The Practice of Loving Kindness

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he Practice of Loving Kindness

All the great spiritual traditions emphasize the need for compassion and unconditional love. Buddhists call this “boddichittaâ€--the awakened heart--which is the aspiration for others to be happy and free from suffering. It is the essence of enlightenment, the heart of enlightened activity. True compassion is called the “wish-fulfilling jewel†because it has the power to give each person precisely what he or she most needs to release suffering and be happy. But how can you cultivate it?  Here are some traditional methods for practicing loving kindness:

Develop an attitude of equanimity.  Practice going beyond your fixed ideas of friends and enemies.  The idea is to develop a sense of spaciousness, letting go of rigid ideas.  Over the years, anyone who has once been an enemy may now have turned into a friend, and vice-versa.  Everything is impermanent and constantly changing.  Step back and observe the dance of life with detachment.  This lays the ground for the practice of loving kindness.

Reflect on the kindness of others.  This will help you see the positive side of any situation, regardless of how difficult.  Contemplate what other people have done for you in both large and small ways. Focus on a specific friend or family member, and remember all the good they have done. You might want to begin by remembering the love and devotion of your mother or father or grandparents, and then move on to everyone you know.  If you are open to the idea of reincarnation, consider that anyone could have been your mother, father, sister or brother in a previous life, so reflect on how they might have nurtured and supported you.

Remember an experience of love that someone gave you.  Reflect on how it really moved you. Remember vividly that feeling of love and let it arise again in your heart, filling you with gratitude.  Let your heart open and allow your love to flow out to others.  See yourself unsealing a spring of love within you that flows out to friends, family, neighbors, all those you like, all those you dislike, to every person around the world, and to all sentient beings.  Let your love deepen and become boundless.

Repay the kindness of others.  Take the perspective that many, many people (as well as many plants, animals, etc.) have helped you.  Everyone you meet may have helped you in some way, directly or indirectly.  Every encounter becomes an opportunity to repay someone’s kindness.  This attitude can change your life. Traditionally, it’s called “the great activity†because it is so vast that it’s difficult to imagine.

Contemplate the positive qualities of others.  If you care for someone, you naturally see their delightful qualities and usually ignore their negative qualities.  Extend this perspective to everyone, one person at a time.  Generate loving kindness towards each person and the wish for him or her to be happy.  This can help transform negative emotions such as anger or jealousy.

Consider others the same as yourself.  Reflect on another person, not in their role as a relative or friend, but simply as another “youâ€, with the same feelings as you--the same desire for happiness, the same fear of suffering.  This will give you greater insight into how to truly help someone.  It will also aid in opening up your relationships and giving them deeper meaning.

Meditate on compassion.  Contemplate on both the essence and expression of compassion.  Reflect on the benefits of compassion and the effects of its opposite. See compassion as empathy, based on understanding the universal nature of suffering.  Each of us suffers when our ego is self-centered and grasping. Offer a blessing of kindness to all who suffer, helping them transform their pain, and awaken to the boundless love that dwells within their own heart.

--Adapted from the writings of Sakyong Mipham Rinpoche and Sogyal Rinpoche

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