Seeking God

[Guest guest]

" Every soul that has chosen to walk in the ways of the Spirit may be

tested and tried, must go through the fiery furnace, so that all the

dross is burnt away and only the purest gold is left. Be grateful for

every test and trial. As each one is faced and won, you find yourself

further along the spiritual path, ever nearer the goal. "

Given to Eileen Caddy… by God

God Spoke To Me (1971)

The image from Soul is that of a little child being rocked/swung in a

blanket, held hammock style. The child is joyous, laughing, at

complete Peace. Two sets of hands are holding and supporting the

blanket. The hands on the right side of the blanket are male hands.

The hands holding the left side are female. The male hands offer the

strength, the action, the lift; the female hands are secure, holding,

and supporting. The blanket swings higher and higher. The little

child is in bliss. S/he flies out of the blanket, and ascends into

the Light.

Two golden rings come arching back into the blanket. As the rings

descend they are separate. As the rings contact the blanket they

link, then merge, and expand into one singular, golden ring. The

golden ring becomes a ring of fire, out of which arises a white bird.

The bird ascends, slowly becoming translucent, and at the moment of

complete transparency, is transmuted into Light.

The little child is us, the Inner Child of all Humanity. S/he is

supported, guided, and loved by Divine Mother and Divine Father.

These two polarities are part of each of us. They support and guide

us in our transformation to the One Within, God, which we are.

The two golden rings carry the energy of Divine Mother and Divine

Father. These energies of thought/feeling versus action, of being

versus doing are opposite polarities. Even so, they are each

necessary components of our wholeness. As the rings touch, they link

and combine, transforming separateness into Oneness, creating a

higher level of Consciousness.

This singular ring becomes a ring of fire, which represents our

transformational rite of passage. This transformational passage is

the cleansing of the negative thoughts, negative feelings, negative

words, and negative actions that run our lives. All of these patterns

have kept us from the Truth of our Being, a higher level of one

Consciousness.

The phoenix-like bird, arising from the ashes, symbolizes our

Awakening process. Through this Awakened state, we are in perfect

union and communion with our Soul. Our Soul is the mirror, reflecting

to us our Oneness, as God Which We Are.

" I love you, " and " I forgive you " are some of the most powerful words

we can say and feel. And yet, all alone and in a class by themselves,

are three other words that are far more profound than we can

imagine... " God help me. "

Have you ever reached a point in life where the suffering, pain and

fear are so intense you fall to your knees with tears in your eyes

and beg God to help you? I have. And I assure you that I meant every

word of it. I was desperate, scared and depressed. My life was

turning upside down and inside out and I couldn't seem to stop it no

matter how hard I tried.

Thirteen years ago a series of unexpected events came out of nowhere

and began to change the entire course of my life. It started slowly

at first. At that point life was still manageable, still salvageable.

Things hadn't gotten totally out of control yet. I managed to pull

myself together, prayed to God, took a deep mental breath and brought

a renewed sense energy to my career and personal life. That always

worked for me and I was confident things would fall into place as

they had before.

It was all short-lived. Without warning, another wave of events made

their way into my world, beginning with the spring of 1991. These

were far more serious. Over the next seven years the crises

intensified and picked up pace to such a degree that I found myself

reaching out to God in ways I never thought possible. I did this to

hold onto my sanity and to prevent myself from slipping into a state

of permanent hopelessness and despair. This was uncharted territory

for me and I'm not ashamed to admit that I was scared. For the first

time, it seemed that no matter what I did or how hard I tried I had

lost control of my life.

My need for God's help intensified to a point never reached before in

my life. It took an awful lot to move me in that direction. Before it

all started I was reasonably comfortable with life. Things were going

well. I was able to plan and build for the future. A rewarding

career, a nice home in the country, the joy my children gave me, a

devoted mother for those children, my love affair with the sea and a

wonderful family circle were softening the effects of a weakening

marriage. It could have been a lot worse. Through it all I considered

myself very fortunate. Compromised as it was, I could have spent the

rest of my life this way.

Then " it " happened by storming out of nowhere and catching me totally

by surprise. When I thought my crisis had peaked, I fell to my knees

and prayed to God for help, for answers, for guidance, for an end to

the suffering and pain. Incredibly, it got worse over the next seven

years! Without warning, the world I once knew and enjoyed began to

crumble all around me, and, hard as I tried, I couldn't prevent it

from coming to an end.

Personal crisis and upheaval can come in different forms any one of

which can bring on pain, suffering and the threat of mental and

physical breakdown. Financial ruin, a bitter divorce, loss of one's

home, business failures, loss of one's career, lack of employment,

loss of control over one's life, runaway debt, back taxes unpaid,

qualifying for bankruptcy, loss of family life, lack of purpose and

fulfillment, profound loneliness and despair, years of intense

depression, loss of confidence and self-esteem, loss of identity,

major decisions gone wrong, borrowing from family to survive, failing

as a head of household for those I cared about or any combination of

the above.

I've been through all of them over the past seven years and each

experience was more than enough to get my undivided attention. When

added together in such a short period of time, the weight of it all

became unbearable and brought me to the point where it was extremely

difficult to function normally in everyday reality.

It can also bring one to say " God help me, please. " I did and I meant

it. I assure you, this is a very sobering moment of truth in one's

life.

After asking for help the first time, I felt a sense of peace and

calm. After all, I truly believed it would come. Over the next seven

years something entirely different happened and it was totally

different than what I expected. My life was supposed to get better, I

was supposed to find employment so that I could pay the bills, feel

professionally fulfilled, provide for my family, preserve the

comfortable life we were enjoying, protect my substantial savings,

remain married, keep the house, the cars, the comforts, the

pleasures!

At the same time my crisis started to intensify I also began to

awaken spiritually because of a New Age/metaphysical book my sister

gave to me out of the clear blue. As I began to read it, something

big began to stir inside me I never knew existed before and I

couldn't put it down. That book led to many more, and I've read well

over 400 of them as of today.

Surprisingly, as I began to discover who I really am, I found myself

in more crisis and upheaval. Now it was my inner world that was

coming apart. The spiritual wisdom and universal truths in these

books was seriously threatening my fear-based ego and the many false

beliefs it had created for me over the years and previous lives I

have lived.

So there I was. My external world was falling apart all around me, as

was my inner world of false beliefs, which had defined who I thought

I was for most of my life... primarily a body enjoying the pleasures

of the material world. It was a painful, sordid mess. All of this

after asking for God's help.

I'm wiser now as I write this story, much wiser in the ways and

mysteries of God. I would like to share some of my newfound insights

and wisdom with you...

God loves us unconditionally.

If you ask God for help and mean it, it will come.

Always remember to let go of the expectations; God knows what's best

for you.

God will not bring Mercedes cars, big houses or the physical comforts

and pleasures of life.

These things keep us attached to the material world and focus the

ego's attention on it.

It's a rare individual who has all the material comforts of life and

leaves them behind, or keeps them, but serves humanity unselfishly.

God knows we have lost our focus and that we are no longer centered

on our Source.

On the contrary, we are too focused on the needs and urges of our

self-centered ego.

God also knows that out biggest problem is a fear-based ego that

constantly urges us to survive and have pleasure and gratification

without end.

So when you ask God for help what do you think will happen?

God sees a lost child struggling and in pain; a child that has become

the slave of its selfish ego.

Ego loves the cars, the homes, the comforts. Ego can't get enough of

the material pleasures and comforts of life.

So when you ask God for help you'd better put your seat belt on.

What do you think God will do?

Will God shake your world to such a degree that you awaken

spiritually to the magnificent spirit you really are, but have

forgotten over the ages?

Or will God help you preserve the physical pleasures and comforts of

life that have caused you to forget who you really are?

Will God help you become unselfish love and a caring, compassionate,

forgiving, humble, giving spirit, which is your real heritage?

Or will God help you to stay self-centered and stuck in the ways of

self-gratification?

If you have asked God for help with a crisis in your life, and

afterwards find your world turning upside down and inside out, don't

despair. Just think about the following...

If I ask God to help me, is it happening?

(always and immediately)

Does God know what He/She is doing?

(always)

Then whatever is happening in my life right now

must be the result of God's help

(absolutely)

Then the seeming insanity, pain and suffering I'm

experiencing must be serving a purpose

(yes)

It must be serving a purpose that God

feels is very important for me

(yes)

Does the struggle and pain have anything

to do with ego death?

(yes)

Just because I continue to suffer pain and anguish

after asking God for help means I'm not

being helped?

(absolutely not... read Marnie's story)

Then I should trust and accept whatever comes

into my life regardless of what my ego

and I would like to see happen?

(yes)

Then I should surrender it

to All That Is?

(yes)

That's when I'll find inner peace regardless

of what comes into my life?

(yes)

Where has all of this left me? Over the years, I have fallen deeply

in love with God in ways I never thought possible. I finally realize

and appreciate the miracle of inner awareness that has been brought

to my children, my former wife and me because of all that has come

into our lives. For the first time, I can honestly say that I have a

good sense of who I really am and what my real purpose is while

visiting planet Earth.

I wouldn't change a thing that has happened after whispering those

three very powerful words... " God help me. " There is never a need for

a need when you put God first in every aspect of your life.