question

June 6, 2000

Verna,

I feel for you. My first husband was an alcoholic and also addicted to

drugs. We were married for ten years. He was in the Army the first 8 years

we were married so he was pretty much a functioning alcoholic. Then he

decided that he would get out of the Army. That's when things got worse and

the drugs entered the picture. I left him, took him back, then kicked him

out. I just couldn't live like that any more. I was a totally different

person. My personality changed so much being around him. Since I left him

and he had already taken everything we owned (money wise) there was nothing

left for him to try and take. We had over $10,000 in the bank that went on

drugs for him and his girlfriend. He was found dead in his apt in MI a year

and a half after our divorce. I'm sure he overdosed. His mother didn't want

to persue (sp) if it was on purpose or not. I have no doubt that he knew

what he was doing.

I know what it is like living with an alcoholic. You are the one who has

suffered abuse, maybe not physical but definitely mental. You should have no

problems proving your case. I know how hard this must be for you. I

divorced my first husband before I before my dx with RD, I'm sure this isn't

helping your stress level having to deal with a divorce also. Best of luck

to you. I will keep you in my prayers. If you ever want to " talk " feel free

to email me. Tery

June 6, 2000

Verna,

I too married a drunk and drug addict. During the divorce he tried to win

custody by saying that i neglected, threatend and abused my kids. I was lucky

though because i had friends and family that saw his abusive of us and were

willing to fly to fl to testify in court on my behave. My oldest son

refused to talk to my ex for 3 months after he read that in the divorce

papers. When he did he cussed like a true salior. speaks his mind no

matter what.

My ex doing that was to get even with me for leaving him and in the end he

lost everything. He is now much better cause he realized that he was the

problem and now we are friends and he is trying to be a good father.

I am so sorry that you have to go through such a mess. It does affect your

illness, it did .

keep your chin up and lots of love to you

June 6, 2000

Verna,

Yes, I was divorced. My ex was an alcoholic, and after our 7 year old

daughter died from Leukemia, he became much worse.

He did make the divorce miserable, and I am still paying for the lawyer. My

ex died last year - he was getting help and had stopped drinking - but it

was too late, he had a heartattack at at the age of 43.

I was lucky, I guess, he never fought for custody of our son - who is now 15.

Please feel free to email me privately if you wish - losing a child and

going through a divorce is very, very painful.

Judy

At 02:18 PM 6/6/2000 -0400, you wrote:

>

>I know I don't post much. but I'm feeling pretty down right now. I just

want to know how many of you have gotten divorced. And did did the husband

really try to screw you? My alcohlic, drug addicted, caused our only child

to die Husband has filed for divorced citeing me for cruel and abbusive

treatment.

>Verna

>

June 6, 2000

Verna,

I was married to a childhood friend's brother that came home from Viet Nam

with a drug problem. I didn't know how bad it was until I married him. I

thought he just smoked pot. He drank very heavily too, and after 6 months

of living with someone that believed in drugs before rent, I left. He

promised to stop and I took him back. He not only continued to do them, him

and his friend slipped them to me. This time I left and divorced him. I

got all the bills, and worked 2 jobs to pay them off. It was a great way to

start my adult life. I learned many valuable lessons from that experience

especially not really knowing a person until you live with them.

Many of us have our divorce horror stories. An alcoholic's defense is to

blame someone/something else for their drinking. They don't accept

responsibility for their actions. Divorce lawyers' job is to defend clients

and get the best deals for them. His attorney is just trying to get him the

best deal by blaming you. The more you two fight, the more money the

attorney's make. I've watched civil, agreeable divorces turn nasty because

of the attorneys.

As hard as it is, please don't get upset by his allegations. I know it is

demoralizing to be wrongfully accused, and it adds to your pain. The truth

will come out with the help of your attorney. I am sorry you lost your only

child. It must be devastating. (((((hugs))))))

a

----- Original Message -----

From: Verna <vabparrots@...>

< egroups>

Sent: Tuesday, June 06, 2000 2:18 PM

Subject: [ ] Question

>

> I know I don't post much. but I'm feeling pretty down right now. I just

want to know how many of you have gotten divorced. And did did the husband

really try to screw you? My alcohlic, drug addicted, caused our only child

to die Husband has filed for divorced citeing me for cruel and abbusive

treatment.

> Verna

>

June 7, 2000

Oh Verna, how awful! I just recently went through a divorce (it was

finalized last Nov). He tried the same kind of tactics in that he blamed me

for the divorce - he still blames everyone but himself. The only difference

was that I was the one who filed. Do you have a good lawyer? You should be

able to prevent him from labeling you as cruel and abusive. Do you have

friends who know what the true situation has been like?

No matter what, stay true to yourself. Trust yourself and your instincts.

DO NOT LET HIM tell you that you are not a good person.

Take care of yourself!!! I will keep you in my prayers. If you ever need

someone to talk to just call me. I also use MSN and for chat if you

would like to contact me through them. You need a good support system as

you go through this. That is what has helped me make it through the last

few years.

P

> I know I don't post much. but I'm feeling pretty down right now. I just

want to know how many of you have gotten divorced. And did did the husband

really try to screw you? My alcohlic, drug addicted, caused our only child

to die Husband has filed for divorced citeing me for cruel and abbusive

treatment.

> Verna

June 7, 2000

----- Thanks for all the advice and moral support today. I spoke with my

cousin and got her daughters number, I' ll call her tomorrow to set up a appt.

The bastard will not get away with cruel and abusive charges.

It still hurts like hell to know he would do something like this though

Verna

June 7, 2000

Thanks for the words of encouragement, I too am in debt.the bastard drained

our bank acct. took every penny we had, to pour down his mouth, or smoke it.

I don't know I'm going to live on $867 a month. but I will make it some how.

At 54 this is not the place in my life that I would choose to be.

Verna

> Hi Verna,

> I am divorced, my ex did not do drugs but he was just nasty. He quit or

> was fired from 13 jobs in the 30 years we where married. I am so gullible

> that I always believed his lies that the current job would be the one he

> would do so well at. He was not a stupid man, far from it. He had a very

> good education, he was just sooooooo lazy and nasty. My biggest crime in

> my life, was to believe him, and in doing so I brought six wonderful

people

> in this world. Who he could have carried less about. I made up my mind

> that I would be mother, father,santa, Easter bunny, what ever it took, and

> I did. I couldn't divorce him because in my family, divorce is not

> understood, also he would have gone home to his father. Who was a

> wonderful person and someone I cared deeply for.

> I had to wait until my father-in-law died, and then I went against

> everything I was every taught in my faith. At the divorce I had to give

> him 40,200 cash, I kept the house. I got no child support, I didn't go

for

> it, I knew I would never get it. I am now currently deeply in debt

because

> of all the money he got.

> I can tell you no matter what, my life is now better than what I had. I

> am lonely but I am so much better off. As is my children, for them I got

> rid of the embarassment (sp). When they went to get married I realized

we

> needed to unload him. We don't know where he is at, at that is not far

> enough. He fooled doctors and got ss, claiming he was mentally ill and

> couldn't work. Later, the doctors assistant told me, he really got away

> with it. Forget what your ex says, and do what you need to do. They are

> just words, my ex wouldn't even acknowledge our children in the court

room.

> He is the looser, for he will never know, the love I know of our

children.

> I'm sorry for this being so long, but I wanted you to know you are not

> alone.

>

> ------------------------------------------------------------------------

> Old school buds here:

> 1/4057/6/_/478567/_/960379564/

> ------------------------------------------------------------------------

>

> URL to change your membership options:

/group/

> RA-support website: http://www.rasupport.webprovider.com/

> Our chat room: www.delphi.com/RheumatoidArth1/start

June 7, 2000

Verna,

I understand how you feel about being alone, but being an only child I learnt

(is that a word) really fast that doesn't mean you have to be lonely.

If your soon to be ex was anything like mine, I was alone even when he was

home. He would be passed out (and I would be tip toeing around so as not to

wake him) or he would be out with his buddies doing what ever, so I was alone

anyway.

Besides your not alone you have all of us here, we're your family now. Tery

June 7, 2000

There is no dought in my mind I'm better off, I get food from food banks and

cut down on everything I can. Except my computer, I' ll just look around for

a cheaper ISP. I don't owe a outragous amt on bills. But I'm so scared, I

hate being alone. Right now my FM is really starting to act up. I can feel a

bad attack comeing on.

> Verna,

> I understand completely, I am 53. You cannot look at like that, you are

> where you are. I will be in debt for 12 more years. Always ask yourself

> if you are better off now or with him. I'm sure you are better off

without

> him and his habits. The sun does shine again, just get the divorce thing

> behind you. The money doesn't matter, your peace of mind does.

>

> ------------------------------------------------------------------------

June 7, 2000

Thank you , you are so right, even when he was here, I was alone,

struggleing to pay bills ect etc .

My cousin is takeing on the case, This should prove interesting because my

husband absolutely adores her. and now she's my lawyer.]

I 'm not going for the kill on this,. no matter what a bastard he is, I only

want what is justly mine.

Verna

> Verna,

> I understand how you feel about being alone, but being an only child I

learnt

> (is that a word) really fast that doesn't mean you have to be lonely.

>

> If your soon to be ex was anything like mine, I was alone even when he was

> home. He would be passed out (and I would be tip toeing around so as not

to

> wake him) or he would be out with his buddies doing what ever, so I was

alone

> anyway.

>

> Besides your not alone you have all of us here, we're your family now.

Tery

>

> ------------------------------------------------------------------------

> Remember four years of good friends, bad clothes, explosive chemistry

> experiments.

> 1/4051/6/_/478567/_/960401509/

> ------------------------------------------------------------------------

>

> URL to change your membership options:

/group/

> RA-support website: http://www.rasupport.webprovider.com/

> Our chat room: www.delphi.com/RheumatoidArth1/start

June 8, 2000

Sorry to hear about your impending divorce, Verna. I am going through a

divorce right now. In the beginning, my soon-to-be ex made a lot of ugly

threats, but has since become pretty reasonable.

Whatever the circumstances, divorce is very stressful. Just focus on you and

your health and get the very best attorney you can. Don't let your body and

mind suffer if you can help it. It sounds as if you will be much better off

without him.

Hang in there and come to vent any time you need to.

----- Original Message -----

From: " Verna " <vabparrots@...>

< egroups>

Sent: Tuesday, June 06, 2000 1:18 PM

Subject: [ ] Question

>

> I know I don't post much. but I'm feeling pretty down right now. I just

want to know how many of you have gotten divorced. And did did the husband

really try to screw you? My alcohlic, drug addicted, caused our only child

to die Husband has filed for divorced citeing me for cruel and abbusive

treatment.

> Verna

June 8, 2000

Verna,

I think many of us can say the same thing. I sure had different plans for

my life too. I guess it wasn't in our cards. Making the best out of what

hand has been dealt to you, is all that you can do. You can't change the

past, only learn from it and move on. I hope this divorce is over very

quickly.

I'm sorry you have to deal with such stress.

a

----- Original Message -----

From: Verna <vabparrots@...>

< egroups>

Sent: Wednesday, June 07, 2000 9:03 AM

Subject: Re: [ ] question

> Thanks for the words of encouragement, I too am in debt.the bastard

drained

> our bank acct. took every penny we had, to pour down his mouth, or smoke

it.

> I don't know I'm going to live on $867 a month. but I will make it some

how.

> At 54 this is not the place in my life that I would choose to be.

> Verna

>

> > Hi Verna,

> > I am divorced, my ex did not do drugs but he was just nasty. He quit or

> > was fired from 13 jobs in the 30 years we where married. I am so

gullible

> > that I always believed his lies that the current job would be the one he

> > would do so well at. He was not a stupid man, far from it. He had a

very

> > good education, he was just sooooooo lazy and nasty. My biggest crime

in

> > my life, was to believe him, and in doing so I brought six wonderful

> people

> > in this world. Who he could have carried less about. I made up my mind

> > that I would be mother, father,santa, Easter bunny, what ever it took,

and

> > I did. I couldn't divorce him because in my family, divorce is not

> > understood, also he would have gone home to his father. Who was a

> > wonderful person and someone I cared deeply for.

> > I had to wait until my father-in-law died, and then I went against

> > everything I was every taught in my faith. At the divorce I had to give

> > him 40,200 cash, I kept the house. I got no child support, I didn't go

> for

> > it, I knew I would never get it. I am now currently deeply in debt

> because

> > of all the money he got.

> > I can tell you no matter what, my life is now better than what I had.

I

> > am lonely but I am so much better off. As is my children, for them I

got

> > rid of the embarassment (sp). When they went to get married I realized

> we

> > needed to unload him. We don't know where he is at, at that is not far

> > enough. He fooled doctors and got ss, claiming he was mentally ill and

> > couldn't work. Later, the doctors assistant told me, he really got away

> > with it. Forget what your ex says, and do what you need to do. They

are

> > just words, my ex wouldn't even acknowledge our children in the court

> room.

> > He is the looser, for he will never know, the love I know of our

> children.

> > I'm sorry for this being so long, but I wanted you to know you are not

> > alone.

> >

> > ------------------------------------------------------------------------

> > Old school buds here:

> > 1/4057/6/_/478567/_/960379564/

> > ------------------------------------------------------------------------

> >

> > URL to change your membership options:

> /group/

> > RA-support website: http://www.rasupport.webprovider.com/

> > Our chat room: www.delphi.com/RheumatoidArth1/start

>

> ------------------------------------------------------------------------

> Get 2 FREE books at eHarlequin.com.Indulge in our romantic books,

> recipes and getaway ideas. Take your romantic escape today to

> 1/4778/6/_/478567/_/960383040/

> ------------------------------------------------------------------------

>

> URL to change your membership options:

/group/

> RA-support website: http://www.rasupport.webprovider.com/

> Our chat room: www.delphi.com/RheumatoidArth1/start

>

June 8, 2000

I've done a lot of soul searching, and I know in my heart this is for the

best. I have to much fear to ever take him back.

My cousin's daughter is taking on the case, I can just picture his face when

he finds out, shes my attorney

I know what you mean, my FM is really acting up,something awful, I can just

about move.

I will vent quite a bit I'm afraid while going through this.

Thanks

Verna

Sent: Wednesday, June 07, 2000 8:36 PM

Subject: Re: [ ] Question

> Sorry to hear about your impending divorce, Verna. I am going through a

> divorce right now. In the beginning, my soon-to-be ex made a lot of ugly

> threats, but has since become pretty reasonable.

>

> Whatever the circumstances, divorce is very stressful. Just focus on you

and

> your health and get the very best attorney you can. Don't let your body

and

> mind suffer if you can help it. It sounds as if you will be much better

off

> without him.

>

> Hang in there and come to vent any time you need to.

>

> ----- Original Message -----

> From: " Verna " <vabparrots@...>

> < egroups>

> Sent: Tuesday, June 06, 2000 1:18 PM

> Subject: [ ] Question

>

> >

> > I know I don't post much. but I'm feeling pretty down right now. I just

> want to know how many of you have gotten divorced. And did did the husband

> really try to screw you? My alcohlic, drug addicted, caused our only child

> to die Husband has filed for divorced citeing me for cruel and abbusive

> treatment.

> > Verna

>

> ------------------------------------------------------------------------

> Old school buds here:

> 1/4057/6/_/478567/_/960424512/

> ------------------------------------------------------------------------

>

> URL to change your membership options:

/group/

> RA-support website: http://www.rasupport.webprovider.com/

> Our chat room: www.delphi.com/RheumatoidArth1/start

June 8, 2000

Oh , I was going to file myself but I had too many other really

important things going on. He just got to it before me.

Yes he blames me for everything. Its my fault were getting divorced. You

know the lingo cause you've been there.

You know I thought I was hideing the drinking and abusive that was going on

and all along my whole family knee about it. What a joke huh

What chat rooms on MSN and are you on? Just last week someone on

another list told me to go there. I went and all they talk about is cyber

sex. You can privately email me

vabparrots@...

> No matter what, stay true to yourself. Trust yourself and your instincts.

> DO NOT LET HIM tell you that you are not a good person.

> Take care of yourself!!! I will keep you in my prayers. If you ever need

> someone to talk to just call me. I also use MSN and for chat if you

> would like to contact me through them. You need a good support system as

> you go through this. That is what has helped me make it through the last

> few years.

>

> P

June 9, 2000

Me too. I have wondered about that. For security and safety reasons. I wish I

had an answer. ~

> I have a question for any computer experts out there. My full name shows

in

> the email under " from " - I don't like this. I have tried everything I

know

> to remove my name and have either my first name or email address there. I

> use Outlook Express. Can anyone help me?

>

October 29, 2000

i was on arava for a while, i didn't feel right either

October 30, 2000

The Arava did nothing for my arthritis and my hair fell out. If I didn't

have really thick hair to start who knows but the good thing was not needing

to shave my legs very often!

*** Temple***

Kuddle Kritters Farm

Chelmsford, MA

dat2352@...

www.homestead.com/kuddlekraft/index.html

www.homestead.com/kuddlekrittersfarm/index.html

www.homestead.com/kuddlekrittersdairygoats/index.html

January 7, 2001

:

I would suggest you hold off on increasing the Prednisone a little while

longer. Your body could just be adjusting to the new dose. Give it maybe

another week or so. If it does not improve then go back up again. It is not

true that you will always have to be on Prednisone. SOME people are very

successful in tapering completely off it. I am down to 7mg. from 20mg.

maintenance dose for several years. I hope to be one of the lucky ones who

can be off completely. I always have some level of pain though but I can

live with that. I just do not have the extreme RA pain I used to have. Good

luck.

Jeannette

August 3, 2001

-----Original Message-----

From: Sue Horder-Mason <sue@...>

< >

Date: Thursday, August 02, 2001 4:15 PM

Subject: [] Question

>>>>Sue,

other neuropathies non-hereditary and MD, plus others I can't think of at the

moment. Having other family members with symptoms points to hereditary. Why

not print lots of information on CMT and take with you to the new Dr's? Print

info that is related to your symptoms. Sorry I can't be of more help, ~>Becky

M.

Hi everyone.

Maybe this is a daft question but I do need to know the answer. Is there any

disease other than CMT that can cause deformed feet, severe muscle wastage in

the lower legs, pain, tremors and weakness in the hands,arms and neck plus pains

both sharp and nagging attacking any part of the body. If you want to see my

legs (no I'm not joking) but I really need help on this you can see a picture of

my feet and legs on my website under CMT. As many of you know I still don't have

a diagnosis, despite my symptoms and my families symtoms. I'm due to see Dr

Hilton- in the UK very soon and I'm scared because other neurologists have

said I don't have CMT but they haven't come up with another diagnosis and I'm

afraid Dr Hilton- will join the band-wagon.

I'm so sorry about this email because I know you guys can't give me a

diagnosis but I really would appreciate your thoughts, comments and experience.

Love

Sue

The important thing is never to stop questioning.

Website www.horder-mason.freeserve.co.uk

Freelance Writer and CMTer

August 6, 2001

Hi. I looked on your website at yuor legs and feet. My husband's lower legs

resemble yours, he has a bit of calf muscle in the back, rather small, his

ankles are really small and fragile looking and the muscles on the sides of

the calf are completely atrophied. His feet are square-ish and smooth, like

yours, but he has pretty bad hammer toes and all but his big toes are curled

under due to no muscles to keep them straight. Can you move your toes? He

can't. Not wiggle or spread them out or anything.

-----Original Message-----

From: Maxwell [mailto:rmax@...]

Sent: Thursday, August 02, 2001 9:19 PM

Subject: Re: [] Question

-----Original Message-----

From: Sue Horder-Mason <sue@...>

< >

Date: Thursday, August 02, 2001 4:15 PM

Subject: [] Question

>>>>Sue,

other neuropathies non-hereditary and MD, plus others I can't think of at

the moment. Having other family members with symptoms points to hereditary.

Why not print lots of information on CMT and take with you to the new Dr's?

Print info that is related to your symptoms. Sorry I can't be of more help,

~>Becky M.

Hi everyone.

Maybe this is a daft question but I do need to know the answer. Is there

any disease other than CMT that can cause deformed feet, severe muscle

wastage in the lower legs, pain, tremors and weakness in the hands,arms and

neck plus pains both sharp and nagging attacking any part of the body. If

you want to see my legs (no I'm not joking) but I really need help on this

you can see a picture of my feet and legs on my website under CMT. As many

of you know I still don't have a diagnosis, despite my symptoms and my

families symtoms. I'm due to see Dr Hilton- in the UK very soon and I'm

scared because other neurologists have said I don't have CMT but they

haven't come up with another diagnosis and I'm afraid Dr Hilton- will

join the band-wagon.

I'm so sorry about this email because I know you guys can't give me a

diagnosis but I really would appreciate your thoughts, comments and

experience.

Love

Sue

The important thing is never to stop questioning.

Website www.horder-mason.freeserve.co.uk

Freelance Writer and CMTer

August 6, 2001

-----Original Message-----

From: Insabella, <_Insabella@...>

' ' < >

Date: Monday, August 06, 2001 1:05 PM

Subject: RE: [] Question

>>>>>, I'm not Sue but I cannot wiggle my toes or move them up/down. They

stay pretty much in the same position 24/7. I can force them apart with my

hands and a little bit up, but not down. I massage them daily since they don't

move on their own, and it feels soooo good, but afterwards sometimes they start

cramping. I have seen Sue's website, her legs could be mine. I have no calf

muscles at all. Just skin, lots of it! It can be grasped and moved far

left/right around the bone of the leg, very yucky looking. When my legs swell,

gee I look normal! LOL...... From the sides one can see the hollowness, it runs

down the side of the leg, very visable. ~>Becky M.