Making it through Christmas

December 31, 2001

Like so many people on this list......WE SURVIVED! It amazed me to find

myself rather sad over several incidents though. Its the " being sad over the

OCD invasion " way of thinking. This year Tom was absolutely obsessed with

the idea that santa was going to bring him coal instead of presents. No

matter what we said or did, for days and days he told us about what he was

going to do with the coal when he got it and how he was going to feel

towards Santa. After about 2 weeks of conversation on this coal fear, he

finally dropped the subject. Then, my brother in law came home to visit from

the Army, and unaware of the problems that we had been having with the

subject, told Tom that sometimes Santa comes back and takes away the

presents he gave and leave coal. GREAT! We are back to discussing weather or

not santa is going to return and take away the presents.

The other sad subject for me was something that I found that Tom has written

in his new journal. (Tom is 6) Over the holidays, he got so nervous that he

actually bit the skin off a couple of his fingers. Then for days he was in

pain and afraid that they would get infected. We have set up other things

for Tom to do with his hands when he is nervous instead of hurting himself,

but he just wasn't able to remember. I was looking through his new journal

the other day and I read the only entry in it so far. It says, " I will not

eat the skin off my hand. " I asked him about the entry and he said he wrote

it down so he can read it to remind him not to eat the skin on his hand. My

heart just breaks when I see him struggle with things so disturbing to him.

I am sure all of you can relate and that makes me feel as if I am not

weathering this storm all by myself! Thank you!

And on a good note. My daughter is 11 months old now and I felt the need to

go back to work. Its ben hard to live on just my husbands salary! About 6

months ago I decided to go through a program to get certified to be a home

day care provider for the county. If you can imagine combining trained

babysitting with governmental pay and regulations...that about describes it.

Yesterday I started with my first two clients. The mom is hiding in the

local domestic abuse shelter and her kids are rather physical but don't

really know any better. I am very happy to be working at home but I have

wondered how my son would handle the extra kids and the devotion that I have

to give to them. TOM DID GREAT! I had set up a few rules before hand that I

thought would help him and they did. I let him put anything he doesn't want

day care kids to play with in his closet. I also told him that he was

allowed to retreat to any room at any time and I would temporarily make that

room a non-day care room so he could unwind and not be disturbed. He did

both and everything went well! YEAH!

Amy in Ohio

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January 1, 2002

Amy,

I'm glad your daycare work is going well and that Tom is managing alright

with it by using the techniques you gave him. Sounds like your Christmas

was rough, though. Poor Tom! As far as I can tell, (my 7 y.o.)

doesn't get caught on ideas like the one Tom had, but he *does* bite his

nails, and he *was* a little more annoying to his sister during the

holidays. But I believe 's condition is milder than the ones I've

read about here - at least, for now. I think seeing the therapist and

getting help with his reading has helped a lot.

He *is* still having trouble dealing with the death of his favorite

gerbil - Tiger. The gerbil somehow got through a crack in the piano and

fell onto the hammers. I raced her to the vet, but she died just as we

arrived there. doesn't want to see any pictures of her or hear

her name mentioned. Tom thinks there may be more to the story about how

she died than is telling us - like maybe she *didn't* just slip

into the piano from the cover to the keyboard on her own. The other day,

he saw a picture of her and then he hid beneath the end table in the

livingroom. There was a box next to it. When I checked on , he

pushed the box out and said, " See, I was so upset that I chewed this much

on that box. " I glanced quickly at the box, but it looked more like a

tear than chew marks - however, I probably should have inpected it more

carefully so I could now say whether or not he really chewed on it.

Nonetheless, I think I'll mention it to Dr. Small the next time we see

him, so they can talk a bit about Tiger.

*says* he's going pee at school now, but I'm still unsure - and

his teacher simply doesn't have the time to make note of it. He said he

never has to go poop at school, but he's doing so regularly at home.

I've explained to him that holding back on it can damage his bladder and

other body parts. He just dislikes using the bathroom at school. The

fact that some kid opened the door on him when he was using the bathroom

attached to his classroom a year or so ago caused part of the problem.

And I found a small streak of poop on the floor recently, but I didn't

worry too much about it since it's not happening regularly anymore.

He didn't want to handle the gerbil's food, but he finally tried it and

can do it now.

Grace - I don't know the solution to your daughter's reluctance to

get treatment, but I'll tell you that you're certainly not alone. My

friend's teenage daughter clammed up when my friend took her to therapy,

too.

Keep your chin up.

-Jean

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January 1, 2002