Needing Support

[Guest guest]

Oh gosh, You need a hug! What a nasty deal. This is definitely one to turn over to the Holy Spirit to handle and turn to be a blessing for You. That always happens when we're willing to do that.

The fact that You (I don't see your name anywhere on the email) don't seem to have any other recourse always make the Holy Spirit even more palatable. I hope You don't hate hearing stuff about God. It's all I know as far as help, or anything else goes. And I've got to say, that I couldn't ask for better help.

Love,

Sun~Rose (Francine)

[Guest guest]

Tell your sister to stuff it and mind her own business.

If she doesn't back down on her views, I would not associate with her any more. Your son is more important....

needing support

Has anyone else ran into this problem? My sister doesn't believe that my son is autistic. She believes that every child develops at his own rate. She believes he'll catch up. She thinks his autistic behaviors are a result of my poor parenting. (Nice!) Anyway, I was dealing pretty well with our differences of opinion, but here is where it gets ugly. My sister and the rest of my family live in the Bay Area. I live in southern California. My sister sees my son much more often than anyone else in the family. My other sister and parents all ask HER about him. She tells them that he is fine. That he isn't autistic. That there is a whole "autism industry" that is profitting off of making stupid parents (such as myself) believe that there is something wrong with their kids. Now my whole family is convinced that my son's autism is all in his head. It really sucks for me because having an autistic child is such an isolating experience. You add to that all the stress and worry. I REALLY REALLY need support from my family. Because of this one sister, I'm not getting any.I'm not looking for any solutions- as I don't think anything would work. I want to come to an acceptance and find support elsewhere. I'm just wondering if anyone else has faced this.

No virus found in this incoming message.Checked by AVG Free Edition.Version: 7.5.432 / Virus Database: 268.15.28/605 - Release Date: 12/27/2006 12:21 PM

[Guest guest]

Yes people are sometimes ignorant and don't understand the whole picture. You need to just focus on finding resourses in your area to help him. Also try to find other parents in the area with children with autism. A support group like that helps. nighthockey27 <nighthockey27@...> wrote: Has anyone else ran into this problem? My sister doesn't believe that my son is autistic. She believes that every child develops at his own rate. She believes he'll catch up. She thinks his autistic behaviors are a result of my

poor parenting. (Nice!) Anyway, I was dealing pretty well with our differences of opinion, but here is where it gets ugly. My sister and the rest of my family live in the Bay Area. I live in southern California. My sister sees my son much more often than anyone else in the family. My other sister and parents all ask HER about him. She tells them that he is fine. That he isn't autistic. That there is a whole "autism industry" that is profitting off of making stupid parents (such as myself) believe that there is something wrong with their kids. Now my whole family is convinced that my son's autism is all in his head. It really sucks for me because having an autistic child is such an isolating experience. You add to that all the stress and worry. I REALLY REALLY need support from my family. Because of this one sister, I'm not getting any.I'm not looking for any solutions- as I don't think anything would work. I want to

come to an acceptance and find support elsewhere. I'm just wondering if anyone else has faced this. Ally __________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

I dealt with this for 12 years. He was finally diagnosed by Dr. B.J.

Freeman at UCLA, a specialist in high-functioning autism and

Asperger's. Apparently she has a reputation of diagnosing everyone

who walks through her door as autistic. That wasn't quite my

experience with her, but who's counting?? My sister, with a

bachelor's (at the time in psychology - now she has a master's in

child psychology) but no children of her own (she's now a single

mom), who worked for Regional Center (our state's developmental

services agency), ripped me a new one, complete with cussing me out

(isn't that lovely?) when she found out. I got the same song and

dance as you. My family was not supportive in the least. My husband

was barely supportive, I think because our son didn't meet his

expectations of what his son would be - it almost destroyed our

marriage. I learned to toughen up on our son (I was a bit of a

coddler, and I was depressed), and he learned to cut him some slack

(he was a bit of a drill sergeant). I believe God allows things to

happen in our lives, and this situation helped our son become the

person he is today. And he is awesome.

As my son grew older, and his behavior seemed odder and odder for a

child of his age, I stopped getting as much resistance from family.

They stopped arguing with me, and my sister has apologized.

Boo-yah to the naysayers.

Theresa

On Dec 27, 2006, at 1:21 PM, nighthockey27 wrote:

> Has anyone else ran into this problem? My sister doesn't believe that

> my son is autistic. She believes that every child develops at his own

> rate. She believes he'll catch up. She thinks his autistic behaviors

> are a result of my poor parenting. (Nice!) Anyway, I was dealing

> pretty well with our differences of opinion, but here is where it gets

> ugly. My sister and the rest of my family live in the Bay Area. I live

> in southern California. My sister sees my son much more often than

> anyone else in the family. My other sister and parents all ask HER

> about him. She tells them that he is fine. That he isn't autistic.

> That there is a whole " autism industry " that is profitting off of

> making stupid parents (such as myself) believe that there is something

> wrong with their kids. Now my whole family is convinced that my son's

> autism is all in his head. It really sucks for me because having an

> autistic child is such an isolating experience. You add to that all

> the stress and worry. I REALLY REALLY need support from my family.

> Because of this one sister, I'm not getting any.

> I'm not looking for any solutions- as I don't think anything would

> work. I want to come to an acceptance and find support elsewhere. I'm

> just wondering if anyone else has faced this.

>

[Guest guest]

Are you sure you aren't related to my In-laws? Because that sounds just like them! I can't count the number of times they have told me "He is just spoiled and a good spanking would straigten him up" They (in-laws) have also told me that it is in my head. I have 3 kids (my middle one is autistic..he is 4). I knew something wasn't right at birth, call it a mommies instinct but I knew. They thought I was crazy, but they choose not to be around enough to understand or see what life is really like with an autistic child. They didnt have a to go thru numerous testing and specialist. They have no idea the pain and heartbreak you have as a parent trying to understand what is going on with your child and help him in everyway possible and in my case protecting the other kids at the same time. I sent them an semi-informative letter email that I got off another website that tries to explain our situation so they

might be a little more understanding before we had to go to their house for the holidays. It helped somewhat but they still think I am crazy. I invite them to come over but of course they only visit with us if its a birthday party or something and they only live 10 minutes away... now that is SAD! Well, I pretty much don't talk to them unless I have too. Its their loss, I have great kids that will never know their other grandparents. I could write a book on this subject so you are not alone. Good luck with them but remember you have support here! Trisha nighthockey27 <nighthockey27@...> wrote: Has anyone else ran into this problem? My sister doesn't believe that my son is autistic. She believes that every child develops at his own rate. She believes he'll catch up. She thinks his autistic behaviors are a result of my poor parenting. (Nice!) Anyway, I was dealing pretty well with our differences of opinion, but here is where it gets ugly. My sister and the rest of my family live in the Bay Area. I live in southern California. My sister sees my son much more often than anyone else in the family. My other sister and parents all ask HER about him. She tells them that he is fine. That he isn't autistic. That there is a whole "autism industry" that is profitting off of making stupid parents (such as myself) believe that there is

something wrong with their kids. Now my whole family is convinced that my son's autism is all in his head. It really sucks for me because having an autistic child is such an isolating experience. You add to that all the stress and worry. I REALLY REALLY need support from my family. Because of this one sister, I'm not getting any.I'm not looking for any solutions- as I don't think anything would work. I want to come to an acceptance and find support elsewhere. I'm just wondering if anyone else has faced this. __________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

I sort of have the same problem. My son is 10 and officially diagnosed at age 3. before that he was in EI . My whole family still pretends that everything is fine. they actually get annoyed at me when i try to talk to them about problems with school or behaviors. They just don't want to hear it. So anytime anyone asks me I just tell them everything is fine. It's very painful and isolating. They also act as if I exaggerate everything so I just don't talk to them about it anymorenighthockey27 <nighthockey27@...> wrote: Has anyone else ran into this problem? My sister doesn't believe that my son is autistic. She believes that every child develops at his own rate. She believes he'll catch up. She thinks his autistic behaviors are a result of my poor parenting. (Nice!) Anyway, I was dealing pretty well with our differences of opinion, but here is where it gets ugly. My sister and the rest of my family live in the Bay Area. I live in southern California. My sister sees my son much more often than anyone else in the family. My other sister and parents all ask HER about him. She tells them that he is fine. That he isn't autistic. That there is a whole "autism industry" that is profitting off of making stupid parents (such as myself) believe that there is something wrong with their kids. Now my whole family is convinced that my son's autism is all in his head. It really sucks for me because having an autistic child is such

an isolating experience. You add to that all the stress and worry. I REALLY REALLY need support from my family. Because of this one sister, I'm not getting any.I'm not looking for any solutions- as I don't think anything would work. I want to come to an acceptance and find support elsewhere. I'm just wondering if anyone else has faced this.

[Guest guest]

My parents don't believe in my son's Asperger. My mom says he would " act it all

the time " if he was. I am trying to explain to her that he can hold it together

for so long while we visit but it's hard for him. I ask her can't she just

accept it? But she won't. I am so sorry you are going through this. Maybe they

would be open to reading a report from the physician. But sounds like they

won't.

--

Jenna

Wife to wonderful DH and loving mother to 7 wonderful blessings!

---- nighthockey27 <nighthockey27@...> wrote:

=============

Has anyone else ran into this problem? My sister doesn't believe that

my son is autistic. She believes that every child develops at his own

rate. She believes he'll catch up. She thinks his autistic behaviors

are a result of my poor parenting. (Nice!) Anyway, I was dealing

pretty well with our differences of opinion, but here is where it gets

ugly. My sister and the rest of my family live in the Bay Area. I live

in southern California. My sister sees my son much more often than

anyone else in the family. My other sister and parents all ask HER

about him. She tells them that he is fine. That he isn't autistic.

That there is a whole " autism industry " that is profitting off of

making stupid parents (such as myself) believe that there is something

wrong with their kids. Now my whole family is convinced that my son's

autism is all in his head. It really sucks for me because having an

autistic child is such an isolating experience. You add to that all

the stress and worry. I REALLY REALLY need support from my family.

Because of this one sister, I'm not getting any.

I'm not looking for any solutions- as I don't think anything would

work. I want to come to an acceptance and find support elsewhere. I'm

just wondering if anyone else has faced this.

[Guest guest]

I have this problem sometimes because can mask his emotions very well. Everyone has always thought he was a bit different from other kids but when we were having him tested a lot thought we were nuts! However he was diagnosed as AS. I know there are still some of my friends who think there's nothing wrong with him and that a good spank would cure everything! (Yah right)

My husband's family lives far from us and I'm sure they didn't believe us but we visited for 2 weeks this summer. He's good at masking but can't do it constantly for 2 weeks so they were able to see some of his meltdowns and I think they are beginning to understand!Or maybe they think I'm a bad parent and should handle him differently to stop the meltdowns, not sure about that!

Even the school is a bit iffy with him because his behaviour there is excellent - again, a bit different from most kids but well-behaved for the most part. However, they do, usually, support me and go along with the suggestions I have for making his day run smoothly. And I know when things don't go well at school because all of the frustrations come out as soon as he walks in our door!

This is a big frustration and I can feel for you because we do need support, dealing with our kids.

Hang in there! At least on this group, people know what you're going through!

Estevan, Saskatchewan

Canada

-- needing support

Has anyone else ran into this problem? My sister doesn't believe that my son is autistic. She believes that every child develops at his own rate. She believes he'll catch up. She thinks his autistic behaviors are a result of my poor parenting. (Nice!) Anyway, I was dealing pretty well with our differences of opinion, but here is where it gets ugly. My sister and the rest of my family live in the Bay Area. I live in southern California. My sister sees my son much more often than anyone else in the family. My other sister and parents all ask HER about him. She tells them that he is fine. That he isn't autistic. That there is a whole "autism industry" that is profitting off of making stupid parents (such as myself) believe that there is something wrong with their kids. Now my whole family is convinced that my son's autism is all in his head. It really sucks for me because having an autistic child is such an isolating experience. You add to that all the stress and worry. I REALLY REALLY need support from my family. Because of this one sister, I'm not getting any.I'm not looking for any solutions- as I don't think anything would work. I want to come to an acceptance and find support elsewhere. I'm just wondering if anyone else has faced this.

Forever: Time it takes to brew the first pot of coffee in the morning. ~Author Unknown

[Guest guest]

Hate to disappoint you, but your situation is not unique at all! We all go through it, family, friends, school, etc. It just stinks for us as parents, and I love the ones that just talk so freely in front of the child. It's like we are constantly accused of having "Munchausen's by Proxy"! My HFA is now 14, has overcome so very much due to our hard work, consistency & following out gut. He even has a job at the local supermarket bagging groceries. I never thought he would be where he is now, and I know it was from the people who believed in what we did. I have found that all of my close friends except for one has a child with special needs. That will be your best support. Here is a great website geared for grandparents, but will give you great tips on how to handle others comments, I hope it helps! http://www.udel.edu/bkirby/asperger/grandparents.html

~

needing support

Has anyone else ran into this problem? My sister doesn't believe that my son is autistic. She believes that every child develops at his own rate. She believes he'll catch up. She thinks his autistic behaviors are a result of my poor parenting. (Nice!) Anyway, I was dealing pretty well with our differences of opinion, but here is where it gets ugly. My sister and the rest of my family live in the Bay Area. I live in southern California. My sister sees my son much more often than anyone else in the family. My other sister and parents all ask HER about him. She tells them that he is fine. That he isn't autistic. That there is a whole "autism industry" that is profitting off of making stupid parents (such as myself) believe that there is something wrong with their kids. Now my whole family is convinced that my son's autism is all in his head. It really sucks for me because having an autistic child is such an isolating experience. You add to that all the stress and worry. I REALLY REALLY need support from my family. Because of this one sister, I'm not getting any.I'm not looking for any solutions- as I don't think anything would work. I want to come to an acceptance and find support elsewhere. I'm just wondering if anyone else has faced this.

[Guest guest]

I deal with DENIAL in my family too.Why in the world would a parent " want "

their child to have disabilities? My boys are just shy and spoiled according

to some. I need to beat their behinds according to others. Right, like I can

beat the behinds of two 18 yo 6' 2 " young men...All I can suggest is that

you get some info on aspergers and maybe underline the parts that fit your

son and send it to your mom and dad or if they have a computer, send them

some links. Alot of people assume that because aspies " are so smart " there

can't be anything wrong that " good parenting " won't fix. My sisters one son

has " issues " , I believe he is depressed or on the spectrum, he has quit

going to school in the 9th grade and she says the reason is that he is

" gifted " academically (esp mathematically) and the school can't help. I say

he needs to see a Pdoc but she'll hear none of it....Toni

needing support

> Has anyone else ran into this problem? My sister doesn't believe that

> my son is autistic. She believes that every child develops at his own

> rate. She believes he'll catch up. She thinks his autistic behaviors

> are a result of my poor parenting. (Nice!) Anyway, I was dealing

> pretty well with our differences of opinion, but here is where it gets

> ugly. My sister and the rest of my family live in the Bay Area. I live

> in southern California. My sister sees my son much more often than

> anyone else in the family. My other sister and parents all ask HER

> about him. She tells them that he is fine. That he isn't autistic.

> That there is a whole " autism industry " that is profitting off of

> making stupid parents (such as myself) believe that there is something

> wrong with their kids. Now my whole family is convinced that my son's

> autism is all in his head. It really sucks for me because having an

> autistic child is such an isolating experience. You add to that all

> the stress and worry. I REALLY REALLY need support from my family.

> Because of this one sister, I'm not getting any.

> I'm not looking for any solutions- as I don't think anything would

> work. I want to come to an acceptance and find support elsewhere. I'm

> just wondering if anyone else has faced this.

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

I just lost my best friend because of this same issue, my ex husband doesn't "believe in" anything you cannot see obviously - which in the case of my oldest daughter, well she comes across as just being a little strange you know>? My ex actually accused me of this (munhausen thing) in court paperwork!!! He tried to have me proven unfit because of Molly's dx. Go figure! Bernstein <m_bernstein@...> wrote: Hate to disappoint

you, but your situation is not unique at all! We all go through it, family, friends, school, etc. It just stinks for us as parents, and I love the ones that just talk so freely in front of the child. It's like we are constantly accused of having "Munchausen's by Proxy"! My HFA is now 14, has overcome so very much due to our hard work, consistency & following out gut. He even has a job at the local supermarket bagging groceries. I never thought he would be where he is now, and I know it was from the people who believed in what we did. I have found that all of my close friends except for one has a child with special needs. That will be your best support. Here is a great website geared for grandparents, but will give you great tips on how to handle others comments, I hope it helps! http://www.udel.edu/bkirby/asperger/grandparents.html ~ needing support Has anyone else ran into this problem? My sister doesn't believe that my son is autistic. She believes that every

child develops at his own rate. She believes he'll catch up. She thinks his autistic behaviors are a result of my poor parenting. (Nice!) Anyway, I was dealing pretty well with our differences of opinion, but here is where it gets ugly. My sister and the rest of my family live in the Bay Area. I live in southern California. My sister sees my son much more often than anyone else in the family. My other sister and parents all ask HER about him. She tells them that he is fine. That he isn't autistic. That there is a whole "autism industry" that is profitting off of making stupid parents (such as myself) believe that there is something wrong with their kids. Now my whole family is convinced that my son's autism is all in his head. It really sucks for me because having an autistic child is such an isolating experience. You add to that all the stress and worry. I REALLY REALLY need support from my family. Because of this

one sister, I'm not getting any.I'm not looking for any solutions- as I don't think anything would work. I want to come to an acceptance and find support elsewhere. I'm just wondering if anyone else has faced this. "I want to be part of the solution. Not part of the agonizing, grinding, boring complacent problem..."

Henry Rollins; From "I hate U2" __________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

I just lost my best friend because of this same issue, my ex husband doesn't "believe in" anything you cannot see obviously - which in the case of my oldest daughter, well she comes across as just being a little strange you know>? My ex actually accused me of this (munhausen thing) in court paperwork!!! He tried to have me proven unfit because of Molly's dx. Go figure! Bernstein <m_bernstein@...> wrote: Hate to disappoint

you, but your situation is not unique at all! We all go through it, family, friends, school, etc. It just stinks for us as parents, and I love the ones that just talk so freely in front of the child. It's like we are constantly accused of having "Munchausen's by Proxy"! My HFA is now 14, has overcome so very much due to our hard work, consistency & following out gut. He even has a job at the local supermarket bagging groceries. I never thought he would be where he is now, and I know it was from the people who believed in what we did. I have found that all of my close friends except for one has a child with special needs. That will be your best support. Here is a great website geared for grandparents, but will give you great tips on how to handle others comments, I hope it helps! http://www.udel.edu/bkirby/asperger/grandparents.html ~ needing support Has anyone else ran into this problem? My sister doesn't believe that my son is autistic. She believes that every

child develops at his own rate. She believes he'll catch up. She thinks his autistic behaviors are a result of my poor parenting. (Nice!) Anyway, I was dealing pretty well with our differences of opinion, but here is where it gets ugly. My sister and the rest of my family live in the Bay Area. I live in southern California. My sister sees my son much more often than anyone else in the family. My other sister and parents all ask HER about him. She tells them that he is fine. That he isn't autistic. That there is a whole "autism industry" that is profitting off of making stupid parents (such as myself) believe that there is something wrong with their kids. Now my whole family is convinced that my son's autism is all in his head. It really sucks for me because having an autistic child is such an isolating experience. You add to that all the stress and worry. I REALLY REALLY need support from my family. Because of this

one sister, I'm not getting any.I'm not looking for any solutions- as I don't think anything would work. I want to come to an acceptance and find support elsewhere. I'm just wondering if anyone else has faced this. "I want to be part of the solution. Not part of the agonizing, grinding, boring complacent problem..."

Henry Rollins; From "I hate U2" __________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 12/28/2006 5:18:33 P.M. Eastern Standard Time, freecyclemail@... writes:

Tell your sister to stuff it and mind her own business.

If she doesn't back down on her views, I would not associate with her any more. Your son is more important....

Laughing. What a great response. I've spent a lot of time and patience myself with some tough cases where "Stuff it!" may have been a more appropriate response.

"A mind that's changed against its will is of the same opinion still."

[Guest guest]

yes i have also my one sister thinks most of my 2 sons problems was cuz i didnt discipline them right ( beating their butts ) but yet my other 2 kids r okay and i raised them the same way. hmm go figure .lol well it is their narrow minds that make them this way ( the family and or others) they refuse to believe there can be something wrong why i dont know .my mom feels my kids would be okay if i took them off meds but yet before they even got on meds everyone noticed problems hmm .another sister said all i need to do is this or that and so forth (she has no kids) but yet i had a behavior specialist have trouble trying to figure out things that will work with my kids .u need support and u rnt getting it from family you cant make them understand ( it would be nice to try invite them to drs appts or therapies and so forth) but since it would be hard fnd support through other avenues get wrap around services in the home a tss at

home a behavior therapist family thereapy i am trying to get that for mine right now for like the 4 th time getting it i neeed a lot of help and i am a single mom with 4 kids 2 who r hfa and mr . good luck with ur kids .remember u can vent here and ask for help if we can help we will if not we will try to point u in the right direction to find help

needing support

Has anyone else ran into this problem? My sister doesn't believe that my son is autistic. She believes that every child develops at his own rate. She believes he'll catch up. She thinks his autistic behaviors are a result of my poor parenting. (Nice!) Anyway, I was dealing pretty well with our differences of opinion, but here is where it gets ugly. My sister and the rest of my family live in the Bay Area. I live in southern California. My sister sees my son much more often than anyone else in the family. My other sister and parents all ask HER about him. She tells them that he is fine. That he isn't autistic. That there is a whole "autism industry" that is profitting off of making stupid parents (such as myself) believe that there is something wrong with their kids. Now my whole family is convinced that my son's autism is all in his head. It really sucks for me because having an autistic child is such an isolating

experience. You add to that all the stress and worry. I REALLY REALLY need support from my family. Because of this one sister, I'm not getting any.I'm not looking for any solutions- as I don't think anything would work. I want to come to an acceptance and find support elsewhere. I'm just wondering if anyone else has faced this. __________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

,

You know what happened with your family is almost the same as mine. A couple years ago we were talking about dakota at christmas. And I got this schmeel from his aunt saying I don't see the autism. And my dad would say you have to come down harder on him you let him get away with everything. And really that wasn't the case. I think my dad in a way is starting to understand a little more. And this christmas we had the inlaws here. Dakota would sit in the middle of the room and tune everyone out. However he did hold a couple short little conversations and let one of his older cousins play ball with him for a short time. They said oh he was really quiet. I said that's nothing new. This is Dakota. This is a every day thing. He then proceeded to go into his room and didn't want to be bothered. No surprise again this is a daily thing. And I think finally they acutally noticed his behavior. Not that I expect them to as they don't barely spend anytime with him like I do. But I know exactly how you feel and the thoughts that must have crossed your mind as again I went thru something similar. Another thing you pointed out was how your son does so well at school Same as dakota. I don't know if you deal with night and day at home and school but I know I do. And I always wondered why Dakota would come home and go straight to his room and get crabby when we try to go in and check on him. Now I guess I can understand like you said probably the frustrations of school and his way of unwinding. Thanks for giving me something to think about.

Stacie

[Guest guest]

Hi needing support,

I am sorry to hear about your sister not supporting you. I never had a sister, only three brothers, but have noticed that lots of times sisters do have problems. It is like she feels jealous of you or something, doesn't want you to get attention, is in competition with you, but I don't know, had no sisters.

Anyway she is showing her ignorance I am afraid, doesn't the girl ever read a book or watch television! There is just so much information on autism these days, gee wizz. Guess all you can do is forge ahead the best you can though, it sure must be tough when your own family is a problem, but would suspect this is pretty common. maybe the poor girl will develop over time....

In our case, with our son Marty, his issues were severe enough that there was no mistaking he had problems. He had seizures all the time, and had to take drugs for them, so most of the time acted like a zombie. He also had a cousin with problems, he was born with a cleft palette, and became autistic after he had surgery for it, don't know what came first though. His was pretty severe, he spent a lot of time looking at his hands, and didn't give eye contact or respond to people.

With my son he always looked "normal," as his disability didn't develop until he was 2 years old, was fine till then, and had nothing different about his looks. People had all sorts of opinions when he was young as I recall, but I hardly had time to notice them, had too much to do keeping track of him, and all his problems, and my other three "normal" kids.

Just got word Marty is coming home from the hospital today! Whoopee! I talked to his doctor there, and she said he was doing well, and would be discharged. Now if I can stay conscious enough to finish the day with these three grandkids, and go over and get him at about 3:00.

I am telling you, four nights with very LITTLE sleep can sure make a person feel TIRED!

Keep writing sis, we are here for you, and your other sisters will come around in time.

Much love to you,

Carolyn

needing support

Has anyone else ran into this problem? My sister doesn't believe that my son is autistic. She believes that every child develops at his own rate. She believes he'll catch up. She thinks his autistic behaviors are a result of my poor parenting. (Nice!) Anyway, I was dealing pretty well with our differences of opinion, but here is where it gets ugly. My sister and the rest of my family live in the Bay Area. I live in southern California. My sister sees my son much more often than anyone else in the family. My other sister and parents all ask HER about him. She tells them that he is fine. That he isn't autistic. That there is a whole "autism industry" that is profitting off of making stupid parents (such as myself) believe that there is something wrong with their kids. Now my whole family is convinced that my son's autism is all in his head. It really sucks for me because having an autistic child is such an isolating experience. You add to that all the stress and worry. I REALLY REALLY need support from my family. Because of this one sister, I'm not getting any.I'm not looking for any solutions- as I don't think anything would work. I want to come to an acceptance and find support elsewhere. I'm just wondering if anyone else has faced this.

[Guest guest]

Oh, yes , MY mother didn't want to accept that my daughter has autism,

so I showed her the literature the doctor gave me including the CARS

Eval and asked her which part of it didn't sound like . she has

come to accept it . my sisters accept it but they have no Idea what it

means and if they are bad my husbands family is worse the just don't

understand why I can't make exceptions about her schedule. Why can't

you let her stay up we don't get to see her that often. UGH. Sorry you

hit a sore spot the only thing I can tell you is that I have given up

trying to make them get it. I make the decisions for as best I can

and stick to my guns . the way I look at it is they will never

understand because they don't deal /w her on a daily basis. so keep

your chin up and if you need to talk email me.

[Guest guest]

>

> Has anyone else ran into this problem? My sister doesn't believe that

> my son is autistic. She believes that every child develops at his own

> rate. She believes he'll catch up. She thinks his autistic behaviors

> are a result of my poor parenting. (Nice!) Anyway, I was dealing

> pretty well with our differences of opinion, but here is where it gets

> ugly. My sister and the rest of my family live in the Bay Area. I live

> in southern California. My sister sees my son much more often than

> anyone else in the family. My other sister and parents all ask HER

> about him. She tells them that he is fine. That he isn't autistic.

> That there is a whole " autism industry " that is profitting off of

> making stupid parents (such as myself) believe that there is something

> wrong with their kids. Now my whole family is convinced that my son's

> autism is all in his head. It really sucks for me because having an

> autistic child is such an isolating experience. You add to that all

> the stress and worry. I REALLY REALLY need support from my family.

> Because of this one sister, I'm not getting any.

> I'm not looking for any solutions- as I don't think anything would

> work. I want to come to an acceptance and find support elsewhere. I'm

> just wondering if anyone else has faced this.

>

I'm very sorry to hear that you are going through this. I know first

hand how frustrating it can be to have your own family telling you

that you are wrong and that they don't see your son as Autistic. In

fact, the feeling of being alone in the scary new world of Autism is

what drove me to create my blog site. Back in April I wrote a couple

of blogs about our experiences surrounding our son's diagnosis and the

reaction from family and friends.

Please take a look at them, perhaps you might find them helpfull... if

at the very least in knowing that you are not alone.

The story starts in " Let There Be Light! " and continues in " Let There

Be Light! Part II " . Both of these can be found at:

http://www.autismdealwithit.org/2006_04_01_autieblog_archive.html

I hope you enjoy my blog, but more importantly, I hope that your

family will finally come around to reality. It has been 3 years since

our son was diagnosed and a few members of the family are finally

starting to come around...

the Autistic Jedi

Blog: http://www.autismdealwithit.org

Shop: http://www.autismdealwithit.com

[Guest guest]

Theresa Mesa <clanmesa@...> wrote: Let's see, I to have family that doesn't really think something is wrong with Zachary. I think my problem is that we can't get him DX yet. The doctor said that he was on the high to probabilities range. The school here has worked with that. We have Z in a Pre-K class for child that have delays. They have also worked with us in getting Z an IEP set up(thank GOD). Anyway at this time we are living with my in-laws, and my mother-in-law refused to believe that something was wrong with him until I told her that he scored a 92 on the GADS. I think she is opening up to the fact that something is wrong, but she doesn't seem to think that should interfear with his behavior. Z has a very short temper and gets angry very easily. He doesn't like to follow directions from anyone and loves to tell everyone NO!!(if anyone can help with this please do). I think that unless it is a child you are with everyday that sometimes people just can't tell and that it could be something that they are scared of because it is unknown to them. Sometimes people,yes even adults, are to ,excuse me, stupid, to read up on or study

something new to them. Ok I guess I have rattled enough for now. My sweet children and hubby are in the other room waiting for supper..hehehehe. Hope all of you can get the support you need. May God Bless You And Keep You All ,OKC,OK On Dec 27, 2006, at 1:21 PM, nighthockey27 wrote:> Has anyone else ran into this problem? My sister doesn't believe that> my son is autistic. She believes that every child develops at his own> rate. She believes

he'll catch up. She thinks his autistic behaviors> are a result of my poor parenting. (Nice!) Anyway, I was dealing> pretty well with our differences of opinion, but here is where it gets> ugly. My sister and the rest of my family live in the Bay Area. I live> in southern California. My sister sees my son much more often than> anyone else in the family. My other sister and parents all ask HER> about him. She tells them that he is fine. That he isn't autistic.> That there is a whole "autism industry" that is profitting off of> making stupid parents (such as myself) believe that there is something> wrong with their kids. Now my whole family is convinced that my son's> autism is all in his head. It really sucks for me because having an> autistic child is such an isolating experience. You add to that all> the stress and worry. I REALLY REALLY need support from my family.> Because of this

one sister, I'm not getting any.> I'm not looking for any solutions- as I don't think anything would> work. I want to come to an acceptance and find support elsewhere. I'm> just wondering if anyone else has faced this.> I love a child with Aspergers Please, read, learn, and love KELLY __________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

Sounds like something caused by NT logic. *sighs* If only the rest of the world thought like Aspies...

Too many people freak out when there's something genetic in their

pond. Knowing where the problems are is half the battle - but

they'd rather suffer than admit there could be something " wrong " with

them (or those related to them). In dogs where it is common place

to try to " better the breed " by selectively excluding bad genetics,

people still prefer to stick their heads in the sand than jeopardize

their " reputation " by being honest and truthful. (Yeah, doesn't

make sense to me either.)

They're all obsessed with being in the same mold. It is so

frustrating to see so much individuality being trimmed off in order to

clone what is mainstream. Heck, the whole concept of wanting to

be " normal " is just plain stupid. I mean, if we were all meant to

be the same, wouldn't we produce asexually?

-Lana

[Guest guest]

My son does that too! He can act right for a period of time around

the family or in short bursts for the mommys day out program at

church but as soon as we get in the car or home...its meltdown city!

One of our understanding grandparents (its a great grandma)knows and

understands completely and she loves to have him over. She is around

him enough to know of his problems and can work thru them but he is

usualy good for her since she only has him for short times. My

problem is she loves to have him over and it gives me a welcomed

break but once he is home again... it is CRAZY! Its kind of a toss

up..hmm break and an extra horrible meltdown night OR our routine day

with minimal meltdowns but nothing else can be done around the house.

I just take the good with the bad and am thankful that at least one

family member understands and tries to help.

>

> I have this problem sometimes because can mask his emotions

very well

> Everyone has always thought he was a bit different from other kids

but when

> we were having him tested a lot thought we were nuts! However he

was

> diagnosed as AS. I know there are still some of my friends who

think there

> s nothing wrong with him and that a good spank would cure

everything! (Yah

> right)

> My husband's family lives far from us and I'm sure they didn't

believe us

> but we visited for 2 weeks this summer. He's good at masking but

can't do it

> constantly for 2 weeks so they were able to see some of his

meltdowns and I

> think they are beginning to understand!Or maybe they think I'm a

bad parent

> and should handle him differently to stop the meltdowns, not sure

about

> that!

> Even the school is a bit iffy with him because his behaviour there

is

> excellent - again, a bit different from most kids but well-behaved

for the

> most part. However, they do, usually, support me and go along with

the

> suggestions I have for making his day run smoothly. And I know when

things

> don't go well at school because all of the frustrations come out as

soon as

> he walks in our door!

> This is a big frustration and I can feel for you because we do need

support,

> dealing with our kids.

> Hang in there! At least on this group, people know what you're going

> through!

>

>

> Estevan, Saskatchewan

> Canada

>

> -- needing support

>

> Has anyone else ran into this problem? My sister doesn't believe

that

> my son is autistic. She believes that every child develops at his

own

> rate. She believes he'll catch up. She thinks his autistic

behaviors

> are a result of my poor parenting. (Nice!) Anyway, I was dealing

> pretty well with our differences of opinion, but here is where it

gets

> ugly. My sister and the rest of my family live in the Bay Area. I

live

> in southern California. My sister sees my son much more often than

> anyone else in the family. My other sister and parents all ask HER

> about him. She tells them that he is fine. That he isn't autistic.

> That there is a whole " autism industry " that is profitting off of

> making stupid parents (such as myself) believe that there is

something

> wrong with their kids. Now my whole family is convinced that my

son's

> autism is all in his head. It really sucks for me because having an

> autistic child is such an isolating experience. You add to that all

> the stress and worry. I REALLY REALLY need support from my family.

> Because of this one sister, I'm not getting any.

> I'm not looking for any solutions- as I don't think anything would

> work. I want to come to an acceptance and find support elsewhere.

I'm

> just wondering if anyone else has faced this.

>

[Guest guest]

>

>

> >

> > Has anyone else ran into this problem? My sister doesn't believe

that

> > my son is autistic. She believes that every child develops at his

own

> > rate. She believes he'll catch up. She thinks his autistic

behaviors

> > are a result of my poor parenting. (Nice!) Anyway, I was dealing

> > pretty well with our differences of opinion, but here is where it

gets

> > ugly. My sister and the rest of my family live in the Bay Area. I

live

> > in southern California. My sister sees my son much more often

than

> > anyone else in the family. My other sister and parents all ask

HER

> > about him. She tells them that he is fine. That he isn't

autistic.

> > That there is a whole " autism industry " that is profitting off of

> > making stupid parents (such as myself) believe that there is

something

> > wrong with their kids. Now my whole family is convinced that my

son's

> > autism is all in his head. It really sucks for me because having

an

> > autistic child is such an isolating experience. You add to that

all

> > the stress and worry. I REALLY REALLY need support from my

family.

> > Because of this one sister, I'm not getting any.

> > I'm not looking for any solutions- as I don't think anything

would

> > work. I want to come to an acceptance and find support elsewhere.

I'm

I'm sorry you're going through this. Ask your family where your

sister's degree in this field is? Ask them why they would believe

her over you? Send them information on autism. Has your sister

always been this way to you? If so, it is time to cut ties. You

need support, not abuse from family members. Don't let her push you

around. I had to cut ties with certain family members. My life has

been easier since. Find a local support group. You'd be better off

there as far as support goes. And tell the rest of your family to

ask you questions, not your sister. She sounds like an ignorant

controlling person to me. If your family is uncertain about your

child, tell them to come over more often and visit so they can see

for themselves. Hang in there. As you can see from these many

posts, you are NOT alone.

>

[Guest guest]

>

>

> >

> > Has anyone else ran into this problem? My sister doesn't believe

that

> > my son is autistic. She believes that every child develops at his

own

> > rate. She believes he'll catch up. She thinks his autistic

behaviors

> > are a result of my poor parenting. (Nice!) Anyway, I was dealing

> > pretty well with our differences of opinion, but here is where it

gets

> > ugly. My sister and the rest of my family live in the Bay Area. I

live

> > in southern California. My sister sees my son much more often

than

> > anyone else in the family. My other sister and parents all ask

HER

> > about him. She tells them that he is fine. That he isn't

autistic.

> > That there is a whole " autism industry " that is profitting off of

> > making stupid parents (such as myself) believe that there is

something

> > wrong with their kids. Now my whole family is convinced that my

son's

> > autism is all in his head. It really sucks for me because having

an

> > autistic child is such an isolating experience. You add to that

all

> > the stress and worry. I REALLY REALLY need support from my

family.

> > Because of this one sister, I'm not getting any.

> > I'm not looking for any solutions- as I don't think anything

would

> > work. I want to come to an acceptance and find support elsewhere.

I'm

I'm sorry you're going through this. Ask your family where your

sister's degree in this field is? Ask them why they would believe

her over you? Send them information on autism. Has your sister

always been this way to you? If so, it is time to cut ties. You

need support, not abuse from family members. Don't let her push you

around. I had to cut ties with certain family members. My life has

been easier since. Find a local support group. You'd be better off

there as far as support goes. And tell the rest of your family to

ask you questions, not your sister. She sounds like an ignorant

controlling person to me. If your family is uncertain about your

child, tell them to come over more often and visit so they can see

for themselves. Hang in there. As you can see from these many

posts, you are NOT alone.

>

[Guest guest]

Isn't it strange? My mother in law is a nurse, and she has never said anything negative to me about my kids. She is taking Hope (age 6 autistic) for all this week... My sister in law frequently takes my severely adhd 10 year old and since she and her husband work (well she used to her husband still does) work at a group home for abused kids - has no problem with their dx's - my brother and my father both have issues with the dx but are not vocal about it - they are pretty cool - it has been friends and family friends and mostly complete strangers - teachers - people from our old church, pastors, etc etc that have given us the most grief. Jen Mom to Max 18 adhd/ld/sid/ Molly 15 AS, BP, OCD, PTSD, ADD/ SaraCait 10 severe adhd/possible mood disorder and Hope - 6 Autistic/ADHD (cannot medicate for)/GERDJerri Perrault <jerrip2001@...> wrote: I am in the same boat as you when it comes to dealing with some family. My hubby's family what's left of it does not have anything to do with my one son with Aspergers but accepts the older son with ADHD. About a 1.5 years ago my sister-in-law told me that what was wrong with the younger one was demonic. Thank goodness we live 5.5 hours from them and don't see them often. I was very hurt by her comment. The last 2 summers the younger son lives with my parents. My dad who never had time for me as a child seems to think there

is nothing wrong with my son. My mom and I both realized they are very much alike. I suppected when I got the diag. for my son that my dad was also a aspie but was never diag. I have looked back at all the men on my side of the family and all of them have traits. I also have some of traits. I thought I was just shy as as child and I still struggle with the social rules. I have never been diag. either. My family accepts both my sons for who they are. My 10 year old loves to go visit and stay a while. He does not care if hubby or I are there. My husband only has a brother and sister left plus their spouses and kids. Just last week his sister and I had a conversation about the 10 year old. I told her I was hurt by what the sister in law had said. She tried to defend her. I do know this sister in law has to take her son back and forth to school as he can't ride the

bus. His dad hubby's brother is dsylestic but we don't bring it up. I picked up on it when their dad died 16 months after their mom. He had me read some insurance papers he had found because he said he did not understand them. The truth was is that he can't read. I never said a word. I could of been hatefull but that would not of been right. I think their son has issues too but they are in denial about them. My son is 20 minutes from them when he is with my mom and dad. They don't even call him. This last summer they ran into hubby's sister in Walmart. SHe said they would call him and have a cookout get together but never did. I want to scream when they do that to him because he remembers everything you tell him. He don't understand and so far has not said anything about it but he is very smart and does not share about how he feels. I have come to the conclusion that it is their

lost not to get to know our youngest son. When we do visit with his side of the family we are both together and don't leave the kids there alone. I would rather be open so my son gets the help he needs so that he can be a productive adult later in life. We discovered this summer when mom had him that even after his meds were stopped he was still sleeping long hours. We started looking at his allergy shots as that was all he was taking. Come to find out the shots contained Phenol which when stopped my son came out to be a different person. We are 6 months later now. He is doing things he would never of done before. He ran a 5k race for education. Three years before he acted like you were tourturing him to make him run for 2 minutes in 2nd grade gym class. His art teacher who had him for the last 3 years said he smiles now something else he never did before. We looked back and the nose

spray he had been on since he was 3.5 also contained phenol. We don't know where he will be in 2 years from now at the rate he is changing and doing things now. Jerri __________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

Funny you should mention that... I've had a lifelong issue with salicylates (a kind of phenol) - and I too overslept for years.-Lana

We discovered this summer when mom had him that even after his meds were stopped he was still sleeping long hours. We

started looking at his allergy shots as that was all he was taking. Come to find out the shots contained Phenol which when stopped my son came out to be a different person.