Re: Elaine's Update.. ;-) & ;-( ...

June 12, 2000

Elaine,

I am so sorry! You have had more than your fair share lately. I am so glad

your doctor was supportive in what you did. Personally, doctor that feel that

way really care about you. I have done similar when I have gone into a flare.

I want you to know you are in my thoughts! Would you like us to hold a candle

prayer day? It could be your way of saying good-bye to your Dad.

Are you on any anti-depressants? Those would be helpful now and also with the

pain.

{Warm Hugs}

Love,

June 12, 2000

Elaine........So sorry to hear about your Dad's

eath..........(((((((((( Elaine ))))))))))

~Esther & Carol ~

----- Original Message -----

From: Elaine <elainer@...>

< egroups>

Sent: Sunday, June 11, 2000 10:28 PM

Subject: [ ] Elaine's Update.. ;-) & ;-( ...

> Dear Friends,

>

> I am sorry if you all thought I " dropped off the end of the earth " .

> I didn't.. at least not physically, anyway.

>

> May 31, I could not hook up to the internet. I THOUGHT that it

> was a problem with my computer.. so I did all sorts of things,

> ending up " formatting my " C " drive " (AFTER I SAVED MY MESSAGES,

> and a few other things). I also cleaned off ALL THE PROGRAMS

> that I had on my " other two hard drives " , figuring out, I might

> as well start out " fresh " . Reloaded Windows, then tried to

> " connect " .. NOPE.. Called the internet provider and HONESTLY..

> worked with a technician from almost 6 hours on June 6 and then

> another one for 4 hours on June 7. We EVEN changed my ZONE

> and ACCESS number, and still no way.. Called the phone company

> on Wed.. they said the modem was ok.. it COULD be the line.. but

> they didn't think so.. had to call repair, and schedule the " line

> test " .. due to other " complications - which I'll tell you about in

> a bit " they put a " rush on it " and called Thursday afternoon and

> said that it was the line.. and a technician would be here Sat.

> Poor guy worked ALL DAY Sat on the line.. trying to isolate the

> problem, and finally TODAY, Sunday, a supervisor switched me over

> to another line, and I could " connect to the internet " , but when

> I tried to " download my mail " , I kept getting errors.. I had 450

> messages " waiting " BUT.. they STARTED to download 3x, so I had some

> with one copy, A LOT with 2 copies, and EVEN MORE with 3 copies...

> AND discovered that they LOST my messages from May 31-June 6!!!!

>

> I also came back from the funeral of my grandson that was in Mobile

> on May 18 with a SEVERE sinus/respiratory infection.. and on May

> 28th my temperature shot up to 102 and if I wasn't so ABSOLUTELY

> terrified that many of the medication errors and other errors of

> the past would be repeated, I really should have been in the

> hospital.. (honestly figured I'd rather die in my own bed)..

> I DRASTICALLY increased the prednisone, and started Augmenton (which

> I had here, and was the antibiotic that my grand-daughter, who so

> graciously shared her infection with me, was on). I couldn't talk,

> and was the sickest I remember.. I am as of today, down to 20 mg

> of prednisone a day, and the infection is resolving.. AND, I DID

> go to the doctor and tell him what I had done, and believe it or

> not he was HAPPY.. and he told me due to the incredible amount of

> physical and emotional stress in the past 12 weeks, he thinks I need

> to get extra rest, and STAY HOME.. for at least 3 more weeks. AND..

> stay on the 20 mg of prednisone.. and then taper back down to the

> 15 mg. that I am dependent on for my COPD..

>

> My sister and mother knew how sick I was and when my father's

> health declined drastically, they did not tell me.. (which was

> for the best.. the Lord DOES WORK ALL THINGS FOR GOOD..)

> Last Tues. (June 6) when I called my sister to tell her about my

> doctor's appointment, she said she had some very bad news..

>

> June 5, my mother discovered my father with a glucose of 20..

> they called " hospice " and an RN came immediately and told them

> that Dad was in a semi-coma and that the gangerine that they

> had amputated his toe for several weeks ago, had spread through

> his whole system.. they put him on morphine.. and made him comfortable.

> I had no idea that Dad was failing.. I had been to see him at the

> beginning of May, but I guess " denial " can be " very strong " .. anyway,

> I hung up on my sister, and came " completely unglued " .. and called

> my husband at work and was hysterical.. (it is a miracle that he

> understood any of what I was screaming)... At that point, they didn't

> expect my father to live for more than a day or two.. Ed came home

> and stayed with me while I tried to " divert my mind " by working on

> getting my " internet access back " .. with alternative periods of

> crying.. So, Ed was home Tues night through today..

>

> I called every day.. An unusual situation developed in that Dad's

> liver took over and made glucose in spite of him not eating.. (he

> couldn't swallow.. and if they had put him in the hospital, they

> would have had to amputate both his legs, and even that probably

> would not have halted the infection) so, with the shortage of

> hospice nurses, my sister had to take over the responsibility of

> giving Dad the morphine every 3 hours, and monitoring his vital

> signs, etc.. a nurse came in and sponged him down several times

> a day, AND.. THE SOCIAL WORKER AND THE CHAPLAIN took turns spending

> the night sitting by Dad, so Mom and could get some sleep.

>

> They discovered that Dad COULD HEAR, even though he couldn't verbally

> respond.. he moved his hand toward people who were talking to him

> several times and they could see his eyes moving, even though he

> didn't open them.. My family are not Christians.. for to ASK

> the Chaplain to come, is one miracle.. for Dad to listen without

> turmoil is another.. the chaplain prayed with and talked to Dad and

> he believes that my father had a changed heart.. by his difference

> in breathing.. and the sense of peace.. Fri., my sister-in-law, (who

> had been there several hours, several times a day, Tues & Wed. to support

my

> sister and mother, taking turns taking them out on the

> porch to talk and even hug..) had the opportunity to be alone with

> my father for a period of time (mom was out hanging up the wash

> on the clothesline-her way of coping, and my sister HAD to go to

> the store). May sang " Jesus Loves Me " to Dad and talked to him and

> prayed for him.. she said Dad reached for her hand..

>

> Friday evening, my brother arrived from Mass. and spent several

> hours at Dad's bedside talking to him.. Sat morning, when May came,

> for the first time, she and Mom sat on each side of the bed and

> held my Dad's hands and talked to him and each other.. Dad's breathing

> just became very peaceful and quiet, instead of the labored gasping..

> and stopped.. My Dad passed away Sat June 10 at 11:30 am.

>

> I am alternately ok, and not. There will be no funeral or memorial.

> That is how my parents want it. I am in Chicago and they lived

> in Atlanta.

>

> I realize that all I am writing is really " for me " .. I HAVE to share

> it with you all.. you have been so unbelieveably supportive for the

> past couple of months.. With my being sick, then the SSA review..

> then my grandson's death, and I know you are all there now..

>

> I honestly don't know what tomorrow will bring. I know that I am

> on the edge physically, even though emotionally I am doing decently..

> (Hope that makes sense).. I now have internet access although I have

> to call tomorrow and get them to switch my access back to the way

> it was prior to June 6 because I don't want or need a 128K line..

> (too expensive for the line itself and also where we live every

> time you call a local number, it costs 5 cents.. the way this line

> works, it is constantly connecting/disconnecting/reconnecting on

> one of the lines, while the other one stays " online " .. (In other

> words when I see the green buttons flash.. I see $$$$$.. )

> RIGHT GINA??????

>

> I will be checking e-mail.. golly.. from May 31-June 11 is ETERNITY..

> and I THOUGHT I was going to end up at the " funny farm " .. from

> " computer withdrawal " .. (still know that laughter is good medicine -

> although it is hard right now).

>

> I will be praying for each of you as I hope you will do for me.

> I will be back " participating " soon. I am still on the antibiotic,

> but can feel a bit of physical strength returning. My glucose, of

> course is " out of control " .. and my fibro is VERY EVIDENT.. I will

> make it.. especially with all of your support.

>

> God Bless you,

> Your fellow " list member "

> elaine

>

> From: Verna [mailto:vabparrots@...]

> Sent: Wednesday, May 31, 2000 10:53 AM

> egroups

> Subject: Re: [ ] Elaine

>

> Elaine

> How old was your daughters son, I have a beautiful poem someone sent me

> 13yrs ago when I lost my only child, I would like to send this to you to

see

> if its appropeate for her.

> Verna

> vabparrots@...

>

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June 12, 2000

Elaine,

All i can say is that i send you love as i sit letting the tears fall from

reading your post.

June 12, 2000

Elaine,

I'm also very sorry to hear about your father. You and your family will be

in my prayers. Tery

June 12, 2000

Dear Elaine

I just read your email today and I felt that I had to write you.

You are going through so much right now and I just want you to know if you

feel like venting, anytime, you can call on me to listen. I feel that so

many people have helped me in

the past, that I want to do all I can do to help others. I am 52, and I

have a kidney transplant, R/A, OA, osteoporosis, fibro, gout, sciatica,

asthma, anemia, high blood pressure, and spinal stenosis. (I hope I didn't

forget anything) I lost my Mom in 79 from breast cancer, and my only sibling,

my brother, to leukemia in 91. I live with my Dad who is 87.

I know that dealing with ss can be upsetting and very stressful, but it is

something we have to do. I have been on ss for 3 years now. Thank God for

ss. Please email me if you would like. At Anjillah@... Thanks.

Sincerely,

June 12, 2000

Elaine,

I am sorry that your dad passed away. I wish there were words

to take away your pain.

(((((Hugs)))))

a