BOGUS - the future 200+ year old man

[Guest guest]

See http://www.snopes.com/humor/iftrue/insider.htm

> NEW YORK -- Federal investigators have arrested an enigmatic Wall

Street wiz

> on insider-trading charges -- and incredibly, he claims to be a

> time-traveler from the year 2256!

> Sources at the Security and Exchange Commission confirm that 44-

year-old

> Carlssin offered the bizarre explanation for his uncanny

success in

> the stock market after being led off in handcuffs on January 28.

> " We don't believe this guy's story -- he's either a lunatic or a

> pathological liar, " says an SEC insider.

> " But the fact is, with an initial investment of only $800, in two

weeks'

> time he had a portfolio valued at over $350 million. Every trade he

made

> capitalized on unexpected business developments, which simply can't

be pure

> luck.

>

> The only way he could pull it off is with illegal inside

information. He's

> going to sit in a jail cell on Rikers Island until he agrees to

give up his

> sources. "

> The past year of nose-diving stock prices has left most investors

crying in

> their beer. So when Carlssin made a flurry of 126 high-risk trades

and came

> out the winner every time, it raised the eyebrows of Wall Street

watchdogs.

> " If a company's stock rose due to a merger or technological

breakthrough

> that was supposed to be secret, Mr. Carlssin somehow knew about it

in

> advance, " says the SEC source close to the hush-hush, ongoing

investigation.

> When investigators hauled Carlssin in for questioning, they got

more than

> they bargained for: A mind-boggling four-hour confession.

> Carlssin declared that he had traveled back in time from over 200

years in

> the future, when it is common knowledge that our era experienced

one of the

> worst stock plunges in history. Yet anyone armed with knowledge of

the

> handful of stocks destined to go through the roof could make a

fortune.

> " It was just too tempting to resist, " Carlssin allegedly said in his

> videotaped confession. " I had planned to make it look natural, you

know,

> lose a little here and there so it doesn't look too perfect. But I

just got

> caught in the moment. "

> In a bid for leniency, Carlssin has reportedly offered to divulge

> " historical facts " such as the whereabouts of Osama Bin Laden and a

cure for

> AIDS.

> All he wants is to be allowed to return to the future in his " time

craft. "

> However, he refuses to reveal the location of the machine or

discuss how it

> works, supposedly out of fear the technology could " fall into the

wrong

> hands. "

> Officials are quite confident the " time-traveler's " claims are

bogus. Yet

> the SEC source admits, " No one can find any record of any

Carlssin

> existing anywhere before December 2002. "

> Weekly World News will continue to follow this story as it unfolds.

Keep

> watching for further developments.