Dramaticity of my sick behavior.

[Guest guest]

Sorry to make this public. But I have to say it.

I feel so shamed of what my behavior is and what it is

becoming. I'm not a child anymore... But I'm have to

confess I'm behaving like that.

Yesterday was a terryble day for me. I ate arround

4500 kcal. My temperature raised to 38.5 !! I felt

like I was with fever... And went to the hospital because

I've vomited.

People... Please understand me. I never in my life

had made such extravagancies (sorry for the bad english,

i'm writing... I'm not speak english very well). Before

participating this group I was a very diligent person.

And never did excess. But now I'm seriously thinking

about abandon CR or simply to say to people I'm not

practicing it. Why?

For several reasons:

1) Because it is less stressfull. You don't to explain

it to everybody. I don't want to be a guy like Elixxir

who I admire that has indeed conviced a lot of people

to do CR because of his appearence.

2) If you say that to people, than you make a

moral compromise to yourself. In other words:

People could inquiry you or go against you

or discriminate you or say to you the diet is not

working for you because you appear older than you are

etc...This is stressfull.

3) You feel guilt, you feel a sinner knowing that you

like the ugly duck in a set of beautifull ones... When

you eat a lot. Because YOU HAD TELL A LIE TO OTHER

PEOPLE. Everybody is doing everything allright and you

not! So I'm thinking about simply saying I'm not

practicing CR (even if i am practicig it hidden) than

saying that lying the contrary.

I will continue to participate this group, but for

the people here I'll say that I'm not practicing CR

because for me this is pscicologically better.

Not because people here mistreat me... Not!

People are very kind and treat me very

very well here. But when I do such abuse on

the calories like the one I did yesterday I began to

questionate what is the better, and what is the worse.

Being humble is much, much more easy for the practice

of CR than being arrogant IMO... Saying that you are

not practicing it, and practice it is better for you than

the contrary. Weindruch is one guy that says he

doesn't do CR but I doubt it. He could simply be

doing CR but not revealing that to anyone.

People doesn't have to know anything

about my life. I don't want to CR make me famous.

I just want to live longer to reach nanotech.

I began to think If thinking about food all the time,

like i'm doing is benefical. I've never in my life

see food as a pleasure like I'm viewing it now. I

view it as a necessity (because I was a poor boy in

a poor country).

I begin to think than when I try to be a

perfectinist or to sit in the first place, like I was

doing is good. I want to SIT IN THE LAST PLACE.

In the future if GOD chooses me to go forward I will

THANK him. But IF NOT I'll not as be AS SHAMED AS I

AM NOW. Sorry for this emotional post.

But I've cryied obssessively yesterday thinking

about the calories that had take away days of my life...

Gandhi.

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