RE: expectations of family/friends pls

[Guest guest]

Wow, how great to check my email and find so many wonderful, thoughtful responses! I really appreciate all of your responses and your taking the time to offer advice and cheer me up!

I wanted to clarify that the wedding hasn't happened yet - it's in two weeks -- and I didn't just call the chef on my own; my sister-in-law (who is planning the wedding for her daughter) first contacted the catering company for me without my even having to ask... Unfortunately, even though she is a nurse and her husband is an MD, she clearly doesn't really understand my needs and merely relayed to me the names of the food that would be made for me (e.g., "salad with dressing; sauteed vegetables") without the specific ingredients or any indication that the chef had been alerted to cross-contamination issues... I just told her I needed to follow up with the chef myself, and she was totally fine with that. As for cost -- this is a huge wedding (250+ people) and I can't imagine any accommodation made for me is going to affect the enormous food budget! I feel strongly that when one takes on hosting an event, unless it's a potluck, you are responsible for providing for all your guests... unless they are demanding lobster and caviar at a downhome bbq, of course! ;-)

So my mother-in-law, who knew the bride's family approved a special meal for me, was just spouting her own prejudice against my needs... And my brother-and-law and his girlfriend were just being ridiculous (he doesn't even like fish!).

It was great to hear how others deal with these situations, and I will make sure to always have food with me and I willl try my best to feel comfortable saying, "Thanks but no thanks" to offered food when I don't know if it's safe... That is soooo hard for me, I have to admit, though I am not exactly a shrinking violet... It is frustrating to feel that people think I am just exaggerating my health issues and am simply high maintainence, but I guess there's not much I can do about other people's attitudes, eh? (My father-in-law is convinced that celiac stems from my not eating meat.... try to talk him out of that one for me, ok?!)

Thanks again.

Tristan**************Get the scoop on last night's hottest shows and the live music scene in your area - Check out TourTracker.com! (http://www.tourtracker.com?NCID=aolmus00050000000112)

[Guest guest]

I had similar experiences when I was first

diagnosed with ignorant people, and at times still do, but have learned to

ignore them. I am fortunate to have a great group of friends and

family. Since being diagnosed in Sept ’04 I’ve gone to or been

in 8 weddings (27 Dresses anyone?) and every bride has always said “i’ve

talked to the chef and they will work with you for whatever you want”

In fact most of the bride/grooms encourage me to talk directly to the caterers

to ensure no “poisoning” goes down. I was a vegan for a year

so that was extremely difficult, I’ve since turned a vegetarian, who’s

now eating some fish (no shellfish). In addition to that I have a peanut

and soy allergy and am particular about the dairy I eat. Some people look

at that as high maintenance, I look at it as, I know what the he** makes me

feel like crap so I don’t eat it, and im not going to feel ill for night

because it’s “polite”, so, I bring my own food to lots of

places (including beer) – I think I mentioned before how I brought my own

6 pack to a wedding and gave it to the bartenders. I refuse to feel “shunned”

or looked down upon, or as an embarrassment to people. Eating gluten free

is a serious thing that runs/directs the life of a celiac and at times can be

very stressful. We’re (us celiacs) constantly have to plan in

advance for wherever we’re going. I’m not going to change my

lifestyle, so I’ll bring hummus & veggies in my tupperwares to

baseball games (and have successfully snuck in beer); and bring my own bread to

dinners out, etc.

I think I’ve been successful on the

friend/family part, b/c I don’t overwhelm them with stats &

facts. I slowly talk about 1 subject. I think I nearly scared my

aunt so much the first Christmas dinner she cooked, to the point of stressing

her out. I later talked with her, and helped her the following

year. And now, everyone in the fam knows about cross contamination, so if

a dish is labeled with a post-it note as GF, don’t use that spoon in

something else. My friends get used to me bringing my own food, or eating

before hand, b/c I constantly do it, and to them it’s now normal.

The other day I had coffee and brought my own banana to a breakfast that 2 new

people were at. Finally as everyone was finishing their huge waffles, English

muffins, etc. the one girl said “so are you just not a breakfast

person?” I was like, “luv it, just cant eat it J” I told her my

deal, and she was like, “oh my cousins have that, I get it.” And

that was that.

Every now and again I get the stubborn

individual, and tell them, sure I could eat something with “a little

gluten in it” and then feel bad for 2 days…it’s just the osteoporosis,

infertility and cancer risks that are a turn off ; ) heh heh.

Hope in-law/friend situations get better

for all of us! It takes a lot of practice, patience, and education all

around!

From: [mailto: ] On Behalf Of Melita

Sent: Monday, July 14, 2008 11:16

AM

Subject: [ ]

expectations of family/friends pls

Tristan,

Just my 2 cents on the subject.

I have CD and I am a vegetarian (but I eat fish) and I am a diabetic. So when I

go to friends houses I either eat before hand or I tell the host/hostess (if I

know them personally) about my food issues. I also tell them that they DO NOT

have to go out of their way to cater to my needs that I will be sure to have

enough to eat.

Otherwise I don't go to events where there is going to be food and I know I

will have problems. But like everyone else has said - caterers do understand

food allergies and are willing to help. I cater two golf tournaments with lunch

& dinner buffets twice a year. I tell the caterers to be sure to have a

veggie dish and specifically for me a gluten free veggie dish. They are

more than happy to make the dishes and they don't charge extra for that.

So sorry to hear that your in-laws have issues with your food allergy. I

would just let it go, as I have found it sometimes next to impossible to

educate stubborn people. But always stand up for yourself. You aren't

being selfish - you are guarding your life.

Melita

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