soul heal. Walk out of your house like a shepherd. " ~ Rumi

" Faith is the bird that feels the light when the dawn

is still dark. "

Rabindranath Tagore

Tell me and I'll forget

Show me and I may remember

Involve me and I'll understand

sending healing and soulful messages

from the angels of mystic

I'm following the rainbow of love

 

[Guest guest]

Lara,

Know that I am with you. I have been where you are and found my way out when I decided to not let him have one more day of my life.

Peace, Love, Light, and Joy, Cherylvisit me at: www.myspace.com/senegalady

"You need to smile to your sorrow because you are more than your sorrow." Thich Nhat Hanh

In a message dated 9/18/2008 1:31:04 P.M. Eastern Daylight Time, persian_rose9@... writes:

Beloved Soul Family: Dear Hearts, my most beautiful and beloved soul family. I'm going through an extremely rough time lately and am really feeling the need to reach out tonight. As most of you already know and some of you may not I'm 29 yrs old now, and I had been verbally and emotionally abused by me ex-stepfather (who is an Alcholic) for about 8 yrs from when I was 13 until I was about 21 yrs. old. I've been going to Alanon and also Coda for a little over a year now.

Things were just much to painful for me and so I had of course blocked it all out, and have only just started remember and working through things about 2 yrs ago with the help of my therapist as well as no going to Alanon and Coda. I know in the back of my mind that I'm Worthy and Loved and Valued and that It's Not My Fault, but at the same time the feelings of feeling unworthy and unloved and unvalued and feeling like it's my fault, etc are so completely overpowering that it makes me forget the real truth. Also my mother has never been there for me emotinally and still isn't, so most likely never will be. Sometime I just hurt so much that I wish there was never such a thing as feelings. Right now I just need so very much to be held and comforted or even just a great big hug,but have no one here at home to do that. Even as I sit here at the computer typing this I feel like I'm about to burst into tears at any second, and I can feel eve! rything welling up inside of me and can feel the tears starting to run down my cheeks.

Also I suffer from Depression and (SAD) Seasonal Affective Disorder and the meds that I'm currently on have completely stopped working so I'm in the process of med change though can't start the new meds yet as I'm have to be weened off the old ones first. Also just recently I lost another very dear friend and and I had gone to the funeral which was on Tuesday. Also back in early December had lost another very dear friend who was only 21 yrs old. He had been killed pretty much instantly in a tragic highway accident. I miss him so very much and love him as if he were the brother I never had. I'm very close to him and his whole family. So right now I'm in the process of grieving as well, and am no were near being done grieving for my dear brother that was killed back in December and now I have another loss to deal with on top on that. So right now I'm also in the middle of so! me very severe mental tests and could really use of super extra heavy duty prayers especially for healing and for aid and assistance and/or tests and difficulties. Also prayers for the departed would be very much appreciated as well.

Hope this isn't too long, Thanks everyone for letting me vent and of course also thanks so much for listening it's most truly appreciated. Much love and blessings to all.

Love Always,

Your Beloved Soul Sister Lara

Tolland,CT USA

"Be a lamp or a lifeboat or a ladder. Help someone's soul heal. Walk out of your house like a shepherd." ~ Rumi

"Faith is the bird that feels the light when the dawn is still dark."Rabindranath Tagore Looking for simple solutions to your real-life financial challenges? Check out WalletPop for the latest news and information, tips and calculators.

[Guest guest]

Hi Lara,

I too was emotionally and physically abused by an alcoholic father, and my mother, also alcoholic, was unable to "do" anything. As a child, in the 50's, there wasn't an option of going to 12 step meetings!

My heart goes out to you in your losses, grief, pain and turmoil. Know that none are "tested beyond their ability to endure", and that all these dramatic problems can and will be transformed by you, for your soul's ultimate expansion. The lower we "go" in this 3D world, the higher we can ascend "later".

Sending you golden indigo and emerald green healing energies, and surrounding you with angelic presence and love. Know that you can call on this assistance at any time, and that it is there, as close as your breath, whenever needed.

Love and Light,

Lance

Zany Mystic