Guest guest Posted November 30, 2000 Report Share Posted November 30, 2000 FW: SANTA IS A WOMAN > Importance: High > > > > > > > I hate to be the one to defy sacred myth, but I believe> > he's a she. > > Think about it. Christmas is a big, organized, warm, fuzzy, > > nurturing, social deal, and I have a tough time believing a guy could > > possibly pull it all off! > > > > For starters, the vast majority of men don't even think about > > selecting > > gifts until Christmas Eve. Once at the mall, they always seem surprised > > to > > find only Ronco products, socket wrench sets, and mood rings left > > on the shelves. On this count alone, I'm convinced Santa is a woman. > > > > Surely, if he were a man, everyone in the universe would wake up > > Christmas morning to find a rotating musical Chia Pet under the tree, > > still > > in the shopping bag. > > > > Another problem for a he-Santa would be getting there. First of all, > > there would be no reindeer because they would all be dead, gutted and > > strapped on to the rear bumper of the sleigh amid wide-eyed, desperate > > claims that buck season had been extended. Blitzen's rack would > > already be on the way to the taxidermist. > > > > Even if the male Santa DID still have reindeer, he'd also have > > the transportation problems because he would inevitably get lost up > > there > > in > > the snow and clouds and then refuse to stop and ask for directions. > > > > Other reasons why Santa can't possibly be a man: > > > > -Men can't pack a bag. > > -Men would rather be dead than caught wearing red velvet. > > -Men would feel their masculinity is threatened... having to be seen > > with all those elves. > > -Men don't answer their mail. > > -Men would refuse to allow their physique to be described, even in > > jest, > > as anything remotely resembling a " bowl full of jelly. " > > -Men aren't interested in stockings unless somebody's wearing them. > > -Having to do the Ho Ho Ho thing would seriously inhibit their ability > > to pick up women. > > -Finally, being responsible for Christmas would require a commitment. > > > > I can buy the fact other mythical holiday characters are men: > > > > -Father Time shows up once a year unshaven and looking ominous. > > Definite guy. > > > > -Cupid flies around carrying weapons. > > > > -Uncle Sam is a politician who likes to point fingers. > > > > Any one of these individuals could pass the testosterone screening > > test. > > But not Santa!!!! > > -------- > > What do you think????? > > > > _____ > > > > Get more from the Web. FREE MSN Explorer download : > <http://explorer.msn.com> > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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