Guest guest Posted March 17, 2001 Report Share Posted March 17, 2001 Yes it's not always easy when your husband (or wife) isn't very supportive or is jealous. Sigh. Just hang in there, live YOUR dreams, meet YOUR goals, and do this for YOUR BODY and YOUR LIFE. Lots of partners come around and want to join in the fun, and lots of partners don't. My hubby has been totally uninterested in my current Challenge but he is going to join me in my next one. One thing I do know, don't persuade, don't nag, don't sulk, and don't sleep with pictures of buff male/female models taped your forehead. It seems to p*** partners off. ;-) . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 19, 2001 Report Share Posted March 19, 2001 LOL , who has learned the hard way :=) ...and don't sleep with pictures of buff male ... models taped your forehead. It seems to p*** partners off. ;-) . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 29, 2008 Report Share Posted December 29, 2008 Hello everyone and happy holidays,I am getting ready to have surgery with Dr. Bridwell in less than a month. I'm trying to prepare, listening to the CD and doing the exercises he suggested, etc. My question is whether one of you has a partner who might be willing to talk to mine about what the surgery was really like -- and more important, about the recovery period. My husband has never been in a hospital, taken care of someone, or dealt with this kind of thing before, and he hasn't read anything about it or paid much attention to the details. We have 3 kids, ages 5, 8, and 10, and he thinks he can take care of them, me, the house, and it will be no problem, and he won't consider getting help. I want to at least prepare him for what it will be like, how out of it I will be afterwards, the kinds of things I won't be able to do around the house or with the kids, how long before I am "normal" again... What did you all do to prepare your partners? Anyone want to talk to mine?Thanks so much, and I hope everyone has a healthy and joyous 2009 --Eve Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 5, 2009 Report Share Posted January 5, 2009 Eve, I hope you are finding the CD helpful in keeping your mind clear and focused. I loved it...after I got used to the voice! Re: the hubby situation. My circumstance was that I couln't really get my husband to focus on the details of what would happen until right before surgery when we attended the hositals generic " Preparing for Spine Surgery " class which is for exactly the problem you describe. It was full of information about what kind of limitations might be in place and what might be necessary to care for the patient. It covered the broad spectrum of surgeries, but it did impress my husband that this was going to be a big event in our lives. Still...by the time he was at that class, not much time was left before surgery...and it didn't really change anything for us. DH had taken a 3 month leave of absence under FMLA and I had everything as arranged as possible. After that, I figured he was an adult and he would figure it out. Whatever he would do might not be as I would have done it...but I was sure he would muddle through. I was actually most concerned because I am the one who handles all the financial aspects of our lives...and he really had to focus on that by himself for a few months...I just could not focus long enough to do any bill paying until I was 6-7 weeks out. (By the way...if you have time to get your taxes done now or at least ready to be done you will avoid feeling pressure to sit and do it when you are probably not going to feel like it if you are the $$ person.) I guess all that is to say that your husband wouldn't learn anything from mine that doesn't support his approaching this the way he has! I will recommend you consider printing out from our " Files " section a few articles various members have written. There is a good piece written by Ann Marie entitled " Preparing children for a Parents surgery " and also my journal which might give an average time line for the coming few months. (Also, go through the file on what to bring to the hospital with you...I think it covers everything!) At the end of the day, you will have to focus on you and your needs for awhile. It will be very hard to let go of some of your ways of doing things....but eventually you will get your family and house back in shape. My guess is that after your husband is in the thick of your surgery he will be able to see more clearly how and where your family will need help in the coming months...and you will be able to line it up then. What are your surgery dates? I don't think I have the right ones on the calendar. Take Care, Cam Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 5, 2009 Report Share Posted January 5, 2009 Hi Cam, , , Bill, , everyone!Thank you so much for your responses to my note -- they were really helpful. At the moment I'm so overwhelmed finishing up some projects at work and making arrangements (where to stay after the surgery, who will watch my kids, drive carpools, etc. etc.), I'm not having too much time to think about the actual surgery -- I guess that has its benefits. I just set up a website on lotsahelpinghands.com. Have others used it? It's free, like CaringBridge, and affiliated with a lot of the hospitals, or you can sign up yourself. It has a message board so that we can keep our friends and family posted, and it also has calendars where you can enter what kind of help you need (meals, childcare, driving, errands) and your loved ones can sign up for what they can do in any given day or week. Just thought I would mention it as a resource that might be helpful to others. I know a lot of people have offered to help, but I'm not very good at calling them when help is actually needed! So it is good to tell them a website and give them something very concrete to do -- and they can go online (if they really do want to help!) and choose the kind of help they are capable of doing, at a day and time that works for them and us.I'm checking into on January 26 and the surgery is at 5am on January 27. I know you will all be thinking good thoughts and I really believe that will help in so many ways.Thanks again --EveFrom: cammaltby <cammaltby@...> Sent: Monday, January 5, 2009 1:32:07 PMSubject: [ ] Re: partners Eve, I hope you are finding the CD helpful in keeping your mind clear and focused. I loved it...after I got used to the voice! Re: the hubby situation. My circumstance was that I couln't really get my husband to focus on the details of what would happen until right before surgery when we attended the hositals generic "Preparing for Spine Surgery" class which is for exactly the problem you describe. It was full of information about what kind of limitations might be in place and what might be necessary to care for the patient. It covered the broad spectrum of surgeries, but it did impress my husband that this was going to be a big event in our lives. Still...by the time he was at that class, not much time was left before surgery...and it didn't really change anything for us. DH had taken a 3 month leave of absence under FMLA and I had everything as arranged as possible. After that, I figured he was an adult and he would figure it out. Whatever he would do might not be as I would have done it...but I was sure he would muddle through. I was actually most concerned because I am the one who handles all the financial aspects of our lives...and he really had to focus on that by himself for a few months...I just could not focus long enough to do any bill paying until I was 6-7 weeks out. (By the way...if you have time to get your taxes done now or at least ready to be done you will avoid feeling pressure to sit and do it when you are probably not going to feel like it if you are the $$ person.) I guess all that is to say that your husband wouldn't learn anything from mine that doesn't support his approaching this the way he has! I will recommend you consider printing out from our "Files" section a few articles various members have written. There is a good piece written by Ann Marie entitled "Preparing children for a Parents surgery" and also my journal which might give an average time line for the coming few months. (Also, go through the file on what to bring to the hospital with you...I think it covers everything!) At the end of the day, you will have to focus on you and your needs for awhile. It will be very hard to let go of some of your ways of doing things....but eventually you will get your family and house back in shape. My guess is that after your husband is in the thick of your surgery he will be able to see more clearly how and where your family will need help in the coming months...and you will be able to line it up then. What are your surgery dates? I don't think I have the right ones on the calendar. Take Care, Cam Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 5, 2009 Report Share Posted January 5, 2009 Hi Eve, Thanks for telling us about the website. I will be checking in on your progress through that. There are so many last minute things to take care of, and that is probably a good thing!! By the time my surgery date came, I was so very ready for the surgery that I could hardly wait. I feel better than I could have ever imagined that I could. You are in wonderful hands...Dan and I will keep you in our prayers. Take Care, > > Hi Cam, , , Bill, , everyone! > > Thank you so much for your responses to my note -- they were really helpful. At the moment I'm so overwhelmed finishing up some projects at work and making arrangements (where to stay after the surgery, who will watch my kids, drive carpools, etc. etc.), I'm not having too much time to think about the actual surgery -- I guess that has its benefits. > > I just set up a website on lotsahelpinghands.com. Have others used it? It's free, like CaringBridge, and affiliated with a lot of the hospitals, or you can sign up yourself. It has a message board so that we can keep our friends and family posted, and it also has calendars where you can enter what kind of help you need (meals, childcare, driving, errands) and your loved ones can sign up for what they can do in any given day or week. Just thought I would mention it as a resource that might be helpful to others. I know a lot of people have offered to help, but I'm not very good at calling them when help is actually needed! So it is good to tell them a website and give them something very concrete to do -- and they can go online (if they really do want to help!) and choose the kind of help they are capable of doing, at a day and time that works for them and us. > > I'm checking into on January 26 and the surgery is at 5am on January 27. I know you will all be thinking good thoughts and I really believe that will help in so many ways. > > Thanks again -- > Eve > > > > > ________________________________ > From: cammaltby <cammaltby@...> > > Sent: Monday, January 5, 2009 1:32:07 PM > Subject: [ ] Re: partners > > > Eve, > > I hope you are finding the CD helpful in keeping your mind clear and > focused. I loved it...after I got used to the voice! > > Re: the hubby situation. My circumstance was that I couln't really get > my husband to focus on the details of what would happen until right > before surgery when we attended the hositals generic " Preparing for > Spine Surgery " class which is for exactly the problem you describe. It > was full of information about what kind of limitations might be in > place and what might be necessary to care for the patient. It covered > the broad spectrum of surgeries, but it did impress my husband that > this was going to be a big event in our lives. > > Still...by the time he was at that class, not much time was left > before surgery...and it didn't really change anything for us. DH had > taken a 3 month leave of absence under FMLA and I had everything as > arranged as possible. After that, I figured he was an adult and he > would figure it out. Whatever he would do might not be as I would have > done it...but I was sure he would muddle through. I was actually most > concerned because I am the one who handles all the financial aspects > of our lives...and he really had to focus on that by himself for a few > months...I just could not focus long enough to do any bill paying > until I was 6-7 weeks out. (By the way...if you have time to get your > taxes done now or at least ready to be done you will avoid feeling > pressure to sit and do it when you are probably not going to feel like > it if you are the $$ person.) > > I guess all that is to say that your husband wouldn't learn anything > from mine that doesn't support his approaching this the way he has! I > will recommend you consider printing out from our " Files " section a > few articles various members have written. There is a good piece > written by Ann Marie entitled " Preparing children for a Parents > surgery " and also my journal which might give an average time line for > the coming few months. > > (Also, go through the file on what to bring to the hospital with > you...I think it covers everything!) > > At the end of the day, you will have to focus on you and your needs > for awhile. It will be very hard to let go of some of your ways of > doing things....but eventually you will get your family and house back > in shape. My guess is that after your husband is in the thick of your > surgery he will be able to see more clearly how and where your family > will need help in the coming months...and you will be able to line it > up then. > > What are your surgery dates? I don't think I have the right ones on > the calendar. > > Take Care, Cam > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 6, 2009 Report Share Posted January 6, 2009 Eve, Thanks for that website info. I knew about a similar one called " caring circle " and your reminder prompted me to create a file of links to the two you mentioned and the one I knew about. I think these programs may be just the things for families trying to attend to the pateint or older parent during a crisis or medical emergency, or any prolonged recovery such as ours. Technology is great. And I do agree that most of our friends and family will very willingly help out...they just need to be asked. Have you set it up so that updates will be posted about you on that website? That would be a great way for us to check in on you! Take Care, Cam Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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