non-binge tips (long)

[Guest guest]

I've become very compulsive about food. I do not know whether this is a result of doing CRON, or a result of my addictive nature. Having been sober over five years from alcohol addiction, it's possible that food has become my substitute drug. Or, the restriction of calories has caused a backlash, not unlike the obsession with food that afflicts many anorectics. Interesting that many anorectics become bulimics after having successfully kept their weight down for an extended period of time. I don't purge, but the compulsion to binge-eat has been a serious issue for me in the past 12 months, as I related to the group back in December.

Here's what I seem to have figured out for myself about MY problem of binge-eating since that time. First, it is important for me to have a daily plan for what I'm going to eat and to stick to that plan with religious fervor. For me, one gumdrop off the plan constitutes a binge. Unfortunately, this is SICK and unnatural, but it has become the reality of my existence. I accept it in the same vein in which I accept my alcoholism. I cannot have "one" drink because one drink isn't what I want--I want the whole damned liquor store! Sadly, I cannot have "one" treat off my food plan, because I am psychologically unable to stop there--and have finally resigned myself to that fact. I suspect that if I were to give up CRON, I would become obese in short order. Concentration camp syndrome? Or addictive personality? I don't know. I just know that I'd better cope with it or suffer dire consequences. I've learned to formulate a plan and stick to it.

Another thing I've learned is that I will not stick to a food plan that doesn't include plenty of complex "starchy" carbs such as whole grains and potatoes. Some expert CRONies would lecture me on the health risks of consuming such foods--but I know I can't stick to a restricted-calorie plan unless I keep these in my pyramid. Whether it's physical or emotional, I don't know, but I just can't stick to a Zone-like diet. I get depressed. I get tired. And eventually, I binge. This is just a ME thing and certainly isn't true for everyone, but for ME, I'd better eat my starchies or I'll end up seriously fat.

Yet another weird food hang-up which I've learned to accept is that I must eat all of my food during the most active time of my day. I have a window of eating time from 10AM to 7PM. If I eat outside of that window, I'm doomed to binge. Don't ask me why...I wish I knew. I can live with it or binge uncontrollably--those are my choices.

I hate living this way. It feels quite unnatural and inhibited to plan my food everyday and to live by such rigid codes of eating conduct. BUT I've finally gotten through my thick skull that this is ME. I have an eating disorder--not uncommon in recovered alcoholics, btw. I can cope with it or suffer the physical and emotional consequences of compulsive overeating. I choose compulsive food-restriction instead, thank you. I wish there could be a middle-ground for me, but that just isn't how my brain is wired. Oh well.

Suz the Sicko